For anybody struggling ❤

1
WeepingCassandra said:
I'm sorry, watching a loved one deteriorate is so hard. Do you have anyone you can talk to? There's a lot of charities that have help and support lines who can listen to things in the context of a 'condition' if that makes sense. It would be more weird if you didn't feel those feelings, I think. X
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Yes I have great support thankfully. I'm just on an emotional roller coaster so I'm up and down.

I was upset yesterday due to lack of care / consideration from family members, probably because I'm the strong eldest child who no-one ever thinks to check in with and who everyone expects will pick up the slack and the pieces. I'm actually usually fine with this role and I'm very blessed as well, but sometimes I crack with the pressure.
 
slav123 said:
I was driving the last day and the news
Came on.
There was a story about a journalist who had passed away and her funeral was being held that day. My first
Thought was,
Isn’t she lucky it’s all over for her. Really sums up my feelings at the
Moment
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Oh no, are you ok, is there anything that would help? you have people here who understand and will listen x
 
I didn’t know where to talk about this but I’m struggling with a decision I had to make at work and it’s left me feeling so sad.
I had to let someone go who just wasn’t doing his job despite repeated warnings. I expected him to kick off but he didn’t. He just broke down and cried. He’s this big intimidating guy and I broke him. Thing is I reallly care about him but somehow I failed to recognise how much he was struggling and instead I was just angry and frustrated with him. When I’ve had to let employees go in the past I’ve felt relief afterwards but in this case I’m heartbroken . He’s been with me from the start and we worked together elsewhere before, I feel like I just lost a family member because that’s what we are here. The youngsters I employ are equally devastated and I feel like such a nasty human being. He’s obviously struggling with stuff outside of work and I destroyed him because I’m a grumpy self absorbed witch who‘s so stressed I didn’t see when someone else I care about was suffering.
I’ve cried for days over this, I’m just not coping with what I’ve done. I can’t even consider advertising for a replacement right now as it feels wrong.
 
prozacprincess said:
I didn’t know where to talk about this but I’m struggling with a decision I had to make at work and it’s left me feeling so sad.
I had to let someone go who just wasn’t doing his job despite repeated warnings. I expected him to kick off but he didn’t. He just broke down and cried. He’s this big intimidating guy and I broke him. Thing is I reallly care about him but somehow I failed to recognise how much he was struggling and instead I was just angry and frustrated with him. When I’ve had to let employees go in the past I’ve felt relief afterwards but in this case I’m heartbroken . He’s been with me from the start and we worked together elsewhere before, I feel like I just lost a family member because that’s what we are here. The youngsters I employ are equally devastated and I feel like such a nasty human being. He’s obviously struggling with stuff outside of work and I destroyed him because I’m a grumpy self absorbed witch who‘s so stressed I didn’t see when someone else I care about was suffering.
I’ve cried for days over this, I’m just not coping with what I’ve done. I can’t even consider advertising for a replacement right now as it feels wrong.
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I’d say go with your ‘gut/intuition’, perhaps have another conversation with him once the heightened emotions have calmed.
 
My last baby starts school today, half days, he’s never left my side, and is my covid baby, all I’ve done this morning is cried and thrown up. The anxiety is fully taking over me today and I’m going to look an absolute fool on the playground later when I take him in. I’ve never not had a child with me, it’s all I’ve known since I was 18, I’m 32 now. I don’t have any friends, my partner works full time, my family don’t bother with me. I’m going to have absolutely no one.
 
posting here because i have nobody i am close or comfortable enough with to share this in real life and it’s really eating away at me. i am 28, female, happily married to a male but am confused about my sexuality. i have always been confused, i had crushes on girls growing up but never had the confidence to do anything about it so just buried it away. i met my husband at 19 and we have had an amazing relationship but every now and then i find myself fantasising about women, just either day dreaming or sometimes i do it during sex. i have a new friend who is gay and there’s been a lot of eye contact and flirty banter between us but i know neither of us would say anything or act on it. my relationship with my husband is good, we genuinely have no major issues apart from my low sex drive, which has always been a thing and he’s very patient. i’ve always just thought i had a low sex drive because of my busy job, i train a lot sometimes don’t eat well.. but more recently i think do i or is it because of my sexuality and all the feelings around it ive hid for so long? i’m starting to dread sex with my husband but when we are intimate it’s good and i enjoy it.. but i have to really build myself up to it, and am avoiding it more recently. i’m not even really looking for advice here, im just so confused and had to get this off my chest as it’s making me a bit miserable :(
 
Sorry for posting again but I’m really struggling and have to let it out somewhere.
I do think I’m probably depressed but I’m struggling more than ever, especially amongst people.
I’ve been away with family for a week and there have been times when I’ve longed to be on my own because I just cannot relax. I feel like I have to fill every gap; like I’m responsible for whether everyone else is happy or not; and like no one actually likes me or is interested in anything I say.
And this is my family!
I dread being amongst workmates and people I’m not related to because I just struggle so much to feel at ease.
I feel exhausted just living from day to day and trying to put a face on it.
I could just go to bed and stay there for weeks.
 
