sassmaster3000
Chatty Member
Raven doesn’t even have a bloody bed
One Day of Winter #2 Slop for dinner, nips on tap, Dads not allowed to help with naps!
- Thread starter FraggleRock
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Raven doesn’t even have a bloody bed
When will Pea realise she cant force the crunchy life on her kid and her family? That lifestyle works for some families, naturally. When will she realise that gentle parenting still means having boundaries? Raven needs to have boundaries and rules to follow, so she will grow up to be a decent human being. Not some entitled brat.
Move raven into her own room, she will regress, they all do. Not a good idea to do that now after the baby is born, alot of changes for one kid. She should have done that before instead of being sat there recording her play.
Give raven ‘jobs’ to do. Im sure she will thrive with the idea of being the older sister. Helping mummy etc. Let Raven go and Dean to step up. The first 6 weeks she wont be able to be there for raven like she used to be. She needs to accept that idea.
Move raven into her own room, she will regress, they all do. Not a good idea to do that now after the baby is born, alot of changes for one kid. She should have done that before instead of being sat there recording her play.
Give raven ‘jobs’ to do. Im sure she will thrive with the idea of being the older sister. Helping mummy etc. Let Raven go and Dean to step up. The first 6 weeks she wont be able to be there for raven like she used to be. She needs to accept that idea.
Peanut0205
Active member
All of her stories today are all about Raven. The dirty baby grows break my heart, as others have pointed out she will have lots of unstained stuff? It literally baffles me why she had another child if she is so focussed on her older daughter.
Can you imagine her shipping Raven out to another room? It’s almost comical that she’s letting dean who previously wasn’t even allowed to sit on the sofa to take the new baby into a separate room for half the night?
Can you imagine her shipping Raven out to another room? It’s almost comical that she’s letting dean who previously wasn’t even allowed to sit on the sofa to take the new baby into a separate room for half the night?
Heather343
Active member
I could be wrong but I didn't think you could use a baby carrier on such a newborn baby.
Smiffy1990
Well-known member
You can but they have to be 'kissing distance' and have inserts or be suitable from birth for hip positioning. But let's be realistic she seems to do nothing to correct Raven sitting in the 'W' shape which is terrible for hips so wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't overly fussed about baby's hips being on the correct position.
Stretchy wraps are soooo much better than carriers for newborns in my experience.
maytoseptember
VIP Member
Oh man, she’s making life so much harder for herself.
It’s hard enough transitioning from one child to two. It’s hard enough getting the older child used to having to share you. Throw in a 3yo who’s used to - no, expects - 24/7 immediate access to her Mum’s attention (and breasts
) then it’s a recipe for disaster.
It says a lot that she’s prioritising R over the baby. Not only does she feel guilty for disrupting R’s life, she had this additional layer of expectation on herself that she had to maintain her uber crunchy standards lest R be... I dunno, traumatised and damaged for life? She already feels like the “non-gentle” nursery environment is damaging for R (hence all the talk about restraint collapse). This tit isn’t sustained though. She needs to bond with the newborn. She needs to give the newborn priority access to her colostrum FFS.
I’ve always thought that the super crunchy lifestyle only works if you have one kid to attach yourself to all day. As soon as you have two, it’s impossible.
It’s hard enough transitioning from one child to two. It’s hard enough getting the older child used to having to share you. Throw in a 3yo who’s used to - no, expects - 24/7 immediate access to her Mum’s attention (and breasts
) then it’s a recipe for disaster.It says a lot that she’s prioritising R over the baby. Not only does she feel guilty for disrupting R’s life, she had this additional layer of expectation on herself that she had to maintain her uber crunchy standards lest R be... I dunno, traumatised and damaged for life? She already feels like the “non-gentle” nursery environment is damaging for R (hence all the talk about restraint collapse). This tit isn’t sustained though. She needs to bond with the newborn. She needs to give the newborn priority access to her colostrum FFS.
I’ve always thought that the super crunchy lifestyle only works if you have one kid to attach yourself to all day. As soon as you have two, it’s impossible.
so glad someone has mentioned the W sitting!!!
Booboothefool
Active member
Surely baby needs to be in the same room as mum to ensure successful breastfeeding? Or should I say 'breastsleeping'.
Ember is going to grow up with a lot of resentment towards Raven if she is always playing second fiddle to her, which evidently she is even as a newborn.
