The Neurodiversity Thread

[AT_16]

If he is diagnosed with Asperger’s don’t despair, neurodiversity is honestly a difference not a disability. I can think of at least ten CEOs and tech genuises with Asperger’s. The world can be cruel but he’ll be fine. And don’t listen to mumsnet etc as gospel truth, I saw one thread where they were saying dyslexic kids had to go to special schools and it’s such shite

I’d be a little careful about jumping to conclusions about things as well. Take advice from professionals, but be aware they’re sometimes working off a checklist. For example I’m dyspraxic, not autistic, and it was thought I was autistic for years as I wouldn’t play ball games in the playground. I didn’t like the games because I found the coordination aspect difficult, nothing to do with the other kids. It’s sometimes obvious there’s a ‘difference’ but not how severe it’s going to be- for example I wasn’t great at eye contact up until like age 11 but was fine as a teen

thank you, i just want him to have a diagnosis so he has the right support and so i can understand how his brain works and support him better because at the moment i don’t know what to do

i hate feeling like i am watching him suffer and i can’t help!

 

[WhittlingIhopMonkey]

I do wish there was a company that hired exclusively autistic people in the office, it would make things significantly easier to navigate; no office politics, no water cooler small talk, we all say awkward things and enjoy never having team building events

I love this suggestion. My DH is autistic, he's in his 50s now and although he has successful career in IT he does struggle with certain aspect of office life like water cooler small talk and the obligatory "fun" like Christmas parties etc.

They've all got used to his pov on this stuff now but I know he'd love if it wasn't even a "thing".

 

[shadowcat5]

hey guys,

another tattle user directed me here, i’m going to copy and paste what i put on another thread about my son and add some bits in, i’d be really appreciative of any advice please.

my son is 5 nearly 6 and is on the verge of being excluded from school and i don’t know what to do anymore, i’ve tried everything possible including getting him assessed but the GP won’t even entertain an appointment with them until he’s 6 let alone a referral.

He doesn’t sleep, no matter what i do or the routine he just does not sleep until he’s at the point of exhaustion where he pretty much collapses.

he has an obsession around any technology mainly phones, computers and watches but even down to things like smart meters. He doesn’t have access to anything other than a TV so he will constantly draw the items he is interested in and if the slightest thing on the drawing is wrong he will have a melt down.

He also likes to know exactly how things work and operating systems etc and is extremely knowledgeable on anything to do with technology.

he constantly puts things in his mouth, he will have meltdowns over certain foods, when he has a meltdown he will kick, scream, bite, scratch and throw things.

He doesn’t seem to have an “off” switch, he talks and it’s like his brain goes a thousand miles an hour and he will talk and talk about his subject of interest but is not engaged when something else is spoken about.

he constantly and consistently interrupts conversations and has no perception of personal space with anyone.

sorry for the long post and thanks for reading x

Hello, it’s me from the other thread. I will reply here as there is more information!

It sounds like ASD to me.
Disclaimer: please don’t take this as me telling you how to parent. You sound like a wonderful mother who loves her son and I’m not a parent. I can only go off what did or didn’t help me as a kid. I am no expert in neurodivergency either, I am solely speaking from my own experiences. I will caveat my thoughts with my own experiences. Also be prepared for lots of questions lol.

Firstly, does his school have a sen/senco team? What are the school saying about his behaviour? How big is his class? What kind of activities does he do? Does he play with the other kids? I am wondering if his kick offs at school are from being overwhelmed with the noise and the attention needed to sit and listen. I vividly remember being his age and hating break time and anytime we had to sing cause there was so much noise but not consistent noises. It was so many different noises. I am wondering if there is someone available to remove him from the room when he’s struggling.


I have no advice about the meltdown when not getting things right because I only learned to let that go as an adult. That said, is ethereal someone where he can go with the meltdowns? Somewhere safe where he can just let go and not harm himself or anyone else. I wish I could tell you how to stop them but in all honesty, I’m 20 years older than your son and I still have moments where I just want scream the place down.

Have you ever done a reward type thing with him? Let me explain, I have a family friend who was a foster career and she would use teachable skills as positive reinforcement. So basically x amount of behaviours gets you x thing. Not like potty training though, more like in your sons case, if he doesn’t interrupt when someone is speaking he gets to do something like look at the smart meter and touch the buttons. I have 0 idea if it’ll work cause the kids she had had behavioural issues from being neglected so she would have things like “i showered every day”, “I brushed my teeth” “i peed in the toilet” which were things they’d never been taught. obviously your little one doesn’t need that but I’m wondering if the positive reinforcement of life skills would help him. He might be a bit young for it but he sounds very bright from what you’ve said.

