New baby and post birth advice #60

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cotdotton said:
Has anyone as a first time mother experienced patronising/know it all comments from family members?
I’m beginning to get really annoyed with a close family member (SIL) and her comments. To give a bit of background she would have worked with children in the past and is one of these people that is never wrong and is an “expert” on every topic.
There have been a few incidences since my baby has been born where she has given disapproving looks at the most mundane of things- when my baby was having their nappy changed in the first couple of weeks they didn’t like it as is the case with most baby’s and everytime she was in the house with a nappy change she was beside me giving that look somewhere between flinching and disapproval.
She has since made comments and given unsolicited opinions on a range of different things (the rock-it we had borrowed to try out would give my baby feeding issues) (they needed to learn to soothe themselves as when they start crèche they won’t be helped to drop off to sleep).
If I meet her for a walk she starts saying to my baby oh you’re freezing with the cold and re-wrapping his blanket. We constantly have extra layers in the buggy should he need them and are more than capable of checking if he is too hot/cold.
I’m just sick of it to be honest as I feel it’s constant judgement. If he starts to whinge it’s oh you have a pain. Our local health centre is walking distance from our house and she saw me leaving the centre one day as she was passing and was straight on the phone wondering if everything was ok and baby’s have lots of little things that need to be checked out and not to worry if there was something wrong. He was just in for a routine check with the nurse but she didn’t seem to believe me when I said it.

I don’t want to fall out with her but these constant patronising/know it all comments are beginning to really annoy me and after meeting up with her I come home feeling really down. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could say in reply as I’m never quick to think on the spot when it happens.
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I had the exact same thing from my sibling and all of my in laws. Everyone had an opinion on everything and every choice I was making was the wrong one. Made me grateful to live far away from them all so it's not like they were judging me in person.

I'm not very good at confrontation so would just stew on it but perhaps just say to her whilst you appreciate her opinion, you can manage without it.
 
I got a lot of that while pregnant, not so much now but then again my in laws live ages away. If remarks are made I just say ‘no, they’ve just eaten. No, they’re grand actually thanks.’
Or if there’s ’advice’ given I’ll just say ‘cool I’ll keep that in mind’ and change the subject. Everyone’s full of opinions.
 
Everyone loves getting their nose in once you have kids.. but sure they'd be saying stuff if you hadnt had kids too .
I know for me personally I definitely do smart remarks, I know for me breastfeeding was a touchy subject and my MIL tried to give me advice which I absolutely did not want as I was so fatigued with medical opinions I snapped back at her and said just leave me alone I'll figure it out.
My favourite line is mom knows best and I usually just walk away or change the subject... I never ever would comment on someone else kid to their mother / father (behind their backs to my partner yes I do ) but I couldn't give a shite what you do with your kids so stop trying to get involved in mine.... If I want an opinion , I'll ask
 
cotdotton said:
Has anyone as a first time mother experienced patronising/know it all comments from family members?
I’m beginning to get really annoyed with a close family member (SIL) and her comments. To give a bit of background she would have worked with children in the past and is one of these people that is never wrong and is an “expert” on every topic.
There have been a few incidences since my baby has been born where she has given disapproving looks at the most mundane of things- when my baby was having their nappy changed in the first couple of weeks they didn’t like it as is the case with most baby’s and everytime she was in the house with a nappy change she was beside me giving that look somewhere between flinching and disapproval.
She has since made comments and given unsolicited opinions on a range of different things (the rock-it we had borrowed to try out would give my baby feeding issues) (they needed to learn to soothe themselves as when they start crèche they won’t be helped to drop off to sleep).
If I meet her for a walk she starts saying to my baby oh you’re freezing with the cold and re-wrapping his blanket. We constantly have extra layers in the buggy should he need them and are more than capable of checking if he is too hot/cold.
I’m just sick of it to be honest as I feel it’s constant judgement. If he starts to whinge it’s oh you have a pain. Our local health centre is walking distance from our house and she saw me leaving the centre one day as she was passing and was straight on the phone wondering if everything was ok and baby’s have lots of little things that need to be checked out and not to worry if there was something wrong. He was just in for a routine check with the nurse but she didn’t seem to believe me when I said it.

