For anybody struggling ❤

[Rach88]

Anyone else feel frustrated with there family, had my brothers dog this weekend and enjoy having him but now feel he just uses me, he went away this weekend and met up with my sister (I was not invited), this wasn’t the first time they have asked my brother to go away with them before, again I never get asked, feel like the odd one out cus I’m a single mom ☹ he’s now got my parents to fetch his dog (as clearly hes not arsed about seeing me or his niece) I feel so tearful, down and used, I have tried talking to my parents about him but they make excuses for him, he makes zero to little effort with me and my daughter, we used to be much closer years ago, I am supposed to be at his for Christmas but now feel like pulling the plug as can’t stand any of them or the way they use/treat me I just feel so sad

First of all I'm so sorry that's happened it's not nice to feel used then make zero effort with you after you've done him a favour if he can do no wrong in your parents eyes or is a mummies boy that's not gonna change sadly I used to be walked all over by my family and was moaning to someone and they said although what you feel is valid you need to do something about this I did whats called a boundaries course and started to learn how to say no and be confident in saying no and to be strong and assertive it takes times dosent happen overnight now I'm a tiny bit more respected and still do stuff for them but it's on my terms and now we do get on a tiny bit better maybe stepping away from your family (maybe after Christmas) and have some space to have a think unfortunately nothings going to change they'll just think they can treat you like this with zero consequences hope this hasn't come of harsh not my intention and I promise what you feel is valid families can be awful I'm not to sure what to suggest about your brother and sister meeting up your gut feeling could be right or they might just not think and nobody can control other people's actions sadly
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[allthingschocolate]

First of all I'm so sorry that's happened it's not nice to feel used then make zero effort with you after you've done him a favour if he can do no wrong in your parents eyes or is a mummies boy that's not gonna change sadly I used to be walked all over by my family and was moaning to someone and they said although what you feel is valid you need to do something about this I did whats called a boundaries course and started to learn how to say no and be confident in saying no and to be strong and assertive it takes times dosent happen overnight now I'm a tiny bit more respected and still do stuff for them but it's on my terms and now we do get on a tiny bit better maybe stepping away from your family (maybe after Christmas) and have some space to have a think unfortunately nothings going to change they'll just think they can treat you like this with zero consequences hope this hasn't come of harsh not my intention and I promise what you feel is valid families can be awful I'm not to sure what to suggest about your brother and sister meeting up your gut feeling could be right or they might just not think and nobody can control other people's actions sadly
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Thanks so much for your reply discussed it with my daughter and at the moment I don’t feel I am in the right frame of mind to attend Christmas I feel I need some time and space away from him! I do think you are totally right in everything you have said though and I do need to set some boundaries as I feel like they walk all over me, I’m too nice and not very good at saying no! My brother and sister are both very self centred people sadly (not sure how I’m related to them to be honest) thanks for your advice I really do appreciate it and may look to doing a similar course as my confidence has hit rock bottom over the years

 

[mee43]

I could use one of those courses too.
I’ve honestly never felt so unloved and lonely and taken advantage of, in my life.
Years of trying to keep everyone else happy have left me feeling so miserable and resentful.
I’ve honestly become a non person; people/my family forget I exist until they want something done that no one else wants to do.
I’m facing a Christmas that’s going to be stressful and exhausting and I just keep getting dumped on.
And to top it all off, my OH seems to have something missing emotionally. I could really do with someone who gives me a hug and tells me he loves me at times like this. Who supports me and stands strong for me.
But he’s doing his best to avoid me this morning and is acting like I haven told him that I hate getting up each day at the moment because I just feel so done
Am honestly sending very best wishes to everyone who is struggling because it’s such a lonely place to be x

 

[thenorthremembers]

God I wish I could scoop every single one of you up and give you a massive hug as a start then to help you all sort things out.

@allthingschocolate the only thing you can do is when your brothers dog is brought to you turn around and say no, I know it’s hard as I’ve been there but the more you say it the more confident you will get.

there’s always that family member who is treat differently, gets all the praise and does duck all when you’re the one doing everything, anyone else have one?

I had a brother like this, I refuse to call him that as I have washed my hands with him. He’s a niece and nephew who he doesn’t bother with at all, never bothered with his family only when he needs money or food, he has a very well paid job. He’s an absolute joke.

