One Day of Winter #3 Queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even the Pea has reproduced.

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Cubalibra said:
Maybe i have woken up on the wrong side of the bed? I have no sympathy for her, she had 9 months to prepare Rae. She didnt do anything because she didnt want to get ‘rae upset’ which basically means she couldnt be bothered to set rules. She paints herself as
some all knowing, all caring parenting guru. So she should have done more to prevented this.
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No, I’m pregnant so probably just full of hormones! I think they had reached a point where she BF R less and so I think the wanting to feed every 2 hours has surprised her? I dunno. She’s knackered and a dick and now it’s biting her on the arse!
 
SilverSpoonNotIncluded said:
No, I’m pregnant so probably just full of hormones! I think they had reached a point where she BF R less and so I think the wanting to feed every 2 hours has surprised her? I dunno. She’s knackered and a dick and now it’s biting her on the arse!
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Yes but surely she knew if raven stayed in the 'sleep space' she would be woken everytime baby woke and would be jealous. She had a very long time to be very gentle and explain how things would be different, how ray would have to be a big sister and help mummy etc but she didnt, she was so up her own arse that ray was perfect and permissive parenting her had made her this wonderful adaptive child that she never imagined would have a problem with a new baby stealing rays lime light, that she ignored the whole thing and has created this mess for herself.

Shes got a newborn and mastitis fgs, she needs to feed raven to sleep if that's what she wishes, and then offer breast milk in a cup all other times, she needs to get ray her own big girl room so that she can sleep undisturbed, and she needs to take responsibility for the chaos she has caused herself by wanting to be Ray's sole nurturer and let dean and her mum step in and do dome fun stuff with ray for a few weeks while nicola recovers and bonds with the new baby.

Pp is hard, especially when you've got grief and another toddler to deal with, this woman needs to cut everyone a break before she ends up damaging the whole family.
 
As much as I think pea is a dick I do feel sorry for her , I think she had a vision in her head that it would be all dreamy and Raven would be fantastic with the new baby etc , but unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be the case .
It is all her own doing though , Raven seems to be a nightmare , she really needs to step up and admit where she has gone wrong with boundaries and get some in place , for everyone’s sake .
 
It’s all so false? Why post a photo of them both feeding with her best serial killer ‘I want to wear your skin’ smile, and be all ‘hashtag blessed’ and then post that utter tit show on Facebook?

She needs to get herself to the doctors and explain exactly what is going on in their home, she sacked off some of her other beliefs when Raven came along (what happened to being a devout Buddhist?) so I don’t see why she can’t be a bit less gentle and a bit more realistic?

Her post is very emotive and in all honestly nobody I’ve ever met liked admitting they’re struggling so I do feel for her in that sense, but as others have pointed out this is all of her own doing, and STILL no mention of her husband? If I saw my own daughter struggling like this I would stage some sort of intervention, I would have her and the new baby come and stay with me for a couple of nights, wean Raven and go back with a new routine.
 
The clue is really in the title she gives herself. She really should have eased Raven into this gently whilst she was pregnant. I understand that she couldn't alow herself to believe she was having a baby until it was safely home but, she really should have prepared Raven for the change. As hard as that would have been for her emotionally it would have been less hard than the situation she is now in.

I do think that she isn't going to look back on this time with any fondness at all because she is so disillusioned with the whole tandem bf thing. The struggle to bf a newborn can be so stressful anyway those first couple of weeks and she's just making it so much harder, near on impossible.

I feel like if she continues to do this she will not only leave Raven with bad memories of her time bf but also not establish a strong bf relationship with Ember. And I don't think this will do any favours in relation to her relationship with Ember given Pea's strong bf views.
 
My biggest worry from that post is the hitting. Who is she hitting? Is she lashing out at the mother who's suddenly started saying no, or the baby who's getting what Raven wants, because her mother didn't prepare her for what was coming?

Oh, and Raven definitely wasn't ready to wean? Wean from what? She admitted herself that her milk had dried up, and the kid was basically using her as a chew toy. Would that not have been a hint that Raven's breastfeeding time was over? Instead, her mother's selfish need to tandem feed on Instagram has led to this mess.
 
Holy tit that post :eek:

She clearly doesn't want to feed R anymore. WHY is she okay with not having bodily autonomy? I know R is only a child but it almost reads to me like a controlling, coercive relationship. Really, really, really unhealthy. How does she not see that R isn't hungry or in need of BF - she is jealous. It actually gave me shivers reading that post, it sounds absolutely appaling. What a horrendous start to the life of a newborn.
 
If I was on that Facebook group I would be telling her to put her big girl pants on now and get Raven into a routine. One feed before bed and then to sleep she goes in her own room. Moment of pain for a lifetime of gain. This all could have been done gradually if she had done this when she was pregnant but she didn't. I do generally feel for her as she is suffering terribly. But now she needs to put in some serious boundaries and Dean needs to also grow a pair and help enforce these changes. I seriously worry about her mental health if she doesn't get her act together with this.
 
