For anybody struggling ❤

1
Hello

Probably hormones (PMS / peri - I'm nearly 43) but everything and everyone is irritating the living tit out of me at the minute.

Probably the most intense annoyance is coming from my sibling who lives with our parents. They will be 35 in a few week's time. They have a good, well paying, fully remote job, and a partner who lives separately. They go on expensive luxury holidays several times a year. They've been to the Eras tour twice 😂

All was trundling along until our parent had a devastating medical event late last year. They have been a hospital in patient ever since.

Since then, sibling has carried on pretty much regardless, not doing anything extra to pitch in, and leaving everything to our other parent to do. Pet care, food shopping, cooking, all tidying and cleaning, maintenance, all life admin like car insurance, MOT, repairs, etc.

They won't even take the bins out when asked.

Our parents definitely enabled this behaviour and continue to do so. So, for example, they don't tend to ask for any help or assistance from my sibling, and will do everything for them, because otherwise "sibling just wouldn't do it" (I disagree as I believe they are thoughtless, selfish and lazy rather than incapable, though I do agree they have contributed massively to deskilling my sibling by always jumping in to solve every minor issue for them).

It's all becoming very frustrating and hard to deal with. My parent who isn't ill won't communicate with them regarding what is expected or needed. I have two other siblings who live in another country. When I mentioned my feelings to one of them, they blamed our parents, so I dont feel supported to confront my sibling about their behaviour. In addition, if I mention this to my parent, they defend them, saying things like "they did the shopping" (once, after a week of being reminded), or "they took the dog for a walk" (again, once - I wish I was lying or exaggerating! I walk the dog daily and I have my own family, my own full time job, and I have to do my own shopping, cleaning, taking the bins out, etc, as a completely unremarkable matter of course!)

For example, my sibling will be lying in bed at the weekend while my uncle who is mid 70s with health problems is outside mowing the lawn. If parent does not cook a meal, sibling orders a delivery. They expect to be driven to the airport and picked up when they go on holiday. It's just wild.

Now the final straw, parents' house requires adaptations as they are now severely disabled. Parent not eligible for the grant available due to sibling's high income. Sibling of course will not contribute to cost of adaptations.

I rant to my husband about this but we are not getting on at the moment so I can't. I think it's just a rough patch as we are usually a good team, but right now I can't stand him. I just want to run away and live in a forest somewhere.

Thanks to anyone who made it through that rant. I'm genuinely not jealous or bitter, but I am sad about the situation, sad for my parents and sad for my sibling.
 
Shimmering said:
Hello

Probably hormones (PMS / peri - I'm nearly 43) but everything and everyone is irritating the living tit out of me at the minute.

Probably the most intense annoyance is coming from my sibling who lives with our parents. They will be 35 in a few week's time. They have a good, well paying, fully remote job, and a partner who lives separately. They go on expensive luxury holidays several times a year. They've been to the Eras tour twice 😂

All was trundling along until our parent had a devastating medical event late last year. They have been a hospital in patient ever since.

Since then, sibling has carried on pretty much regardless, not doing anything extra to pitch in, and leaving everything to our other parent to do. Pet care, food shopping, cooking, all tidying and cleaning, maintenance, all life admin like car insurance, MOT, repairs, etc.

They won't even take the bins out when asked.

Our parents definitely enabled this behaviour and continue to do so. So, for example, they don't tend to ask for any help or assistance from my sibling, and will do everything for them, because otherwise "sibling just wouldn't do it" (I disagree as I believe they are thoughtless, selfish and lazy rather than incapable, though I do agree they have contributed massively to deskilling my sibling by always jumping in to solve every minor issue for them).

It's all becoming very frustrating and hard to deal with. My parent who isn't ill won't communicate with them regarding what is expected or needed. I have two other siblings who live in another country. When I mentioned my feelings to one of them, they blamed our parents, so I dont feel supported to confront my sibling about their behaviour. In addition, if I mention this to my parent, they defend them, saying things like "they did the shopping" (once, after a week of being reminded), or "they took the dog for a walk" (again, once - I wish I was lying or exaggerating! I walk the dog daily and I have my own family, my own full time job, and I have to do my own shopping, cleaning, taking the bins out, etc, as a completely unremarkable matter of course!)