If you don’t feel like going for Christmas don’t go there’s no worse feeling attending something where you simply don’t want to be.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Hey guys, sorry for jumping in just to complain, but I'm in a place right now where I don't feel i can talk to anybody 'real' and need to let some thingws out. I've never felt as crap as this in 25 years of dealing with depression and anxiety

I mentioned on the Jack Monroe thread that this year has been about the worst of my life and it just seems to keep getting (or I keep making it) worse. In January I got fired from a job I loved due to a personality clash with my boss. 2 days later, my wife's best friend died suddenly and unexpectedly, she was also a close friend of mine. My band broke up in April (we weren't pulling up any trees but it's something I put a lot of time and creative energy into).

We rescued a dog in February also, but his issues proved too much for us and we had to return him in August after he attacked me 5 times (I still loved the little bugger). September all my freelance work dried up in a matter of weeks so money has got tighter and tighter. I've been jobhunting since February and have been passed over after a 2nd interview and an experience day on 3 occasions. The last one was a few weeks ago and I really wanted/needed that. I didn#t deal with it well and went a bit self destructive for a bit. Nothing too wild, just going out too late and getting a bit too drunk on a weekend.

Now, after one too many times coming home later than I said, my wife hasnt spoken to me in 5 days. Literally nothing. Every time I try to talk to her she turns away and leaves the room. I know I did this, I know that she'll want to see a change rather than hear words but how long can this go on? I've basically gone incognito from the rest of the world since a week ago, my phone has been off and I#m now too terrified to turn it on for fear of what#s waiting.

I think I just wanted to throw all that into the ether and hopefully feel a bit better.

 

[allthingschocolate]

I’ve posted on the Christmas thread before but having such a rubbish day, long story short my brother invited myself & my daughter over for Xmas dinner but decided recently that he wanted us to pay towards food, I personally don’t agree with charging family and so I said I was happy to bring a food contribution but didnt think it was fair to pay money when we are family, he’s basically replied saying don’t bother coming then I didn’t expect that response but now feel like I shouldn’t have said anything at all I’ve helped him out a lot and feel he has used me recently for dog & babysitting I guess I’ve just had enough when he makes zero effort for me or his niece now looks like I’ll be on my own Christmas following my very honest version of how he makes me feel and some home truths

 

[mee43]

I’ve posted on the Christmas thread before but having such a rubbish day, long story short my brother invited myself & my daughter over for Xmas dinner but decided recently that he wanted us to pay towards food, I personally don’t agree with charging family and so I said I was happy to bring a food contribution but didnt think it was fair to pay money when we are family, he’s basically replied saying don’t bother coming then I didn’t expect that response but now feel like I shouldn’t have said anything at all I’ve helped him out a lot and feel he has used me recently for dog & babysitting I guess I’ve just had enough when he makes zero effort for me or his niece now looks like I’ll be on my own Christmas following my very honest version of how he makes me feel and some home truths

I’m so sorry this has happened. How awful!
I have to be honest, I’m doing Christmas for family and it’s cost me a fortune and no one has offered to contribute which has upset me a bit.
BUT there’s no way I’d be charging people - I’d just have appreciated an offer to bring something from some of them.
If my Brother was hosting, I’d be like you and offer to bring something, but I wouldn’t offer money because like you, I do a lot for him through the year and have them over for dinner a lot too.
I don’t know if it’s on this thread or another one, but someone posted about a lovely sounding Christmas that they spend with their daughter, having buffet food, watching films and playing games.
Hopefully you can do something like that and have a genuinely lovely day with someone you love and who loves you ❤

 

[allthingschocolate]

I’m so sorry this has happened. How awful!
I have to be honest, I’m doing Christmas for family and it’s cost me a fortune and no one has offered to contribute which has upset me a bit.
BUT there’s no way I’d be charging people - I’d just have appreciated an offer to bring something from some of them.
If my Brother was hosting, I’d be like you and offer to bring something, but I wouldn’t offer money because like you, I do a lot for him through the year and have them over for dinner a lot too.
I don’t know if it’s on this thread or another one, but someone posted about a lovely sounding Christmas that they spend with their daughter, having buffet food, watching films and playing games.
Hopefully you can do something like that and have a genuinely lovely day with someone you love and who loves you ❤

Thankyou so much for taking the time to respond I was more than willing to bring something and I would never turn up empty handed, it’s a shame nobody has offered to bring something to yours I think even a token gesture is enough, thanks for the wonderful suggestions and hope you have a lovely Christmas

 

[eppingforestbambi]

I’m so grateful to have found this thread. I’m going through a really hard time at the moment and can feel depression creeping back in, and I’m determined to ride it out and come through the other side. Hope everybody is doing ok.
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….now looks like I’ll be on my own Christmas following my very honest version of how he makes me feel and some home truths

Are you going to be at home, or at your brothers? I hope you’re ok and have found a good resolution.

