Dead Parent Club

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I went to my Dad's grave yesterday, and just felt utterly bereft sitting there. It's only been 18 months and I still wake up thinking he's here then I remember.

I need to stay off reading about the assisted dying bill going through Parliament because the ignorance that people spout about palliative care who've never clearly gone through it with a parent makes me rage. I will never forget what my darling Dad had to endure.
 
Kthxbye said:
Be gentle with yourself. Could you do something nice to treat yourself? Go to a spa or out for coffee and cake?

It will be hard, especially not seeing family, but doing something nice for yourself might help?
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Thank you. I had a cry this morning, spoke to my sister is Aus, went to collect my daughter from school at lunchtime as she was struggling and had no lessons (she’s 6th form) and took her out for lunch. We’ve been to the cemetery, tidied it all up and made up some flowers for there. I’m home and very tired so I’m going to do nothing but rest. 10 years is such a long time. I’ve spent nearly a third of my life without her. I miss everything about her but I also grieve for everything that we missed out on. My mama was the best person and I was so lucky to be her baba.
 
My incredible amazing loving mum died in the middle of September. I nursed her through her final horrendous months with cancer Her funeral was last Friday. I can hardly think about her at all otherwise I start crying and can't stop. She was truly the person I loved most in the whole world and I will never cuddle her again.
 
MavisBeacon said:
My incredible amazing loving mum died in the middle of September. I nursed her through her final horrendous months with cancer Her funeral was last Friday. I can hardly think about her at all otherwise I start crying and can't stop. She was truly the person I loved most in the whole world and I will never cuddle her again.
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Am sorry for ur loss ..I know how this feels and it’s terrible 😢
 
MavisBeacon said:
My incredible amazing loving mum died in the middle of September. I nursed her through her final horrendous months with cancer Her funeral was last Friday. I can hardly think about her at all otherwise I start crying and can't stop. She was truly the person I loved most in the whole world and I will never cuddle her again.
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I'm sorry you're having to go through this, its really unfair. Cancer is awful.
 
I didn’t know this thread was here. I lost my mum to a brain tumour 5 months ago. It was awful and it all seemed to happen so fast. Diagnosed last September, operation and biopsy straight away and then radiotherapy. She was still recovering from radiotherapy until jan then her balance started to really go around Easter, she came to live with me in April and died in May. The grief didn’t really hit me until a couple of months after she died. It’s been so hard. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be happy.
 
skronkywildcat said:
I didn’t know this thread was here. I lost my mum to a brain tumour 5 months ago. It was awful and it all seemed to happen so fast. Diagnosed last September, operation and biopsy straight away and then radiotherapy. She was still recovering from radiotherapy until jan then her balance started to really go around Easter, she came to live with me in April and died in May. The grief didn’t really hit me until a couple of months after she died. It’s been so hard. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be happy.
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Am sorry for your loss ..I can really relate to feeling like you have forgotten what it feels like to be happy .. I was the same after my mum died for a long time.. It’s so hard .. 💔
 
yankydoo said:
I understand this. I have moments where I feel happy but then remember there is a whole piece of me missing. Im about to have a baby and not having my dad here to see his only daughter have a baby and to meet his first grandchild horrifies me.
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Congratulations on your pregnancy, its so hard when someone is missing from such a big change in your life.

My kids remind me of both my parents all the time. It's so bittersweet. They won't see them grow up but they're still here somehow in their mannerisms and the way they think.
I shed a tear tonight, it's coming up to my dad's death anniversary. My daughter is just like him and shes struggling at the moment, he'd know exactly what to say to her. Life is unfair sometimes.
 
yankydoo said:
I understand this. I have moments where I feel happy but then remember there is a whole piece of me missing. Im about to have a baby and not having my dad here to see his only daughter have a baby and to meet his first grandchild horrifies me.
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Sending you much love through your pregnancy. I can understand this. It’s such big emotions to try and navigate.

I’ve stayed single for 10 years (I’m 36) because I can’t bear the thought of that person never knowing my mum and my mum never knowing them. I would have loved another child but I don’t think I could do it without my mum.
 
Haven't checked this thread in a while, all I can say is you are all so strong and please never feel ashamed or sorry to ask for help.

I need to trauma dump a bit. My best friend (like, a would give a kidney for her) has reconnected with her mum, from which she was estranged since a very young age.

Having lost both my parents being so young, I feel happy for her and supported her choice, her mum was a truly terrible one but that being said, we are humans we can forgive.

On the other hand, there is a feeling, like a hole in my guts. I hope to have kids soon and they will have no grandparents on my side, life is very heavy for those of us that have to navigate early stages of adulthood like this, can't be festive or as happy as it should on many many festive events. Of course I am on therapy but some wounds are here to stay.
 
Aw, Betty - I’m so sorry. My mum was also sedated and peaceful at the end but it’s still terrible that one minute they are alive and then they aren’t. I have to say I was numb/on autopilot for a bit and then a few months later it hit me like a ton of bricks but we are all different. I’m still crying most days and it’s been almost 6 months. That John Lewis advert set me off. It’s very cynically designed to make people cry. Then spend their money.
 
skronkywildcat said:
Aw, Betty - I’m so sorry. My mum was also sedated and peaceful at the end but it’s still terrible that one minute they are alive and then they aren’t. I have to say I was numb/on autopilot for a bit and then a few months later it hit me like a ton of bricks but we are all different. I’m still crying most days and it’s been almost 6 months. That John Lewis advert set me off. It’s very cynically designed to make people cry. Then spend their money.
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Thank you. I'm sorry you experienced it too. They mean so much and then they've gone. Even when I was talking to him yesterday I didn't think he was there, I so wish I knew where he was. He seemed so content. Take care and hope Christmas isn't too hard for you xxx
 
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