Dating after lockdown #37 - One thing men are consistent with is the AUDACITY.

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The pickings can be slim in cities too. I live in South East London, the men locally are just not for me. It's either university of life/ school of hard knocks belligerent thickos or men with professional jobs who have specific types of women in mind that very much aren't me. It took me years of dating to meet my Ex, who lived 30 miles away in Kent and was originally from Shropshire.

Honestly I think a huge amount of it is luck. Being in the right place at the right time where your paths cross. A massive numbers game. And that's just to get to the point of meeting someone you like and vice versa, let alone building a relationship and that lasting the course.
 
My issue is I believe the kind of men I'm into would think being on the apps is beneath them. But they're also not the kind to approach in real life. Basically, they think they're too cool to do anything potentially embarrassing.

I'm not incredibly social but I have enough of a life and still, it feels like the days of meeting someone in the wild are over. No one talks to each other unless they absolutely have to or you're a head turning woman.

If you're attractive in a regular way or having a dress down day, you might get a few stares but no one will approach.

I'm in London if that explains it.
 
Blueblue123 said:
My issue is I believe the kind of men I'm into would think being on the apps is beneath them. But they're also not the kind to approach in real life. Basically, they think they're too cool to do anything potentially embarrassing.

I'm not incredibly social but I have enough of a life and still, it feels like the days of meeting someone in the wild are over. No one talks to each other unless they absolutely have to or you're a head turning woman.

If you're attractive in a regular way or having a dress down day, you might get a few stares but no one will approach.

I'm in London if that explains it.
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They're definitely on it, they just dont check regularly and get on with life
Mr tinder didnt even have notifications on, surprised we made it to a conversation
 
Advice needed please.
2nd date was great, it was nice & chilled. We slept together 🔥 but now my abandament wound has opened up and previous experiences that he’s not wanting to explore a relationship with me. I feel like he’s took a step back (even though he text me last night to my night night text saying night night beautiful) & I asked him what is his plans for this week. And he said “this weekend I’ve got loads on but might be able to do during the week if you can”. So I replied with what days I can do.
And he said “ok I’ll keep that in mind”
So I said “percfect. Let me know what you’re thinking so I can keep one of the days free & plan what we’re gonna do.” He then sent me a work selfie (something he usually does) and then I FaceTimed when I got home when he was leaving work. He was leaving work- said how busy work was today and what a tit day he had yesterday. He said he would FaceTime when he gets home. He never did BUT he did say he was off to get food, and quickly go home to then go to his friends house to help him paint his kitchen….so, yeah dunno what to do! My friends have said I’ve got nothing to worry about and to chill out & not go to worst case scenario but I am 😩

any advice please? I have gone to therapy about my commitment/self abandonment issues before so can easily go back for one more!
 
What exactly concerns you? That he is not free on the weekend, that he did not FaceTime you when he said he would or that he did not respond to your suggestions as to when to meet up more concretely? Or all of it?

Did you meet on Saturday night? Did you text him yesterday first and he responded?

It seems that the ball is in his court and it is down to him to let you know what day you are going to meet, so I would heed your friends' advice.
 
whathastheworldcometo said:
What exactly concerns you? That he is not free on the weekend, that he did not FaceTime you when he said he would or that he did not respond to your suggestions as to when to meet up more concretely? Or all of it?

Did you meet on Saturday night? Did you text him yesterday first and he responded?

It seems that the ball is in his court and it is down to him to let you know what day you are going to meet, so I would heed your friends' advice.
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all of it because I feel like he’s loosing interest & doesn’t have the heart to tell me.

I meet him on Friday night & dropped him off Saturday morning & haven’t seen him since.

well, he replied to my Saturday night text & I replied. Then he texted me later that day asking how my day was.
 
@monepierce I think we’ve said before on here that we like the same type and they are NOT around here! I live in a random town in the south west- if you don’t like men in the forces or everyone you went to school with who are the most basic type ever, you’re doomed. I’m close to Bristol which has a few kind of alternative places but none of my friends would come out with me there. Again, doomed! And hinge hasn’t been a success even when I set it that far. All I was getting recently til I deleted was men after a shag while they’re working at Glastonbury!!