I don’t want to fall out with her but these constant patronising/know it all comments are beginning to really annoy me and after meeting up with her I come home feeling really down. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could say in reply as I’m never quick to think on the spot when it happens.
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Is she a mum herself? I wonder if she wants to be involved and this is the only way she can think to include herself with baby? Or maybe she’s just a crank 🥴 I’d definitely ask your husband to have a word, you don’t need commentary on everything especially when it’s little things that almost don’t matter?? It’s like she’s chipping away at your confidence which is awful 🙁
 
opintionatedperson said:
I'll try Amazon and look around for a universal one. Didn't even think to check there 🫣
I had a pram suit when he was a newborn but now I see everyone else with footmuffs in our estate (we all seem to have vistas) and I know soon he will be kicking off the blankets. He's like his dad runs really warm whereas I'd be happy out in the sleep suit haha
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We've been using this since last autumn and can't fault it - baby's comfortable in it and you can have it just over his feet/lower legs or pull it all the way up to his chin! You attach it by putting the pushchair straps through the holes in the back of the fabric so it should work for all pushchairs as long as you can detach the straps in some way!

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cotdotton said:
Has anyone as a first time mother experienced patronising/know it all comments from family members?
I’m beginning to get really annoyed with a close family member (SIL) and her comments. To give a bit of background she would have worked with children in the past and is one of these people that is never wrong and is an “expert” on every topic.
There have been a few incidences since my baby has been born where she has given disapproving looks at the most mundane of things- when my baby was having their nappy changed in the first couple of weeks they didn’t like it as is the case with most baby’s and everytime she was in the house with a nappy change she was beside me giving that look somewhere between flinching and disapproval.
She has since made comments and given unsolicited opinions on a range of different things (the rock-it we had borrowed to try out would give my baby feeding issues) (they needed to learn to soothe themselves as when they start crèche they won’t be helped to drop off to sleep).
If I meet her for a walk she starts saying to my baby oh you’re freezing with the cold and re-wrapping his blanket. We constantly have extra layers in the buggy should he need them and are more than capable of checking if he is too hot/cold.
I’m just sick of it to be honest as I feel it’s constant judgement. If he starts to whinge it’s oh you have a pain. Our local health centre is walking distance from our house and she saw me leaving the centre one day as she was passing and was straight on the phone wondering if everything was ok and baby’s have lots of little things that need to be checked out and not to worry if there was something wrong. He was just in for a routine check with the nurse but she didn’t seem to believe me when I said it.

I don’t want to fall out with her but these constant patronising/know it all comments are beginning to really annoy me and after meeting up with her I come home feeling really down. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could say in reply as I’m never quick to think on the spot when it happens.
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That sounds so frustrating, I'm so sorry - it's awful feeling like you're under a microscope and being judged ❤️ maybe you could pretend to be concerned and say "is everything ok? I can't help but notice how disapproving and judgemental you've been about my parenting techniques, is there a problem?" And if that doesn't work, get a bit sassy with her - if she's saying "baby needs this" or giving judgemental looks, you could say in an exaggerated baby voice "auntie thinks you need so and so - but you don't, do you?!" and "oooh auntie's looking disapproving again *hold baby up and pretend they're talking* "it's ok auntie, I'm ok!" It'll probably piss her right off but if she's upsetting you and nothing else is working then trying to embarrass her into shutting up might work 😅
 
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Hey all, just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on pram/stroller/pushchairs. I’m visiting my in-laws in the UK, we’ve been here for 2 weeks and the John Lewis everyday pushchair isn’t up to the cobbled streets of the local towns and villages - the wheel literally fell off on the high street!
Because I’m visiting and not familiar with the brands I’m wondeing if someone could recommend a good 3 wheeler that can handle the streets and will last until she’s 4? She’s currently 13 months. We’re only going to use it one/two months a year for a few years so happy to go second hand (is FB marketplace the best for that sort of thing here?). TIA 🙏

(I also posted this in the Boddlers thread so sorry for the double up!)
 
