Dating after lockdown #38 midnight messages from the ghost of boyfriends past

[holliebollie]

Soooo… the ‘normal’, communicative man turned out to be a little too into his conspiracy theories and Islamophobia. That’s all over and have been on another date since with someone who is more my type (whatever that is!) but I felt like he had rehearsed his answers to things a little too much?? Any phrases about himself were all very contrived.

Not sure if he’s maybe ND or he’s just been on so many dates that he’s memorised all possible answers. No kiss at the end, but he did say he wanted to go out again and we’ve set date two for next week. I’m still pining after the guy from the summer who took two days to reply to one text Why do some people really get stuck in your brain?!

 

[smartalec]

Soooo… the ‘normal’, communicative man turned out to be a little too into his conspiracy theories and Islamophobia. That’s all over and have been on another date since with someone who is more my type (whatever that is!) but I felt like he had rehearsed his answers to things a little too much?? Any phrases about himself were all very contrived.

Not sure if he’s maybe ND or he’s just been on so many dates that he’s memorised all possible answers. No kiss at the end, but he did say he wanted to go out again and we’ve set date two for next week. I’m still pining after the guy from the summer who took two days to reply to one text Why do some people really get stuck in your brain?!

Limerance

 

[EddyDarling]

I think I've forgotten what a reciprocal conversation is because I have been overwhelmed by the amount of conversations I've had this weekend

 

[binkbonk]

I've had my first match in 3 years (on 5 apps) today.

She's been open from the start, she's never had a relationship with a woman before, she's kissed two women who were her friends but she says she's become more and more curious as time has gone on.

I don't know whether this is "Red flag, she's experimenting with you, DO NOT APPROACH"

Definitely a fair concern but everyone has to start somewhere? Last year I had broken up with my ltr bf and had never kissed a woman, if my exgf had seen that as a red flag we would have missed out on a short but sweet relationship that ultimately didn't work out for other reasons. I think see how it goes but don't have too many expectations (easier said than done)

 

[smartalec]

Definitely a fair concern but everyone has to start somewhere? Last year I had broken up with my ltr bf and had never kissed a woman, if my exgf had seen that as a red flag we would have missed out on a short but sweet relationship that ultimately didn't work out for other reasons. I think see how it goes but don't have too many expectations (easier said than done)

I'm not gay/bi so my opinion here is not as informed as this poster, but I would add that you should look first at what you need - have you been messed around in this kind of situation before? Do you feel robust enough if that is the outcome? Does she otherwise seem like a great person?

She has been honest so far about her lack of experience, which is a good sign

 

[BettyRose]

I'm not gay/bi so my opinion here is not as informed as this poster, but I would add that you should look first at what you need - have you been messed around in this kind of situation before? Do you feel robust enough if that is the outcome? Does she otherwise seem like a great person?

She has been honest so far about her lack of experience, which is a good sign

Yeah, it is good she's been honest about it from the start.

This is my first match in 3 years, (and other than that match that was a 3 month relationship, I've been single for almost 11).

I've said that nothing has happened yet and we've only just started talking, so don't overthink it, and we'll just see where things go.

 

[Blueblue123]

Some festive dating advice

 

[EddyDarling]

I always attract the gatekeeping crowd. I don't find negativity like this attractive whatsoever, who wants to date someone who will constantly poo poo anything you enjoy? He's also moaned about "Disney ruining [fantasy franchise]"
Always feel like there's some under current of bigotry with men like this

 

[tomato_paste]

View attachment 3311949 q

I always attract the gatekeeping crowd. I don't find negativity like this attractive whatsoever, who wants to date someone who will constantly poo poo anything you enjoy? He's also moaned about "Disney ruining [fantasy franchise]"
Always feel like there's some under current of bigotry with men like this

Ugh yeah, lemme play bigotry translator:
"Modern day cinema is kinda tit" == "I don't wanna see anyone on my TV that's not straight, white, and able bodied"
"Disney is ruining fantasy" == "How dare little princesses be empowered and solving their own tit without waiting for some pasty ass prince".
And so on.

Friggin men.

