One Day of Winter #3 Queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even the Pea has reproduced.

[Spider12]

He’s quite ‘go with the flow’ tbh so I don’t think he’d have an awful lot to say but I can imagine that he feels hurt by Ravens rejections.

She just said ‘oh mate, it’s tit isn’t it’ and then went on to recommend that I seek support on other insta accounts. There was none of the ‘if you need to talk to someone that understands’ etc with knowing her. She then went into her loss again and what seemed like a oneupmanship of why her loss was more hurtful. I think I was just looking for an ‘I’m so sorry for your loss, let’s chat when you feel up to it’ or even ‘what’s her name’ ‘how much did she weigh’ the usual questions are so comforting for me because I still had a baby. I’ve had kinder comments from people I’ve never met...including on here!

She’s changed loads and I know we all change a bit when we have kids but it’s a huge shift in her.

That’s just disgusting she didn’t support you, especially as she knows you and that she’s been through exactly the same thing! Her loss with Winter and yours at 37 weeks is exactly the same! I lost a baby at 17 weeks and this, then going through labour, it was just one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever been through in my life. However, I know a loss is a loss but to lose at 37 weeks , I just cannot even imagine how you got through it. She knows how that feels so it’s a disgrace she couldn’t be supportive

 

[missmarmighty]

That’s just disgusting she didn’t support you, especially as she knows you and that she’s been through exactly the same thing! Her loss with Winter and yours at 37 weeks is exactly the same! I lost a baby at 17 weeks and this, then going through labour, it was just one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever been through in my life. However, I know a loss is a loss but to lose at 37 weeks , I just cannot even imagine how you got through it. She knows how that feels so it’s a disgrace she couldn’t be supportive

Thank you & I’m so sorry to hear that you too have experienced losing a baby. It’s the worst pain anyone can ever go through. I definitely expected more sympathy, I know I’ve given far more sympathy to people I don’t know but I genuinely believe she’s just so wrapped up in herself and how she is more hard done to. I have my beautiful girls here now and they’ve helped with a whole lot of healing but our first baby will never be forgotten and they will know that they had a sibling too.

I suppose I wish I could warn people who have unfortunately experienced loss not to reach out to her because it’s just a twist of the knife and not just for me it seems.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

I’m so sorry for all the forever babies mentioned on this thread; they all matter and it’s important to share memories and make sure they’re remembered by others.

I learned of Pea’s account through a friend IRL and with my first baby being stillborn at term I initially found her page empathetic and was glad someone was talking about baby loss on that platform.

I messaged her about something and got a really off response, almost like ‘well I happen to find that...etc etc’ with no acknowledgement of my baby or experience. It was around when her book was published and got the sense that she felt her loss took precedence because of that.

From being involved in a baby loss charity in real life, one of the main things is learning that everyone’s experience is individual and therefore each response to personal grief is right in the circumstance. It’s about finding common ground with other families who know what you’re going through.

I know she has no obligation to be a counsellor or even befriender - and that type of role is definitely not for everyone nor appropriate when grief is so fresh - but it feels to me she chose to make baby loss a focus of her account but didn’t consider that people would actually reach out with their own experiences, or have the self awareness to think how others might feel by her lack of empathy.

Yet another example of instagrammers purporting to be something when they don’t have the knowledge or level of skill needed to be properly credible.

 

[FraggleRock]

I feel this, I’m so sorry for your loss. My baby was born at 30 weeks living and breathing but unwell and consequently passed away a few hours later and when I spoke to her through knowing her through Dean she too made me feel this way. I really think advocating baby loss through her insta is a stretch and that it’s more of a memorial page for her loss only.




I too had this experience with a health visitor

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine how awful it is to experience losing a child, and having people minimise your feelings, especially when they’ve been through the same thing. Sending you so much love

 

[missmarmighty]

I’m so sorry for all the forever babies mentioned on this thread; they all matter and it’s important to share memories and make sure they’re remembered by others.

I learned of Pea’s account through a friend IRL and with my first baby being stillborn at term I initially found her page empathetic and was glad someone was talking about baby loss on that platform.

I messaged her about something and got a really off response, almost like ‘well I happen to find that...etc etc’ with no acknowledgement of my baby or experience. It was around when her book was published and got the sense that she felt her loss took precedence because of that.

From being involved in a baby loss charity in real life, one of the main things is learning that everyone’s experience is individual and therefore each response to personal grief is right in the circumstance. It’s about finding common ground with other families who know what you’re going through.

I know she has no obligation to be a counsellor or even befriender - and that type of role is definitely not for everyone nor appropriate when grief is so fresh - but it feels to me she chose to make baby loss a focus of her account but didn’t consider that people would actually reach out with their own experiences, or have the self awareness to think how others might feel by her lack of empathy.

Yet another example of instagrammers purporting to be something when they don’t have the knowledge or level of skill needed to be properly credible.