Does he have a watch and could you get him a watch? Not a smart one or anything, but maybe one of those fan dangle ones with buttons on the side, they sell them in Argos.
I am wondering if a watch he can play with could be used as a calm tool. also could be a reward thing for him.

For putting things in his mouth have you looked into chewable jewellery? He might be an oral stimmer so using his mouth is what’s calming him (i am one of these but I like to repeat words)

As for the sleeping, what’s his room like? Is there too much going on in there? E.g. walls are too colourful, curtains not dark enough, too many toys. What exactly is he doing when he’s not sleeping? Is he running around? Is he coming out of his room?

Also, does he like blankets/heavy clothes?

I hope you don’t think I’m saying you’re doing anything wrong cause I DO NOT think that all. It’s just really hard to understand if your brain isn’t wired up that way

 

[WhittlingIhopMonkey]

hey guys,

another tattle user directed me here, i’m going to copy and paste what i put on another thread about my son and add some bits in, i’d be really appreciative of any advice please.

my son is 5 nearly 6 and is on the verge of being excluded from school and i don’t know what to do anymore, i’ve tried everything possible including getting him assessed but the GP won’t even entertain an appointment with them until he’s 6 let alone a referral.

He doesn’t sleep, no matter what i do or the routine he just does not sleep until he’s at the point of exhaustion where he pretty much collapses.

he has an obsession around any technology mainly phones, computers and watches but even down to things like smart meters. He doesn’t have access to anything other than a TV so he will constantly draw the items he is interested in and if the slightest thing on the drawing is wrong he will have a melt down.

He also likes to know exactly how things work and operating systems etc and is extremely knowledgeable on anything to do with technology.

he constantly puts things in his mouth, he will have meltdowns over certain foods, when he has a meltdown he will kick, scream, bite, scratch and throw things.

He doesn’t seem to have an “off” switch, he talks and it’s like his brain goes a thousand miles an hour and he will talk and talk about his subject of interest but is not engaged when something else is spoken about.

he constantly and consistently interrupts conversations and has no perception of personal space with anyone.

sorry for the long post and thanks for reading x

No advice, that just sounds very tough on you. I'm sorry your GP is so utterly useless. Can you switch ?

 

[AT_16]

Hello, it’s me from the other thread. I will reply here as there is more information!

It sounds like ASD to me.
Disclaimer: please don’t take this as me telling you how to parent. You sound like a wonderful mother who loves her son and I’m not a parent. I can only go off what did or didn’t help me as a kid. I am no expert in neurodivergency either, I am solely speaking from my own experiences. I will caveat my thoughts with my own experiences. Also be prepared for lots of questions lol.

Firstly, does his school have a sen/senco team? What are the school saying about his behaviour? How big is his class? What kind of activities does he do? Does he play with the other kids? I am wondering if his kick offs at school are from being overwhelmed with the noise and the attention needed to sit and listen. I vividly remember being his age and hating break time and anytime we had to sing cause there was so much noise but not consistent noises. It was so many different noises. I am wondering if there is someone available to remove him from the room when he’s struggling.


I have no advice about the meltdown when not getting things right because I only learned to let that go as an adult. That said, is ethereal someone where he can go with the meltdowns? Somewhere safe where he can just let go and not harm himself or anyone else. I wish I could tell you how to stop them but in all honesty, I’m 20 years older than your son and I still have moments where I just want scream the place down.

Have you ever done a reward type thing with him? Let me explain, I have a family friend who was a foster career and she would use teachable skills as positive reinforcement. So basically x amount of behaviours gets you x thing. Not like potty training though, more like in your sons case, if he doesn’t interrupt when someone is speaking he gets to do something like look at the smart meter and touch the buttons. I have 0 idea if it’ll work cause the kids she had had behavioural issues from being neglected so she would have things like “i showered every day”, “I brushed my teeth” “i peed in the toilet” which were things they’d never been taught. obviously your little one doesn’t need that but I’m wondering if the positive reinforcement of life skills would help him. He might be a bit young for it but he sounds very bright from what you’ve said.

Does he have a watch and could you get him a watch? Not a smart one or anything, but maybe one of those fan dangle ones with buttons on the side, they sell them in Argos.
I am wondering if a watch he can play with could be used as a calm tool. also could be a reward thing for him.