Wee man keeps doing something weird with his tongue and I'm not sure it's normal. He'll just sit with his tongue hanging out and when he's not doing that he's rolling it around his mouth like a hot chip. I thought he may have been doing it because of his teeth but he hasn't cut any yet. Any ideas?
 
so baby boy is 2 weeks old today and projectile vomits on and off! The doctor seems to think it’s reflux and isn’t too worried as he’s gaining weight, but it’s awful to see and lastnight he wouldn’t settle at all and I was awake until 4am, Has anyone got any tips to help the reflux?
 
givemethegossx said:
so baby boy is 2 weeks old today and projectile vomits on and off! The doctor seems to think it’s reflux and isn’t too worried as he’s gaining weight, but it’s awful to see and lastnight he wouldn’t settle at all and I was awake until 4am, Has anyone got any tips to help the reflux?
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Wee man had silent reflux, colic and a dairy allergy. The allergy caused projectile vomiting, like a scene straight out of The Exorcist. The silent reflux didn't cause any vomiting, he just screamed after every feed and would arch his back and just generally be quite miserable. He was prescribed omeprazole for the reflux but this was only because our HV witnessed his reaction after a feed. Might be worthwhile asking the GP if you could have a hydrolysed formula to trial. If he's still sick at least it may rule out an allergy.
 
Jellycat369 said:
Wee man keeps doing something weird with his tongue and I'm not sure it's normal. He'll just sit with his tongue hanging out and when he's not doing that he's rolling it around his mouth like a hot chip. I thought he may have been doing it because of his teeth but he hasn't cut any yet. Any ideas?
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Baby bandit has been through a couple of phases of this - there was a weekend where his tongue was out in every single photo 🤣 I'm assuming it's not an issue, every time he did it it'd last a couple of days and then pass, and it's probably a comfort thing if there's teething pain (even if there's no teeth yet) or maybe if they're thirsty?
 
Albert_Chris said:
Hey all, just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on pram/stroller/pushchairs. I’m visiting my in-laws in the UK, we’ve been here for 2 weeks and the John Lewis everyday pushchair isn’t up to the cobbled streets of the local towns and villages - the wheel literally fell off on the high street!
Because I’m visiting and not familiar with the brands I’m wondeing if someone could recommend a good 3 wheeler that can handle the streets and will last until she’s 4? She’s currently 13 months. We’re only going to use it one/two months a year for a few years so happy to go second hand (is FB marketplace the best for that sort of thing here?). TIA 🙏

(I also posted this in the Boddlers thread so sorry for the double up!)
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I think some people in the Boddlers thread mentioned the Out and About brand, if you haven't considered that I would. My friend has a double and she loves it. We have a Thule Urban Glide 2 which we run with but those are very pricey for just a couple of times a year - the Out and Abouts can be found very reasonable on FB market place. If you're not running with it you can pretty much get any one I think.
 
manpyj89 said:
Baby learned to roll this week back to front this week! They’re in a next to me crib and managed to roll on their front before falling asleep. I’m going to wait until fully asleep and roll back but terrified if they manage it again during the night
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When baby C learned how to roll i left her she was much more comfortable. She used to wake during the night to be rolled back though 😂😂 but i just made sure her face was turned to the side cause my nerves
 
Yeah my nerves are shot, baby can roll belly to back but only to get out of doing tummy time but I wouldn’t be confident they’d manage it during the night if they’d needed to 😭 a few more weeks practice maybe and then I’d be happy to leave them.
 
manpyj89 said:
Yeah my nerves are shot, baby can roll belly to back but only to get out of doing tummy time but I wouldn’t be confident they’d manage it during the night if they’d needed to 😭 a few more weeks practice maybe and then I’d be happy to leave them.
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Completely understand the nerves i was the same 😅 now she's like rolie polie olie theres no stopping her 😂😂
 
opintionatedperson said:
Yes my husband puts a dummy in his mouth to shut him up 😂😂 drives me bananas he does it

I don't mind it but he's beginning to do it once his bowl or plate is empty . Loves his food 😂😂
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I wish i could post the video i have of her i got a great lol from her but id say she'll be hoarse tomorrow 😂😂
 
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