For example, my sibling will be lying in bed at the weekend while my uncle who is mid 70s with health problems is outside mowing the lawn. If parent does not cook a meal, sibling orders a delivery. They expect to be driven to the airport and picked up when they go on holiday. It's just wild.

Now the final straw, parents' house requires adaptations as they are now severely disabled. Parent not eligible for the grant available due to sibling's high income. Sibling of course will not contribute to cost of adaptations.

I rant to my husband about this but we are not getting on at the moment so I can't. I think it's just a rough patch as we are usually a good team, but right now I can't stand him. I just want to run away and live in a forest somewhere.

Thanks to anyone who made it through that rant. I'm genuinely not jealous or bitter, but I am sad about the situation, sad for my parents and sad for my sibling.
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Join the club 👋 🫂
Sounds awful. Always sad when our parents crumble and have issues we then reassess our lives. Sometimes that mean we have to face big issues that we don't see coming and that often can happen when we see how our partner and even friends react in such situations.

Are they supportive?
Helping us off load stress?
Just giving us a hug and trying to cheer us up

You have every right to feel the way you do and if I can offer any advice its:

see who is there
who wants to check in with you


offload you deserve to and see who is there for you.
Hopefully those good friends and your partner.

you want those ones there 🫂 🤗 👐 🫂
sI had my ex use excuses that I'm going through to rid of me because he has met someone.
testing times but be you, you deserve to feel the way you do. Hugs 🫂 to you sweetie 😘 🤗
 
I’ve just been spat on twice in front of my son by his dad. We aren’t together, he stays here a lot, he says to help me but he doesn’t really. It’s been going on for years that he’s hurt me or called me names. I feel so alone because I know my friends and family are bored of hearing it and watching me let him back in. I don’t know why I do, I feel so worthless and like he’s the only support I have I guess. Or company. I just want to be strong enough to say never again and for this to be the end but whatever way I feel I’ve let my son down. He deserves so much more than this. I’ve just looked through all my contacts at who I could talk to right now and there’s no one, I feel so stupid and ashamed at what my life has become.
 
CrystalWench said:
I’ve just been spat on twice in front of my son by his dad. We aren’t together, he stays here a lot, he says to help me but he doesn’t really. It’s been going on for years that he’s hurt me or called me names. I feel so alone because I know my friends and family are bored of hearing it and watching me let him back in. I don’t know why I do, I feel so worthless and like he’s the only support I have I guess. Or company. I just want to be strong enough to say never again and for this to be the end but whatever way I feel I’ve let my son down. He deserves so much more than this. I’ve just looked through all my contacts at who I could talk to right now and there’s no one, I feel so stupid and ashamed at what my life has become.
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Your local women’s aid or women’s centre would be able to help you with that sort of decision making around letting your son’s Dad be around, and help you with any confidence/self-esteem lifting that will help you either reconnect with good people or form new connections with new good people. I hope I’m not stepping out of line in saying this, but being spat on is abuse, you do deserve so, so much better than that, but stepping away from that and holding the boundaries is not easy. So much love to you ❤️
 
ATV2021 said:
My grandparents house has been done up and resold. After a horrendous week at work its really hit me.
Friends don't get it. I tried to reach out, I need to stop trying tbh.
It was the house from my childhood. The one until the very end (my Mum died a couple of years before they did so it was a safe place). Now it's really gone, and it's really hit me. Just needed to blah somewhere as my "friends" just give bollox stock responses
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Your feelings and emotions are valid and I acknowledge how you are feeling. I haven’t told a soul this but when my grandfather passed away the family were so quick to empty the house and remove pass on all the belongings I found it all too much. It’s like not allowing the time to acknowledge the loss and just discard everything, all the smells and memories. Anyway i didn’t have a key to get in but one evening I walked over and sat in the garden and peaked through the windows. I sat with my thoughts, spoke out loud, cried a lot. All those memories. I took a pebble from the garden (it’s in my garden now!). I just felt I needed my time to say goodbye. It was cathartic. So many memories of picking runner beans and tomato smell from the greenhouse...
You need to allow yourself time to grieve the change and loss and remember those memories. Memories can never be taken away from us - be gentle and kind with yourself xx
 