For putting things in his mouth have you looked into chewable jewellery? He might be an oral stimmer so using his mouth is what’s calming him (i am one of these but I like to repeat words)

As for the sleeping, what’s his room like? Is there too much going on in there? E.g. walls are too colourful, curtains not dark enough, too many toys. What exactly is he doing when he’s not sleeping? Is he running around? Is he coming out of his room?

Also, does he like blankets/heavy clothes?

I hope you don’t think I’m saying you’re doing anything wrong cause I DO NOT think that all. It’s just really hard to understand if your brain isn’t wired up that way

thank you, i really appreciate everything you’ve said

so yes the school has senco and the head of it was in the meeting today and i’ve spoke with them on the phone before too, they do remove him from class into a “reflection room” and he does reflection sheets sometimes too, his class has around 30 children.

He’s never really been interested in playing with other kids, he will play with them don’t get me wrong and he loves to make friends but he likes to play what he is interested in and only that, if that makes sense? he likes pe and sometimes phonics but there isn’t much else he is interested in, he just wants to draw electrical things all the time.

i have tried reward charts and like positive stuff like if you do x y z you can have my phone for 10 mins and so on but it doesn’t seem to work very well, it helps a bit so i do continue it but doesn’t seem to have much of an impact.

he has had a few watches but he either looses them or breaks them as he is really destructive as well.

the mouth thing no i haven’t got him a necklace but i literally saw them earlier and thought they’d be great for him so i am definitely going to order some!

his room is nice, i recently decorated and he has a “big boy” single bed and nice bedding and teddies etc, he has a fish tank with 2 pet fish in and then a few toy boxes but everything is tidied away in the boxes and then he has a tv at the end of the bed. I have tried a weighted blanket before but i’m thinking of giving it another go and maybe getting some sensory type lighting? he will draw if i don’t make sure i’ve taken all the pens and sometimes he will just run around or run up and down the hall. We can literally spend 12 hours out the house on a child friendly day out and he would still be climbing the walls at night x

 

[Millie2023]

Hello
ADDer here, I also have some issues with sensory stuff (texture and sound)
Currently unmedicated since pre-pregnancy 10 years ago , not sure how I feel about going back on meds now!

 

[shadowcat5]

thank you, i really appreciate everything you’ve said

so yes the school has senco and the head of it was in the meeting today and i’ve spoke with them on the phone before too, they do remove him from class into a “reflection room” and he does reflection sheets sometimes too, his class has around 30 children.

He’s never really been interested in playing with other kids, he will play with them don’t get me wrong and he loves to make friends but he likes to play what he is interested in and only that, if that makes sense? he likes pe and sometimes phonics but there isn’t much else he is interested in, he just wants to draw electrical things all the time.

i have tried reward charts and like positive stuff like if you do x y z you can have my phone for 10 mins and so on but it doesn’t seem to work very well, it helps a bit so i do continue it but doesn’t seem to have much of an impact.

he has had a few watches but he either looses them or breaks them as he is really destructive as well.

the mouth thing no i haven’t got him a necklace but i literally saw them earlier and thought they’d be great for him so i am definitely going to order some!

his room is nice, i recently decorated and he has a “big boy” single bed and nice bedding and teddies etc, he has a fish tank with 2 pet fish in and then a few toy boxes but everything is tidied away in the boxes and then he has a tv at the end of the bed. I have tried a weighted blanket before but i’m thinking of giving it another go and maybe getting some sensory type lighting? he will draw if i don’t make sure i’ve taken all the pens and sometimes he will just run around or run up and down the hall. We can literally spend 12 hours out the house on a child friendly day out and he would still be climbing the walls at night x

God love you cause it sounds like you’ve really tired everything

It’s good they’re aware of it at least and are removing him.

I was the same with friends. I hated having friends over cause my toys needed to be played with my way. As long as he’s happy.

My only other suggestion with sleeping is that he struggles to transition. I say this cause I have the same problem. I will be sat in front of the tv downstairs, eyes closing with exhausting but the act of moving from 1 activity to another is really difficult. I think it’s an anxiety thing but really don’t know.

