The Neurodiversity Thread

1
betchyhin said:
ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"
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please leave this thread.
 
I’ve been reading through this thread and I recognise myself in a lot of what’s been said. Especially the bits about watching the same comfort TV shows to save feeling anxious about the ending. Also dealing with workplace, and social situations.
But does anyone have a partner who they think may be autistic/neurodivergent?
So sorry if I don’t use the right terminology; I don’t have a great understanding of the subject.
I’ve realised after a very long time together though, that what I’ve always seen as emotional detachment and failure to read moods or understand what I’m saying may be due to autism, or something similar.
I always say he’s pedantic in that if I’m telling him about something, he’ll completely miss the point of the story and pick up on the fact that I’ve maybe said left instead of right, or up instead of down.
If we’re arguing, he’ll often say something like he didn’t mean to do it wrong, as though he’s working from some kind of textbook. And he rarely shows any real emotion.
It’s difficult to explain, but there’s a lot of things that make me feel sad or frustrated, that I’m now convinced he can’t help, because it’s the way he’s wired.
I love him, and he’s a good person, but life with him can feel a bit lonely sometimes and I wondered if anyone else is in this situation and how you learn to accept it, and stop picking your partner up on things that can’t be changed.
Sorry for the long post, and if it’s too much “me,me,me”.
 
mee43 said:
I’ve been reading through this thread and I recognise myself in a lot of what’s been said. Especially the bits about watching the same comfort TV shows to save feeling anxious about the ending. Also dealing with workplace, and social situations.
But does anyone have a partner who they think may be autistic/neurodivergent?
So sorry if I don’t use the right terminology; I don’t have a great understanding of the subject.
I’ve realised after a very long time together though, that what I’ve always seen as emotional detachment and failure to read moods or understand what I’m saying may be due to autism, or something similar.
I always say he’s pedantic in that if I’m telling him about something, he’ll completely miss the point of the story and pick up on the fact that I’ve maybe said left instead of right, or up instead of down.
If we’re arguing, he’ll often say something like he didn’t mean to do it wrong, as though he’s working from some kind of textbook. And he rarely shows any real emotion.
It’s difficult to explain, but there’s a lot of things that make me feel sad or frustrated, that I’m now convinced he can’t help, because it’s the way he’s wired.
I love him, and he’s a good person, but life with him can feel a bit lonely sometimes and I wondered if anyone else is in this situation and how you learn to accept it, and stop picking your partner up on things that can’t be changed.
Sorry for the long post, and if it’s too much “me,me,me”.
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Sounds like a lot of men to be honest. Have you had any other relationships to compare to? ASD or not (I wouldn’t say what you’ve mentioned would point to that) you don't have to learn to accept upsetting behaviour. He might not be able/willing to change things but you have to prioritise yourself.
 
My 4yo daughter has autism and I'm fairly sure I do too (although I suppose I'd be considered high functioning). She's been so hard to deal with over the school holidays cos she's out of her routine. I'm really struggling. Probably sounds like a stupid thing to complain about but I feel so overstimulated when she's screaming, shouting and hitting me.
 
Cosytidy said:
please leave this thread.
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I hope you understand that by telling me to leave the thread for being honest and providing my twopence worth to the conversation, you are not fostering the neurodiverse understanding that you strive for.

I clearly have a lot to learn, but I already know that ADHD is a real condition recognised by doctors. What I was saying is that in MY experience, I have met spoilt brat kids with nothing wrong at all, they're just badly brought up, and using the label to excuse the behaviour. THAT's what I was getting at.
 
Due to the postal strikes a very important letter has arrived three weeks late. My deadline to return it is today, my child went to nursery at 8am and I have a solid 10 hour block of time to get this form filled in and posted.

I’m four hours in and still haven’t picked up a pen. I’m frustrated and stressed, I WANT to complete this, the results of me filling in this letter benefits me greatly, I have motivation, interest and urgency behind me. I’m in a room with no distractions or noise, I’m fed, rested, and I have a plan for what’s needed, and yet I can’t do it.

