Tattlers, you are worth so much more than waiting around for a man to validate you. You will never be content, if you continue to be so bothered about whether a man wants you or not. I spent 20 years doing it, (four partners) and none of those men give two shits about me now (I doubt they truly did when we were together either). It was rough. I gave a lot and didn’t get a whole lot back.
That’s the cliff notes.
I am thoroughly in my decentering men era now, and the longer I’m in it, the more I’m convinced this concept of “romantic love” is a scam designed to oppress women. 50/50 bills? No thanks, I can pay my own bills. Why would I want to pay half of more than what I was paying before. Makes no sense. Cleaning. Cooking. Compromise. I don’t want to be an unpaid maid/housekeeper for a man who is now a little too relaxed because he has “got” me. In fact, I want a man to stay very unrelaxed around me. Maybe then he will always have respect, and not take me for granted. The vast majority of women are not compromising in relationships, they are SACRIFICING and SELF ABANDONING. And when the guy is done with you, and ready to move on, what are you left with? Debts? Therapy bills? A shattered sense of self? What’s the long term cost vs benefit exactly?
One toxic relationship can set you back YEARS in terms of progress for your life. Tell me I’m lying. It’s easy to look at “so and so friend and her boyfriend” and think “I so wish I had someone too” but most of the time what you see on social media, heck even what your friend is telling you is an ILLUSION. Yes there are women who straight up boast about how fantastic their partner is to you, but will secretly cry themselves to sleep at night. Ever had a friend tell you about her most recent break up, and the TEA she has about that man is NEXT LEVEL. But you are there thinking “ wait, isn’t this the same guy you told me was the one?
I rest my case.
Most men want us for our looks, our bodies, our utility. The “love” concept is the sales pitch. But the reality of this “love” is often conditional. The relationship is about what we can “do” for them.
The love I have for my daughter and my dogs is unconditional. A man will never provide that for me.
I’ve recently upgraded my philosophy on dating. I’ll pay for NOTHING ever when it comes to a man who wants a chance with me. And I’ll never allow any man access to my body without there being clear evidence of what the long term benefit to me is. An orgasm isn’t a long term benefit. But isn’t that a bit cold? Transactional? Men have been thinking like this SINCE FOREVER. They think logically, without emotion. Cost vs benefit. They will look you straight in the eye, and swear on their dad’s grave they want a relationship, but will string you along while they look for something better. So why is it as soon as a woman thinks like this, all of a sudden she is selfish and “bitter.” Who benefits from us feeling like we shouldn’t prioritise ourself first?
But what do you bring to the table Olgivy? He better bring the ENTIRE table, otherwise what do I gain from having this man in my life? Cheap compliments? WhatsApp messages? A few meals out here and there? Sitting beside him on the sofa while he watches the TV? I can do all that and more with my GIRLFRIENDS. What does he have to offer me? We all know most men have zero emotional intelligence. So what is there to gain exactly? Sex? Is that it? What else?
This is the way it’s going to be for me now. Evaluating and deciding. Pure logic. Benefits. Unbothered. The way I see it, a guy who takes me for a cheap meal out, and makes a bunch of cheap promises is not even on my stage 1 radar.
What does he have to offer me?
I have never felt so empowered and peaceful.
he sounds like a walking red flag and she needs to run fast, block him everywhere and try to forget he exists. All you can do is be there to support her and encourage to seek professional help but please take care of yourself too. It can be difficult taking on the emotional load of a loved ones feelings/experiences etc 
girl!!! Have you thought of writing a book because what you’re saying resonates more than any of the lame self help 
