Dead Parent Club

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skronkywildcat said:
I've been putting off writing the thing to go on mum's plaque at the graveyard. I need to think of something.
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It makes it so final doesn’t it . I’ve not done my dad’s either I can’t even face going there at the moment . Although all of his family who have passed away are in there too . That makes it a tiny bit easier to think he’s not alone .
 
Hi all, finding this grief process pretty awful, its been just over 3 weeks since Dad died. I'm having nightmares most nights about being sat by dads bedside and then falling asleep and waking up to him gone, like disappeared. Its awful. Is my brain just processing my grief or something, when will it stop. Its awful. My heart goes out to anyone in this boat too.
 
I had no time off, own business, and whilst it was horrendous I think it stopped me from going mad with it all. I had odd appointments like the undertaker etc and had an afternoon to sit and make all the laborious phone calls needed but in hindsight I'm glad that the familiar routine was still there. I'd then go home exhausted and just sob. There is no right or wrong, just what feels right for you.
 
littlemisssunny said:
I know everyone's grief is different. But just curious to see how long anyone else was off work for following their parents death?
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I work in a school and my dad passed away in the July as we about to finish for the 6 weeks holiday ..(2 days before ) So i had them 6 weeks off then went back in the Sept .. I was glad to go back ..I needed some routine and to see my work friends they have always been a great support to me
How long have you had off? Everyone is different ..You should do what’s best for you ..
 
littlemisssunny said:
I know everyone's grief is different. But just curious to see how long anyone else was off work for following their parents death?
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5 weeks after my mum died. 1 week holiday, 1 week compassionate, 3 weeks sick leave. Was keen to get back to normal as soon as but was exhausted waiting on the funeral as over Christmas time so was off longer than I expected. In hindsight was too soon as had a meltdown on first day back at work. Probably not helped by the first person I spoke to straight out asked how my mum died 😳

9 weeks after my dad died. 2 weeks compassionate, 3 weeks holiday, 4 weeks sick leave. Much more to do and was during Covid times so some things took an age. I also hadn’t long started in a new role at work that I hated so didn’t feel any loyalty in rushing back.
 
I had a week's compassionate leave, and then funnily enough I had a week's holiday already booked, so 2 weeks. I could of taken longer but I just wanted some normality in my life. It is incredibly hard to function sometimes. Luckily I work from home, so if I feel sad, then I just have a cry then make a nice cuppa and take a break for a bit.
 
I am 5 years (just over) since my aunt died, she was my 2nd mum. My biological mum died when I was very young, so I’ve experienced parental loss as a child and as a middle aged adult.
I am only just at a place where I can consider burying her ashes, I found the 5th anniversary very hard, I am not generally an emotional or overly sensitive person but those few weeks around the anniversary felt almost as raw as when she died.
It does get easier day to day but it doesn’t take me much to go back to those deep feelings of grief.
When my mum died, my aunt (who was her sister) said she “knew her better in death than I did in life” and now I totally understand.
It takes someone to die for you to truly understand the magnitude of the impact they have on you and who they really were.
No point to my post, just rambling. I miss her a lot, she was the closest person in my life.
 
littlemisssunny said:
I know everyone's grief is different. But just curious to see how long anyone else was off work for following their parents death?
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My Mum died this year, I had 8 weeks off in total - a week of compassionate leave and the rest sick leave. It was sudden and unexpected, I still don’t know how I survived the first couple of months. Going back to work definitely helped but it wouldn’t have done me good going back sooner.
 
littlemisssunny said:
I know everyone's grief is different. But just curious to see how long anyone else was off work for following their parents death?
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My mum died the end of October after I got my degree and I delayed my start date for work as long as I could and started the 15th Jan. I wanted more time than 12 weeks but they couldn’t honour it and I knew I had to just go for it. I had a breakdown come the March as Mother’s Day approached but I got through it.
 
Just been to the first funeral I’ve been to since my mum died. In the same room, it was the mum of my husband’s lifelong friend who as it happens married one of my school friends so we’ve known them all for years. It was heartbreaking being back in there, hearing about her being a mum and nanny, seeing her sons and husband crying….but I held it together as I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and it’s about them, not me.

No one expected me to go as they all knew it would be hard for me, but I wanted to show support and be there for my friend and my husband. And it’s been nearly 8 years so I thought it was about time. But honestly? It was mostly because my dad has terminal cancer and it is highly likely that the next funeral I go to will be his. I just don’t know if I could cope with my parents funerals being the only ones I’d been to and almost felt like I needed one in the middle to break it up 💔
 
BonBon27 said:
Just been to the first funeral I’ve been to since my mum died. In the same room, it was the mum of my husband’s lifelong friend who as it happens married one of my school friends so we’ve known them all for years. It was heartbreaking being back in there, hearing about her being a mum and nanny, seeing her sons and husband crying….but I held it together as I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and it’s about them, not me.

No one expected me to go as they all knew it would be hard for me, but I wanted to show support and be there for my friend and my husband. And it’s been nearly 8 years so I thought it was about time. But honestly? It was mostly because my dad has terminal cancer and it is highly likely that the next funeral I go to will be his. I just don’t know if I could cope with my parents funerals being the only ones I’d been to and almost felt like I needed one in the middle to break it up 💔
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I get you ❤️ Well done for going and being a support ..Am so sorry to hear about ur dad .. My dad passed away 2 years ago from cancer .My mum passed 9 years ago 😢..I remember going to my husbands aunties funeral 6 months before my dad passed knowing in my head the next funeral I would be at would be my dads and it was …
 
I also went to the “first funeral since” last month, it was my husbands grandad, he was naturally very upset and I kept it together for him and not make it about me but wow it was really hard. It wasn’t the same room or even same place / town so no memories as such but the feelings of grief were overwhelming. It’s a really hard thing to do and of course you want to suppress your feelings because you don’t want to take the focus and you want to support others in their grief.
 
Is anyone else dreading their first Christmas/New Year ? Somehow I feel for me Christmas will be sad but doable with distractions of food and tv but New Years I have always found sad before my dad died and he was always over for a buffet lunch on New Years Day and I am dreading it this year also the thought of going into a New Year and my dads not in it .
 
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