Thank you It’s clear that it’s not her strong point in supporting other mums that have lost babies. I think over a half arsed response I would’ve preferred an ‘I’m sorry but it’s too triggering for me comfort you in your loss’ I really appreciate transparency over being fobbed off with a half arsed response. I think you can show compassion without having to flog yourself mentally. You’re so right about insta too

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine how awful it is to experience losing a child, and having people minimise your feelings, especially when they’ve been through the same thing. Sending you so much love ❤

Thank you Minimising other people’s feelings puts it perfectly

 

[grumpy-nosy-cow]

Omg that is so inappropriate of a stranger to ask you that! God it’s made me angry on your behalf

Thanks lol ! it was so odd ..if you need to ask anything wouldnt you ask something normal like oh how old is the baby? boy or girl? lol
I hate the guilt people try to project into Mums if they're not BF BF their baby.

 

[Sven]

Good god. She has to start telling Raven no. I can’t believe she’s posting smug ‘look at meeeee tandem feeding’ posts on instagram and then actually not mentioning at all how she doesn’t actually want to??
Also, did Raven hit Pea.. or the baby who’s taking ‘her’ milk?

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Good god. She has to start telling Raven no. I can’t believe she’s posting smug ‘look at meeeee tandem feeding’ posts on instagram and then actually not mentioning at all how she doesn’t actually want to??
Also, did Raven hit Pea.. or the baby who’s taking ‘her’ milk?

I'm assuming the Facebook groups she's in are private. Unless her Instagram followers are in the same groups, they'll never know she's having these struggles.

She's probably trying to hide it from her family too. Especially if, as she's hinted before, they think she's taken the gentle stuff too far and disagree with her parenting methods.

 

[missmarmighty]

I'm assuming the Facebook groups she's in are private. Unless her Instagram followers are in the same groups, they'll never know she's having these struggles.

She's probably trying to hide it from her family too. Especially if, as she's hinted before, they think she's taken the gentle stuff too far and disagree with her parenting methods.

She can’t be naive enough surely to think that there won’t be people that are in both the group and following her on insta

 

[Peakyblinders]

Has she not posted today?

 

[floridababe]

So 1st time posting here- just wanted to give my experience. I too have lost a baby. My daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks in June 2016. I fell pregnant very quickly after and my son was born in the July of 2017.
When my daughter died I remember saying if I was ever to go on to have another baby I wouldn’t moan if the baby was up all night or wouldn’t stop crying cause at least there were alive. It would be better to have them do these things than have no baby at all. I would get mad when I would see parents complaining about their children and how happy they were when they had a child free day/night. I thought how dare they if only they knew what it would be like to not have them at all.
when my son was born however reality hits you and you are only human. I struggled with the guilt at being angry that my son wouldn’t sleep how dare I feel that I should be grateful of every moment. I craved having some time to myself and that guilt was heavy. I do feel Nicola may maytr herself as maybe she has these feelings aswell however they are unrealistic and unattainable. You can’t be everything to everyone you have to let go of control. It’s not a bad thing to want space. I had to stop myself from going down the path of feeling guilty and realise your allowed to feel these emotions. I hope that makes sense?

 

[Cubalibra]

Went down the instagram rabbit hole again. I circled the paragraph that echos what previous posters have been saying. How her loss of winter, which is tragic is far more greater loss than a miscarriage or a neonatal.

 

[Theplantmum]

Thank you- I do, I knew Dean first from quite a young age and then met Pea through him. Ended up being around pea a bit at uni and stuff so got to know her a bit better and then and sort of lost touch with Dean and knew Pea more then when she lost winter we stayed in touch a bit as I offered a lot of support but it then wasn’t reciprocated when I lost my baby later down the line so we definitely lost touch at that point as I felt hurt.

Dean is a lovely lovely guy but I can see why he wouldn’t want to be all over insta as he was a fairly private person anyway. His appearance has changed so so much since I knew him, he was always so clean looking, had dyed blonde hair! & was a bit kind of preppy. He’s so funny too. Pea always seemed nice but has always pretty much talked about herself and been a bit condescending so I can see from the responses that she’s given why she would come across like that...

Sorry to hear about your baby

So 1st time posting here- just wanted to give my experience. I too have lost a baby. My daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks in June 2016. I fell pregnant very quickly after and my son was born in the July of 2017.
When my daughter died I remember saying if I was ever to go on to have another baby I wouldn’t moan if the baby was up all night or wouldn’t stop crying cause at least there were alive. It would be better to have them do these things than have no baby at all. I would get mad when I would see parents complaining about their children and how happy they were when they had a child free day/night. I thought how dare they if only they knew what it would be like to not have them at all.
when my son was born however reality hits you and you are only human. I struggled with the guilt at being angry that my son wouldn’t sleep how dare I feel that I should be grateful of every moment. I craved having some time to myself and that guilt was heavy. I do feel Nicola may maytr herself as maybe she has these feelings aswell however they are unrealistic and unattainable. You can’t be everything to everyone you have to let go of control. It’s not a bad thing to want space. I had to stop myself from going down the path of feeling guilty and realise your allowed to feel these emotions. I hope that makes sense?

