Single by Choice

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newtoyou said:
This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?

I spend all week at work with people and see people at weekends. In fact I don’t feel lonely at weekends even if I don’t. It’s just those specific times where I think about how other people come home to partners or families.

I tend to have background noise on a lot (tv or podcasts). But any things you do when you get home to an empty house?
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Might I suggest a pet? They really do help with that "coming home to an empty space" feeling. Great cuddlers too. Unless they're cats. Really might I suggest getting a dog hahaha.
 
Nurseali said:
My ex husband was so controlling I wasn't allowed contact lenses and had curfews set when I wanted to go out. Many many rules.
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When my friend left a controlling and violent partner after many years, she confessed to me (much later) that when she first got her own place she literally had to think hard about what to put on TV, what to cook for tea, what clothes to wear as he chose EVERYTHING for her when they were together. I am so, so happy for you and how you must be feeling at the freedom that you are so entitled to 🥰


newtoyou said:
But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?
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I guess I'm lucky because I really don't. In fact even when I've been on my own for an extended period of time and then I have to see someone it can feel intrusive!
 
newtoyou said:
This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?

I spend all week at work with people and see people at weekends. In fact I don’t feel lonely at weekends even if I don’t. It’s just those specific times where I think about how other people come home to partners or families.

I tend to have background noise on a lot (tv or podcasts). But any things you do when you get home to an empty house?
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i get this too! pretty much the exact moment that i come through the door - especially if i’ve had a bad day at work or if i’m coming home from a trip. i remember coming back in a taxi from a holiday with a friend of mine and her partner met her at the door and was happy to see her and i had a moment of 🥹🥹 i can’t deny that coming home to someone does appeal, even if i would probably then want them to leave if they were in my house for longer than an hour.

i just try and keep busy really! i have a set routine of what i do when i get home (in terms of starting to cook my meal, tattle scroll and sit down, reading) and i find having podcasts on while i’m cooking and then just background music as i read really helps. i’m not a hugely lonely person either but i get you that it’s those small moments where i have a little tug on my heart! (and also when i’m ill),
 
LaBlonde said:
i get this too! pretty much the exact moment that i come through the door - especially if i’ve had a bad day at work or if i’m coming home from a trip. i remember coming back in a taxi from a holiday with a friend of mine and her partner met her at the door and was happy to see her and i had a moment of 🥹🥹 i can’t deny that coming home to someone does appeal, even if i would probably then want them to leave if they were in my house for longer than an hour.

i just try and keep busy really! i have a set routine of what i do when i get home (in terms of starting to cook my meal, tattle scroll and sit down, reading) and i find having podcasts on while i’m cooking and then just background music as i read really helps. i’m not a hugely lonely person either but i get you that it’s those small moments where i have a little tug on my heart! (and also when i’m ill),
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This makes me feel better 🧡 I guess we should remember that lots of people would also wish they didn’t have to come home to someone and wish they were alone! I do v similar to you in terms of routine but it is that one moment as I walk though the door. Maybe I’ll put music on before I unlock the door 😂
 
I never feel lonely at home, but I have always got the TV on otherwise it's too quiet.

The only times I feel lonely is when I've gone to the theatre/concert in my own and everyone else is in a group.

oh and the time I was out in a group of ladies and we decided to go on for a meal, they all had to clear it with their OHs, and then told me I was lucky that I could do whatever I pleased! I nearly cried because if I'm late home nobody is bothered! They don't see that side of things.
 
newtoyou said:
This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?

I spend all week at work with people and see people at weekends. In fact I don’t feel lonely at weekends even if I don’t. It’s just those specific times where I think about how other people come home to partners or families.

I tend to have background noise on a lot (tv or podcasts). But any things you do when you get home to an empty house?
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Seriously, get a dog. He looks at me like I’m the best thing that ever walked the earth. You get a wonderful welcome even if you’ve just been to put the bins out and we both go up to bed at the same time, he has his side and I have mine.
 
newtoyou said:
This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?
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Don't get a dog if you are at work all day. It's not fair to leave them alone for so long. But go for it if you love dogs and can leave them for shorter periods. I am generally in the camp of what you can offer a pet rather than what you expect the pet to do for you. Dogs are a huge commitment.
*Hah, sorry, just saw your new post saying you are allergic.

Do you have any neighbors to connect with? Checking in with an elderly neighbor, or something that doesn't take up much time and commitment can quell those lonely times. And they are often even lonelier than you, so it can benefit two parties.

Exercise? Cleaning? Having a specific thing to do right when you get in may help take your mind off the immediate empty house feeling.
 
Sabbie said:
Don't get a dog if you are at work all day. It's not fair to leave them alone for so long. But go for it if you love dogs and can leave them for shorter periods. I am generally in the camp of what you can offer a pet rather than what you expect the pet to do for you. Dogs are a huge commitment.
*Hah, sorry, just saw your new post saying you are allergic.

Do you have any neighbors to connect with? Checking in with an elderly neighbor, or something that doesn't take up much time and commitment can quell those lonely times. And they are often even lonelier than you, so it can benefit two parties.

