Single by Choice

[peachesandcreamz]

If we get to another thread at some point we should change the title to "Single at Heart"
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Here's the book online btw!

Single at Heart

Appreciate where this comes from but from the outside it sounds like people who are in a relationship but feel single deep down lol!

 

[mozzarellagirl]

A lot of men are "identifying" as poly as an excuse to have access and sex to multiple women at once. No one dare question it in fear of being offensive. I can see right through these men.
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I can’t bring myself to use online dating. I just can’t. Sure, I think about it. I think about the kind of man I’d accept (see my posts on the dating thread). But if I’m honest with myself, I know that I am not prepared to “work for it” and that’s what online dating feels like to me. Putting myself into the frame of mind, that I “need to work hard to get love” is not good for the psyche on a subconscious level. I don’t need to work hard, because I am the love. I spent my entire twenties doing online dating, and quite frankly, ended up in a much worse state. I’d of been better off single. My mental health would have been in tact, and I would have gone much further in life, much sooner. I value my peace, and relationships have never provided me that.

It's honestly bleeping degrading being on dating apps as a woman who dates men. They turn with their dicks on the table being inappropriate, offensive and entitled. Usually addicted to porn (which is getting more and more violent and extreme by the day) and wanting a mother they can duck.

While we have to bend over backwards and almost sell ourselves to be chosen and follow 700 rules to get a guy to "stick around"... and they aren't ever worth it tbh.

Every time I download a dating app I delete it the same day. It makes me feel cheap and lonely. The concept in itself isn't too bad but it's ruined by the behaviours of majority of men on there. I date both men and women, and my experiences with women are the exact opposite - they're still human - so some of them are also strange or flaky lol but I've never felt degraded or recieved a pic of a coochie I didn't ask for lol!

 

[LaBlonde]

A lot of men are "identifying" as poly as an excuse to have access and sex to multiple women at once. No one dare question it in fear of being offensive. I can see right through these men.

yep. almost every poly relationship i’ve seen in life involves one man and multiple women. i feel like a woman with more than one boyfriend is incredibly rare (based on no evidence other than my own observations )

 

[mozzarellagirl]

I haven't visited this thread for a while and I've forgotten how comforting and lovely it is. I like you women a lot

 

[AshMay]

yep. almost every poly relationship i’ve seen in life involves one man and multiple women. i feel like a woman with more than one boyfriend is incredibly rare (based on no evidence other than my own observations )

True, in the poly couples I know, the women are bi and they mainly date women. I always wonder how the dynamic would change with their male primary partners if they dated men as well!

Idk how the couples who live together do it either, with logistics of who stays where when someone wants another partner staying over

 

[peachesandcreamz]

How are we all doing ladies (& gents?? anything in between!) Still happily single and enjoying life here! It's payday and I treated myself to some new soap from lush and odds and sods from Holland and Barratt lol.

Quick Q - how many of you lovely lot are still getting laid? Do we have many people that have a friend or two with benefits? I haven't seen any action in a good....4+ years, and must admit OCCASSIONALLY me, myself and I would like a 4th to join the party...

 

[Kezzle1]

I am doing a complete overhaul of my wardrobe, glamming up my look a bit, hadn't realised just how miserable I was and how it was reflected in how I presented myself to the world.
I miss hugging and kissing but sex not so much, seems too much of an effort right now!

 

[Nurseali]

2 years and still single.
Don't miss sex at all tbh, it was more a chore in the later years , akin to putting the bin out.

 

[mozzarellagirl]

How are we all doing ladies (& gents?? anything in between!) Still happily single and enjoying life here! It's payday and I treated myself to some new soap from lush and odds and sods from Holland and Barratt lol.

Quick Q - how many of you lovely lot are still getting laid? Do we have many people that have a friend or two with benefits? I haven't seen any action in a good....4+ years, and must admit OCCASSIONALLY me, myself and I would like a 4th to join the party...

Celibate atm. I went celibate for two years once and it did me so much good. I believe sleeping with the wrong men and not being extremely selective will really duck with your spirit in the long run and thus your body / mind. (Thats what prompted it in the first place even though I am very sexual woman. I don't have casual sex nor do I find men who are worth getting into a relationship with).
It's the effects they leave you with from the "physical transaction" if you will, not that we get much most of the time. I know it sounds super "howl at the moon" but I believe it even more so after my 2 years.

The first time I had sex after that was just "broke my streak for 3 mins of dissapointment and cringe" and I regretted it on a serious level.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I've always had very long gaps being celibate. My current stretch is from June 2019. I find it difficult to imagine that changing to be honest. I think being on the apps and the blatant porn addicts on there kind of ruined any illusions I had about men. I value my contentment too much these days.

 

[unidentified]

I've always had very long gaps being celibate. My current stretch is from June 2019. I find it difficult to imagine that changing to be honest. I think being on the apps and the blatant porn addicts on there kind of ruined any illusions I had about men. I value my contentment too much these days.

I feel like I could have written this. This is exactly the same as me.

I sometimes miss sex (I blame hormones) but I mostly miss that intimacy and emotional connection and people don’t want that anymore so single all the way!