I too wonder why she had another baby if she can't 'share' herself and the love between more than one child.
Ember is going to grow up with a lot of resentment towards Raven if she is always playing second fiddle to her, which evidently she is even as a newborn.
I too wonder why she had another baby if she can't 'share' herself and the love between more than one child.
Serious_Susan
VIP Member
I fear this goes far deeper. And following the loss of Winter she gave her all and more to Raven - understandably. However now she’s going to have to figure out how to do that with two children, which is tough enough for parents who haven’t adopted her crunchy techniques or suffered her loss. If it was me I’d be stepping away from my phone to just take it all in and focus on my family.
FraggleRock
VIP Member
I’m absolutely flabbergasted and disgusted by her stories this morning, shoving her newborn off into another room so she can settle Ray... what the actual f**k! Ember is the newborn here, her needs come first, she ‘desperately’ wanted this baby and the minute things get tough, she’s relegated to another room, away from her mum with her Dad because Raven is unsettled, Raven should’ve been taken into another bloody room with Dean. It’s obvious they’ve made no attempts to talk about the baby with R and how things are going to change and that she will be awake at night and that Pea needs to sort Ember out and R is going to have to deal with that. I genuinely hope a midwife or health visitor picks up on this, because what she’s done is ridiculous and not right at all! What an absolute tit show. I knew things would be messed up, but telling your Husband to take your newborn baby into another room because your entitled 3 year old is being a mard arse is another level entirely. I’m just shocked
FraggleRock
VIP Member
Is she on the floor in that photo with the baby in a carrier? Has she done that to get down to play with Raven? I mean she just had a baby, and Dean is there....why not leave them to it and go rest with baby
You’d think she was surgically attached to Raven, she can’t leave her alone, even with her own Dad, it’s so unhealthy and very strange. I can see her burning herself out doing this, she’s not thinking about herself or the baby, no it’s all about bloody Raven as usual and what she wants/needs
Duckypoo
Active member
Just a different point of view - I had two babies pretty close together and awful post-natal depression. This meant I resented my new baby (and god, I feel ashamed now) and really worried about the older boy, I totally tried to prioritise him. It felt like I HAD to show my older child he was still loved or I failed, iyswim.
Luckily my health visitor picked up on it and I got help, it's just possible that she's suffering from the same.
yes this! without wanting to speculate too heavy, and having had post natal anxiety, i think nicola shows a lot of behaviours really indicative of PNA
i had it after my first and was similar ish in not wanting to leave her even with dad, doing everything, dedicating my whole life and self to her, when i had my second it manifested differently in that i was so angry and felt like i was going to end up hurting her (older one) because i could just lose it so easily and that was the red flag i needed to get help
it’s something i really would never wish on anyone but how i’m viewing their family situation is nicola really needs to let someone help her even if just with the practical stuff before she ends up really poorly
Serious_Susan
VIP Member
And I suppose lockdown means that these behaviours become more renforced and less noticed by those outside the home who could challenge and question
SilverSpoonNotIncluded
Chatty Member
Why didn’t Dean say ‘go to bed with the baby!’ I mean come on Nicola, prioritise yourself for once. Raven is fine she’s with her Dad. Go nap, or just snuggle the baby FFS
Michellememe
Member
Maybe Nicola needed sleep so he took Ember who wouldn't settle, which seems normal to me. What doesn't seem normal is the sleep set up - which I don't think will work but I also don't think she will admit that ever!!!
Smiffy1990
Well-known member
It's weird because the whole point of there sleep set up and Co sleeping is to make night feeds easier and to help bonding. I can't help feeling sending baby into the other room and bringing her back and forth for feeds goes against everything she has preached for 3.5 years.
Edit: I'm sure she also said ember had to be removed so she could settle raven not because ember wouldn't settle.
FraggleRock
VIP Member
You’re right, she said that ember was unsettled and that woke Raven up, Dean took Ember into another room so Raven could be settled back to sleep and Dean bought Ember back a few hours later!
Pea put in her stories that the baby woke Raven, ember was removed from the shared sleep space so Raven could be settled, not so Pea could get sleep! That isn’t normal to me, I agree their sleep set up is just weird, Dean as of a few weeks ago is now sleeping in another room after being together for 3.5 because his alarms and snoring are suddenly issues after all this time.
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