One Day of Winter #2 Slop for dinner, nips on tap, Dads not allowed to help with naps!

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I really want to feel bad for nicola and this whole situation but I just don't. As I said previously she had 9 whole months to make these transitions super crunchy and gentle and slow and she just didn't even attempt it. Now she's got the choice if a few rough nights setting some boundaries with raven or having a full breakdown when it all could have been fully avoided.
 
ceecee454 said:
you need to get yourself in this group to provide this solution!
it really seems like they didn’t prepare r enough for the arrival of sibling and now everyone is suffering 😢
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I know nothing!!! 😂

I’m just a single Mum with a girl the same age as Raven. I was thinking what I’d do if I were in her shoes. Nicola can’t be thinking straight anyway, I know I wouldn’t be! Give Raven a crying doll she has to look after and take to bed or something.
 
Spider12 said:
Does anyone know what the responses are on that fb post? I feel stupid (as I don’t even know Nicola) but I’m getting annoyed at nobody telling her to prioritise the tiny newborn, feel so sorry for Ember 😢
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So far everyone is just telling her that she’s amazing, no one has suggested prioritising the newborn. Very very frustrating. Most replies are “I don’t have the answer but you’re amazing!” And the very few who have “answers” have suggested that she feeds Raven to sleep in her own (ravens) bed, so she can then get a good sleep...pea just replies with “ooh maybe!” Aka duck off my venom lookalike isn’t allowed her own space for fear of being more than 2 feet from my vagina.
I really do worry about ember at this stage. She is such a second-thought, it’s horrible. Hopefully dean is at least bonding with her.
 
How can she not work out that a 5 day old baby needs priority over a 3.5 year old?

Ember needs the food but she's choosing to comfort Raven instead?!

What are the replies to her post? Bet they are all gushing and how brilliant she is. Hopefully someone says that she needs to priority actually feeding the child that needs it
 
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This is the part that makes me most cross and tells me Raven is the priority, she needs to get a grip. It’s unacceptable to put your 3 year old before a newborn!
 
sassmaster3000 said:
So far everyone is just telling her that she’s amazing, no one has suggested prioritising the newborn. Very very frustrating. Most replies are “I don’t have the answer but you’re amazing!” And the very few who have “answers” have suggested that she feeds Raven to sleep in her own (ravens) bed, so she can then get a good sleep...pea just replies with “ooh maybe!” Aka duck off my venom lookalike isn’t allowed her own space for fear of being more than 2 feet from my vagina.
I really do worry about ember at this stage. She is such a second-thought, it’s horrible. Hopefully dean is at least bonding with her.
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She's no intention of accepting any advice. She's an absolute martyr and just wants the praise for tandem feeding.

She's failing to meet her new born babies basic needs. She's prioritising feeding and comfort and bonding and giving it all to her 3.5 year old instead of a 5 say old.

Absolute shambles. I'm surprised she hasn't handed the baby over to Dean with formula so that Queen Raven can remain the Queen of everything
 
Raven will be at school in September. She really needs to stop all this. She needs her own space it's not healthy for her to be with people and being fussed over all the time. I reckon she'd have loved her own room with Peppa and all the other bits she loves in there - her own space to get away from things and somewhere she can relax at night and sleep. It's so unfair on both Raven and Ember - I don't feel sorry for Nicola because she didn't prepare at all she admitted that much the other day and now her two daughters are suffering. In one of her comments if the gentle parenting group she says they were all crying last night. She's going to end up looking back at these newborn days with such regret I'm sure. She's so stubborn.
 
Michellememe said:
Raven will be at school in September. She really needs to stop all this. She needs her own space it's not healthy for her to be with people and being fussed over all the time. I reckon she'd have loved her own room with Peppa and all the other bits she loves in there - her own space to get away from things and somewhere she can relax at night and sleep. It's so unfair on both Raven and Ember - I don't feel sorry for Nicola because she didn't prepare at all she admitted that much the other day and now her two daughters are suffering. In one of her comments if the gentle parenting group she says they were all crying last night. She's going to end up looking back at these newborn days with such regret I'm sure. She's so stubborn.
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They were all crying?...so sad 😔Newborn life is tough, but I think she’s just making it tougher for herself. I agree Raven would enjoy her own space and wouldn’t be woken by the baby. She needs to be put to sleep in her bed upstairs like any other child, and that would have saved the waking up after Pea carried her up!
 