Exercise? Cleaning? Having a specific thing to do right when you get in may help take your mind off the immediate empty house feeling.
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Thanks for all the suggestions 😊 I should definitely find something to look forward to as I come in. I should say I have a very cosy routine once I’m settled on the couch. I guess it’s like we were saying above, those hollow moments when you first come in to an empty house
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Fledgling Psycho said:
I go on to the relationships board on Mumsnet and then I feel relieved I'm on my own! Also I remind myself that the odd hollow moments will pass. Cook something nice. Eat chocolate. I've never understood people who say it's depressing to just cook for yourself. I love it because I'm worth it ❤😄
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Excellent tip about mumsnet 😂 I love cooking for myself too! You don’t have to worry about what anyone else likes
 
kendallroysdownfall said:
When my friend left a controlling and violent partner after many years, she confessed to me (much later) that when she first got her own place she literally had to think hard about what to put on TV, what to cook for tea, what clothes to wear as he chose EVERYTHING for her when they were together. I am so, so happy for you and how you must be feeling at the freedom that you are so entitled to 🥰
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Completely relate. I had forgotten what I liked and not what I was allowed to like. Even tv shows could cause silent treatments.

I felt guilty going out with friends at first and still stuck to the curfew at first , then I went the other way for a bit strolling home at 4am 🥴🥳
Now I feel I have hit my happy.
 
newtoyou said:
This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?

I spend all week at work with people and see people at weekends. In fact I don’t feel lonely at weekends even if I don’t. It’s just those specific times where I think about how other people come home to partners or families.

I tend to have background noise on a lot (tv or podcasts). But any things you do when you get home to an empty house?
Click to expand...
I don't find this personally - in the evenings when I get home from work my friends are also finishing and we're sharing voicenotes about our day, sending each other pics of our dinner or talking about what TV we're watching. I often call my parents on my drive home too.

Being full time in an office surrounded by people constantly I'm usually really looking forward to some me time 🥰
 
newtoyou said:
Haha yeh I defo wouldn’t get a cat and am actually allergic to both 😂 Although the thought of a dog is 🥰 Tbh even a fish seems like too much responsibility to me!
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One of those electronic dogs. I got one for a present for my nephew years ago and tried it out to see if he would like it and I got strangely attached
newtoyou said:
Thanks for all the suggestions 😊 I should definitely find something to look forward to as I come in. I should say I have a very cosy routine once I’m settled on the couch. I guess it’s like we were saying above, those hollow moments when you first come in to an empty house
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Excellent tip about mumsnet 😂 I love cooking for myself too! You don’t have to worry about what anyone else likes
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Slow cooker your food. Then you come home to lovely food smells 😋
 
My plan in the next few years is to move away (Wales/ Shropshire, I want to live somewhere more rural with a bit of space between me and my neighbours - after living almost all my life in suburban outer London I'm ready for a change).

I was telling one of my local (married) friends this recently and she said 'but you don't know anyone, won't you be lonely all on your own?' - I don't know that I will be (plus there is a high chance one of my sons will move with me anyway) I'm quite a solitary person the older I get so it doesn't worry me but now I'm wondering if it should!
 
Lalla said:
My plan in the next few years is to move away (Wales/ Shropshire, I want to live somewhere more rural with a bit of space between me and my neighbours - after living almost all my life in suburban outer London I'm ready for a change).

I was telling one of my local (married) friends this recently and she said 'but you don't know anyone, won't you be lonely all on your own?' - I don't know that I will be (plus there is a high chance one of my sons will move with me anyway) I'm quite a solitary person the older I get so it doesn't worry me but now I'm wondering if it should!
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I’m quite solitary and love spending time on my own. My dream is to live in a field with no one else around me. I would sit and look on to a view, potter in the garden and tend to animals. My dad tells me it would be the worst thing for me because I spend too much time alone already. I don’t agree. It’s whatever suits you isn’t it
 
unidentified said:
I’m quite solitary and love spending time on my own. My dream is to live in a field with no one else around me. I would sit and look on to a view, potter in the garden and tend to animals. My dad tells me it would be the worst thing for me because I spend too much time alone already. I don’t agree. It’s whatever suits you isn’t it
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Agreed - I don't want to live anywhere super rural (I've got a friend who is in quite an isolated part of the West Country and that's too far off the beaten track for me), ideally I'd like to be within 3-5 miles of a supermarket for example 😂 but there are quite a few places in the areas I'm looking that I could achieve that but also not be cheek by jowl with other houses. And I'm thinking that being in a village or that close to a town would still give me the option to be social and join clubs and things as and when I felt the need for more human interaction - and if I didn't then I could happily be alone in my country cottage with a dog or two :)
 
Lalla said:
Agreed - I don't want to live anywhere super rural (I've got a friend who is in quite an isolated part of the West Country and that's too far off the beaten track for me), ideally I'd like to be within 3-5 miles of a supermarket for example 😂 but there are quite a few places in the areas I'm looking that I could achieve that but also not be cheek by jowl with other houses. And I'm thinking that being in a village or that close to a town would still give me the option to be social and join clubs and things as and when I felt the need for more human interaction - and if I didn't then I could happily be alone in my country cottage with a dog or two :)
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I think what you’re dreaming of is perfectly ‘normal’ (I say it like that because what is normal).
 
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