Shimmering said:
Hello

Probably hormones (PMS / peri - I'm nearly 43) but everything and everyone is irritating the living tit out of me at the minute.

Probably the most intense annoyance is coming from my sibling who lives with our parents. They will be 35 in a few week's time. They have a good, well paying, fully remote job, and a partner who lives separately. They go on expensive luxury holidays several times a year. They've been to the Eras tour twice 😂

All was trundling along until our parent had a devastating medical event late last year. They have been a hospital in patient ever since.

Since then, sibling has carried on pretty much regardless, not doing anything extra to pitch in, and leaving everything to our other parent to do. Pet care, food shopping, cooking, all tidying and cleaning, maintenance, all life admin like car insurance, MOT, repairs, etc.

They won't even take the bins out when asked.

Our parents definitely enabled this behaviour and continue to do so. So, for example, they don't tend to ask for any help or assistance from my sibling, and will do everything for them, because otherwise "sibling just wouldn't do it" (I disagree as I believe they are thoughtless, selfish and lazy rather than incapable, though I do agree they have contributed massively to deskilling my sibling by always jumping in to solve every minor issue for them).

It's all becoming very frustrating and hard to deal with. My parent who isn't ill won't communicate with them regarding what is expected or needed. I have two other siblings who live in another country. When I mentioned my feelings to one of them, they blamed our parents, so I dont feel supported to confront my sibling about their behaviour. In addition, if I mention this to my parent, they defend them, saying things like "they did the shopping" (once, after a week of being reminded), or "they took the dog for a walk" (again, once - I wish I was lying or exaggerating! I walk the dog daily and I have my own family, my own full time job, and I have to do my own shopping, cleaning, taking the bins out, etc, as a completely unremarkable matter of course!)

For example, my sibling will be lying in bed at the weekend while my uncle who is mid 70s with health problems is outside mowing the lawn. If parent does not cook a meal, sibling orders a delivery. They expect to be driven to the airport and picked up when they go on holiday. It's just wild.

Now the final straw, parents' house requires adaptations as they are now severely disabled. Parent not eligible for the grant available due to sibling's high income. Sibling of course will not contribute to cost of adaptations.

I rant to my husband about this but we are not getting on at the moment so I can't. I think it's just a rough patch as we are usually a good team, but right now I can't stand him. I just want to run away and live in a forest somewhere.

Thanks to anyone who made it through that rant. I'm genuinely not jealous or bitter, but I am sad about the situation, sad for my parents and sad for my sibling.
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just read this and I’m bloody raging for you. how can anyone be so self centred? I wish I knew you as i would go round and tell them the truth and hold a mirror up to their face.
 
yogiessexdubs said:
I’d say go with your ‘gut/intuition’, perhaps have another conversation with him once the heightened emotions have calmed.
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I went to see him and we had a chat. He admitted he wasnt coping with the responsibility that the job entailed. I’ve offered him another option which is a slightly lower paid position but with pretty much no responsibility and shorter hours. I told him to think about it for a while and take some time. I owe him holiday pay so he won’t be struggling for money if he needs the next week or so. I’m not sure if he’ll come back to us after what I did but I hope he does. I’m still devastated that I did that to him and I’m struggling to let it go. It was my birthday yesterday and I just ignored it because I don’t feel I deserve to have anything nice right now.
 
prozacprincess said:
I went to see him and we had a chat. He admitted he wasnt coping with the responsibility that the job entailed. I’ve offered him another option which is a slightly lower paid position but with pretty much no responsibility and shorter hours. I told him to think about it for a while and take some time. I owe him holiday pay so he won’t be struggling for money if he needs the next week or so. I’m not sure if he’ll come back to us after what I did but I hope he does. I’m still devastated that I did that to him and I’m struggling to let it go. It was my birthday yesterday and I just ignored it because I don’t feel I deserve to have anything nice right now.
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You’ve done what you needed to do now, the rest is up to him. Happy Birthday darling! 💜
 
Shimmering said:
Hello

Probably hormones (PMS / peri - I'm nearly 43) but everything and everyone is irritating the living tit out of me at the minute.

Probably the most intense annoyance is coming from my sibling who lives with our parents. They will be 35 in a few week's time. They have a good, well paying, fully remote job, and a partner who lives separately. They go on expensive luxury holidays several times a year. They've been to the Eras tour twice 😂

All was trundling along until our parent had a devastating medical event late last year. They have been a hospital in patient ever since.

