New Baby & Post Birth Off Topic #3 Daddy's hiding in the loo, taking 4-6 business days to do a poo.

[WeHadFunRight]

Apparently he didn't know and I should have called him to get the baby Does he not have eyes? Does he not have a brain of his own? Keep trying to ask him things, being perfectly reasonable and he turns round and said before you escalate this I wasn't listening what did you say? Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed and is pissy today

No they don’t think for themselves, you’re already thinking for at least two other people, you must be able to think for him as well??

 

[shhh1712]

Can agree with the husband rants atm! My husband is helpful, but I feel like I get all the shit. Last night I get home and little one’s clothes are still in the nappy bag that nursery sent them home in, covered with food. Then the washing is still sat in the wash basket, all crumpled up from where he just shoves it in from the tumble dryer and doesn’t put it away or even just fold it. As I mentioned on the toddler thread too we are having a hard time adjusting to new nursery so I also get all the tears on nursery days. Feeling so worn down atm, ready for winter to be over before it’s even begun

 

[Nosysamsie]

Apparently he didn't know and I should have called him to get the baby Does he not have eyes? Does he not have a brain of his own? Keep trying to ask him things, being perfectly reasonable and he turns round and said before you escalate this I wasn't listening what did you say? Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed and is pissy today

I have this with my husband all the time. When he's great, he is great, but when he is shit he is really shit. His main reason for things not being done is always "well you didn't tell me" or "you should have said".
Them tik toks doing the rounds saying "don't treat me like a baby"..."where's my shoes, what's for tea, what we doing today" yep that's my hubby.

We now have a list in the kitchen, that gets redone every week, and we tick off what we have done. That way there is always something he could be doing

 

[Burrito88]

I have this with my husband all the time. When he's great, he is great, but when he is shit he is really shit. His main reason for things not being done is always "well you didn't tell me" or "you should have said".
Them tik toks doing the rounds saying "don't treat me like a baby"..."where's my shoes, what's for tea, what we doing today" yep that's my hubby.

We now have a list in the kitchen, that gets redone every week, and we tick off what we have done. That way there is always something he could be doing

The list is a really good idea! Might buy a whiteboard and see if mine pays any attention!

 

[Nosysamsie]

The list is a really good idea! Might buy a whiteboard and see if mine pays any attention!

It really shares the mental load. We put things we need when we do our food shop too so that when something runs out it's noted down

 

[Fearne]

So my flexible working request has been refused. I'm not surprised but very pissed off. Whilst I've been off, two people had their request to have Fridays off approved, I cannot get childcare for Fridays and just feel they've made me feel that's my fault.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

So my flexible working request has been refused. I'm not surprised but very pissed off. Whilst I've been off, two people had their request to have Fridays off approved, I cannot get childcare for Fridays and just feel they've made me feel that's my fault.

I’m so sorry they’ve turned down your request, that sucks. What reason did they give?

My direct report has made a flexible working request (to persue another career… ) - I’m trying to support her because I think it’s the right thing to do, but she has this snide attitude to her, as we were reading through our company policy which says just because a flexible working request is granted for one person it may not be for another, and she made some snide little remark about if I asked to drop a day I wouldn’t get it - well no, we funnily enough have different roles, so it would be a different consideration if I made the request…. I obviously can’t turn the request down just because she’s a snide little cow though - much to my dismay.

 

[Fearne]

I’m so sorry they’ve turned down your request, that sucks. What reason did they give?

My direct report has made a flexible working request (to persue another career… ) - I’m trying to support her because I think it’s the right thing to do, but she has this snide attitude to her, as we were reading through our company policy which says just because a flexible working request is granted for one person it may not be for another, and she made some snide little remark about if I asked to drop a day I wouldn’t get it - well no, we funnily enough have different roles, so it would be a different consideration if I made the request…. I obviously can’t turn the request down just because she’s a snide little cow though - much to my dismay.

Thank you, this is the reason they've given.

Its a tricky situation isn't it. Could her job role still be met with the reduced days? I'm surprised she's been opened and said it's for another career.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Thank you, this is the reason they've given.

Its a tricky situation isn't it. Could her job role still be met with the reduced days? I'm surprised she's been opened and said it's for another career.

We are doing a trial of compressed hours. She doesn’t really do much tbh, and what she does produce isn’t always great, so her work can absolutely be done in a reduced amount of time - yeah, she didn’t have to tell us but I’m not surprised as her heart is so clearly not in the job. My boss said something interesting in that he said it’s not like she’s dropping a day to look after a kid which makes me think if it were for family friendly reasons he’d be more inclined to allow it but her request has made him a bit prickly which I found really interesting - but think it’s the new career thing tbh.