It’s hard cause we’re not in his head. I really hope he gets the help he needs bless him

 

[L3moning]

I do wish there was a company that hired exclusively autistic people in the office, it would make things significantly easier to navigate; no office politics, no water cooler small talk, we all say awkward things and enjoy never having team building events

I have ADHD and Aspergers, and I think this would end badly

I work in engineering, and, including me, there are three people in the office with diagnosed ASD or equivalents, plus several more I would be surprised if they don't have some form of ASD. If it was just us in an office it would be monumentally annoying and unproductive.

On a personal note, I also don't like working from home, for two reasons, 1) I feel like I get less done because its more distracting and 2) if I did it for any length of time it would be very easy to literally never leave my flat, and I do like to make an least some effort to be social.

 

[AT_16]

No advice, that just sounds very tough on you. I'm sorry your GP is so utterly useless. Can you switch ?

we don’t really have many GPs in our area, i have contacted the health visitor and i’m expecting a call back if i get no joy there i think this might be something i need to consider for sure! thank you.

God love you cause it sounds like you’ve really tired everything

It’s good they’re aware of it at least and are removing him.

I was the same with friends. I hated having friends over cause my toys needed to be played with my way. As long as he’s happy.

My only other suggestion with sleeping is that he struggles to transition. I say this cause I have the same problem. I will be sat in front of the tv downstairs, eyes closing with exhausting but the act of moving from 1 activity to another is really difficult. I think it’s an anxiety thing but really don’t know.

It’s hard cause we’re not in his head. I really hope he gets the help he needs bless him

thank you, i’ve tried the stuff i said plus a worry monster and an emotional octopus thing (which sometimes he does use), popits, fidget spinners, and just talking to him and telling him it’s ok to have these feelings and he can speak to me or any other grown up or if he doesn’t want to speak that’s ok too he can take time out, but nothing seems to help

yeah he is quite happy to play alone to be fair

that’s a very good point about the sleeping actually, i didn’t think of it like that.

i know i wish i could get inside his little brain and see the world through his eyes so i could give him all the help he needs

thank you for your help, i really appreciate it x

 

[shadowcat5]

we don’t really have many GPs in our area, i have contacted the health visitor and i’m expecting a call back if i get no joy there i think this might be something i need to consider for sure! thank you.


thank you, i’ve tried the stuff i said plus a worry monster and an emotional octopus thing (which sometimes he does use), popits, fidget spinners, and just talking to him and telling him it’s ok to have these feelings and he can speak to me or any other grown up or if he doesn’t want to speak that’s ok too he can take time out, but nothing seems to help

yeah he is quite happy to play alone to be fair

that’s a very good point about the sleeping actually, i didn’t think of it like that.

i know i wish i could get inside his little brain and see the world through his eyes so i could give him all the help he needs

thank you for your help, i really appreciate it x

I wish I could be more help tbh! Do you think he might settle a bit when he’s older or even through the coming months? Back to school is a huge adjustment anyway for kids his age, plus with his differences on top of that

 

[AT_16]

I wish I could be more help tbh! Do you think he might settle a bit when he’s older or even through the coming months? Back to school is a huge adjustment anyway for kids his age, plus with his differences on top of that

i don’t really know, he seems to be getting worse the older he gets which is quite worrying in terms of when he bites, kicks, scratches etc.

i’m hoping maybe in another 2 or 3 weeks he will calm a bit after the adjustment of going back to school but the way he is acting i’m also afraid he doesn’t have 2 or 3 weeks left at the school because they are talking of exclusion

 

[smeeflet]

we don’t really have many GPs in our area, i have contacted the health visitor and i’m expecting a call back if i get no joy there i think this might be something i need to consider for sure! thank you.

Have you double -checked the referral process for your area? In many areas now they prefer referrals from schools as they ask for evidence that a graduated response has been used. Then it wouldn't matter if you can't persuade the GP to refer.

 

[AT_16]

Have you double -checked the referral process for your area? In many areas now they prefer referrals from schools as they ask for evidence that a graduated response has been used. Then it wouldn't matter if you can't persuade the GP to refer.

i spoke to the health visitor advice line thing today and they said there’s a new thing in our area that the school might not be aware of which is where they can directly refer him for an assesment so it cuts the middle man out so to speak so they’ve sent me the details and i’m passing them on to the school so we can get the ball rolling (i hope)

 

[shadowcat5]

i don’t really know, he seems to be getting worse the older he gets which is quite worrying in terms of when he bites, kicks, scratches etc.

i’m hoping maybe in another 2 or 3 weeks he will calm a bit after the adjustment of going back to school but the way he is acting i’m also afraid he doesn’t have 2 or 3 weeks left at the school because they are talking of exclusion

Hi I’m so sorry to bring this back but I was on a walk today and I think I may have thought of some more reasons why he’s not sleeping.

