Tiffany Thinks #8

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EmyUrban said:
We don’t know that for sure. Matt wouldn’t have had this no surgery idea out of thin air, I think the doctors themselves really hoped that she could live without the surgery, for a while they had a bit of hope and offered the wait and watch. That was a bad idea because after that Matt and Tiffany had big expectations of being Ned without surgery and now there is a new suspicious thickening higher in the colon so probably not a good bet … But the doctors definitely did « their best » to avoid her/delay the surgery I think. It seems that they still think there is a tiny bit of hope that the thickening is non cancerous ( according to what Matt and the sister said). They are the ones responsible for Matt’s big hopes. Sure I found too that Matt was pushing for the no surgery option with too much of a naive enthousiasm but I can understand him in a way …
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I hope the thickening is non cancerous but sadly I have my doubts. I'd be shocked if it wasn't metastatic cancer.
 
I really don't think anyone is saying you can't have a relationship without sex. Most have agreed if true love, it wouldn't be a reason to leave? Just that, some don't think it is true love, which I think is fair enough and not a criticism? IMO I don't think it is, so I wouldn't be hugely surprised if he did leave and I wouldn't fault him for that, it's alot to expect for anyone, nevermind someone so young if their head isn't fully in it. Noone should be guilted into staying. Hopefully I'm wrong though for Tiffany's sake.
 
jackolantern said:
The reality is none of us have a clue what Matt will do, at this point he himself might not even know until he's actually faced with Tiffany's new reality. I hope for her sake he does stick around but I don't think it makes him a monster if he doesn't. I only wish he'd leave now if that was going to happen, although maybe if he did she wouldn't have the strength to go through with it all :(

Been thinking about her all day, I feel so sad for her. It's just bleeping horrific. How can life be so cruel.
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I still think that if Matt stays with Tiffany despite her behaviour and personality (very unlikeable, to me anyway), then the surgery and its effects will not make him leave. He has to be deeply in love to put up with her whims and childishness. And I may be naive but I cannot imagine someone leaving their partner because of an illness, and I cannot imagine Matt doing that either. He does not seem that kind. I remember this has already been discussed and the majority of the people here said that him leaving because of the surgery is likely. Some mentioned cases of people leaving their partners due to illness.

And yes apparently Matt is catholic but young Irish (or of other nationality in Europe) people who are catholic or christian are often not extremely religious. I know several and they go to church at times but they also make fun of religion and are open minded. He will not be as radical and deluded in terms of god and religion as Tiffany is. She is just on another level of godliness.
 
Saydee said:
I hope the thickening is non cancerous but sadly I have my doubts. I'd be shocked if it wasn't metastatic cancer.
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She didn't say much information about that, where it is in colon, how long it is, if it lit up on PET scan etc. From MRI they can have some idea. If it is long smooth section then inflammation, short edgy then cancer etc. But I don't think she had diarrhea or something. Probably it looks like cancer. If the spot in irradiated area very close to the cancer can be post radiation inflammation, who knows.
 
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Saydee said:
FFS. No surgeons have theatre slots. Surgeons don't just look at Tiffanys scans and say they need to take her to theatre NOW! Tiffany is unwell, but she doesnt have condition which puts her at risk NOW.
Emergency theatre slots are for people in car crashes, young children bleeding out etc. Patients in A&E that have life threatening problems.
Again, Tiffanys surgery requires several surgeons to be available at the same time. A bed to be available in ICU. Plans need to be put into place and rightly so.
If an ICU bed isnt available on the planned day, surgery will be cancelled and rearranged.


What does len growth mean?
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My husband had a slipped thoracic disc which had calcified and was pressing on his spinal cord, it could have sliced through at any moment leaving him paralysed.

His neurosurgeon managed to get him in for surgery within 2 weeks of initially meeting him as he felt it was so urgent. I imagine he bumped a surgery for it. My husband's surgery was a long one, about 9 hours and had three surgeons involved with it being such a delicate surgery. I guess if it is that urgent they can do it. I am in Canada though so maybe the Uk is different.
 
Doc22 said:
Poor girl. I have been wondering since the surgeon offered one of the options is wait and do scans again. Wait for what?? She has been high risk patient from the very beginning. Not every patient can make informed decision. Even for the most intelligent person would be difficult to make this kind of decision. Patients didn't study what the doctor studied, they don't know what the doctor know. Where I live doctors just say that we are going to do that. Don't usually offer options to patients like in some countries. I understand why she opted to wait. If we were facing what she was facing most of us would make the same decision. Let's hope the colon part is okay. She is going have the surgery soon.
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Which country are you in Doc?
Even high risk patients often get the watch and wait approach to see how disease develops. Remember, its usually oncologists waiting to 'step in', in this case its a surgeon which makes things different.
The ONLY thing query is why the oncologist hasn't offered chemo whilst the surgeon makes plans.
 