Not sure if this has been said but in regards to the Facebook post about Raven wanting to feed every time Ember does- I think it’s probably a jealousy and ownership thing from Raven! Not wanting to share her mother with her baby sister- but I don’t understand why pea can’t see that and realise that she’s got to teach Raven early on that embers needs are just as important as hers! And Raven needs to learn to share. Tbh it’s even more important- the baby needs all of the milk and Raven is stealing it. Greedy little sod 😂 PEA JUST TELL RAVEN NO FFS
 
Long time lurker here, first time poster. But wow that FB post. Preparation is key, or was! No preparation for R during her pregnancy has resulted in this. She spends the night before inserting knickers inside trousers for the following day, however odd, she is preparing for the next day. So why not prepare R for the arrival of the new baby. I can understand she doesn’t want to upset R, especially now E is here in case she resents her, but something really needs to give. Parenting isn’t some fairytale, it’s bloody hard, you don’t get a medal for doing it by yourself - She needs to accept some help from her husband, I’m sure he must offer. I find it very hard to believe he watches her sitting there crying without offering any help.
 
Why won’t she go to the doctors about how she’s feeling?
I wish she could see how unwell she is. I’ve been there though and you can’t usually see it yourself.
When the washing machine broke yesterday she was so stressed, plus all the other minor issues she felt were the end of the world - this is all a sure sign of depression. You feel your problems are huge when really they’re easily fixed.

I know we joke on here but I really wish she would get some help. I wish she would LET people help her. Surely if her mum saw her in this state she’d intervene? Does she not listen to anyone?

I can’t imagine how hard it is for her placing all this guilt on herself in the name of gentle parenting. This isn’t going to get any better until she admits she’s struggling and gets some medication - sorry to be so blunt but it’s true.
 
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I agree with everything being said and honestly this is why I find 'attachment parenting' so deplorable, there is nothing inherently wrong with any of the things they advocate for but NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF THE MOTHER. I'm so sick of mummy martyrdom.

Also. Maybe I'm not informed enough about small children. But does anyone else find it odd that Pea says she is sobbing whilst feeding R? And I'm reading from that, that this doesn't deter her from feeding? My 6 month old responds when I'm upset. He has actually started crying a few times when I've been tearful. Why is a 3.5 year old not doing similar?
 
justfortonight said:
Why won’t she go to the doctors about how she’s feeling?
I wish she could see how unwell she is. I’ve been there though and you can’t usually see it yourself.
When the washing machine broke yesterday she was so stressed, plus all the other minor issues she felt were the end of the world - this is all a sure sign of depression. You feel your problems are huge when really they’re easily fixed.

I know we joke on here but I really wish she would get some help. I wish she would LET people help her. Surely if her mum saw her in this state she’d intervene? Does she not listen to anyone?

I can’t imagine how hard it is for her placing all this guilt on herself in the name of gentle parenting. This isn’t going to get any better until she admits she’s struggling and gets some medication - sorry to be so blunt about it but it’s true.
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This is spot on. I feel like if she was family or a friend you could tell the signs. She needs a big hug, someone to tell her everything is going to be ok & she is not alone. Although she needs to be able to accept the help! How she tiptoes around R is not making R any better, it’s just going to get worse!
 
I'm sorry but I have zero sympathy for her. She's made this (family) bed and is now realising that it was the wrong choice.
Queen R needs some discipline and routine, but we all know that will never happen because discipline is a dirty word.

In regards to her book and reaching out to her: I have said this before but, I had an ectopic at 11 weeks, I was seriously ill, the hospital had messed me around and I ended up having emergency surgery, loosing a tube and now have secondary infertility as a result. I reached out to her and I got a reply of, 'that's a bummer' yes really.
I read her book and did actually find it very useful, it covers all types of loss and is actually like it's written by an empathic human.
I also bought it for someone who suffered a 36 week loss and she also found it helpful.
 
sassmaster3000 said:
how DARE you! Those are not your breasts, they’re his!!

I follow an American woman on insta who had a double mastectomy a few years ago because she carries the BRCA gene, and she’s just had a baby, and people are still asking her why she’s not breastfeeding. Honestly there’s no bloody winning is there.
I think when/if I have children, I might just tell all the nosey people that I’ve chosen not to feed them full stop, because we’re just going to vibe off good energy instead 🙃🙃🙃
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i dont get other peoples obsession about how you are feeding your baby !
i had the checkout woman at Asda ask me are you breastfeeding? when i went in with my few week old daughter...wtf has it got to do with you whether i was or wasnt!
 
I myself also reached out to Pea I sadly lost my son at 37 weeks pregnant a few months before she lost winter and I messaged her after I saw her book as I was going through a really bad patch. the way she made me feel like my son wasn’t “nothing” compared to winter was absolutely disgusting. My son was alive, a fully formed baby and actually weighed more than winter when he was born. But he doesn’t matter as much as winter because he wasn’t born breathing 🤢
 
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