1. He’s overstimulated

2. He’s under stimulated - not necessarily physically but it could be he’s not getting enough mental stimulation because he’s not entertained by what he’s doing at school. I had this problem when I was around 8-11 - (long story short) the work at school was
boring for me and I was wired in the evenings because I wasn’t working my brain during the day

3. (This one I think is the most likely scenario) he’s got too much adrenaline in his body to slow him down - he could be anxious at school and he likely knows that he’s “misbehaving” which might be giving him more anxiety cause he’s “naughty” and not “a good boy like the other kids” (“” cause I disagree with these words and I do not think your son is naughty at all but I’m thinking of it from a child’s perspective). It could be that bed time is the sign that he’s got school the next day which is sending his adrenaline through the roof (i say this because I would cry in bed every night as I knew I was getting up for school the next day)
or bed time is the weekend where he doesn’t know what the plans are or what’s happen (im not saying that’s true for your family, but I’m just thinking of it from my perspective of weekends. I now stick to a rigid routine on weekends because I hate just having long days of nothing - even something as small as ‘put washing out’ gets done at the same time. As a kid I hated when I didn’t know what was happening)

I obviously don’t know if any of this is true. These are just more ideas. It could also be a mixture of all 3. I hope that helps

 

[soph30]

He also might not understand what he’s doing wrong in some aspects. I remember having that issue

 

[shadowcat5]

He also might not understand what he’s doing wrong in some aspects. I remember having that issue

Agreed. This was pretty much my whole childhood

 

[shadowcat5]

Agreed. This was pretty much my whole childhood

I also want to add to this that sometimes you know youve done something wrong but you don’t exactly know what it is that you’ve done wrong.

I have been told that I have been or am rude so many times in my life but have yet to be told what is the exact thing that I’ve done that’s rude and why. I don’t doubt that I am occasionally rude (by accident) but please explain why?!

 

[no-no]

This is going to sounds strange but I’m wondering if anyone else has this (very first world and pathetic) issue.

I really find it hard to find things to watch. I feel like there is almost too much option between TV with hundreds of channels, all the streaming services, on demand and YouTube. I spend most of the day just flicking between all of them. Now I’m pissed off because it is
4pm and I’ve wasted yet another “chill in front of the tv” day doing nothing.

I’ve just restarted You for the fourth time and thought of this comment. I watched OFAH religiously for over a year, then This Country. Even though I’ve had them on loads of times I still see new stuff in them, it’s not in a “aren’t they creative geniuses” kind of way, more like I miss a lot of info whilst “watching”. I’ve got several new shows to watch but will have to push myself to put them on because it requires so much more processing.

 

[shadowcat5]

I’ve just restarted You for the fourth time and thought of this comment. I watched OFAH religiously for over a year, then This Country. Even though I’ve had them on loads of times I still see new stuff in them, it’s not in a “aren’t they creative geniuses” kind of way, more like I miss a lot of info whilst “watching”. I’ve got several new shows to watch but will have to push myself to put them on because it requires so much more processing.

I get you. I find it hard to concentrate a lot of the time

 

[Halliestar]

Does anyone have experience with children that stim?
I’ve had a look on Google and I’m not sure if my son has it how ever ever since he was one he’s constantly chattering his teeth, I’ve had people notice and comment on it, his old teacher had noticed it as well. You tell him to stop but within a few minuets he’s doing it again. I’ll go and pick him up from school and as he’s waiting to be let out onto the playground he’s chattering his teeth, I’ve got videos of him from his school plays and while he’s singing he’s still chattering his teeth together. When he talks half the time he will also be doing it. He also hums constantly as well when he’s concentrating on something and playing on his tablet which can then set his teeth off again with the chattering.
He’s really good at remembering songs he’s just heard, not the words but the tune, he will hum to it and get it spot on straight away, he’s the same with the music on adverts.


He often gets confused with things as well like everything will be “yesterday I did this” when he’s referring to something from ages ago. Although his old teacher had picked up on some of these things nothing came about it when I asked, all she said was it could be a comfort thing regarding the teeth chattering, so I’m unsure if to mention it to his new teacher and see what she thinks.

He’s also a nail biter! Constantly biting his nails which got mentioned when I did some Googling