 

[LaBlonde]

View attachment 3311949 q

I always attract the gatekeeping crowd. I don't find negativity like this attractive whatsoever, who wants to date someone who will constantly poo poo anything you enjoy? He's also moaned about "Disney ruining [fantasy franchise]"
Always feel like there's some under current of bigotry with men like this

any men obsessed with the past and hating the more inclusive present (which is basically what he’s saying on both points) give me on so many levels i can’t even explain it. and, like you say, why would you want to date someone who’s already talking down to you in this way? it’s so patronising.

 

[EddyDarling]

any men obsessed with the past and hating the more inclusive present (which is basically what he’s saying on both points) give me on so many levels i can’t even explain it. and, like you say, why would you want to date someone who’s already talking down to you in this way? it’s so patronising.

The past always just means bleeping tarantino films as well.
Plenty of brilliant cinema knocking about. Have these dudes never watched a John Wick? Like a damn rollercoaster of a movie.
Did you have fun? Then it's a good film.

 

[whoareyouu]

I’m nowhere near ready to go on the apps but I’m dreading it. Never been on them before.

 

[monepierce]

The past always just means bleeping tarantino films as well.
Plenty of brilliant cinema knocking about. Have these dudes never watched a John Wick? Like a damn rollercoaster of a movie.
Did you have fun? Then it's a good film.

I have a theory of a man’s favourite movie, I call it the toxic man pentagon and if his favourite movie is any of the ones on this pentagon, he’s a red flag.

the godfather, scarface, pulp fiction, American psycho and the Wolf of Wall Street

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I like three of the movies on the list Although they are not my favourite movies.
Maybe you can like a movie without identifying with the protagonist? Because I also like Nightmare on Elm Street

 

[EddyDarling]

I like three of the movies on the list Although they are not my favourite movies.
Maybe you can like a movie without identifying with the protagonist? Because I also like Nightmare on Elm Street

Yes of course as long as your idol isn't Patrick Bateman you're fine

 

[ToolaRoola]

I’m nowhere near ready to go on the apps but I’m dreading it. Never been on them before.

If you aren't mentally prepared, then stay away!

If I'm not in the right frame of mind then I hate everyone, I can't be arsed with the small talk or lack of talk and find it draining.

 

[freezelouise43]

Hey hope everyone is well! Well my credit card statement arrived with the £400 worth of charges on, and I feel really down…I’ll have to use my Christmas money towards paying for them as I’m still paying for my medical treatment. I blocked my ex-FWB so I can’t ask him for it (futile anyway). A guy I had mutual friends with on fb added me as he said I looked nice and he did too. We exchanged messages for about a week and then he stopped replying….just feeling a bit down. I want to move on from this but why to men just disappear

 

[D2them]

Hey hope everyone is well! Well my credit card statement arrived with the £400 worth of charges on, and I feel really down…I’ll have to use my Christmas money towards paying for them as I’m still paying for my medical treatment. I blocked my ex-FWB so I can’t ask him for it (futile anyway). A guy I had mutual friends with on fb added me as he said I looked nice and he did too. We exchanged messages for about a week and then he stopped replying….just feeling a bit down. I want to move on from this but why to men just disappear

I feel you, it can be exhausting at times. Maybe take a step back from dating and focus on your own life and making it as fulfilled as possible without a man!

On the hotel bill, this makes me LIVID. He shouldn't get away with leaving you to pay this so I'd be unblocking and asking for the money back. Stand your ground, it's a lot of money and he needs to pay it.

 

[freezelouise43]

I feel you, it can be exhausting at times. Maybe take a step back from dating and focus on your own life and making it as fulfilled as possible without a man!

On the hotel bill, this makes me LIVID. He shouldn't get away with leaving you to pay this so I'd be unblocking and asking for the money back. Stand your ground, it's a lot of money and he needs to pay it.

He’s a lawyer too, it’s not like he can’t afford it but because of his job I’m worried about pushing it and getting in trouble because I’m that angry if he ghosted any message I sent about it I worried if I send further ones he might accuse me of harassment

 

[D2them]

He’s a lawyer too, it’s not like he can’t afford it but because of his job I’m worried about pushing it and getting in trouble because I’m that angry if he ghosted any message I sent about it I worried if I send further ones he might accuse me of harassment

Stop worrying, he's in the wrong. Ask once, follow it up if you don't hear and then leave it if you feel you don't want to push it further. Be polite about it too, no need for a massive blow up. But at least try. I'm sick of these men.