If anyone has any tips for overcoming demand avoidance and executive dysfunction joining forces I’m all ears 🙏🏻
 
Meg78 said:
Due to the postal strikes a very important letter has arrived three weeks late. My deadline to return it is today, my child went to nursery at 8am and I have a solid 10 hour block of time to get this form filled in and posted.

I’m four hours in and still haven’t picked up a pen. I’m frustrated and stressed, I WANT to complete this, the results of me filling in this letter benefits me greatly, I have motivation, interest and urgency behind me. I’m in a room with no distractions or noise, I’m fed, rested, and I have a plan for what’s needed, and yet I can’t do it.

If anyone has any tips for overcoming demand avoidance and executive dysfunction joining forces I’m all ears 🙏🏻
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Use dopamine to your advantage

Do you like chocolate or sweets or fizzy drinks? Do you smoke? Something that makes your brain do what you want.

I would work on a reward system. So every x minutes or x pages (make it realistic) you get the treat. When I was in uni I would say every paragraph I get a cookie and then I'd walk around, do some star jumps or some dancing and sit back down. Do not scroll on your phone that will make it worse.
You get that back at the end.
 
I've had a nightmare getting my medication in, postal strikes (not on the NHS yet), then all the bank holidays. I've had to ration a lot and it made me so irritable and angry at everything little.

I managed to get a few solid days worth and now the final part is in my pharmacy waiting to be labelled etc.
 
shadowcat5 said:
Use dopamine to your advantage

Do you like chocolate or sweets or fizzy drinks? Do you smoke? Something that makes your brain do what you want.

I would work on a reward system. So every x minutes or x pages (make it realistic) you get the treat. When I was in uni I would say every paragraph I get a cookie and then I'd walk around, do some star jumps or some dancing and sit back down. Do not scroll on your phone that will make it worse.
You get that back at the end.
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I really wish my brain responded to this! I’ve spent the past hour telling myself that I’ll get some chocolate or get to watch a tv show after 20 mins, only then I got distracted thinking about trivia facts from said tv show and started looking them up 🤦🏻‍♀️ I removed my phone and turned the tv off at the mains so I wasn’t tempted, sat back down and somehow wound up picking at my skin with the moana soundtrack on a loop in my head (just the same two lines, endlessly looping, it feels like my brain is taunting me!)
 
Meg78 said:
I really wish my brain responded to this! I’ve spent the past hour telling myself that I’ll get some chocolate or get to watch a tv show after 20 mins, only then I got distracted thinking about trivia facts from said tv show and started looking them up 🤦🏻‍♀️ I removed my phone and turned the tv off at the mains so I wasn’t tempted, sat back down and somehow wound up picking at my skin with the moana soundtrack on a loop in my head (just the same two lines, endlessly looping, it feels like my brain is taunting me!)
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okay, is there something about it specifically that you think is causing you to avoid it (anxiety, boredom) or is this a normal thing for you?
Could you put some music on?
Would watching tv actually help?
sometimes I find the tv on while doing something helps cause it doesn’t feel so official.
Is it possible for you to do the easiest part of the task first? Like write your name? Is that a possibility?sorry I don’t know what the task is but I’m just brainstorming things that help me get started.
could you loop around the block on a fast walk? I find that helps me sometimes
 
shadowcat5 said:
okay, is there something about it specifically that you think is causing you to avoid it (anxiety, boredom) or is this a normal thing for you?
Could you put some music on?
Would watching tv actually help?
sometimes I find the tv on while doing something helps cause it doesn’t feel so official.
Is it possible for you to do the easiest part of the task first? Like write your name? Is that a possibility?sorry I don’t know what the task is but I’m just brainstorming things that help me get started.
could you loop around the block on a fast walk? I find that helps me sometimes
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It’s a PIP form. Not because of neurodivergence, other fun health shenanigans, but it’s daunting as there’s so many horror stories about the assessments. I know it will help me overall to get it done, but it’s a lot of writing and I’m aware I have to get it right, it’s almost too daunting if that makes sense?

I did as you suggested and started with the dull admin side, signing my name and dating things etc, but every fibre of my being is fighting me to avoid filling anything else out
 
Does anyone know of any good books about ASD, specifically in females who are diagnosed late?
I need something that is easy to read and no academic/medical language.

