Lauren Goodger #60 Lozza The Hutt flogging a cheap hairdryer, Laorse’s diet comes from the deep fat fryer

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Silly-old-Slapper said:
I have a little experience of Doulas, not personally but with someone I knew. We were living abroad at the time in an area where very little English was spoken. Mr SoS had a colleague arrive to work from the UK for a 2 year contract and his wife was about 4-5 months pregnant. She had no immediate living family (parents or sisters) knew no-one English speaking apart from me and this was in the days long before social media and Internet was in its infancy.

Hospitals and the midwives spoke a little English but she was terrified despite trying to learn the language asap! She manage to find a doula, a Dutch lady who spoke excellent English who lived locally and went with her to all her appointments, helped to translate where necessary and helped prepare her for the birth with relaxation techniques and going to antenatal classes with her, go shopping for baby things etc. She stayed with her in the delivery room until the last hour or so before the actual birth and then visited every day sometimes 3x or more to give her support to feed baby, advise on babycare and make sure she was OK in herself for about 4-6 weeks after the birth. I met her a couple of times and she stressed that although she had a nursing and childcare background and qualifications, her role was to take of the mother so she could look after the baby herself. She was NOT a nanny and would never take over the role of the qualified midwife and said that even the most capable and organised women can become very vulnerable when pregnant with no support like family and friends to help which was her main customer base. She had taken many courses in Doula-ing and I've since discovered it's very common to find them abroad and their popularity here is growing.

The Naked Doula (Emma Armstrong) seem to make a living selling flash cards, (she's found a gap in the market - fair play to her if you want to play Snap and Happy Families in labour) but she's based in Nottingham, BYG's OF must be paying well if she can get the lass to travel to Essex! Can't find out much about her or her experience except she's not listed as a recommended Doula on the official website either around Nottingham or Essex.

Doula UK - The non-profit association of doulas in the UK

She seems to be concentrating on a media career and saw this article in the Sun about her. BYG must have seen this and given her ideas for recording content for her OF!

I’m a doula & here are my top tips for a less painful labour - including how using a straw in a drink can help (thesun.co.uk)

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That's all very well ... but our BIGGGGGG lozzzz cant even reach to wipe that enormous blubber arse, how the heck will she be able to reach her ` yuccccckkkkkk I'm not saying it ... but you know what I mean :sick: ` to bring herself to `orgasm🤮🤮 ` ... now odd bod has legged it ` AGAIN ` .... NANA Crack still MIA ( we all know, at the local crack den ... so we`ll be seeing her again around Christmas time ) ... the lump has no friends .... so that leaves her poor sister ...... will it be up to her to bring BIGGGGGGG lozzzzzz to waves of ecstasy ... sounds like a bleeping horror movie!! 😖😖😖 .... she gets breathless during the simple task of talking on her IG posts, there's no way she is fit enough to go through hours of labour without some emergency occurring .... what I know of ` doulas ` its more a holistic approach, meditating, massage, getting the mother into a calm place/zone, being by her side .... but not qualified like a medical midwife ... many call them ` hippies `... in an ideal world ... where the mother is healthy, and the labour runs smoothly, a doula can help ... but in an emergency situation ... she will be as much use as a chocolate teapot and calling 999 .... I went through hell with my first ( was younger and healthy ) ... everything that could go wrong did .... its not a nice story or ending, it was horrendous, everything can change in a blink, it happened that fast .... but so to not upset any expectant mothers, Il leave that there ... lozzzz at her age is considered an older mother, she is morbidly obese, and dosent come across as healthy ... she is taking a big risk ... no two pregnancies are the same .... IF an emergency occurs, she better pray the ambulance, her sister or ` doula :rolleyes: ` gets her to hospital in time, for the sake of the baby's life and hers
 
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Can't believe Charlie has done a runner again. Well I can tbh as he sees the real lozza day in day out. Must be awful to sit and watch a catfish slob day in day out. How many more magazines are gonna cover the on again off again saga. Lauren is just an absolute laughing stock taking him back again constantly. Absolutely desperate. Then sly digs on her posts like a bloody teenager. She is pathetic
 
This is what happens when you tie yourself to a generation apart and someone who, let’s be honest, neither of them are bright bulbs are they?

This will never stop. In 15 years time when Tattle is still going strong, we will be laughing over some other exploit, a BBL gone wrong or something.

We can but hope the kids turn out to be Einstein level geniuses and walk away? 🤷🏼‍♀️
 
Xxcxcc said:
Can't believe Charlie has done a runner again. Well I can tbh as he sees the real lozza day in day out. Must be awful to sit and watch a catfish slob day in day out. How many more magazines are gonna cover the on again off again saga. Lauren is just an absolute laughing stock taking him back again constantly. Absolutely desperate. Then sly digs on her posts like a bloody teenager. She is pathetic
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Has he def jumped the sinking HMS Lozza? Hardly surprising when he is living in her filth day in day out.
 