I recently went on two dates with a hinge guy. Second date he kissed me three times, then after a few days of him not giving me anything to work with my text, I said, ‘Clearly you’re not interested anymore so good luck’. He replied and said, ‘you’re lovely and I enjoyed my time with you but I don’t feel anything romantic’. Why kiss me three times?! And at what point was he going to tell me he wasn’t into me? Just waited for me to say it. Coward! That’s it. Cannot be ARSED with apps ever again.
 
boomska said:
all of it because I feel like he’s loosing interest & doesn’t have the heart to tell me.

I meet him on Friday night & dropped him off Saturday morning & haven’t seen him since.

well, he replied to my Saturday night text & I replied. Then he texted me later that day asking how my day was.
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It's literally only been three days and sounds like he's had a busy Monday! I'd listen to your friends, nothing screaming red or even orange flag just yet.
 
boomska said:
Advice needed please.
2nd date was great, it was nice & chilled. We slept together 🔥 but now my abandament wound has opened up and previous experiences that he’s not wanting to explore a relationship with me. I feel like he’s took a step back (even though he text me last night to my night night text saying night night beautiful) & I asked him what is his plans for this week. And he said “this weekend I’ve got loads on but might be able to do during the week if you can”. So I replied with what days I can do.
And he said “ok I’ll keep that in mind”
So I said “percfect. Let me know what you’re thinking so I can keep one of the days free & plan what we’re gonna do.” He then sent me a work selfie (something he usually does) and then I FaceTimed when I got home when he was leaving work. He was leaving work- said how busy work was today and what a tit day he had yesterday. He said he would FaceTime when he gets home. He never did BUT he did say he was off to get food, and quickly go home to then go to his friends house to help him paint his kitchen….so, yeah dunno what to do! My friends have said I’ve got nothing to worry about and to chill out & not go to worst case scenario but I am 😩

any advice please? I have gone to therapy about my commitment/self abandonment issues before so can easily go back for one more!
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I can see why you feel like that. He isn't seeing you this weekend and he has said that he might see you during the week. So it's going to be atleast another week or so before you see him.. I know it's hard as I have been the same as you with overthinking due to abandonment trauma but.. you don't want to waste time with someone who is just keeping you as a potential backup? - get on the apps again and put him to the back of your mind, if he doesn't make plans then he wasn't meant for you anyway. If a man really wants to see you and meet up again they'll be pencilling a date in to see you, it's frustrating!!
 
boomska said:
all of it because I feel like he’s loosing interest & doesn’t have the heart to tell me.

I meet him on Friday night & dropped him off Saturday morning & haven’t seen him since.

well, he replied to my Saturday night text & I replied. Then he texted me later that day asking how my day was.
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I understand, you were hoping for a bit more effort from his side. You hardly know him, just wait and see, and don't forget to check in with you to see if YOU are actually interested.

Did he initiate the sex? At the second date it seems quite soon. You are literally strangers.
 
whathastheworldcometo said:
I understand, you were hoping for a bit more effort from his side. You hardly know him, just wait and see, and don't forget to check in with you to see if YOU are actually interested.

Did he initiate the sex? At the second date it seems quite soon. You are literally strangers.
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Men do tend to pull away after sex. I’m not saying he’s not going to contact you. But generally speaking they need a bit of ‘space’ so to speak. I’d leave it. You’ve told him when you are free. Keep busy. See what he comes back with. I wish you well xx
 
al255 said:
I can see why you feel like that. He isn't seeing you this weekend and he has said that he might see you during the week. So it's going to be atleast another week or so before you see him.. I know it's hard as I have been the same as you with overthinking due to abandonment trauma but.. you don't want to waste time with someone who is just keeping you as a potential backup? - get on the apps again and put him to the back of your mind, if he doesn't make plans then he wasn't meant for you anyway. If a man really wants to see you and meet up again they'll be pencilling a date in to see you, it's frustrating!!
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i feel like we’re getting ahead of ourselves here - it’s only a week (at least!) i know it’s easy to go full crisis mode when you have abandonment trauma, but blowing the whole thing up based on it is only going to amplify that.

i can only second @whathastheworldcometo here. he’s engaging with your texts and has indicated that he wants to see you again. just go with it and see, it’s still very early days. certainly don’t stress yourself out with time and when is too long to not see each other. if you want more effort and he continues to give lower effort than you want then, later on, tell him so.
 