Since then, sibling has carried on pretty much regardless, not doing anything extra to pitch in, and leaving everything to our other parent to do. Pet care, food shopping, cooking, all tidying and cleaning, maintenance, all life admin like car insurance, MOT, repairs, etc.

They won't even take the bins out when asked.

Our parents definitely enabled this behaviour and continue to do so. So, for example, they don't tend to ask for any help or assistance from my sibling, and will do everything for them, because otherwise "sibling just wouldn't do it" (I disagree as I believe they are thoughtless, selfish and lazy rather than incapable, though I do agree they have contributed massively to deskilling my sibling by always jumping in to solve every minor issue for them).

It's all becoming very frustrating and hard to deal with. My parent who isn't ill won't communicate with them regarding what is expected or needed. I have two other siblings who live in another country. When I mentioned my feelings to one of them, they blamed our parents, so I dont feel supported to confront my sibling about their behaviour. In addition, if I mention this to my parent, they defend them, saying things like "they did the shopping" (once, after a week of being reminded), or "they took the dog for a walk" (again, once - I wish I was lying or exaggerating! I walk the dog daily and I have my own family, my own full time job, and I have to do my own shopping, cleaning, taking the bins out, etc, as a completely unremarkable matter of course!)

For example, my sibling will be lying in bed at the weekend while my uncle who is mid 70s with health problems is outside mowing the lawn. If parent does not cook a meal, sibling orders a delivery. They expect to be driven to the airport and picked up when they go on holiday. It's just wild.

Now the final straw, parents' house requires adaptations as they are now severely disabled. Parent not eligible for the grant available due to sibling's high income. Sibling of course will not contribute to cost of adaptations.

I rant to my husband about this but we are not getting on at the moment so I can't. I think it's just a rough patch as we are usually a good team, but right now I can't stand him. I just want to run away and live in a forest somewhere.

Thanks to anyone who made it through that rant. I'm genuinely not jealous or bitter, but I am sad about the situation, sad for my parents and sad for my sibling.
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I’m so sorry to read this. It sounds like you are the family scapegoat, and as rough as it sounds, my only advice would be to walk away. Your parents created the situation and if they think sibling is the cats pajamas then they should learn what that bare minimum actually entails.
Having cared in the past for my mother post-hysterectomy while being a single parent with two kids and I can't drive and got multiple buses a day to have the fact one sibling cleaned once a week made out to be 100x better than what I was doing, the other fucked off to Thailand and was still golden balls, walking away from people who don’t appreciate you became something to live by in the end.
 
It's been a week. Celebrating my birthday & my parents & siblings forgot, got the day wrong or didn't acknowledge it. For their birthdays I send cards, gifts (small token/voucher). I really struggled for the entire day. Firstly feeling stupid at texting or thinking of them & their own families birthdays & secondly just so sick and tired of being the invisible child.
 
not_influenced said:
It's been a week. Celebrating my birthday & my parents & siblings forgot, got the day wrong or didn't acknowledge it. For their birthdays I send cards, gifts (small token/voucher). I really struggled for the entire day. Firstly feeling stupid at texting or thinking of them & their own families birthdays & secondly just so sick and tired of being the invisible child.
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Happy birthday, I can relate to this, just remember you’re a thoughtful person, the problem is theirs💜.
 
Wobblehead said:
just read this and I’m bloody raging for you. how can anyone be so self centred? I wish I knew you as i would go round and tell them the truth and hold a mirror up to their face.
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Thank you so much ❤️ it means a lot to be heard and understood
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not_influenced said:
It's been a week. Celebrating my birthday & my parents & siblings forgot, got the day wrong or didn't acknowledge it. For their birthdays I send cards, gifts (small token/voucher). I really struggled for the entire day. Firstly feeling stupid at texting or thinking of them & their own families birthdays & secondly just so sick and tired of being the invisible child.
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Happy birthday. I hear you. It hurts like hell. I hope you had a nice day in spite of their rudeness and thoughtlessness. You are a kind and loving person.
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griftalo said:
I’m so sorry to read this. It sounds like you are the family scapegoat, and as rough as it sounds, my only advice would be to walk away. Your parents created the situation and if they think sibling is the cats pajamas then they should learn what that bare minimum actually entails.
Having cared in the past for my mother post-hysterectomy while being a single parent with two kids and I can't drive and got multiple buses a day to have the fact one sibling cleaned once a week made out to be 100x better than what I was doing, the other fucked off to Thailand and was still golden balls, walking away from people who don’t appreciate you became something to live by in the end.
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Absolutely. I'm just stopping ✋️ . Certain people just expect to take and take and take with nothing in return. It actually breaks my heart but we can't change them and how they choose to live. My parents are very very appreciative so there's that.

In the past few weeks I've faced the behaviour and just kept myself to myself. No effort on my part other than what suits me to do. That's how they behave and how I also shall behave from now on.

duck them.
 
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