The Neurodiversity Thread
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TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo
VIP Member
Yeah huge crossovers of traits. It's like a massive Venn diagram. Meltdowns can be part of ADHD. I find it all fascinating. I ended up studying for qualifications in autism and adolescent mental health conditions so I could be the best support possible for my children and I learnt so much. There's a book called 'Reweaving the Autistic Tapestry' which I found really interesting.
ADHD in particular seems quite prominent in the media these days but not in a good way. Progress and awareness of neurodiversity has definitely been made in the last couple of decades, especially in schools but I don't think people without experience (of whatever type) will ever understand properly. A diagnosis doesn't make everything magically wonderful and people don't all fit into the neat little boxes the media would try and have us believe.
soph30
VIP Member
Discrimination is real though. Anyone with autism/ADHD may appear awkward in an interview so won't get hired even though we have huge strengths once on the job
shadowcat5
VIP Member
I doubt you'd be able to pick up subtle hints of who fancied someone if you were even moderately autistic. This is from a fellow NDer btw, not someone fed media shite
I don't really agree with this. I am autistic and I can read a room like it's no ones business. I have to in order to survive tbh lol. I do struggle to read people/unspoken language in relation to myself (e.g I can't tell when someone is bored of a conversation) but I can tell when there is a vibe among people as a whole so like I can tell when 2 people fancy each other but I can't tell when someone fancies me. I can tell when there is tension between people sexual or otherwise. I can tell when something has gone tits up in the office. I can usually tell when people are taking the piss out of me (not always).
That said though, as someone who grew up in an abusive environment, a lot of these are skills I've learnt over the years of walking on egg shells. I wouldn't say I'm intuitive but I'm observant?
ETA: I'm not saying that what you're saying isn't right or true. but I would say that it isn't my experience.
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soph30
VIP Member
Oh that is actually interesting, I’m not autistic (but I am neurodivergent so not treating you like a science experiment or judging etc) and I always assumed reading a room would be tricky? Really proves there‘s a spectrum
shadowcat5
VIP Member
To be fair, i think it is for some people. I will say men and women present very differently too so could be a male orientated trait (not saying women don't experience it though) One of the reasons women are so under diagnosed is because we know very little about how autistic women present.
(also no offence or judgement taken! I love this thread because we´re all here to learn and be a little community)
soph30
VIP Member
Yeah I brought @TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo over here from the I’m a celeb thread as she said as an autistic person herself she thought Matt H might be autistic and I said he had too much of an understanding of people’s motives and feelings. But it’s interesting how some people have weaker neurodivergent traits and stronger ones rather than coming as a whole package 
TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo
VIP Member
To be honest, 'diagnosing' people off their appearance on TV is fraught with danger. It's only a snap shot of them we see. I'd just happened to notice something in his behaviour that was familiar to me, having witnessed it in my children and somebody else mentioned something so I gave my thoughts.Yeah I brought @TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo over here from the I’m a celeb thread as she said as an autistic person herself she thought Matt H might be autistic and I said he had too much of an understanding of people’s motives and feelings. But it’s interesting how some people have weaker neurodivergent traits and stronger ones rather than coming as a whole package
I also think that the diagnosis threshold is there for a reason. As I mentioned last night, one thing that puts me off persuing my own diagnosis is if there is any point now. It may well have helped me when I was younger but as an adult it's not overly problematic for me other than adding to my sense of self and belonging I suppose. It's not something I've really discussed outside of a few close friends and family but I think if pushed I'd identify, or certainly explain why I felt I fit more as ND rather than NT. Certainly from an ADHD perspective. I'm less certain about ASD. However, even discussing it anonymously on here feels a bit fraudulent without a proper diagnosis.
Whereas for someone else they may really need the diagnosis because it is impacting them. For example, my eldest had significant difficulties growing up and will need support his entire life. There is no way he would have managed without a diagnosis. The same can be said of my other two who are diagnosed. There was simply never a question over whether they needed to be. It was clear they'd need extra support.
The genetic element is of interest to me too. ASD and ADHD traits are quite obvious (with the benefit of hindsight) throughout the generations in my family but they have been comparatively minor until my children. I do wonder how it will develop in future generations. Watching your child struggle is horrible and it saddens me that my children may have to see their children go through the same thing (should they chose to have them). As an example of the variation of need, all three of mine have the same diagnoses but their needs and difficulties are very different from each other.