LeonorG said:
I still think that if Matt stays with Tiffany despite her behaviour and personality (very unlikeable, to me anyway), then the surgery and its effects will not make him leave. He has to be deeply in love to put up with her whims and childishness. And I may be naive but I cannot imagine someone leaving their partner because of an illness, and I cannot imagine Matt doing that either. He does not seem that kind. I remember this has already been discussed and the majority of the people here said that him leaving because of the surgery is likely. Some mentioned cases of people leaving their partners due to illness.
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The surgery is completely life changing for both of them, I don't think that's really comparable with saying he stays despite her personality. He always has the option of calling things quits and it being a relatively minor thing as is, but leaving someone with cancer? That takes a lot of balls, then you add them having gone through surgery like that? Most people would feel bloody awful doing that, but equally, many people couldn't handle it and that isn't a 'kind'. He shouldn't be judged for that, whatever else you think of him. At the moment this may just be a current casual relationship for him, but this is likely to bring home a huge reality for him as to whether he really is in this for the long haul and what that means for them both.

Plus you don't like Tiffany's personality, he obviously does, so that's irrelevant really, you can't base anything off that.
 
penny1992 said:
My husband had a slipped thoracic disc which had calcified and was pressing on his spinal cord, it could have sliced through at any moment leaving him paralysed.

His neurosurgeon managed to get him in for surgery within 2 weeks of initially meeting him as he felt it was so urgent. I imagine he bumped a surgery for it. My husband's surgery was a long one, about 9 hours and had three surgeons involved with it being such a delicate surgery. I guess if it is that urgent they can do it. I am in Canada though so maybe the Uk is different.
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Spinal compression is dealt with as an emergency. I only have experience of kidney cancer patients. If spinal compression is occuring, surgery will happen very very quickly. For 'palliative care' patients, palliative radiotherapy is given quickly (within days).
 
AlwaysScience said:
And you don’t have to have intercourse to have sex. Saying a relationship without intercourse (which assumes the reconstructed vagina won’t work) is ugly ableism.
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I totally agree with you, you don’t have to have intercourse to have sex … Obviously sex is possible after the surgery I don't think anyone thinks otherwise? The problem is whether the partner is ready to accept certain limitations / adaptations. Of course some are. Others aren't, unfortunately. And the stats on cheating in (valid or invalid or both ) couples are very bad these days...
 
Saydee said:
Which country are you in Doc?
Even high risk patients often get the watch and wait approach to see how disease develops. Remember, its usually oncologists waiting to 'step in', in this case its a surgeon which makes things different.
The ONLY thing query is why the oncologist hasn't offered chemo whilst the surgeon makes plans.
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I am in Czechia. Anyway we can see now that the option to wait wasn't a good idea. I am afraid what happens to her until mid December she might have distant metastasis. Let's pray that she will have the operation sooner.
 
Doc22 said:
Poor girl. I have been wondering since the surgeon offered one of the options is wait and do scans again. Wait for what?? She has been high risk patient from the very beginning. Not every patient can make informed decision. Even for the most intelligent person would be difficult to make this kind of decision. Patients didn't study what the doctor studied, they don't know what the doctor know. Where I live doctors just say that we are going to do that. Don't usually offer options to patients like in some countries. I understand why she opted to wait. If we were facing what she was facing most of us would make the same decision. Let's hope the colon part is okay. She is going have the surgery soon.
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Where do you live?
 
jackolantern said:
The surgery is completely life changing for both of them, I don't think that's really comparable with saying he stays despite her personality. He always has the option of calling things quits and it being a relatively minor thing as is, but leaving someone with cancer? That takes a lot of balls, then you add them having gone through surgery like that? Most people would feel bloody awful doing that, but equally, many people couldn't handle it and that isn't a 'kind'. He shouldn't be judged for that, whatever else you think of him. At the moment this may just be a current casual relationship for him, but this is likely to bring home a huge reality for him as to whether he really is in this for the long haul and what that means for them both.

Plus you don't like Tiffany's personality, he obviously does, so that's irrelevant really, you can't base anything off that.
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No I know, I only said that to explain my belief that he is in love with her and that he will stick it out. I think I would judge him if he left her because of the surgery. I really don't want to but I would. I think their relationship is deeper than people think. I don't think this is anything casual. She even mentioned marriage at some point and 'having a little family with Matt'. I think they are serious with their relationship.

And I definitely think that there is a 'kind' of person who would 'handle' it better than another kind. Yes it would be hard for everyone but some people are more pragmatic and stoic and would just get on with it whilst others might crumble and run away.
 
AlwaysScience said:
And you don’t have to have intercourse to have sex. Saying a relationship without intercourse (which assumes the reconstructed vagina won’t work) is ugly ableism.
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I disagree, especially with your use of the term ableism. Humans are hard wired with the drive to procreate with young and healthy mates. Does that discriminate against disabled people? Sadly yes. But this is human nature. Penetrative sex is a very primal instinct and it’s a completely big deal for a man in his prime to sacrifice that. If he and Tiffany were already married and established it would be a different story but so far there’s no commitment on his part so if he chooses to start a life with a girl who can have his children that doesn’t make him ableist.
 
Saydee said:
Which country are you in Doc?
Even high risk patients often get the watch and wait approach to see how disease develops. Remember, its usually oncologists waiting to 'step in', in this case its a surgeon which makes things different.
The ONLY thing query is why the oncologist hasn't offered chemo whilst the surgeon makes plans.
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Chemo You mean now or in August?
If you meant chemo in August: I don't know why surgeon offered to wait, I don't think she was in real watch and wait protocol. If she was on Wait and watch protocol, then patients don't receive any treatment, because their treatment is considered to be finished.
If you mean now: I think patients shouldn't have chemo right before operation. They have to have a break from chemo for a few weeks before operation.
 
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