CrystalWench said:
I’ve just been spat on twice in front of my son by his dad. We aren’t together, he stays here a lot, he says to help me but he doesn’t really. It’s been going on for years that he’s hurt me or called me names. I feel so alone because I know my friends and family are bored of hearing it and watching me let him back in. I don’t know why I do, I feel so worthless and like he’s the only support I have I guess. Or company. I just want to be strong enough to say never again and for this to be the end but whatever way I feel I’ve let my son down. He deserves so much more than this. I’ve just looked through all my contacts at who I could talk to right now and there’s no one, I feel so stupid and ashamed at what my life has become.
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Spitting at someone is a crime. The police will go round for that never mind that immenseemotional and psychological abuse it's soul destroying. But I know the lack of family support thing. Its awful to know when they are not there and see you as a hindrance.
Woman's Aid is great and they give advice and will ask of they can keep it on file. I'd say yes keep a trail legally if his tit and there is a child and you deserve to take on some outside support and get yourself safe a person like that need not be around his child he is unsafe and doesn't have respect or boundaries for you or your child.
Do you have a friend who can be there when he comes over so you are not alone with him.

I understand you drop by here there is support. There are also a Community out there for people suffering like this. Resch out.

Most importantly it's not your fault his behaviour it's his issues and he needs to fix up and get help you need to keep yourself and your child safe.

There's also places where he can seek help for his behaviour too. Types of rehab and talking therapies. Maybe tell him this over the phone or get his family members to tell him.

I presume that his family know what he is like and if they don't it may be good to i form thrm in a call or meet up as I'm sure his parents or siblings wouldn't appreciate knowing this and that you want to take action by reporting him over his recent disgraceful criminal.behaviour.

The possibility of his family losing access to seeing the child could get problematic so they pull together and help.

But you are not responsible for him it's his choice and if he isn't making the decisions now as a father then it is simply fair to say he can get lost as this is not acceptable or beneficial behaviour. It's all his choice how he behaves and your choice is to do the right thing and keep him at bay 🙏 🫂
Your self worth gets dragged down by this and once he isn't around to drag you and the child down you will be feeling great and able to relax and not worry, feel anxious etc. I'm sorry your going through this 😢 🫂 but don't forget people care and it may just mean you have to join new groups within your community but dont suffer alone X
 
I think I’ve been struggling on for so long.
And I have distractions I use - losing myself on Tattle and following threads that require no great effort to follow and sometimes give me a laugh, playing monotonous games on my tablet, watching mindless TV.
But this past few weeks I’m feeling more and more like everything is catching up with me, and today I’ve been battling the urge to just sit and cry.
I don’t want to waffle on too much, but I’m tired beyond belief, have the worries of the world on my shoulders, feel like me an OH are just on a hamster wheel for most of the time that’s just hurtling us towards getting older.
We never really make quality memories of just the two of us (we make effort for everyone else in our lives but not each other) and OH just doesn’t converse much; which can be a bit lonely sometimes.
I won’t bang on, but I hit a point today where I felt like I could go mad! Just wanted to get it off my chest a bit.
Please please feel free to ignore! :)
 
mee43 said:
I think I’ve been struggling on for so long.
And I have distractions I use - losing myself on Tattle and following threads that require no great effort to follow and sometimes give me a laugh, playing monotonous games on my tablet, watching mindless TV.
But this past few weeks I’m feeling more and more like everything is catching up with me, and today I’ve been battling the urge to just sit and cry.
I don’t want to waffle on too much, but I’m tired beyond belief, have the worries of the world on my shoulders, feel like me an OH are just on a hamster wheel for most of the time that’s just hurtling us towards getting older.
We never really make quality memories of just the two of us (we make effort for everyone else in our lives but not each other) and OH just doesn’t converse much; which can be a bit lonely sometimes.
I won’t bang on, but I hit a point today where I felt like I could go mad! Just wanted to get it off my chest a bit.
Please please feel free to ignore! :)
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If you feel the need to sit and cry, you sit and cry my love.
 