 

[mozzarellagirl]

me sitting trying to fight my horny thoughts because casual sex is NOT worth it. i WILL regret it. i will NOT cum. messaging an old link for sex is a STUPID idea. i OWN a vibrator. my mind is FILTH. I am a reborn VIRGIN. My strength is SHAKY.

But alas... my fellow warriors

We
Must
Remain
Strong.

 

[susan1375]

My mum divorced in her mid 40s as did her friend. Neither ever had a partner again as they weren’t willing to compromise or put anyone else’s needs (apart from their kids!) first. They lived full and happy lives, always busy. They looked happier years younger than their married friends who pandered to their partners’ needs.
I did ask her once if she missed intimacy, she replied Anne summers had the right idea as battery powered devices are there to please you and don’t argue back!

 

[GiftedNotFree]

View attachment 2850480 q
me sitting trying to fight my horny thoughts because casual sex is NOT worth it. i WILL regret it. i will NOT cum. messaging an old link for sex is a STUPID idea. i OWN a vibrator. my mind is FILTH. I am a reborn VIRGIN. My strength is SHAKY.

But alas... my fellow warriors

We
Must
Remain
Strong.

Me when I’m ovulating but it always passes! (And I DO NOT want children)

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Me when I’m ovulating but it always passes! (And I DO NOT want children)

ovulation loves to test my willpower. i be eyeing the average bald postman up like YOU. in. now.

 

[Olgivy]

Just some random thoughts this Sunday…

Do any of you people watch? I like to couple watch. I was in Nando’s today, and it was wild the amount of couples who were dressed up to eat their dinner in complete silence. Literally. Sitting across from one another at the table. Men looking out the window. So was the women. What is the point? Might as well eat alone.

I’m loving this era I’m in, where I am decentering men and instead centering myself. No sacrifice compromise, just all about what I want. Society has conditioned us to feel like this is a bad thing, and like we are selfish for not wanting to consider someone else all the time. But lately, I’ve been leaning more into the fact that I love being alone. I love the unconditional love that my daughter and animals give me. I don’t want to “work” for love. I have no interest in dating apps, or chatting tit over WhatsApp with a variety of men. I don’t need or want validation from men. I just want to be love, which is what I already have right here, right now. In abundance.

I wont rule out a relationship for the future. But I’ll never actively look for one. I believe it sends the wrong message to our soul. It tells us that we are “deficient” in some way.

Also, and this isn’t talked about much at all. But I used to feel that I had to “hurry up” to find someone because I’m getting old. And “men don’t want old women.” This misogynistic mindset controlled all of my behaviours when it came to seeking validation from men. I needed to be sexy, have long hair, and wear toe crushing heels. I’d be in so much pain, but it was worth it if a man wanted me right? I did endless self-preening for years and years, and if I’m honest it was a whole lot of work for very little long term payoff. Well, very little payoff of substance that is. I am a smart woman, with a big heart. But in my mind, that meant nothing if a man didn’t immediately think phroar when he looked at me. This is such a toxic mindset to have, yet so many women have it. I had it. I don’t anymore…

You see this mindset on TV, TikTok. Ads. Conversations. It’s everywhere. This incessant “beauty” talk is mainly for the purpose of a male gaze. Would we really want our lips done if we were on an island with just ourselves for company? What’s it all for? I don’t get it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love expensive skincare, and nice bath products. But part of decentering men has been about being mindful of which aspects of beauty culture I subscribe to. Especially if my decision to partake in something, is fuelled by an inkling that this would make me more “desirable” to a man.

 

[Amoo]

Do any of you people watch? I like to couple watch. I was in Nando’s today, and it was wild the amount of couples who were dressed up to eat their dinner in complete silence. Literally. Sitting across from one another at the table. Men looking out the window. So was the women. What is the point? Might as well eat alone.

Yeah, I notice that a lot, couples sitting there in silence with grumpy faces. It's meant to be a fun occasion. Smile! Talk! Enjoy yourselves! They're probably the type who then go on social media with the 'Lovely meal with this one xxxx' posts.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I agree. So much of my life has been about how I should be instead of what I really am. Even if you get the man, it's for how long and woe betide you if you have an insecurity or a flat backside or and I read this one lately a Fupa (fat upper pussy area) the whole thing seems to be worse than a job you hate! Single is paradise in comparison.

 

[Here for gossip]

I have been single for 8 years by choice, I love my own company and freedom, but this last while I have been thinking of a guy i dated in my 20s, even to the point of having dreams about him, does this mean something?

 

[GiftedNotFree]

I have been single for 8 years by choice, I love my own company and freedom, but this last while I have been thinking of a guy i dated in my 20s, even to the point of having dreams about him, does this mean something?

This happens to me from time to time with one specific ex boyfriend that I was with in my early 20s (around 13 years ago).
I dream of him too occasionally but for me I think it’s because I miss him as a friend (we ended on good terms but have lost touch now) and I feel generally nostalgic for that particular time in my life (out with that relationship).
Not because I love him or want to be with him.