Jack Monroe #599 Asda value chickens coming home to roost

[Batfurger]

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bleeping hell, her friend should count themselves fortunate she didn’t mix the botulism anchovy leftovers she had “kicking around” with the stray pots of curdled cream “lying around” to concoct another repulsive festive fishyfreddo. View attachment 3324418 q

a salty, umami anchovy oily depth.

Spoiler: S L O P

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Tastes even better when it’s been stinking up your fridge for two days.
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My Harold on seeing this picture “that looks bleeping minging”.

 

[Lazarus]

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Was just mithering to myself about his idiot daughter phoning Big Toblertwat up in the middle of the night to ask about the decomp rate of all the now-DEAD corrupt 1980s American jurors he saw paragliding and jet skiing off the coast of Paphos last year, when I remembered that the first chapter of Jack’s MeMeMeMoir is already written for her.

This from @Sweetcouchpotato is one of the best things on Tattle, ever.

Spoiler

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Link to original!

Jack Monroe #489 Come Sun Or Haze, You've Got CCJs

Yeah that’s added post-photo. There’s no way she applied that “Glam Mam at a Pippa Dee party circa 1983” lewk herself. Her efforts at eye makeup usually resemble my efforts to “style” my Girl’s World Styling Head from the 1970s. If 7 year old me had been wearing oven gloves and had my eyes shut...

tattle.life

(Illustrated by the photographer who also did the Guardian moneybath photoshoot and who clearly bleeping loathes her).

I’ve been reading this since 6 o’clock - it’s 7:30 now, and I’ve finally finished. I could only do a line at a time then had to take time out for a breather. It’s so, so funny.

 

[MancBee]

...mushrooms. Like little wet willies in your mouth.

What's not to like?

 

[Foxvint]

What's not to like?

The little part

 

[plentyofpepper]

Why is this woman obsessed with blended fish?

she’s trying to hint that she’d be a GREAT FIT for next year’s ‘i’m a celeb’?

 

[MancBee]

The little part

Touché you got me there.

 

[Clovis]

Well she overuses mushrooms which is the move of a classic bland bonker. I bleeping hate mushrooms. Like little wet willies in your mouth.

Babe, same. I loathe mushrooms, it's like having a plate of slugs.

Spoiler: Rudeness

Irregardless, I am rather partial to wet willies in my mouth as long as they're not little

 

[King Seagull]

You people disgust me, mushrooms are delicious (when cooked properly, not according to guest's instructions).

Willies have more of a squid texture anyway. Something with a bit of bounce.

 

[Savethesauce]

I really love mushrooms. Sorry

 

[Clovis]

Willies have more of a squid texture anyway. Something with a bit of bounce.

Depends if they're circumsised or not. I find that the cut ones can be somewhat dry.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I really love mushrooms. Sorry

Babe same.
Small willies are ok as well. As far as I can remember. I’ve banned any over 8 many years ago.

How did the verbose buffoon interactioner cope when twitter was 125 characters

 

[YerDa]

#notallmushrooms

 

[Carefree]

I like dick enough but would rather have mushrooms for dinner. It's a texture thing

 

[IcanSpellBéchamel]

My Harold on seeing this picture “that looks bleeping minging”.

After reading this I showed the picture to my Harold and he taught me a new word - dégueulasse". Said with a real emphasis on the sssss.

 

[secretsrsafe]

Plus the addition of peppers will give it a lovely sweetness. Guest just uses the tinned tomatoes which I always think will be very tart without something to sweeten it.
And yes Laz's sounds lovely and more crucially cooked.

Guest has yet to learn the trick of putting a little sugar in a tomato sauce to balance out the tomato acidity and chilli. Balancing flavours are not in her wheelhouse.

 

[Lazarus]

I like dick enough but would rather have mushrooms for dinner. It's a texture thing

Me too. Neither of them belong in a carbonara, that much I know.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

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#notallmushrooms

OMG just remembered that in 538-539 we did Jack as Fungi! ‍ starts here:

Jack Monroe #538 Cyrano de Bergerjack

Sorry to all the brown boot haters, but I live in my brown jodphur boots, they're just so comfy. In my defence, I do have horses. Wasn't it Jack's previous appearance at Greenbelt that got the rave write-up saying she was being hailed as a prophet and making it sound like she was speaking to...

tattle.life

Edit: fuuuuuuuucking hell, @Five hundred dogs

 

[nothanksbabes]

I go for a hour's nap and the thread has taken a phallic turn .

Guest has yet to learn the trick of putting a little sugar in a tomato sauce to balance out the tomato acidity and chilli. Balancing flavours are not in her wheelhouse.

She sometimes adds more acidity which is bleeping wild when tinned tomatoes already taste acidic enough to take the enamel off your teeth. Particularly as she barely cooks them. She doesn't have a clue.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

OMG just remembered that in 538-539 we did Jack as Fungi! ‍ starts here:

Jack Monroe #538 Cyrano de Bergerjack

Sorry to all the brown boot haters, but I live in my brown jodphur boots, they're just so comfy. In my defence, I do have horses. Wasn't it Jack's previous appearance at Greenbelt that got the rave write-up saying she was being hailed as a prophet and making it sound like she was speaking to...

tattle.life

Edit: fuuuuuuuucking hell, @Five hundred dogs View attachment 3324624 q

I’d forgotten all about the penis mushroom/penis hair .

 

[DinosaurSenior]

not to but i think we might live in the same place because there’s a wee shop by me that is EXACTLY THIS and honestly? i wouldn’t have it any other way. i’d take it over mx jack’s posh as duck local shops any day of the week

Are you in Celery Town, TenderPeps? It's next to a Pepi's chicken shop...