Blueblue123 said:
My issue is I believe the kind of men I'm into would think being on the apps is beneath them. But they're also not the kind to approach in real life. Basically, they think they're too cool to do anything potentially embarrassing.

I'm not incredibly social but I have enough of a life and still, it feels like the days of meeting someone in the wild are over. No one talks to each other unless they absolutely have to or you're a head turning woman.

If you're attractive in a regular way or having a dress down day, you might get a few stares but no one will approach.

I'm in London if that explains it.
Click to expand...


Ahhh london, home of the aging hipster and faux feminist 🥲😆
 
al255 said:
I can see why you feel like that. He isn't seeing you this weekend and he has said that he might see you during the week. So it's going to be atleast another week or so before you see him.. I know it's hard as I have been the same as you with overthinking due to abandonment trauma but.. you don't want to waste time with someone who is just keeping you as a potential backup? - get on the apps again and put him to the back of your mind, if he doesn't make plans then he wasn't meant for you anyway. If a man really wants to see you and meet up again they'll be pencilling a date in to see you, it's frustrating!!
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Thank you- that’s very true!! I’m gonna see if he sees me at all this week & take it from there but will chill out ☺️
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LaBlonde said:
i feel like we’re getting ahead of ourselves here - it’s only a week (at least!) i know it’s easy to go full crisis mode when you have abandonment trauma, but blowing the whole thing up based on it is only going to amplify that.

i can only second @whathastheworldcometo here. he’s engaging with your texts and has indicated that he wants to see you again. just go with it and see, it’s still very early days. certainly don’t stress yourself out with time and when is too long to not see each other. if you want more effort and he continues to give lower effort than you want then, later on, tell him so.
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yess that’s very sound advice actually! Thank you xx
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Good Egg said:
Men do tend to pull away after sex. I’m not saying he’s not going to contact you. But generally speaking they need a bit of ‘space’ so to speak. I’d leave it. You’ve told him when you are free. Keep busy. See what he comes back with. I wish you well xx
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Thank you! He’s back to being his normal self today so fingers crossed 🤞
 
Ladies

I wanted to update you on my friend from the last thread. He accepted her apology and apparnetly seemed to understand that she didn't mean any harm. He let her know when he was with his son so she didn't text unless he texted first. Multiple hours long phone calls etc, she confirmed that he asked go be exclusive, apparnetly he said he would be jealous if she dated anyone else. She seemed really happy and it seemed like they'd got into a good place, i did get her to check there was no-one else and i believe there isnt now, now ive seen how often and how long there phone calls are. Anyway, que a six hour phone call on Saturday where he said he'd come and see her yesterday, only to have to cancel the night before. He explained why and rearranged for tonight.

Except she got a text message this morning explaining that he wasnt sure where 'this is going', he's not ready for a relationship. He said shes amazing and beautiful and kind and promply told her to move on and blocked her.

I am FUMING for her, I could cry seeing how sad she's been today, I hope she realises shes better off without sooner better than later
 
Hey all, hope everyone is well! 💕💕ok so I redownloaded tinder and have got chatting to a guy who seems my type, he’s not local but it’s not horrendously far (70 miles) he wanted to move to whatsapp quite quickly which I’ve learnt from not to do before so I’ve ignored that he’s and kept it on tinder! Seems completely normal SO FAR!!! I think you’ll agree this is progress to get excited about the possibility of meeting someone new because I struggled to move on from my FWB. I’m meeting some girls in his friendship group for lunch on Monday, I purposely don’t bring him up these days as I don’t want the sick feeling of knowing who he’s with etc as it will only set me back..I don’t think I mentioned he messaged me about a month ago asking if I was naked on my WhatsApp pic (it’s me in a skin colour dress) and I didn’t reply but it gave me immense satisfaction that he’s actually a sleaze, as that is defo cheating on whoever he’s with. Kind of like a “yes I’ve contitmef you’re a piece of tit” thought 😎
 
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