Remember it’s just one day!! By this time tomorrow you will be through it x
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Hey guys, sorry for jumping in just to complain, but I'm in a place right now where I don't feel i can talk to anybody 'real' and need to let some thingws out. I've never felt as crap as this in 25 years of dealing with depression and anxiety

Just read your post - I hope you’re OK. Sounds like you’ve had a really tough year, with nonstop bad luck and sad events. Sometimes bad luck really does come around like buses doesn’t it?

It’s good you’ve identified that the staying out late thing is a problem - don’t dig in deeper here and push your Wife away. You need her right now. And don’t close the door on the outside world - as it will only isolate you further. Can you share with your wife how you’re feeling, in a really honest way? Or a good friend?

You will get a job eventually - sometimes it takes a while, but it will happen. I hope you’re ok

 

[allthingschocolate]

I’m so grateful to have found this thread. I’m going through a really hard time at the moment and can feel depression creeping back in, and I’m determined to ride it out and come through the other side. Hope everybody is doing ok.
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Are you going to be at home, or at your brothers? I hope you’re ok and have found a good resolution.

Remember it’s just one day!! By this time tomorrow you will be through it x

Thankyou yes I will be at home on my own, things remain unresolved and I was fed up of how he treated me and continually walking on egg shells around him, so to be honest it’s probably for the best for now at least, have got lots of nice food in and will make the most of my rare free time and like you say it’s just one day and I’ll treat it like any other! I know what it’s like to feel so down and low especially at this time of year so I am thinking of you too

 

[thenorthremembers]

To all of you on this little thread. Sending you love, remember if anyone needs to talk you know where to come.

 

[al255]

Does anyone else find Christmas Day overwhelming? I hate all the big fuss for one day! I've got a 4 year old and whilst I love the magic of Christmas I'm so over it all, everyone goes mad for one day! Urgh

 

[Tishtushmush]

I'm just feeling sad. Right now, same as every morning, I'm trying to keep the kids quiet so their Dad can sleep. I feel bad to be resentful about it as he has ME...but I just feel like on this one day we put on a brave face for the kids to be as excited as they want to be - instead I had to usher the kids out of the room after opening stockings as he was lying in bed barely engaging with them.

He didn't sleep well and asked me to keep the kids from going in but I refused to do it later than 6.30...they were so excited. I'm feeling really ill with a rotten cold and barely slept because of him and then kids being up in the night...but I'm pretending to be fine...because its Christmas.

I know he'd love to be up with the kids early but I'm just so tired of life being this way. I haven't asked him to get up with the kids for more than three years after he had a panic attack about it when I asked him...after it probably being well over a year since I last asked him. Our kids don't sleep and are always up early, and I'm up regardless of how rough I feel (and I've been really ill in that time) and I just wish it might cross his mind that it might be nice to give me a break from time to time.

Sorry for anyone reading this who has ME or another chronic condition, I'm aware how crippling it is and how horrible I must sound - I do care and I do everything I can to support him. I feel guilty for feeling like this and saying what I've said but I have nowhere to offload and just need to this morning. I just feel really sad for my kids that they can't be like all the other kids and be bouncing off the walls early Christmas day.

 

[thenorthremembers]

I'm just feeling sad. Right now, same as every morning, I'm trying to keep the kids quiet so their Dad can sleep. I feel bad to be resentful about it as he has ME...but I just feel like on this one day we put on a brave face for the kids to be as excited as they want to be - instead I had to usher the kids out of the room after opening stockings as he was lying in bed barely engaging with them.

He didn't sleep well and asked me to keep the kids from going in but I refused to do it later than 6.30...they were so excited. I'm feeling really ill with a rotten cold and barely slept because of him and then kids being up in the night...but I'm pretending to be fine...because its Christmas.

I know he'd love to be up with the kids early but I'm just so tired of life being this way. I haven't asked him to get up with the kids for more than three years after he had a panic attack about it when I asked him...after it probably being well over a year since I last asked him. Our kids don't sleep and are always up early, and I'm up regardless of how rough I feel (and I've been really ill in that time) and I just wish it might cross his mind that it might be nice to give me a break from time to time.

