Dating after lockdown #38 midnight messages from the ghost of boyfriends past

1
Can’t believe I’m only just finding this thread! The stories I could tell 🤣

some solid advice here lads, I’m now a watcher! I hope you all find happiness whatever that means to you 🥰

I have had a disastrous dating life. DISASTROUS 🤣 Now in my 40’s and have worked my ass off over the last year to just be myself and figure out what makes me happy. And ladies let me tell you, it isn’t men. For the first time in my life I am truly happily single, I won’t be put under pressure to meet anyone, I do not envy any one single person I knows relationship. They all have their issues. I am happy with my child, my animals, my home that is 100% mine 😁 If a man happens across my path and it works out, then great. If not, then great. I’m dating my TV, and he never lets me down 😜

One thing I have realised over the years, if someone makes you uncomfortable in any way, whether it’s through messages or in person, then end it. Discomfort is your gut telling you something isn’t right, and it is never wrong. Trust your instincts, and don’t waste time with anyone who makes you second guess. If he is into you and respects you, you will feel it. You go Glen Coco!! 😘
 
EddyDarling said:
No it's the extensive explicit videos of himself and conversations that's put me off (I am myself, bi).
I don't want to date someone that has all that out there.
Click to expand...
Fair enough, sorry for accusing you of bi- phobia. Knee- jerk reaction because I see that so often. For bi men it's "I don't wanna date a man who's (also) into men" and for bi women it's basically unicorn- hunting, "yeah you'd totally be into threesomes" sexualisation bs.
 
tomato_paste said:
Fair enough, sorry for accusing you of bi- phobia. Knee- jerk reaction because I see that so often. For bi men it's "I don't wanna date a man who's (also) into men" and for bi women it's basically unicorn- hunting, "yeah you'd totally be into threesomes" sexualisation bs.
Click to expand...
Nah I get it but I wasn't being bigoted, it's more... The plastering videos of his private parts and face and full name on Reddit that's really put me off 😭
 
So I'm not dating anyone not on the apps etc & one of the school dads asked me who I was out with today. Explained I'd taken my mum out etc & he's genuinely asked me why I don't ask a man on a date & pay for the date. Um no. If a man wants to date me he can make an effort to ask me & plan a date. I simply responded to school dad with "because I don't want to "

Not here to educate a man on why I want to be wooed
 
Thank(space)you said:
So I'm not dating anyone not on the apps etc & one of the school dads asked me who I was out with today. Explained I'd taken my mum out etc & he's genuinely asked me why I don't ask a man on a date & pay for the date. Um no. If a man wants to date me he can make an effort to ask me & plan a date. I simply responded to school dad with "because I don't want to "

Not here to educate a man on why I want to be wooed
Click to expand...
The absolute gall of him
 
Is it normal to just not want a relationship and no interest whatsoever anymore in dating? I’m beginning to think there must be something wrong with me for feeling that way as in there’s something I need to heal or that I’m missing out. I’ve been told by religious family that we’re supposed to be with a partner in this life and not alone but at this stage in my life I would need someone to add to my life otherwise there’s no point for me. I just know people are disappointing and I don’t have the time and energy to go through failed situations over and over, I guess it’s just not a priority for me
 
Jas28 said:
Is it normal to just not want a relationship and no interest whatsoever anymore in dating? I’m beginning to think there must be something wrong with me for feeling that way as in there’s something I need to heal or that I’m missing out. I’ve been told by religious family that we’re supposed to be with a partner in this life and not alone but at this stage in my life I would need someone to add to my life otherwise there’s no point for me. I just know people are disappointing and I don’t have the time and energy to go through failed situations over and over, I guess it’s just not a priority for me
Click to expand...

I think in 2024 it is yeah. I actually feel done with looking for one now, I'm going to go on dates with men but it's very much on a no commitment basis. I'm telling myself off for being sexist already but I really do not feel men deserve commitment anymore. I date women as well but typical bisexual as I am, I never come across quite gay enough for other women to think I'm doing anything other than being nice so I really struggle 🥹
 
Jas28 said:
Is it normal to just not want a relationship and no interest whatsoever anymore in dating? I’m beginning to think there must be something wrong with me for feeling that way as in there’s something I need to heal or that I’m missing out. I’ve been told by religious family that we’re supposed to be with a partner in this life and not alone but at this stage in my life I would need someone to add to my life otherwise there’s no point for me. I just know people are disappointing and I don’t have the time and energy to go through failed situations over and over, I guess it’s just not a priority for me
Click to expand...

Absolutely! Especially if you've had bad experiences. Take away the fact you're talking about romantic relationships, it's totally normal to decide not to do something that might bring you harm or disturb your peace.
 