Sorry to hear about your baby

 

[Me&My]

I’m so so sorry for all your losses can imagine her response. I think because she put him on the map with her story her loss is greater than anybody elses

Pea makes me so angry reading that?! Why on gods earth would you just not say No? Is she scared queen R might run to Dean or something. Also with her feeding through the night how is she not saturated if she’s still in nappies? Or weeing the bed?
Like you all say makes me hate Queen R and Pea for creating a monster. We used to go to a local playgroup and there was this little boy there that used to take all the toys of kids and his mum never said a word! He stole the pram of my daughter once she was playing lovely on her own and she looked at me heartbroken and sobbed like she’d done something wrong, how do you explain to a child that some children are just knobs because their parents create monsters? That would be Ray without a doubt. The kind of kid I avoid, awful to say but true.

 

[missmarmighty]

Went down the instagram rabbit hole again. I circled the paragraph that echos what previous posters have been saying. How her loss of winter, which is tragic is far more greater loss than a miscarriage or a neonatal.

Having experienced both I partly agree...but I think that’s if you’ve experienced both. If you’ve had a miscarriage on its own of course that’s the greatest sadness and should be respected as such. So her post is insensitive.

I think when you’ve had both the neonatal death or still born death feels greater having held a physical baby and said goodbye.

But it doesn’t mean that the neonatal loss is greater or that Peas loss is greater its that she’s experienced both and the neonatal death is a bigger to her.

She shouldn’t be making people who have experienced miscarriage only feel like the loss is lesser when they’ve not experienced a neonatal death in comparison.

I think what I mean to say is that she can’t dictate someone else’s feelings because she considers the loss lesser due to her own experience.

So 1st time posting here- just wanted to give my experience. I too have lost a baby. My daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks in June 2016. I fell pregnant very quickly after and my son was born in the July of 2017.
When my daughter died I remember saying if I was ever to go on to have another baby I wouldn’t moan if the baby was up all night or wouldn’t stop crying cause at least there were alive. It would be better to have them do these things than have no baby at all. I would get mad when I would see parents complaining about their children and how happy they were when they had a child free day/night. I thought how dare they if only they knew what it would be like to not have them at all.
when my son was born however reality hits you and you are only human. I struggled with the guilt at being angry that my son wouldn’t sleep how dare I feel that I should be grateful of every moment. I craved having some time to myself and that guilt was heavy. I do feel Nicola may maytr herself as maybe she has these feelings aswell however they are unrealistic and unattainable. You can’t be everything to everyone you have to let go of control. It’s not a bad thing to want space. I had to stop myself from going down the path of feeling guilty and realise your allowed to feel these emotions. I hope that makes sense?

I’m so sorry ❤

 

[TheLastLolo]

I will catch up on all the other posts soon but for now, all I can say is
Raven isn't heartbroken, she's a spoilt little twit.

I foresee her stopping breastfeeding both just so raven doesn't get jealous.

 

[Peakyblinders]

I will catch up on all the other posts soon but for now, all I can say is
Raven isn't heartbroken, she's a spoilt little twit.

I foresee her stopping breastfeeding both just so raven doesn't get jealous.

hahahaha love this

 

[maytoseptember]

That FB post was so sad. You can feel the misery pouring out. And yet she’s so brainwashed she can’t say no to her child.

This is why these parenting philosophies are so toxic. You do you, you parent exactly as you see fit but you don’t need to make it your identity. Pea is stuck in a hole she dug for herself, and it would kill her to wean Raven because she’s crowed for years that Raven will only wean when Raven isn’t interested in the boob anymore

 

[EyesOpened123]

Do you think she thinks all toddlers hit? Her remark in the Facebook post ‘understandably hitting’ is so odd. A child of almost 4 hitting their parent or sibling is not normal or understandable. Like others have said, she had plenty of opportunity to be gentle by preparing R for the changes months ago. What she’s doing now is the exact opposite of gentle.

 

[missmarmighty]

Do you think she thinks all toddlers hit? Her remark in the Facebook post ‘understandably hitting’ is so odd. A child of almost 4 hitting their parent or sibling is not normal or understandable. Like others have said, she had plenty of opportunity to be gentle by preparing R for the changes months ago. What she’s doing now is the exact opposite of gentle.

I think she does think this yes. My Daughter never ever hits me and she’s a similar age to Raven. I think it’s about the ability to express emotions and frustration when children hit at an age that they shouldn’t. I think perhaps Raven struggles to express herself rather than let Pea know that she feels left out or ask for attention through play etc and this is most likely down to the demanding parenting style that Pea has established