mee43 said:
I think I’ve been struggling on for so long.
And I have distractions I use - losing myself on Tattle and following threads that require no great effort to follow and sometimes give me a laugh, playing monotonous games on my tablet, watching mindless TV.
But this past few weeks I’m feeling more and more like everything is catching up with me, and today I’ve been battling the urge to just sit and cry.
I don’t want to waffle on too much, but I’m tired beyond belief, have the worries of the world on my shoulders, feel like me an OH are just on a hamster wheel for most of the time that’s just hurtling us towards getting older.
We never really make quality memories of just the two of us (we make effort for everyone else in our lives but not each other) and OH just doesn’t converse much; which can be a bit lonely sometimes.
I won’t bang on, but I hit a point today where I felt like I could go mad! Just wanted to get it off my chest a bit.
Please please feel free to ignore! :)
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I hear you. Life can be exhausting and feel like drudgery.

It's good to vent and get it off your chest and I hope you feel better after posting.

I hope you don't mind me making a suggestion but maybe it would do you good to arrange something with your OH? I know that can feel like adding to the tiredness but doing something fun together might energise you and also give you some pleasant memories and something to chat about.

I've posted before about feeling like I do so much for everyone else and they do nothing for me, but I've decided that doing stuff that makes me happy is worth it, and if other people enjoy it too then that's a bonus. We have to please ourselves sometimes and let others come along for the ride. As we are the ones making life fun.
 
Shimmering said:
I hear you. Life can be exhausting and feel like drudgery.

It's good to vent and get it off your chest and I hope you feel better after posting.

I hope you don't mind me making a suggestion but maybe it would do you good to arrange something with your OH? I know that can feel like adding to the tiredness but doing something fun together might energise you and also give you some pleasant memories and something to chat about.

I've posted before about feeling like I do so much for everyone else and they do nothing for me, but I've decided that doing stuff that makes me happy is worth it, and if other people enjoy it too then that's a bonus. We have to please ourselves sometimes and let others come along for the ride. As we are the ones making life fun.
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Thank you.
You’re so right, and I do suggest/arrange stuff for us to do when we have a rare bit of time to ourselves.
He struggles with crowded places so I tend to get a bit stressed on his behalf if we go somewhere that’s heaving with people.
We did have a nice afternoon on Sunday - a nice walk and lunch out.
As soon as we’re home though I lose him to his phone or the TV.
Maybe the answer is to take myself off on my own now and then to do something in peace and for me.
I feel so stressed by all the demands and worries of life, that it’s probably making me unreasonable, but when I try to talk about stuff like this to him, I can actually see the struggle he’s having concentrating on what I’m saying.
I’m trying not to just dump everything here, but I am honestly feeling like I’m literally dragging myself through each day just at the moment so I do know I need to do something to change my mindset.
Thanks for taking the time, and thanks to everyone who’s got this far!
Peace to you all :)
 
Does anybody feel like nobody cares about you? Like if you weren’t here nobody would care or notice. I’ve completely removed myself from social media. Nobody has rang or called or texted to see how I am? I just feel like if I disappeared for good nobody would care or even notice. I’ve spent the last three weeks in solitude apart from food shopping.
I feel so down. I’m spiralling in a pit of loneliness. A bit like the above poster except I have no partner. I’m fed up of reaching out and making the effort all the time. I just don’t see the point in anything anymore
 