I want to help some family understand why some things are difficult for me. I will read it first and highlight any points that are relevant to me.

Does that even sound like a good idea?
 
iLoveMeSomeCanoles said:
Does anyone know of any good books about ASD, specifically in females who are diagnosed late?
I need something that is easy to read and no academic/medical language.

I want to help some family understand why some things are difficult for me. I will read it first and highlight any points that are relevant to me.

Does that even sound like a good idea?
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Are youtube videos an option? There is a woman on YT called Olivia Hops who was diagnosed at 25 and she does marvellous videos
 
iLoveMeSomeCanoles said:
Does anyone know of any good books about ASD, specifically in females who are diagnosed late?
I need something that is easy to read and no academic/medical language.

I want to help some family understand why some things are difficult for me. I will read it first and highlight any points that are relevant to me.

Does that even sound like a good idea?
Click to expand...
I enjoyed the book Odd Girl out by Laura James who wasn't diagnosed until her 40s and I found it very relatable. There is a podcast I've been meaning to listen to and I keep hearing about it called The Loudest Girl in the World that is by a woman who was diagnosed at 42 in the middle of the pandemic if you prefer to listen to things.

I am happy that I found this thread on tattle- there is honestly a thread for everything on here!


I am 25 and I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia in my last semester of the university (and does explain why I took 7 years to do a four year degree, including having to retake a semester and dropping out in 2019 and coming back to do my last year in 2021). I think that my diagnoisis have made it a lot easier to understand myself though I do feel a bit annoyed about it taking that long as they never looked at me when I was at school as I was quiet and my mum refused to get me looked at because 'I could read,' though I struggled a lot at school and I still get the odd jibes made about how I spell and write or my dad likes to speak backward in 'dyslexia' language.

I have a lot of memories from primary school of my mum shouting at me when she was trying to 'help,' with my homework and she would be getting angry at my writing and my spelling, or how I struggled a lot with numbers. Ironically despite this, my brother was diagnosed with dyspraxia and got some help at school when he was a child, though I think my mum only agreed to get him looked at as his dyspraxia affects his speech a bit. I think that I'm just annoyed with how much I struggled and no one thought to help me until I did advocate for myself at uni. The school didn't even think I'd get to uni and I'm just about to start a masters, they put me in a learning support classroom a few times a week and they didn't teach me there and it was arts and crafts and this was in a well off school in Scotland.

I think that I do have ASD, and have thought so when I was 11. My brother and my Fiancee think that I do as well, my family don't. My brother went to the point of looking at a master list for Autism in women and told me that he didn't need to get past the first section as I matched everything well and that was with me masking a lot. Since moving in with my fiancee and being away from my family, I never realised how much I masked at home, thankfully Lauren (my partner) understands me and is accepting but I do wonder how much of my personality is me and how much was it masking.

I don't know if I would get a diagnosis or if anyone would else recgnoise my traits even with advocating for myself (though Lauren's co-workers were able to tell that I was autistic without me saying to them, one is autisitc and the other is ADHD, so they might have a radar for it lol). I mask really well and I am rather 'normal,' in the regards that I am going to get married, I have a job, I go to uni, and I live in a flat, so I don't think that anyone would diagnois at 25 year old woman. My mum said I am not autistic as 'austistic people don't have relationships or jobs like I do'- I work in a supermarket, but she goes on about how she gets on with an autisic doctor and helps him ect. I just don't know what to do about it. Sorry for a ramble, I've not had anywhere else to share this with before.
 
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betchyhin said:
ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"
Click to expand...
My grown up daughter has struggled with school and keeping a job but now runs her own company. Last year she started looking into ADHD as she thought that might be her problem . She was able to go private and after spending in excess of £2000 she is diagnosed and on her meds. She’s just been signed off and is now under her own dr so won’t have to pay anymore . I was sceptical but the difference is amazing and I can clearly see that this was her problem all along. However it made me realises I have some of the traits so I’m not going down the diagnosing route but I am going to research coping mechanisms instead.
So sorry you are wrong with your assumptions

Meg78 said:
It’s a PIP form. Not because of neurodivergence, other fun health shenanigans, but it’s daunting as there’s so many horror stories about the assessments. I know it will help me overall to get it done, but it’s a lot of writing and I’m aware I have to get it right, it’s almost too daunting if that makes sense?

