Dating after lockdown #38 midnight messages from the ghost of boyfriends past

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I don't think you can legally enforce his share of the bill. I would leave it, if I were you, 400 pounds isn't enough to justify a prolonged argument and lose your dignity. i would write it off and make resolutions for the future - you will not allow someone to treat you badly again!
I agree with the advice to stop dating for a bit and focus on yourself.
 
D2them said:
Stop worrying, he's in the wrong. Ask once, follow it up if you don't hear and then leave it if you feel you don't want to push it further. Be polite about it too, no need for a massive blow up. But at least try. I'm sick of these men.
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Thank you I will 🙏🏻 so sick of them..what happened to the world? Everyone is so disposable and worthless to each other- it’s a sad way to live. I told my friend who knows him and her response is “you won’t see that money, your own fsult” which I get that it is, but doesn’t get me my money 🫠🫠🙈🙈
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whathastheworldcometo said:
I don't think you can legally enforce his share of the bill. I would leave it, if I were you, 400 pounds isn't enough to justify a prolonged argument and lose your dignity. i would write it off and make resolutions for the future - you will not allow someone to treat you badly again!
I agree with the advice to stop dating for a bit and focus on yourself.
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No i absolutely can’t insist he pays it, I just hope common decency might prevail xx
 
whathastheworldcometo said:
I don't think you can legally enforce his share of the bill. I would leave it, if I were you, 400 pounds isn't enough to justify a prolonged argument and lose your dignity. i would write it off and make resolutions for the future - you will not allow someone to treat you badly again!
I agree with the advice to stop dating for a bit and focus on yourself.
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I disagree. £400 is a lot of money to some people (me!) and I'd want it back. You can only ask and from that you let him know it's not on. At the moment he's none the wiser and getting away with being an absolute head of a human being.
 
freezelouise43 said:
Hey hope everyone is well! Well my credit card statement arrived with the £400 worth of charges on, and I feel really down…I’ll have to use my Christmas money towards paying for them as I’m still paying for my medical treatment. I blocked my ex-FWB so I can’t ask him for it (futile anyway). A guy I had mutual friends with on fb added me as he said I looked nice and he did too. We exchanged messages for about a week and then he stopped replying….just feeling a bit down. I want to move on from this but why to men just disappear🫠🫠🫠
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Sorry you've been put into this situation. It's a shamed that the wronged often feel more awkward and embarrassed than the wrongdoers.

I agree with @D2them, you should try asking because it's risked your finances now.

And you're friend is wrong, it's not your fault for not knowing this man would leave you with a £400 bill.

If he doesn't give you the money or you don't ask, is there anyone else you can ask for financial help until things get a bit better?
 
Blueblue123 said:
Sorry you've been put into this situation. It's a shamed that the wronged often feel more awkward and embarrassed than the wrongdoers.

I agree with @D2them, you should try asking because it's risked your finances now.

And you're friend is wrong, it's not your fault for not knowing this man would leave you with a £400 bill.

If he doesn't give you the money or you don't ask, is there anyone elseyou can ask for financial help until things get a bit better?
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thank you ❤️can do some overtime at work and should be able to recoup some from Jan wages in time for next op 🙏🏻 I think I am angry all over again getting my statement. Stupid crappy tightass man. If he doesn’t pay me back I might wait until he gets a gf and message her asking if it would be ok if her man pays me back the £400 before he books any holidays 😜
 
freezelouise43 said:
thank you ❤can do some overtime at work and should be able to recoup some from Jan wages in time for next op 🙏🏻 I think I am angry all over again getting my statement. Stupid crappy tightass man. If he doesn’t pay me back I might wait until he gets a gf and message her asking if it would be ok if her man pays me back the £400 before he books any holidays 😜
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What a bleep. Something similar happened to me a number of years ago - booked a hotel for a weekend away only for him to suddenly announce that he wasn’t staying the night because his mate lived nearby so he didn’t want to pay half for thé hôtel we’d agreed to book. I was furious and pointed out that he’d suggested the place but he claimed he’d never agreed to pay half. Like an idiot, I’d assumed he intended to share the costs. Told him not to bother coming back and didn’t speak to him again but I felt such a twit.
 
D2them said:
I disagree. £400 is a lot of money to some people (me!) and I'd want it back. You can only ask and from that you let him know it's not on. At the moment he's none the wiser and getting away with being an absolute head of a human being.
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But what are the prospects of getting it back? If he would be willing he would have shared the costs at the time, before he left. I am worried that Louise is more angered and embarrassed if she asks and he ghosts her.

I thought I recalled that she was doing well financially, so I thought she could cover it, but yes, she mentioned costs of dental work recently.
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cowtastrophe said:
What a bleep. Something similar happened to me a number of years ago - booked a hotel for a weekend away only for him to suddenly announce that he wasn’t staying the night because his mate lived nearby so he didn’t want to pay half for thé hôtel we’d agreed to book. I was furious and pointed out that he’d suggested the place but he claimed he’d never agreed to pay half. Like an idiot, I’d assumed he intended to share the costs. Told him not to bother coming back and didn’t speak to him again but I felt such a twit.
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This guy is such a clown. What a disgrace.
I assume if you would not have expected him to pay half then he would have happily stayed at the hotel.
 
whathastheworldcometo said:
But what are the prospects of getting it back? If he would be willing he would have shared the costs at the time, before he left. I am worried that Louise is more angered and embarrassed if she asks and he ghosts her.

I thought I recalled that she was doing well financially, so I thought she could cover it, but yes, she mentioned costs of dental work recently.
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This guy is such a clown. What a disgrace.
I assume if you would not have expected him to pay half then he would have happily stayed at the hotel.
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Once I finish my treatment I can live my best life ♥️I earn good money but s much of it is eaten up with dental costs at the moment, I’m struggling and I figured I’d be paying at the very worst, half….yes I’m most scared of angering him and getting a mouthful of abuse, or even worse- being ghosted I’m not strong enough to deal with it. I think he was embarrassed when he left hence no attempt to contact me after, leaving so early and then I blocked him later in the evening on the same day. I’m just shocked any decent human thinks this is ok behaviour 😭
 
freezelouise43 said:
Once I finish my treatment I can live my best life ♥I earn good money but s much of it is eaten up with dental costs at the moment, I’m struggling and I figured I’d be paying at the very worst, half….yes I’m most scared of angering him and getting a mouthful of abuse, or even worse- being ghosted I’m not strong enough to deal with it. I think he was embarrassed when he left hence no attempt to contact me after, leaving so early and then I blocked him later in the evening on the same day. I’m just shocked any decent human thinks this is ok behaviour 😭
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Yes, his behaviour is a disgrace, but sadly this is how some people are. We need to protect ourselves and learn from these situations.

Have you heard of therapeutic writing? If this might be something that could work for you you could get a journal and write it all down, tell the journal what you think of this man and then when you have written it all up you could maybe burn or stab the journal or throw it away as a symbol of releasing the person and the bad experience you had with him.
 
freezelouise43 said:
I won’t, it cost the the best part of £400, I’m just sad he doesn’t have the decency to pay back somthing that’s pennies to him, or even half of if
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I get it. Unfortunately it’s often those who have the means who expect others to pay for them.

My ex is still living in my house and isn’t contributing financially and he earns around £75k a year which is nearly double what I do.
 
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