One Day of Winter #2 Slop for dinner, nips on tap, Dads not allowed to help with naps!

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I just do not feel any sympathy at all to be honest. She is in a mess of her own creation. She has set absolutely no boundaries in that childs life and set her up for fail. Having a newborn is one of the hardest stages you go through and to do that with a toddler who has never heard the word no and who has little relationship or comfort from her other parent because you've let that happen is just one big recipe for disaster.

Whether breastfeeding your 3.5 year old has benefits, when you have a week old baby THEY take priority. She has been dry nursing for months, basically being a human dummy, which shows R does not need the milk.

She should have spent this pregnancy getting her daughter prepared for a sibling and the chance to have more freedom/responsibility as she gets ready for school in september. Who is this crunchy parenting outlook benefitting exactly?! Cos it's definitely not R.
 
Smiffy1990 said:
If I remember rightly she wanted to 'flex-school' a couple of days home schooling and a couple of days in a school setting. Because this is nicola she can't possibly even do home schooling the bog standard way.
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fuckin hell what even is that? is that cos she can’t be arsed to get her up in a morning but recognises some days she might need a break 🤪
flexi school i’ve heard it now
 
FraggleRock said:
Sounds like you did the right thing when your baby came along. You don’t deserve to be made to feel inadequate, especially by someone who seems intent on ignoring the needs of her family, and chooses to do what she wishes -ie insisting on not giving R a bedtime routine. What did she say to you?
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She liked my post but didn't comment. I just meant that I used to follow her before she had Raven, my eldest is a couple of months older than Raven. I just couldn't understand how she had the energy to constantly play all day and then not put Raven to bed at night. And then all the showing off of what she could do, made me feel like I was a crap mum. I'm all for parents finding their own path but I really don't think you should preach. I also really don't agree with showing so much of Raven online. No idea why you'd expose your child to such an extent unless your desire to seem superior was more than your desire to protect the privacy of your child. Just my opinion though! I probably am a gentle parent (I've said sorry when I've lost my patience and try to respond to my kids needs as best I can). But I've never thought that saying no is a bad thing. The difference for me is a gentle parent might explain why they can't have or do something rather than jist saying do as I say which is what my parents did. I don't think Nicola is a gentle parent xx
 
Bex1504 said:
She liked my post but didn't comment. I just meant that I used to follow her before she had Raven, my eldest is a couple of months older than Raven. I just couldn't understand how she had the energy to constantly play all day and then not put Raven to bed at night. And then all the showing off of what she could do, made me feel like I was a crap mum. I'm all for parents finding their own path but I really don't think you should preach. I also really don't agree with showing so much of Raven online. No idea why you'd expose your child to such an extent unless your desire to seem superior was more than your desire to protect the privacy of your child. Just my opinion though! I probably am a gentle parent (I've said sorry when I've lost my patience and try to respond to my kids needs as best I can). But I've never thought that saying no is a bad thing. The difference for me is a gentle parent might explain why they can't have or do something rather than jist saying do as I say which is what my parents did. I don't think Nicola is a gentle parent xx
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I don't think she is a gentle parent either, i am a gentle parent and i take this as... thinking about my children's needs. I try not to shout, i carefully consider what i say and how it makes them feel etc. I did and do still co-sleep when they need me, but they also have their own beds. I will lay on the bed, sing and read until they go to sleep but i will also still have lovely date nights with my husband. I am a part of making sure their relationships with other people especially their dad is an enjoyable one and he is for me (my husband will randomly come in the room and say he is taking mine to the park because he can see i am struggling to work etc). Ultimately as parents we all just want our kids to be happy. Mine are happy when things are relaxed and not stressful. Pea's life seems stressful, from her own doing. Instead of R's dad playing fun games and cuddling up with her and reading a story to bed while pea and E look on and join in with a story, her relationship with her dad is fragmented and stressful.

That isn't gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is teaching your children things in a gentle way. If my kids told my husband he couldn't enter the room i would tell them that that makes him feel sad and we should all sit on the sofa and cuddle and make each other feel nice. She needs to teach her children empathy in order to get on in life and have meaningful relationships. My child is R's age and she absolutely understands the way of the world, its a perfect age to talk about how babies are small and sometimes they need to.... say eat first. She is doing R a disservice in thinking she can't understand this. Just like when we go on a playground and i explain to my child to let the babies go first because they don't understand waiting, but she can as she is 3 and she totally gets it and cheers the babies on when they go down a slide before her.

She shares stories of her playing and showing how amazing she is at phonics etc, but the pure basic skills like loving her dad, going to sleep upstairs and letting her sister have a feed first is going to be the most stressful thing ever. I feel for her i really do. But i think what she will do is grind herself down to dig her heels in for those tandem feeds photos.

We are all just trying to get by and be happy as mums, she doesn't look happy. Her children will look to her to see how she models relationships and how she models self esteem, self nourishment and happiness. She should concentrate more on this than phonics and how amazingly talented she is at counting etc.