I did as you suggested and started with the dull admin side, signing my name and dating things etc, but every fibre of my being is fighting me to avoid filling anything else out
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Right firstly call them and tell them the form was delayed so you’ve only just received it. You are entitled to more time it’s not your fault it was delayed Then make an appt with citizens advice and get them to help you.
I’ve filled in pip forms before and my advice is write short precise answers not too much information.
 
Redrose97 said:
I enjoyed the book Odd Girl out by Laura James who wasn't diagnosed until her 40s and I found it very relatable. There is a podcast I've been meaning to listen to and I keep hearing about it called The Loudest Girl in the World that is by a woman who was diagnosed at 42 in the middle of the pandemic if you prefer to listen to things.

I am happy that I found this thread on tattle- there is honestly a thread for everything on here!


I am 25 and I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia in my last semester of the university (and does explain why I took 7 years to do a four year degree, including having to retake a semester and dropping out in 2019 and coming back to do my last year in 2021). I think that my diagnoisis have made it a lot easier to understand myself though I do feel a bit annoyed about it taking that long as they never looked at me when I was at school as I was quiet and my mum refused to get me looked at because 'I could read,' though I struggled a lot at school and I still get the odd jibes made about how I spell and write or my dad likes to speak backward in 'dyslexia' language.

I have a lot of memories from primary school of my mum shouting at me when she was trying to 'help,' with my homework and she would be getting angry at my writing and my spelling, or how I struggled a lot with numbers. Ironically despite this, my brother was diagnosed with dyspraxia and got some help at school when he was a child, though I think my mum only agreed to get him looked at as his dyspraxia affects his speech a bit. I think that I'm just annoyed with how much I struggled and no one thought to help me until I did advocate for myself at uni. The school didn't even think I'd get to uni and I'm just about to start a masters, they put me in a learning support classroom a few times a week and they didn't teach me there and it was arts and crafts and this was in a well off school in Scotland.

I think that I do have ASD, and have thought so when I was 11. My brother and my Fiancee think that I do as well, my family don't. My brother went to the point of looking at a master list for Autism in women and told me that he didn't need to get past the first section as I matched everything well and that was with me masking a lot. Since moving in with my fiancee and being away from my family, I never realised how much I masked at home, thankfully Lauren (my partner) understands me and is accepting but I do wonder how much of my personality is me and how much was it masking.

I don't know if I would get a diagnosis or if anyone would else recgnoise my traits even with advocating for myself (though Lauren's co-workers were able to tell that I was autistic without me saying to them, one is autisitc and the other is ADHD, so they might have a radar for it lol). I mask really well and I am rather 'normal,' in the regards that I am going to get married, I have a job, I go to uni, and I live in a flat, so I don't think that anyone would diagnois at 25 year old woman. My mum said I am not autistic as 'austistic people don't have relationships or jobs like I do'- I work in a supermarket, but she goes on about how she gets on with an autisic doctor and helps him ect. I just don't know what to do about it. Sorry for a ramble, I've not had anywhere else to share this with before.
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I can relate to the academic part, I was diagnosed both dyslexic and dyspraxic in uni.

I've made it to 33 before I was diagnosed, have friends, a solid job etc. It doesn't mean you can't have these things, though I did go private because I didn't want to wait 2 years for the NHS. Never even thought it was ADHD because of the way it's portrayed generally.

Us females are very good as masking.
 
I’ve filled in pip forms before and my advice is write short precise answers not too much information.
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I found the opposite with my son's pip unfortunately. It came back the first time with him scoring zero for every category, which given his level of need was ridiculous (he lives with a carer). I had to send an extra 26 pages of typed information for the appeal as well as get letters of support from family members and professionals. The whole thing was a slog and I'm not looking forward to having to reapply.
 
Bit of a weird one and very minor really but anyone else find they are useless when using a knife and fork? I realised just now that I prefer to eat with a spoon cause it requires less coordination
 
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