Jas28 said:
Is it normal to just not want a relationship and no interest whatsoever anymore in dating? I’m beginning to think there must be something wrong with me for feeling that way as in there’s something I need to heal or that I’m missing out. I’ve been told by religious family that we’re supposed to be with a partner in this life and not alone but at this stage in my life I would need someone to add to my life otherwise there’s no point for me. I just know people are disappointing and I don’t have the time and energy to go through failed situations over and over, I guess it’s just not a priority for me
Click to expand...
It’s totally normal. You are missing out on nothing, romantic relationships aren’t for everyone, despite the lie we’ve all been sold! If you meet someone then great, but just live life how you want to and see what happens. I am not looking, but not completely closed off, if it happens it happens. I am loving my life right now its bleeping BLISS just existing with zero stress!
 
Yeah I’d say it’s totally normal now too. Don’t get me wrong I would be open to meeting someone and sometimes I feel it more than others where I’d love a bit of physical touch. Having said that, when I actually think properly about it, I’m very busy, I enjoy doing what I want with my own time and I have my own goals I’m wanting to achieve right now…I can’t afford a man to enter my life and make it worse.

The whole point of a partner/relationship is to enhance your life.
I might go back on the apps at some point but currently, I’m happy just being on my own with my cat 😌
 
I think it’s normal, but not normalised, if that makes sense? A bit like being childfree. I’d love to meet someone and have a loving, healthy relationship but I’d rather be alone than in something substandard and actually I’m not actively looking eg on the apps, so unless it happens organically it won’t happen. I have also realised that I don’t think I’m happier single or happier in a relationship, it’s just different. But that’s a good thing : )
 
Can I join the train?

I know in life it’s not all smiles and happiness and life isn’t like a movie.

But I’m struggling with the idea that I’m just not good enough...
I’ve done many things independently. I spent my 30’s celibate. I work. I’ve raised a child single handedly. I may not have lots of money or my own house, but I’m a good, honest, caring person but it seems that isn’t enough.

It’s that I’m struggling with. What more can I possibly do to find a life partner?

Why can’t I have nice holidays with a man, sex, cuddles in bed and a connection? Why do others have it and I don’t?

What is wrong with me and what more do I need to do?

You know, no man had ever told me he’s loved me. I’ve never been good enough to want to commit to.
Why is that part hurting me the most? Yet for some, it comes so easy? Is it because they settle for shittyness? I wish I had someone who’d do anything for me like I would for them.

Some days are harder than others. But I feel I’m putting a lot of effort in to being this amazing independent woman who has it all l, who is ‘perfect’ and the pressure, the pressure because obviously it’s my fault I’m over 40 and single and on the shelf.... 😳. I’m dreading Christmas.
 
Good Egg said:
Can I join the train?

I know in life it’s not all smiles and happiness and life isn’t like a movie.

But I’m struggling with the idea that I’m just not good enough...
I’ve done many things independently. I spent my 30’s celibate. I work. I’ve raised a child single handedly. I may not have lots of money or my own house, but I’m a good, honest, caring person but it seems that isn’t enough.

It’s that I’m struggling with. What more can I possibly do to find a life partner?

Why can’t I have nice holidays with a man, sex, cuddles in bed and a connection? Why do others have it and I don’t?

What is wrong with me and what more do I need to do?

You know, no man had ever told me he’s loved me. I’ve never been good enough to want to commit to.
Why is that part hurting me the most? Yet for some, it comes so easy? Is it because they settle for shittyness? I wish I had someone who’d do anything for me like I would for them.

Some days are harder than others. But I feel I’m putting a lot of effort in to being this amazing independent woman who has it all l, who is ‘perfect’ and the pressure, the pressure because obviously it’s my fault I’m over 40 and single and on the shelf.... 😳. I’m dreading Christmas.
Click to expand...
Good Egg said:
Can I join the train?

I know in life it’s not all smiles and happiness and life isn’t like a movie.

But I’m struggling with the idea that I’m just not good enough...
I’ve done many things independently. I spent my 30’s celibate. I work. I’ve raised a child single handedly. I may not have lots of money or my own house, but I’m a good, honest, caring person but it seems that isn’t enough.

It’s that I’m struggling with. What more can I possibly do to find a life partner?

Why can’t I have nice holidays with a man, sex, cuddles in bed and a connection? Why do others have it and I don’t?

What is wrong with me and what more do I need to do?

You know, no man had ever told me he’s loved me. I’ve never been good enough to want to commit to.
Why is that part hurting me the most? Yet for some, it comes so easy? Is it because they settle for shittyness? I wish I had someone who’d do anything for me like I would for them.

Some days are harder than others. But I feel I’m putting a lot of effort in to being this amazing independent woman who has it all l, who is ‘perfect’ and the pressure, the pressure because obviously it’s my fault I’m over 40 and single and on the shelf.... 😳. I’m dreading Christmas.
Click to expand...
I feel every single thing you’ve said, I’m childless in my 40s and although I hold my head up and crack on I’m so hurt that I’ve given so much of my self and got zero in return . I feel so angry that I got taken for a fool and owed £400 by a man who probably would spend that on someone else. My friends are off busy living their lives and it’s just me and my little dog (who I adore) every man I’ve got talking to just ends up ghosting me. I feel so utterly forgettable and invisible like I walk through life unoticed. Sending you a massive hug and festive love xx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top