Good Egg said:
Does anybody feel like nobody cares about you? Like if you weren’t here nobody would care or notice. I’ve completely removed myself from social media. Nobody has rang or called or texted to see how I am? I just feel like if I disappeared for good nobody would care or even notice. I’ve spent the last three weeks in solitude apart from food shopping.
I feel so down. I’m spiralling in a pit of loneliness. A bit like the above poster except I have no partner. I’m fed up of reaching out and making the effort all the time. I just don’t see the point in anything anymore
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Yes, very similar here. It also gets worse when there’s a Bank Holiday. I think there are more people than we’d believe but being lonely is still quite taboo for people before pension age. I’ve always felt like I’m missing something that other people know and I don’t know how to fix it. The thoughts of going to “hobby clubs” or things like that are not for me. But not having much family and not wanting kids + being single is rough. It gets very overwhelming so allow yourself to feel how you do but try and do things that take pressure off, no matter how small 🙏
 
no-no said:
Yes, very similar here. It also gets worse when there’s a Bank Holiday. I think there are more people than we’d believe but being lonely is still quite taboo for people before pension age. I’ve always felt like I’m missing something that other people know and I don’t know how to fix it. The thoughts of going to “hobby clubs” or things like that are not for me. But not having much family and not wanting kids + being single is rough. It gets very overwhelming so allow yourself to feel how you do but try and do things that take pressure off, no matter how small 🙏
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I’m sorry you feel this way too.
I’m feeling a bit better this morning. Had a mammoth lie in.

Evenings for me are the worst. I can’t think of a single hobby or interest I’d like to do at the moment. I’m working on Monday so effectively just another day for me.

I’m still working on becoming healthier and fitter but again not really something to fill my time.

I try and meet up with people and I get let down.

I’m writing a list of things I want to achieve by the end of this year. I want to move house, I want to build my savings, I want to be minimalist (need to declutter!). Just shift my focus for a while.

Truth is I’ve been hurt badly by someone who I thought was there for me and I’m finding it hard to grieve the process of losing what I considered a good friend, whilst he swans around like nothing has happened living his full and content life. It’s just being punched and the wind knocked out of me each time.

I will survive. I have to. I know what I need to do. It’s going to take time. Last night it was all to much. Thank you for listening and I’m always here if you need me too? x
 
Does anyone else struggle to move on from a person they are seeing, but long term isn't really good but they are attached and love that person? Why's it so hard to move on? I get overwhelmed with feelings whenever I love someone and all the realistic points just go out the window. I also struggle with change and im not sure if that's to do with autism or not. Does anyone know what I mean? It's extremely difficult to be completely alone and I've had enough of being told to love myself. I think it's a bit ridiculous and thrown around too much now. I really hate my own company but also struggle with socialising.
 
no-no said:
Yes, very similar here. It also gets worse when there’s a Bank Holiday. I think there are more people than we’d believe but being lonely is still quite taboo for people before pension age. I’ve always felt like I’m missing something that other people know and I don’t know how to fix it. The thoughts of going to “hobby clubs” or things like that are not for me. But not having much family and not wanting kids + being single is rough. It gets very overwhelming so allow yourself to feel how you do but try and do things that take pressure off, no matter how small 🙏
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I always struggle with BH and I was at a wedding and couldn’t help but compare myself to people’s lives - buying a house, or getting a partner or going to loads of weddings 😢 and then I’ve got the rest of the week off work so I’ve got loads of time to THINK and I HATE it.

I have next to no family, no partner, no kids & I just feel like I’m invisible with life. I have started my anti depressants again so I do think they’re contributing to my MH but I didn’t think my life would be like this at 33 y’know?
 
boomska said:
I always struggle with BH and I was at a wedding and couldn’t help but compare myself to people’s lives - buying a house, or getting a partner or going to loads of weddings 😢 and then I’ve got the rest of the week off work so I’ve got loads of time to THINK and I HATE it.

I have next to no family, no partner, no kids & I just feel like I’m invisible with life. I have started my anti depressants again so I do think they’re contributing to my MH but I didn’t think my life would be like this at 33 y’know?
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It makes me wonder if it’s a modern phenomena as there’s a lot of people in their 30s feeling this way.
 
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