In all honesty, I haven't spent an awful lot of time in the past thinking about it. It's just existed in the background. It's only come to the fore now because I'm going through quite a stressful time and my potential diagnosis was used against me in quite a horrible way by the person I was suppost to be most able to trust and confide in. It's helped to blurt it out on the threads here because there's nowhere else I feel I can direct it and I need to talk about it to process it if that makes sense.
Bagelwheat
Chatty Member
Here goes! Hoping some of you might be able to offer me some advice 
I’m a manager of a small team, and my most recent hire hasn’t been as plain sailing as I’m used to. She’s recently been diagnosed about 3 months ago with ADHD in her early 20s.
She’s not picked the job up well in that she can’t retain information, doesn’t write things down or follow instruction and won’t ask questions (she told me she feels like she’s a pest if she asks as she knows she’s asked before). On my very limited knowledge and googling, I believe this could be her ADHD.
She’s a nice girl and I really want to make it work, but I’m at a bit of a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can put in place or change how I do things to make things easier for us both? I’m worried she’s going to end up leaving because she’s unhappy. I’m usually quite relaxed and leave my team to it, but I’m finding myself constantly checking over her work because when I don’t, nothing gets done, but this isn’t how I want to be and it can’t be nice for her either.
Thank you, and hopefully I don’t sound like an awful person. It’s all new to me and I want to do better!
I’m a manager of a small team, and my most recent hire hasn’t been as plain sailing as I’m used to. She’s recently been diagnosed about 3 months ago with ADHD in her early 20s.
She’s not picked the job up well in that she can’t retain information, doesn’t write things down or follow instruction and won’t ask questions (she told me she feels like she’s a pest if she asks as she knows she’s asked before). On my very limited knowledge and googling, I believe this could be her ADHD.
She’s a nice girl and I really want to make it work, but I’m at a bit of a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can put in place or change how I do things to make things easier for us both? I’m worried she’s going to end up leaving because she’s unhappy. I’m usually quite relaxed and leave my team to it, but I’m finding myself constantly checking over her work because when I don’t, nothing gets done, but this isn’t how I want to be and it can’t be nice for her either.
Thank you, and hopefully I don’t sound like an awful person. It’s all new to me and I want to do better!
Fifah1907
VIP Member
Here goes! Hoping some of you might be able to offer me some advice
I’m a manager of a small team, and my most recent hire hasn’t been as plain sailing as I’m used to. She’s recently been diagnosed about 3 months ago with ADHD in her early 20s.
She’s not picked the job up well in that she can’t retain information, doesn’t write things down or follow instruction and won’t ask questions (she told me she feels like she’s a pest if she asks as she knows she’s asked before). On my very limited knowledge and googling, I believe this could be her ADHD.
She’s a nice girl and I really want to make it work, but I’m at a bit of a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can put in place or change how I do things to make things easier for us both? I’m worried she’s going to end up leaving because she’s unhappy. I’m usually quite relaxed and leave my team to it, but I’m finding myself constantly checking over her work because when I don’t, nothing gets done, but this isn’t how I want to be and it can’t be nice for her either.
Thank you, and hopefully I don’t sound like an awful person. It’s all new to me and I want to do better!
I think it’s great that you really want to make this work and are asking questions!
I had a similar thing when I started my job in the summer, and my boss (who’s the only one who knew about my adhd) pulled me to the side and asked what she could do to help. What worked for me was printing off a checklist sort of thing of everything that needed done for each task & then I had a visual of what needed done. I can’t process info just being told it, never have been able to! The best thing you can do is reassure her that asking the same questions a few times isn’t being a pest but you (and the rest of the team, if applicable) are there to help.
I’m sure other people will have better ideas, but that’s what worked for me!
Bagelwheat
Chatty Member
Thank you, it’s all new for me and she’s asked me to keep it confidential so there isn’t really anyone at work I can talk to about it and the rest of the team are therefore not aware either.I think it’s great that you really want to make this work and are asking questions!
I had a similar thing when I started my job in the summer, and my boss (who’s the only one who knew about my adhd) pulled me to the side and asked what she could do to help. What worked for me was printing off a checklist sort of thing of everything that needed done for each task & then I had a visual of what needed done. I can’t process info just being told it, never have been able to! The best thing you can do is reassure her that asking the same questions a few times isn’t being a pest but you (and the rest of the team, if applicable) are there to help.