I suspect in your case what has happened is that your two colleagues who have had their flexi hours approved have created a squeeze in resources and now your manager wouldn’t be able to divide up the work your Friday between others, which totally sucks, I’m sorry xx

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Thank you, this is the reason they've given.

Its a tricky situation isn't it. Could her job role still be met with the reduced days? I'm surprised she's been opened and said it's for another career.

What solution have they offered you? My flexible request was denied as it was felt that my role (NHS) couldn't be met on the reduced hours I needed (went from 4 days to 3 days, could have done extended hours but just needed to drop that one day for childcare costs). As a result I was moved to a different team and have only just been given a permanent post in another different one because a vacancy came up.

I know it is incredibly hard but please try not to take it personally, if they've already agreed two people to have Fridays off whilst you were away without knowing you can't get childcare for a Friday then it's a cold business decision, not a personal one. I spent a lot of time angry and upset at the idea of going back to a workplace that 'didn't want me' when in reality it's practicalities of a service that couldn't be met with what I wanted.

 

[opintionatedperson]

My head is frazzled, were at this stage where we either invest in our current house or move.
I love this house my husband thinks it's far too small . Location is great we both wfh mostly (unlikely to change in our industry) . It's near the town and there is a lot around.. we could invest money in our home , extension & attic conversion. We can't afford a bigger house in the area we currently reside.

Alternatively we move 40 mins down the road to my home town. Wed have a much bigger home for the same price as what we'd get for our current house. Wed be living in a smaller area population wise, in a rural setting. We've seen a gorgeous home that we'd do up overtime.

I suppose I'm putting it down in writing to get my head straight in it. Do we stay were we are and know or do we risk it and move... We're paying a premium price to live in the location we are and not taking advantage of what's around us. We don't go out very much and love being at home

 

[Crones884]

My head is frazzled, were at this stage where we either invest in our current house or move.
I love this house my husband thinks it's far too small . Location is great we both wfh mostly (unlikely to change in our industry) . It's near the town and there is a lot around.. we could invest money in our home , extension & attic conversion. We can't afford a bigger house in the area we currently reside.

Alternatively we move 40 mins down the road to my home town. Wed have a much bigger home for the same price as what we'd get for our current house. Wed be living in a smaller area population wise, in a rural setting. We've seen a gorgeous home that we'd do up overtime.

I suppose I'm putting it down in writing to get my head straight in it. Do we stay were we are and know or do we risk it and move... We're paying a premium price to live in the location we are and not taking advantage of what's around us. We don't go out very much and love being at home

This probably doesnt help but im a country girl at heart and cannot wait to move out closer the country again. Hoping the next 5 years its just better i love the air the dark at night without all the light pollution, the quiet, the privacy, nobody knocking on the door asking you about your electricity plan

 

[opintionatedperson]

This probably doesnt help but im a country girl at heart and cannot wait to move out closer the country again. Hoping the next 5 years its just better i love the air the dark at night without all the light pollution, the quiet, the privacy, nobody knocking on the door asking you about your electricity plan

I've never lived in the country as I lived in the town, moved to the city for college and never came back. He's from the City then and he's a bit apprehensive because it's not what he knows. We'd be moving away from his family and closer to mine. But as he said himself they don't call and there only across the village
We're only in the position to potentially afford this house because we could sell the current one for about the same and it's double the size and it's only 3 mins drive to the town and shops so it's not in Bally go backwards.
We don't even have our house up for sale or anything this has been a talking point for the last few weeks about where we want to Live .

 

[Burrito88]

My head is frazzled, were at this stage where we either invest in our current house or move.
I love this house my husband thinks it's far too small . Location is great we both wfh mostly (unlikely to change in our industry) . It's near the town and there is a lot around.. we could invest money in our home , extension & attic conversion. We can't afford a bigger house in the area we currently reside.

Alternatively we move 40 mins down the road to my home town. Wed have a much bigger home for the same price as what we'd get for our current house. Wed be living in a smaller area population wise, in a rural setting. We've seen a gorgeous home that we'd do up overtime.

I suppose I'm putting it down in writing to get my head straight in it. Do we stay were we are and know or do we risk it and move... We're paying a premium price to live in the location we are and not taking advantage of what's around us. We don't go out very much and love being at home

What would your support network look like if you moved? Could you get around easily (buses/trains) and what are schools and other facilities like for kids there? Maybe you need to make a big pros and cons list?

 

[opintionatedperson]

What would your support network look like if you moved? Could you get around easily (buses/trains) and what are schools and other facilities like for kids there? Maybe you need to make a big pros and cons list?

