I think I've said on here before, but a fully blame my mother for my poor relationship around food. She was anorexic and bulimic so herself had a bad relationship, but she used to use food as a punishment. I remember many times sitting at the table, making myself throw up as I was served something I didn't like (now diagnosed autistic I know my issues are around texture, but it wasn't really a think 35 yrs ago)
I remember having friends around as a young child, she'd feed them the food kids like (pizza, nuggets, chips etc) and me something like courgettes and lentils. She would then tell them 'P&T can't have nice food as she's too fat'
I wasn't even really fat, I was tall and well developed so had quite a womanly body from a young age which she despised
The final straw I took my first boyfriend home at about 14, and she asked him want me saw in me, as he was skinny AF and i was 'so fat'
After that I never ever took a friend home again. My friends knew she was a cow and I tried to laugh it off but it was pretty hurtful
I went to collage, uni and was earning my own money and just started to eat the wrong stuff and of just got worse from there.
I've not seen here for 5 months, and altho normally I do before Christmas am paranoid to this this year as I don't want my weight to be a conversation.