Tiffany Thinks #8

[AnonyGoss]

I found Tiffany when I was diagnosed with cancer in April. I was diagnosed with stage 4 (initially I was told it was a pre cancerous mass that would be removed via an easy surgery, then was diagnosed stage 3 and then stage 4 within 4 weeks) lung cancer (never smoked).

sometimes she rubs me up the wrong way, usually with the baby voice. But I think it’s unfair to judge her for being in denial. I think she was in denial. As was I at first, but she is grasping it now.

sometimes I think stage 3 is as hard as incurable stage four, because you have the hope of a cure but the anxiety that it’ll spread further and become incurable, atleady at stage 4 I know my fate and everything I do is to prolong life not save it.

there are many people on these threads on their own cancer journey but there are many who aren’t. And what I will say to those who aren’t, isthat you will never know how you will act after a cancer diagnosis, the rollercoaster of emotions is unbearable. The medication makes it even worse,mine sent me into complete psychosis.

I have (had) a very close friend who was my main support system.He is deeply religious and tried to convince me prayer would save Me. No matter how many times I told him my cancer was incurable hetold me to be positive and ignore facts. He said bad things about my doctor and told me they are there to drag me down and I shouldn’t trust them. He almost convinced me…at a very low point where Ifelt helpless I started to pray and read the bible. I refused to Google my cancer or listen to the doctors.

I have been in treatment non stop and continue to take entrectinib but 4 weeks after finishing chemo and radiation a tumour in my liver has grown 40%. I told my friend I need to go back on active treatment, he asked me am I sure, should I not give my body a chance to heal.

i don’t have time for that. I’ve made the hard decision to remove my absolute best friend from my life and the pain is indescribable.

we never know what people are saying to Tiffany, her friends, family, Matt could all be giving her hope. Throw in religion and it’s a recipe for disaster. I do not blame her for ending up in this position, it’s very sad. I don’t think matt will everunderstand the gravity of cancer and that it cannot be healedvia God.Amma is also in denial as she can’t face losing her daughter. This all rubs off on Tiffany who is clearly a people pleaser. I wonder if she was truly happy to watch and wait or whether it was Matt pushingfor this.

sorry for the long message, I am still coming to terms with my own cancer, watching Tiffany has been difficult but I can’t seem to look away.

I hope everyone on This thread is doing well, I know many face cancer themselves or their loved ones which is how we ended up watching Tiffany in the first place. I think her YT is almost a cry for help, she cannot talk to family about the realities as they’re all in denial. She’s seeking the public instead

sorry for any typos, I am tired!

I agree with people reacting different ways. The way Tiffany is acting is completely her own coping mechanism. Being in denial is a completely normal reaction to any shocking situation. I find, British culture praise stoic, non-emotional people way too much. Or people who just get on with it and are a "trooper". Mental health is real too.
People are complicated beings, and it's not that easy.

Wishing you all the best in your journey ❤

I am so sorry you’re going through this, and so sorry about your friend. People can pray and take treatments at the same time. I feel that God gave us doctors to help us and cure disease. I wish you well with your own journey. My beloved Dad had inoperable brain cancer, and he only lived 9 months. When we found out he had it, we burst into tears and I got sick. Cancer is awful for what it does to the patients and to the families and loved ones. Much love and hugs and prayers to you. ❤

Amen to that ❤

 

[ginnyw]

I agree with people reacting different ways. The way Tiffany is acting is completely her own coping mechanism. Being in denial is a completely normal reaction to any shocking situation. I find, British culture praise stoic, non-emotional people way too much. Or people who just get on with it and are a "trooper". Mental health is real too.
People are complicated beings, and it's not that easy.

Wishing you all the best in your journey ❤


Amen to that ❤

We're all complicated, that's true. And how we react to major life stuff isn't predictable, or linear, or even always logical. I got a blow about something yesterday and I'm fine one minute and in the depths of despair the next.

 

[chelmstead67]

My two cents on Matt is that his cost-benefit on being with Tiffany will have been evolving over the course of her illness. Since they're both hyper-religious, it wouldn't surprise me if they've been waiting until marriage to have sex, too. Knowing that he could be signing up for a life without intercourse would probably make the cost of this relationship too high. And we wouldn't want to judge him for that. He's 32! Of course, Tiffany would probably fall into 20,000 pieces if he chose to leave at this point, even though when she was first diagnosed she was pushing him away. I think they're both quite naive people but the brutality of the sitch will have crystallised their respective cost-benefits of sticking together.

 

[ginnyw]

My two cents on Matt is that his cost-benefit on being with Tiffany will have been evolving over the course of her illness. Since they're both hyper-religious, it wouldn't surprise me if they've been waiting until marriage to have sex, too. Knowing that he could be signing up for a life without intercourse would probably make the cost of this relationship too high. And we wouldn't want to judge him for that. He's 32! Of course, Tiffany would probably fall into 20,000 pieces if he chose to leave at this point, even though when she was first diagnosed she was pushing him away. I think they're both quite naive people but the brutality of the sitch will have crystallised their respective cost-benefits of sticking together.