Id have my family close to me but moving away from his but we barely see them. Public transport is shocking but it's Ireland we drive everywhere but wouldn't change here. It's definitely food for thought . . We can't afford all our wish list so we need to compromise on some aspects it's just deciding on what.
We are in a very fortunate position we nearly have too much options

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Id have my family close to me but moving away from his but we barely see them. Public transport is shocking but it's Ireland we drive everywhere but wouldn't change here. It's definitely food for thought . . We can't afford all our wish list so we need to compromise on some aspects it's just deciding on what.
We are in a very fortunate position we nearly have too much options

Whatever you decide, not sure if you have an older one, but decide and aim to stick with that because we moved (literally a few streets) and my eldest didn’t cope with it very well at all, although if we had doubled the space in the house she might have… at 6 I don’t think I could uproot her, but she in particular does not adjust very well to change (which I learned the hard way). So just saying do it as early as you can because it’s hard going moving kids, bless them.

 

[opintionatedperson]

Whatever you decide, not sure if you have an older one, but decide and aim to stick with that because we moved (literally a few streets) and my eldest didn’t cope with it very well at all, although if we had doubled the space in the house she might have… at 6 I don’t think I could uproot her, but she in particular does not adjust very well to change (which I learned the hard way). So just saying do it as early as you can because it’s hard going moving kids, bless them.

I only have the one and he's a baby so he wouldn't know the difference. If I'm going to move I'd do it within the next year.
I love my current home and very happy I don't really believe we need a massive house , a little bit more space would be nice. Such a hard decision as I'm so torn

 

[WeepingCassandra]

My head is frazzled, were at this stage where we either invest in our current house or move.
I love this house my husband thinks it's far too small . Location is great we both wfh mostly (unlikely to change in our industry) . It's near the town and there is a lot around.. we could invest money in our home , extension & attic conversion. We can't afford a bigger house in the area we currently reside.

Alternatively we move 40 mins down the road to my home town. Wed have a much bigger home for the same price as what we'd get for our current house. Wed be living in a smaller area population wise, in a rural setting. We've seen a gorgeous home that we'd do up overtime.

I suppose I'm putting it down in writing to get my head straight in it. Do we stay were we are and know or do we risk it and move... We're paying a premium price to live in the location we are and not taking advantage of what's around us. We don't go out very much and love being at home

Ahh we are in a very similar situation! Though slightly reversed, I think.

We have lived in our current house for about 7 years. It's in a semi-rural location with access to lots of amazing places within 1 or so hours drive. When we bought it we thought it would be great to extend and make a 4 bed, knock down some walls, rearrange bits, that kind of thing. Promptly realised a year or so after we bought it that that to get what we want here would cost at least £80k (pre-pandemic, probably closer to 150k now) and wouldn't add that much value. If we buy a bigger house here we could afford a nice four bed with an office and utility, good sized garden, but perhaps not quite a 'forever home' style, for just about the top of our budget. Except all our family live in outer London so it takes at least 2.5 hours most weekends to get back if we're visiting. So ideally we'd move closer to home, except anywhere within an hour of them is places like Surrey and the Home Counties of England and = commuter belt for London which means you're paying about 60% more than you would for a similar property here, which we could not afford. We'd probably be able to get a 3 bed within 30 minutes drive of our parents but it would be a tiny garden, in a horrible area, in bad condition and with no potential to expand or move up the ladder later on in life as house prices just keep rising there.

Personally I would go for that move, it's not overly far from your home town and seems - on paper - to offer a lot more opportunity and growth for you as a family. I love living where we live, honestly, would never consider moving if it only took us an hour to get back to our families.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

God, I absolutely love our town we live in, we have built lovely friendships and the community is so wonderful and can see us all here well into the future. It’s so expensive though. And the properties aren’t very charming (I would say a good 60% of the houses here were built circa 1960-1980 but it’s not a new town, it has quite a lot of history, it’s just the town is tiny and always has been…)

We only really have the option of doing extensions to the property which yes, will be ridiculously expensive but I can’t uproot everyone so unless we win the lottery that’s that!

sometimes just to torture myself I look at properties near my parents as we could have so much more space for the same or less as we paid for our house, but that’s all I’m doing, torturing myself because the people in the area are horrid.

 

[opintionatedperson]

God, I absolutely love our town we live in, we have built lovely friendships and the community is so wonderful and can see us all here well into the future. It’s so expensive though. And the properties aren’t very charming (I would say a good 60% of the houses here were built circa 1960-1980 but it’s not a new town, it has quite a lot of history, it’s just the town is tiny and always has been…)

We only really have the option of doing extensions to the property which yes, will be ridiculously expensive but I can’t uproot everyone so unless we win the lottery that’s that!

sometimes just to torture myself I look at properties near my parents as we could have so much more space for the same or less as we paid for our house, but that’s all I’m doing, torturing myself because the people in the area are horrid.

I'm honestly shocked I'm even considering moving back as I never would have thought it 5 years ago when buying this house I'm currently in...
Id love to have a little community feeling , I do find a lot of people just close the door and straight into the house here.