I’m sure other people will have better ideas, but that’s what worked for me!
She seems very similar in that she can’t process information. Her response is currently to do nothing until I tell her what she needs to do. Did you create your own checklist or did your manager help? I will suggest this in her next 121 and see what she thinks!
Hollaaa
VIP Member
What helped me a lot in an old job was having 15 minute prioritisation meetings with my line manager first thing on a Tuesday (Monday mornings too stressful!), it meant that expectations were clear on both sides and it helped with accurately estimating how long things would take.
A chat was followed up with an emailed bullet list (from her to me) and I'd send an updated version to let her know where I was with everything on the Friday, which then gave me Monday as a 'safety net' to finish off anything outstanding after recharging my batteries at the weekend and coming back to things fresh.
A chat was followed up with an emailed bullet list (from her to me) and I'd send an updated version to let her know where I was with everything on the Friday, which then gave me Monday as a 'safety net' to finish off anything outstanding after recharging my batteries at the weekend and coming back to things fresh.
betchyhin
Active member
ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.
I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.
In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"
TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo
VIP Member
You don't sound awful at all, the exact opposite innfact!Here goes! Hoping some of you might be able to offer me some advice
I’m a manager of a small team, and my most recent hire hasn’t been as plain sailing as I’m used to. She’s recently been diagnosed about 3 months ago with ADHD in her early 20s.
She’s not picked the job up well in that she can’t retain information, doesn’t write things down or follow instruction and won’t ask questions (she told me she feels like she’s a pest if she asks as she knows she’s asked before). On my very limited knowledge and googling, I believe this could be her ADHD.
She’s a nice girl and I really want to make it work, but I’m at a bit of a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can put in place or change how I do things to make things easier for us both? I’m worried she’s going to end up leaving because she’s unhappy. I’m usually quite relaxed and leave my team to it, but I’m finding myself constantly checking over her work because when I don’t, nothing gets done, but this isn’t how I want to be and it can’t be nice for her either.
Thank you, and hopefully I don’t sound like an awful person. It’s all new to me and I want to do better!
If she won't write things down herself, you could make prompt cards for her. So when she needs to learn a new task that she'll need to retain the steps to do again, she'll have it to refer to. I'd laminate them as well if possible so she they can be stored easily without getting wrecked and will be easily accessible. Maybe even provide them in a folder which she can build up.
You sound like a great manager! The fact that you've googled stuff is amazing and so supportive. Hopefully once she realises her diversity is supported and she isn't the pest she thinks she is, you'll be able to work together to find other solutions too.
shadowcat5
VIP Member
No hate but I strongly disagree. I have autism and function fairly 'normally' (hate that term) on the spectrum of society's view of normal (e.g I can hold down a job, communicate with my boss and work colleagues well, care for myself like eating and washing etc., drive, pay my bills, run a house, all the stuff you'd consider a 'successful adult' to be). That doesn't mean I don't have autism or don't struggle with aspects of life. I too struggle with routine changes, not absolute meltdown but it is jarring and anxiety inducing, supermarkets make me want to burst into tears, I often feel like I am missing something in a room full of people and I feel like an alien 99.9% of the time unless I am with someone who connects with me on my level.
People with ADHD do struggle and often don't function 'normally', or they function to a certain extent but it is a huge burden on them. I have a friend with ADHD who struggles to function on a normal 9-5 work schedule. I thrive off of that. She struggles to keep focus on a task, I thrive on that.
Her struggles are just as valid as mine.
TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo
VIP Member
Wow! For goodness sake, do you know how damaging this type of assumption is?!
Nobody I know with ADHD is like that and it isn't easier to diagnose at all. In fact, in my own personal experience, there's always been a reticence to even screen for it compared to autism. ADHD is very real and not everyone with a child with it is able to mediate them, even if it would be for the best.
Hollaaa
VIP Member
The only reason I made it to adulthood was because I was hothoused through school by my teacher dad, which was absolute hell to live through. I can't cope with anyone raising their voice to me to this day. Undiagnosed ADHD, hoping for diagnosis next year, frankly no idea how they didn't know there was something different about me but my parents did good by me with the tools they had.
Bagelwheat
Chatty Member
Thank you to those who have responded. Certainly some bits to take away and discuss with her this week and hopefully we can start the year off better and turn things around!