Sorry for the essay ha ha

also being a gentle parent means being a gentle parents for all of your kids, not one. This is a hard thing to say but i don't think she is being a gentle parent to E. Would she have left R to cry in another room and sat on the bed when R was a few days old? nope. E doesn't understand why she isn't there, she doesn't know she is feeding R. E just thinks she is away from her. She 100% wouldn't have done that too R.
 
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Nah that Facebook post has done my head in. Before Ember, she banged on and on about motherly animal instincts, about mum needing to be forever close to their ‘Cub’ - so why is it just queen bloody Raven that gets that, how HOW can she leave a newborn CRYING so she can settle a child who is damn old enough to wait whilst she sees to the newborn - or better still, have her DAD settle her. Blown my mind. If she doesn’t sort these issues with raven (which to be fair, isn’t Raven’s fault because it’s all she’s known) then she’s going to be in for a hellish ride.
 
Hollyxx said:
I don't think she is a gentle parent either, i am a gentle parent and i take this as... thinking about my children's needs. I try not to shout, i carefully consider what i say and how it makes them feel etc. I did and do still co-sleep when they need me, but they also have their own beds. I will lay on the bed, sing and read until they go to sleep but i will also still have lovely date nights with my husband. I am a part of making sure their relationships with other people especially their dad is an enjoyable one and he is for me (my husband will randomly come in the room and say he is taking mine to the park because he can see i am struggling to work etc). Ultimately as parents we all just want our kids to be happy. Mine are happy when things are relaxed and not stressful. Pea's life seems stressful, from her own doing. Instead of R's dad playing fun games and cuddling up with her and reading a story to bed while pea and E look on and join in with a story, her relationship with her dad is fragmented and stressful.

That isn't gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is teaching your children things in a gentle way. If my kids told my husband he couldn't enter the room i would tell them that that makes him feel sad and we should all sit on the sofa and cuddle and make each other feel nice. She needs to teach her children empathy in order to get on in life and have meaningful relationships. My child is R's age and she absolutely understands the way of the world, its a perfect age to talk about how babies are small and sometimes they need to.... say eat first. She is doing R a disservice in thinking she can't understand this. Just like when we go on a playground and i explain to my child to let the babies go first because they don't understand waiting, but she can as she is 3 and she totally gets it and cheers the babies on when they go down a slide before her.

She shares stories of her playing and showing how amazing she is at phonics etc, but the pure basic skills like loving her dad, going to sleep upstairs and letting her sister have a feed first is going to be the most stressful thing ever. I feel for her i really do. But i think what she will do is grind herself down to dig her heels in for those tandem feeds photos.

We are all just trying to get by and be happy as mums, she doesn't look happy. Her children will look to her to see how she models relationships and how she models self esteem, self nourishment and happiness. She should concentrate more on this than phonics and how amazingly talented she is at counting etc.

Sorry for the essay ha ha

also being a gentle parent means being a gentle parents for all of your kids, not one. This is a hard thing to say but i don't think she is being a gentle parent to E. Would she have left R to cry in another room and sat on the bed when R was a few days old? nope. E doesn't understand why she isn't there, she doesn't know she is feeding R. E just thinks she is away from her. She 100% wouldn't have done that too R.
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I think you've got it exactly. Totally right. If my kids were awful to my husband I'd feel so bad about it. Especially when it's this persistent!
 
Wait, let me get this straight, so R needs the tit to ‘resettle’ whilst leaving the newborn screaming out for milk? How the duck is that gentle parenting, thats favouritism and a brat in the making wanting her mum 24:7 I’m sorry to say but all her own doing! She’s her own worst enemy by making things 5938 times more difficult than they should be. And Deans a pussy for sitting on the fence all this time and letting it get this ridiculous. Sorry rant over just can’t believe the stuff she openly comes out with!? Blows my mind
 
Kirsty1234 said:
You’d think loosing her first born (so sad I know) she would be more careful and not co sleep with both of them at the same time. And why the hell isn’t she prioritising that new born
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She is absolutely fine to co sleep with both children if she is following the safety guidelines. The death of Winter was nothing to do with her carelessness or co sleeping so personally your comment there is bang out of order.
 
EmilyChambers said:
She is absolutely fine to co sleep with both children if she is following the safety guidelines. The death of Winter was nothing to do with her carelessness or co sleeping so personally your comment there is bang out of order.
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I disagree. I too thought co-sleeping was a big no no in terms of safety. I would assume someone who’s lost a child would then follow all guidelines to ensure safety.
 
Kirsty1234 said:
There’s no safe way to co sleep with two children and two adults.
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she’s already said dean sleeps in a separate room
i’d argue otherwise with the arrangement they have with ravens bed pushed up
to the side of theirs, that’ll extend the space available meaning she can possibly move away from raven to give
ember enough space if breastfeeding in that side/swapping sides through the night
 
ceecee454 said:
she’s already said dean sleeps in a separate room
i’d argue otherwise with the arrangement they have with ravens bed pushed up
to the side of theirs, that’ll extend the space available meaning she can possibly move away from raven to give
ember enough space if breastfeeding in that side/swapping sides through the night
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Oh I must of missed when she said that. Does the baby have a bed or is she in the bed with pea? Must of missed this
 
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