I'm going to play Devil's advocate here for a moment and suggest that Matt might love Tiffany a lot and want to support her through this ordeal. He moved in with her after her diagnosis for precisely this reason. Here's my predictions: Matt won't leave, Amma will be amazingly capable and strong, Tiffany will have the surgery, her recovery will be long and difficult and the three of them will become closer as a result.

And yes, that is a hat-wearing Gonk in my profile pic.

 

[AnonyGoss]

I'm going to play Devil's advocate here for a moment and suggest that Matt might love Tiffany a lot and want to support her through this ordeal. He moved in with her after her diagnosis for precisely this reason. Here's my predictions: Matt won't leave, Amma will be amazingly capable and strong, Tiffany will have the surgery, her recovery will be long and difficult and the three of them will become closer as a result.

And yes, that is a hat-wearing Gonk in my profile pic.

Yes, Matt is staying because he wants to. People need to grasp that. It actually would have been easier for him to restart his life in Ireland. Tiffany even said he should leave her, but he said no.
Matt is not the first and last person who stands by their partner when their ill. Not everyone runs away, most people stick around actually.

 

[ginnyw]

Yes, Matt is staying because he wants to. People need to grasp that. Tiffany said he should leave her, but he said no.
Matt is not the first and last person who stands by their partner when their ill. Not everyone runs away, most people stick around actually.

I think it helps that he has his own job and interests. And Amma for support too.

 

[Doc22]

No surgeons have theatre slots. Surgeons don't just look at Tiffanys scans and say they need to take her to theatre NOW! Tiffany is unwell, but she doesnt have condition which puts her at risk NOW.
Emergency theatre slots are for people in car crashes, young children bleeding out etc. Patients in A&E that have life threatening problems.
Again, Tiffanys surgery requires several surgeons to be available at the same time. A bed to be available in ICU. Plans need to be put into place and rightly so.
If an ICU bed isnt available on the planned day, surgery will be cancelled and rearranged.


What does len growth mean?

Sorry, it was mistake. I wanted to write "Only growth*

 

[Doherty557]

I am so sorry you’re going through this, and so sorry about your friend. People can pray and take treatments at the same time. I feel that God gave us doctors to help us and cure disease. I wish you well with your own journey. My beloved Dad had inoperable brain cancer, and he only lived 9 months. When we found out he had it, we burst into tears and I got sick. Cancer is awful for what it does to the patients and to the families and loved ones. Much love and hugs and prayers to you. ❤

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, big hugs to you! I like your take on god and doctors, it’s very comforting x

 

[Lolaj]

Where can you read or watch Natalie's story ?

It's election day over here, and my state just got a new female governor named Kotek. Gov. Kotek, like Gov.Tampex or Gov. Playtex or Gov. Maxi Pads. Idk if you guys have the same names for that stuff as we do. I think I have to move now.

 

[sweetleaf]

I don't know about you guys, but T's video yesterday touched me in a way that none of her previous ones have. I was telling my partner about how I was sad and scared for her last night, and I started to cry. Having empathy for our fellow humans, even though we may not agree with their approach to serious matters in life is so important. Not to sound cheesy or overly sentimental but loving one another is really what it's about. Right?

I joined this forum because there were things T was doing that were driving me crazy, and I wanted to vent. I've come to realize that I truly do care about her as a person, even though I've never met her. If I didn't, I wouldn't have taken the time to join a forum to talk about her.

I think we all do care about her, and it's frustrating when we can't do anything to make the situation better for her.

 

[Millieminion]

People giving Matt a hard time and saying he will leave etc are wrong in my opinion,he very clearly is so uncomfortable on camera and will do/say anything to go along with Tiffany's denial,he knows the score,he didn't choose to be online but he also very clearly loves Tiffany a lot,those saying he will leave because of the difficulties that will arise from her surgery like having sex etc are obviously very young and never experienced real love yet,sex is a small part of being in love and there are so many ways around it,I don't think be will leave,I think once Tiffany gets her new normal under control that they will live happily ever after.

 

[EmyUrban]

Matt needs a one to one with a cancer nurse specialist.
Fridays visit AFTER they had met with the surgeon, he was still saying "Tumours come back". And saying "The surgeon is trying to let you live the rest of your life without the surgery? "because look at the operation 12 hours! Matt doesn't want Tiffany to have that surgery and thats obvious.