Anna666 said:
That's all very well ... but our BIGGGGGG lozzzz cant even reach to wipe that enormous blubber arse, how the heck will she be able to reach her ` yuccccckkkkkk I'm not saying it ... but you know what I mean :sick: ` to bring herself to `orgasm🤮🤮 ` ... now odd bod has legged it ` AGAIN ` .... NANA Crack still MIA ( we all know, at the local crack den ... so we`ll be seeing her again around Christmas time ) ... the lump has no friends .... so that leaves her poor sister ...... will it be up to her to bring BIGGGGGGG lozzzzzz to waves of ecstasy ... sounds like a bleeping horror movie!! 😖😖😖 .... she gets breathless during the simple task of talking on her IG posts, there's no way she is fit enough to go through hours of labour without some emergency occurring .... what I know of ` doulas ` its more a holistic approach, meditating, massage, getting the mother into a calm place/zone, being by her side .... but not qualified like a medical midwife ... many call them ` hippies `... in an ideal world ... where the mother is healthy, and the labour runs smoothly, a doula can help ... but in an emergency situation ... she will be as much use as a chocolate teapot and calling 999 .... I went through hell with my first ( was younger and healthy ) ... everything that could go wrong did .... its not a nice story or ending, it was horrendous, everything can change in a blink, it happened that fast .... but so to not upset any expectant mothers, Il leave that there ... lozzzz at her age is considered an older mother, she is morbidly obese, and dosent come across as healthy ... she is taking a big risk ... no two pregnancies are the same .... IF an emergency occurs, she better pray the ambulance, her sister or ` doula :rolleyes: ` gets her to hospital in time, for the sake of the baby's life and hers
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Doulas can also help advocate for mothers during childbirth, sadly they are often treated like disobedient animals at a vets, or have non-consensual intimate procedures done to them.

Notredamn said:
Inappropriate to just start openly masturbating at the labour ward or even at home when there are staff about who aren’t paid to see that 🤦🏻‍♀️ Most of the ‘orgasmic birth’ stories online are promulgated by male fetishists who sexualise pregnant women. I wonder if she realises
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I believed this orgasm myth for severe period pain. I tried and it gave me about one second of pain relief at the very weak climax. It took a lot of emotional energy trying to achieve it while in such pain, and it absolutely wasn’t worth one measly second after all that effort. I actually felt more miserable afterwards because after all that it didn’t work.

More power to anyone if it works for them but I think it’s a myth.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to attempt it in childbirth. In a potentially life and death situation, in the most pain you’ve ever felt, and lots of onlookers - how could it even be possible?
 
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loisgriff said:
I’m really disappointed in that Naked Doula. I recommend her to a lot of people and now she’s working with a known anti vaxxer, unsafe sleeping for her newborn, lazy, cyanide promoting chav. I really am gutted and tempted to message. But I won’t be sending anymore friends her way
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My thoughts exactly - my heart sank when I saw her on Laureen’s stories! I’m a Doula, and I would have definitely turned down this work! FWIW - a Doula is additional birth support, so she’ll be there with the home birth midwives (and probably Chaz as well).
 
I literally don't understand the followers who slavishly make all the complimentary comments about her on IG. They are basically complementing a filter used on a device to create an unreal, unachievable image. They really can't be that thick to think what they see is real. All those sucky arse emojis like😍🥰💋💯🙌🔥 is just puke making. A flame thrower is needed to permanently disable these wanky filters & the shite images little miss piggy trotters hides behind.
 
A-Soul said:
LG’s doula.
No words.
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duck off you charlatan (not you, the doula, her crappy advice and mickey mouse voiceover). Isn't there a train of thought in some yoga or tantra circles that this can happen? The idea isn't new and I have read (apparently) that some women can orgasm during childbirth but I'd bet the numbers are so low as to be insignificant. Yet another expectation to put on pregnant women who have enough on their plate already. (If you're Lauren, she never has enough on her plate).

Even so, when you add larose.x (sorry, lahorse), Lauren's dirty knicker selling, and Batsignals to the Only Fans wanking chimps, it all makes me feel a bit :sick:
 
That’s right, wash it down with a pure sugar drink. Honestly, doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together
 

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mariiii said:
That’s right, wash it down with a pure sugar drink. Honestly, doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together
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I bet big fat lozza's been saying this to fat chazza to try and hurt him coz he has left her.....she will be firing these insults through a filter on her phone whilst sat like jabba the hut on her tit stained sofa surrounded in her own blubber!! That's how deluded she is!! 🤬
 
Sorry folks. The image of BYG knuckle deep, in the corner of the room like a horse has done me.

I'm out guys.
I'm done.

Birth orgasims (am I spelling this right)?

I haven't been this repulsed since KP stuck her Motorola up her growler in the back of that cab.

Whatever the fuckery buggery bastard bollox next.
 
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