Regardless of what parenting style you choose to follow, surely you cannot be that dim to work out that it's easier to settle a child in their bed rather than downstairs and carry them up?

Even if you all share the same bed, settle them in the bed.

I switch between feeling sorry for her and then thinking she's a twit. She comes across as vulnerable then comes across as self absorbed twit who acts as smug as duck.

She's in too far over her head and cannot and won't accept that she's pandered Raven far too much. She used to say you can never spoil a child with your time and love but look now, she's done it to the point of still putting Ravens wants above the needs of embers.

Want and need and are totally different and she needs to get a grip of this.

I think we were half joking when we said Raven would take the breast off the baby, seemingly we were right!
 
Michellememe said:
Raven will be at school in September. She really needs to stop all this. She needs her own space it's not healthy for her to be with people and being fussed over all the time. I reckon she'd have loved her own room with Peppa and all the other bits she loves in there - her own space to get away from things and somewhere she can relax at night and sleep. It's so unfair on both Raven and Ember - I don't feel sorry for Nicola because she didn't prepare at all she admitted that much the other day and now her two daughters are suffering. In one of her comments if the gentle parenting group she says they were all crying last night. She's going to end up looking back at these newborn days with such regret I'm sure. She's so stubborn.
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she’s home schooling tho isn’t she?
 
Booboothefool said:
It's almost like Nicola's scared of upsetting Raven.
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She is. She’s raised R to think she’s the queen of the world, and hasn’t prepared her one iota for having a sibling. She’s prioritising Raven’s needs over her newborn because she can’t handle the repercussions. She’s also hinting that Raven loses her tit if Dean so much as touches her, which is why she had to carry her upstairs to bed.

I’m pretty sure she also believes that if she upsets Raven, Raven won’t love her anymore and it’ll be the beginning of the end of their magical crunchy relationship. I don’t think she can envisage a life that doesn’t involve R hanging off her nipple.

I feel sorry for her but jesus, tell me this isn’t a mess of her own making. She’s going to crack up.
 
Peakyblinders said:
Sounds bad but I don’t actually feel sorry for her at all. This is all her own fault 🤷🏼‍♀️.
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Exactly, it’s through her ‘parenting’ that Raven is the way she is, and sadly that’s backfiring on her now. If she wasn’t so intent on doing things the crunchy way, and not being a ‘mainstream’ parent if she’d done things the ‘typical’ way, Dean would be settling Raven into her bed after reading her a story and having a bath, at a sensible time, not bloody 11pm or whatever time Queen R decides she’s tired and Pea would be nursing Ember to sleep in a situation where she’s not feeling overwhelmed because her 3.5 year old isn’t crying for attention/milky cuddles, she’d be finding things much easier if she’d encouraged that bond between Dean and Raven, instead of wanting to be physically attached to R all the time, but she hasn’t done any of those things, she hasn’t made things easier for any of them by staunchly following the crunchy parent narrative, and now everyone seems to be suffering because of it. It’s a tit situation that she’s in, and obviously she’s struggling, which is awful but she’s the one who created this situation for herself and her family.
 
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I'm in the group and I replied! I thought quite a few of the replies were from people saying they stopped tandem or they told the older child no and gave them a cuddle instead. I said we moved my toddler into his own room when I got pregnant and he totally accepted it. I've absolutely no problem with someone tandem feeding or feeding an older child if that's what everyone wants. I find the how you feed your baby thing really divisive when all mums are just doing their best. But I did find Nicola made me feel completely inadequate as a parent. I hope she gets the support she needs. New borns are so sleepy, those are the easier days in some ways.
 
Bex1504 said:
I'm in the group and I replied! I thought quite a few of the replies were from people saying they stopped tandem or they told the older child no and gave them a cuddle instead. I said we moved my toddler into his own room when I got pregnant and he totally accepted it. I've absolutely no problem with someone tandem feeding or feeding an older child if that's what everyone wants. I find the how you feed your baby thing really divisive when all mums are just doing their best. But I did find Nicola made me feel completely inadequate as a parent. I hope she gets the support she needs. New borns are so sleepy, those are the easier days in some ways.
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Sounds like you did the right thing when your baby came along. You don’t deserve to be made to feel inadequate, especially by someone who seems intent on ignoring the needs of her family, and chooses to do what she wishes -ie insisting on not giving R a bedtime routine. What did she say to you?
 
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