Sorry for anyone reading this who has ME or another chronic condition, I'm aware how crippling it is and how horrible I must sound - I do care and I do everything I can to support him. I feel guilty for feeling like this and saying what I've said but I have nowhere to offload and just need to this morning. I just feel really sad for my kids that they can't be like all the other kids and be bouncing off the walls early Christmas day.

No need to apologise at all. It is awful to have as I have it, but with having kids you’d think he would just for one day try his best just for their sake. There’s days you’ve got to give it your all even when you’re exhausted. You’d think seeing their excited faces would give him that boost. You can offload here anytime this is what we’re here for. I hope your cold/illness buggers off asap get well soon.

 

[Rach88]

Does anyone else find Christmas Day overwhelming? I hate all the big fuss for one day! I've got a 4 year old and whilst I love the magic of Christmas I'm so over it all, everyone goes mad for one day! Urgh

I know it gets to 9pm and I'm like why did I stress and fuss so much and I never seem to learn

 

[whyhellothere83]

Does anyone else find Christmas Day overwhelming? I hate all the big fuss for one day! I've got a 4 year old and whilst I love the magic of Christmas I'm so over it all, everyone goes mad for one day! Urgh

Always too overwhelming! Xx

I’ve ended up choosing to spend alone with my three dogs as I’m too overwhelmed to spend it with loud family. I don’t have children so it’s just another day to me!

 

[evie1975]

The pressure to be around family and friends is bound to be triggering to someone who has spent long periods alone. We don’t have to enjoy Christmas- yet we put ourselves through the stress of being joyful. L If you can’t have a good day, just have a day.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

I haven’t posted in here since the early days of the thread, but just wanted to send love to anyone who isn’t feeling particularly sparkly today.

I have a lot to be thankful for, I know, two healthy children and a roof over our heads, but I suddenly today feel so unbelievably sad and lonely - despite being with my children (and our dog) today, with no external pressures (I just keep in our own little cocoon today) - it’s totally floored me how tit I feel.

I’m parenting alone and I just hoped I might feel a bit loved, appreciated, I don’t know what the right word is really, but my eldest (16) hasn’t even written me a card.

I just needed to get that out.

Hope everyone is surviving xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I haven’t posted in here since the early days of the thread, but just wanted to send love to anyone who isn’t feeling particularly sparkly today.

I have a lot to be thankful for, I know, two healthy children and a roof over our heads, but I suddenly today feel so unbelievably sad and lonely - despite being with my children (and our dog) today, with no external pressures (I just keep in our own little cocoon today) - it’s totally floored me how tit I feel.

I’m parenting alone and I just hoped I might feel a bit loved, appreciated, I don’t know what the right word is really, but my eldest (16) hasn’t even written me a card.

I just needed to get that out.

Hope everyone is surviving xx

If it helps, I'm a single parent too (age range 9-23) and I didn't get anything either. It seemed very pronounced this year but I don't really know why I'm bothered (or what exactly I expected them to do - nothing really but then I got that and I feel odd ). When I was married he didn't buy me anything either.

I've had a nice day and it's been 100% better than last year which was my first on my own with them. We went to my parent's so I did at least have some other adults to chat to.

In terms of people's expectations of Xmas leading to overwhelm, I used to put a lot of pressure on it. I've lost any sort of feeling about it. Excitement or otherwise in recent years. It's very strange because I used to love Christmas but I just don't have much emotion about it anymore. I don't understand the change in myself if I'm honest but it does at least avoid the awful roller coaster of emotions on the day.

I hope you've had a good day x

 

[Tishtushmush]

No need to apologise at all. It is awful to have as I have it, but with having kids you’d think he would just for one day try his best just for their sake. There’s days you’ve got to give it your all even when you’re exhausted. You’d think seeing their excited faces would give him that boost. You can offload here anytime this is what we’re here for. I hope your cold/illness buggers off asap get well soon.

Thank you for being so understanding. I'm sorry you have it as well, it's a horrible illness. I get fed up with feeling frustrated and then guilty at being frustrated. I feel like at times he is being unreasonable but then perhaps he's not and I'm not as understanding as I think I am. We ended up having a lovely day with family, I'm off to bed in our spare room now so that I hopefully get a decent sleep to kick this cold! Thanks again, it's meant a lot.