We don’t know that for sure. Matt wouldn’t have had this no surgery idea out of thin air, I think the doctors themselves really hoped that she could live without the surgery, for a while they had a bit of hope and offered the wait and watch. That was a bad idea because after that Matt and Tiffany had big expectations of being Ned without surgery and now there is a new suspicious thickening higher in the colon so probably not a good bet … But the doctors definitely did « their best » to avoid her/delay the surgery I think. It seems that they still think there is a tiny bit of hope that the thickening is non cancerous ( according to what Matt and the sister said). They are the ones responsible for Matt’s big hopes. Sure I found too that Matt was pushing for the no surgery option with too much of a naive enthousiasm but I can understand him in a way …

 

[Doc22]

Poor girl. I have been wondering since the surgeon offered one of the options is wait and do scans again. Wait for what?? She has been high risk patient from the very beginning. Not every patient can make informed decision. Even for the most intelligent person would be difficult to make this kind of decision. Patients didn't study what the doctor studied, they don't know what the doctor know. Where I live doctors just say that we are going to do that. Don't usually offer options to patients like in some countries. I understand why she opted to wait. If we were facing what she was facing most of us would make the same decision. Let's hope the colon part is okay. She is going have the surgery soon.

 

[EmyUrban]

that is a lot of pressure for a young guy like him. Not sure he is up to the task. he still talks about the surgery like it is a maybe they do it and if so take it out and voila....GONE. That is not the way it goes at all. Natalie Woodward met her husband (or partner) between diagnosis and surgery so he knew what the story was going in. Matt did not...they don't have that long of a relationship before diagnosis ..maybe about one year. I will take a very special partner to go thru the next year with Tiffany. We will see.

But I don’t understand you said Natalie met her husband between diagnosis and surgery ? What? when she met him she already knew she was going to have surgery and he was not scared ???? What a man my god wow massive hope for everyone who is single and going through cancer … I think Matt is quite young and yes not quite up to the task but maybe he will be who knows … He is catholic and seems a kind and decent human so he would probably feel massively guilty to leave her but at the same time he is so young I mean it’s definitely worse for Tiffany but he doesn’t deserve that either…

 

[jackolantern]

The reality is none of us have a clue what Matt will do, at this point he himself might not even know until he's actually faced with Tiffany's new reality. I hope for her sake he does stick around but I don't think it makes him a monster if he doesn't. I only wish he'd leave now if that was going to happen, although maybe if he did she wouldn't have the strength to go through with it all

Been thinking about her all day, I feel so sad for her. It's just bleeping horrific. How can life be so cruel.

 

[EmyUrban]

Wrong

That’s what they said in the video with Matt and the sister … But maybe now it has changed / we know more about the timeline ? If you understood better please explain me because I found all of them so confusing … She said one month, one and a half ? but if it’s cancerous at the biopsy or if the biopsy is impossible surgery will happen sooner it seems …

 

[AlwaysScience]

People giving Matt a hard time and saying he will leave etc are wrong in my opinion,he very clearly is so uncomfortable on camera and will do/say anything to go along with Tiffany's denial,he knows the score,he didn't choose to be online but he also very clearly loves Tiffany a lot,those saying he will leave because of the difficulties that will arise from her surgery like having sex etc are obviously very young and never experienced real love yet,sex is a small part of being in love and there are so many ways around it,I don't think be will leave,I think once Tiffany gets her new normal under control that they will live happily ever after.

And you don’t have to have intercourse to have sex. Saying a relationship without intercourse (which assumes the reconstructed vagina won’t work) is ugly ableism.

 

[Doc22]

That’s what they said in the video with Matt and the sister … But maybe now it has changed / we know more about the timeline ? If you understood better please explain me because I found all of them so confusing … She said one month, one and a half ? but if it’s cancerous at the biopsy or if the biopsy is impossible surgery will happen sooner it seems …

She replied to comment that she was hoping to have surgery in the mid December.

 

[AlwaysScience]

That’s what they said in the video with Matt and the sister … But maybe now it has changed / we know more about the timeline ? If you understood better please explain me because I found all of them so confusing … She said one month, one and a half ? but if it’s cancerous at the biopsy or if the biopsy is impossible surgery will happen sooner it seems …

In a comment she said she thought surgery would be early or mid December. My guess is that they plan to do it before the end of December and will do it as soon as they can get the team coordinated in December.

 

[ginnyw]

But I don’t understand you said Natalie met her husband between diagnosis and surgery ? What? when she met him she already knew she was going to have surgery and he was not scared ???? What a man my god wow massive hope for everyone who is single and going through cancer … I think Matt is quite young and yes not quite up to the task but maybe he will be who knows … He is catholic and seems a kind and decent human so he would probably feel massively guilty to leave her but at the same time he is so young I mean it’s definitely worse for Tiffany but he doesn’t deserve that either…

Matt isn't THAT young - he's still an adult working man who seems really devoted to Tiffany. True love is more than sex, it's about being there when things get tough.