Princess of Scots
VIP Member
I've been seeing this guy for six months now .
We went on our first mini break two weeks ago which was disastrous to be frank. We argued pretty much non stop. I kept having these mood swings and snapping when I didn't realise that I was doing it. It was my birthday but he never booked a table so we were left kinda scrambling and couldn't actually get a table. Nothing was really planned out on his part,I'd done most of it even though I've had a lot on my plate with working full time and studying.
Anyway, I thought we'd buried the hatchet and got over it until yesterday. I have a severe phobia of the dentist,and I need a lot of work done which the news of it sent me into a meltdown. I had a panic attack in the dentist and basically went straight from the dentist to date night. Drove up there shaking and trying to keep myself calm.
Went on our date to which I will admit I was in a horrible mood. Lost my temper and was very embarrassing.
I struggle with reading social cues and subtext. So apart from yesterday I thought we were all ok until he told me we weren't. I know I've been having these mood swings. I am going to the doctors for it today. I don't see them coming nor do I notice I'm having them. I have got a history of eating disorders too but I've been very open about this.
I have been under the impression that we had fixed our differences from our break away but he seems to think otherwise. I foolishly saw his phone unlocked and realised he's been venting about me to his ex and saying he wishes things were like his relationship with her and she wasn't this crazy. This ex is now engaged so it's not like he's wanting back with her. They've been split up two or three years and he's had another gf in between her and me.
When he was messaging her he was saying like we went for dinner and I wasn't eating much and he feels like he can't eat as much with me because I'm not eating much. And apparently I've been letting on that it's not as bad as it is.
I have been extremely open about this and he has said he is ok with this and we'll get through things.
I don't know what to believe. He'll say things are fine but I genuinely didn't pick up that he was annoyed at me until he told me all of this. It hit me like a bombshell.
I don't know what to believe because one minute he's saying we've ruined things and he doesn't know if we can get past it then the next he's saying we'll get through this and then talks about a future. Flip flops between both.
Like I feel like it is my fault for shouldering that responsibility on him. I feel awful because I have these issues but I feel like he's shifting the blame and pinning it on to me.
He said he always gets fucked up girls and that he thought I was different but maybe I'm just the same or possibly the most messed up of them all and I've been leading him on and letting on that it's not as bad as it is.
I feel like a horrible person.
It's all just came out of the blue because he doesn't want to communicate and I can't read subtext and social cues.
I love him too much. And I'll hate myself if I let someone go because I've been horrible and I haven't even been able to control it. He's the only person who doesn't make me feel like I'm this basket case but the thought that is what he views me as crushes me.
I genuinely don't know how I'll cope if we break up. I'll spiral . I feel like I'll never recover from and I'll always think of him as the one that got away
We went on our first mini break two weeks ago which was disastrous to be frank. We argued pretty much non stop. I kept having these mood swings and snapping when I didn't realise that I was doing it. It was my birthday but he never booked a table so we were left kinda scrambling and couldn't actually get a table. Nothing was really planned out on his part,I'd done most of it even though I've had a lot on my plate with working full time and studying.
Anyway, I thought we'd buried the hatchet and got over it until yesterday. I have a severe phobia of the dentist,and I need a lot of work done which the news of it sent me into a meltdown. I had a panic attack in the dentist and basically went straight from the dentist to date night. Drove up there shaking and trying to keep myself calm.
Went on our date to which I will admit I was in a horrible mood. Lost my temper and was very embarrassing.
I struggle with reading social cues and subtext. So apart from yesterday I thought we were all ok until he told me we weren't. I know I've been having these mood swings. I am going to the doctors for it today. I don't see them coming nor do I notice I'm having them. I have got a history of eating disorders too but I've been very open about this.
I have been under the impression that we had fixed our differences from our break away but he seems to think otherwise. I foolishly saw his phone unlocked and realised he's been venting about me to his ex and saying he wishes things were like his relationship with her and she wasn't this crazy. This ex is now engaged so it's not like he's wanting back with her. They've been split up two or three years and he's had another gf in between her and me.
When he was messaging her he was saying like we went for dinner and I wasn't eating much and he feels like he can't eat as much with me because I'm not eating much. And apparently I've been letting on that it's not as bad as it is.
I have been extremely open about this and he has said he is ok with this and we'll get through things.
I don't know what to believe. He'll say things are fine but I genuinely didn't pick up that he was annoyed at me until he told me all of this. It hit me like a bombshell.
I don't know what to believe because one minute he's saying we've ruined things and he doesn't know if we can get past it then the next he's saying we'll get through this and then talks about a future. Flip flops between both.
Like I feel like it is my fault for shouldering that responsibility on him. I feel awful because I have these issues but I feel like he's shifting the blame and pinning it on to me.
He said he always gets fucked up girls and that he thought I was different but maybe I'm just the same or possibly the most messed up of them all and I've been leading him on and letting on that it's not as bad as it is.
I feel like a horrible person.
It's all just came out of the blue because he doesn't want to communicate and I can't read subtext and social cues.
I love him too much. And I'll hate myself if I let someone go because I've been horrible and I haven't even been able to control it. He's the only person who doesn't make me feel like I'm this basket case but the thought that is what he views me as crushes me.
I genuinely don't know how I'll cope if we break up. I'll spiral . I feel like I'll never recover from and I'll always think of him as the one that got away