New Baby & Post Birth Off Topic #3 Daddy's hiding in the loo, taking 4-6 business days to do a poo.

[WeepingCassandra]

@WeHadFunRight - that's the funny thing. My home town is an absolute cess pit. The town's shopping centre (from the 60s) has about 3 open shops in it, any other shops are charity, booze or betting shops which is funny when about 60% of the town is no longer 'White Christian' (I have absolutely nothing against immigration and migration and am proud that my home town is so open and welcoming, they support a lot of refuges from places like Afghanistan and Somalia etc. but it's odd to have so many shops that sell things the majority of the town does not use due to religious reasons). It doesn't even have a theatre, you have to drive 20 minutes to get to one. We get a huge amount of gang violence there too now as well as it spills out from London. There's very little green space, hardly anything for teenagers to do, the local area isn't interesting in anyway. Hundreds of very expensive new build cookie cutter estates with postage stamp gardens and one shared driveway for 6 houses, that kind of thing. The local hospital trust is somehow worse than the one I currently work for, which is pretty special tbh so there's no industry for me there. If our parents didn't live there we would never ever consider moving back and it's only coincidence that both our parents do live there, as they're not from there either.

If I had to choose and could travel by teleportation, I'd live in the Lakes in a heart beat. Living in a rural location has really proved to me that I love the outdoors and the countryside, which again, my home area doesn't really have (few farms here and there but the majority of the green space is privately owned). Often I dream of winning the lottery and buying a nice little 3 bed cottage on Windermere, that I could bolt out to in times of stress!

 

[Jellycat369]

We're hoping to move as our local primary school is an absolute dive. We've found a house, a new build, and it'll be completed just in time for our eldest to go to the village primary. We're currently sorting out our fixed rate as that is due to expire soon so had been discussing with the brokers about our best option for when we want to move. Turns out that lenders are unlikely to lend us the additional money we'd need because of our childcare costs! As we pay for two kiddos full time they view the payments as additional borrowing because they're so high! We can absolutely afford the move and our costs for childcare will reduce straight after moving as older kiddo will be in school and younger kiddo will get his funded hours a few months later (we're in Scotland so only get them when he's 3) but they said they wouldn't consider that! We've figured out a way around it but I don't understand how there are all these finfluencers who have £xk of debts across loans, credit cards and overdrafts, that pay childcare costs and have CCJs but have no issues getting mortgages. It's not fair!

 

[cmcdb]

Hi all just looking for advice here.
I am a social smoker, so in no way am I judging the habit.
my partner recently found out his sister is smoking in the same room as her 6 month old. And I mean the child is in a bouncer, and she’s sitting on the couch smoking. No windows or outside doors open, only the room door itself, so she thinks this is okay.
my twins are 1 next week, very rarely I have a smoke during the day but when I do I have a separate jumper to put on, and I wash my hands and rinse my mouth out after, and anyone that comes into my home and wants to play with them is made do the same.
so anyway the advice I am looking for is; am I being OTT by saying my children will not be visiting their aunts house again whilst she’s doing this? I know she probably will agree not to do this when we are there, but for me it’s too late now, I just don’t want them in a smoking environment at all.

 

[jolly_parsley]

Hi all just looking for advice here.
I am a social smoker, so in no way am I judging the habit.
my partner recently found out his sister is smoking in the same room as her 6 month old. And I mean the child is in a bouncer, and she’s sitting on the couch smoking. No windows or outside doors open, only the room door itself, so she thinks this is okay.
my twins are 1 next week, very rarely I have a smoke during the day but when I do I have a separate jumper to put on, and I wash my hands and rinse my mouth out after, and anyone that comes into my home and wants to play with them is made do the same.
so anyway the advice I am looking for is; am I being OTT by saying my children will not be visiting their aunts house again whilst she’s doing this? I know she probably will agree not to do this when we are there, but for me it’s too late now, I just don’t want them in a smoking environment at all.

Not OTT at all! My brother and my SIL both smoke and we’ve not visited them yet with our little one but when we’re at social events together we ask them to not smoke and if they do they’re not allowed to hold or be close to our boy. If we ever visit them I would have exactly the same demands as you

 

[Crones884]

Sorry, just need a rant. OH has the vomiting bug, only came on at 4am, so we are up since then. He was supposed to be at home with LO today as I had work and the gym booked. Had to cancel the gym, am trying to work from home but obvs have the small one now too so its really hard. Was also supposed to have my work night out that I now can't go to. Haven't been out in months and he's been out the last few weekends. Obviously I know its not his fault it's just unfortunate but jesus the resentment is real

 

[jolly_parsley]

Went to the office today to drop off some Christmas chocolates for my team while I’m still on mat leave but it’s left me feeling so anxious about going back in the first half of 2025. There are new systems so the processes of how I do my job have completely changed so I’ll have to relearn how to do my job, and there have been some mega changes with people leaving the business and reshuffling people. I’ve got 9 KIT days so (subject to childcare) I’ll make use of them but it’s just made me feel so anxious about going back. I know what I’m doing with Baby Parsley, I wish I could quit and be a SAHM.

Is anyone considering any return to work coaching? I know it’s a thing but I don’t know if it’s worth it but it might help with my anxiety levels.

 

[shhh1712]

I didn’t have any coaching as such but I was having CBT before I went back to work. I have to say that going back to work REALLY improved my mental health. Like drastically. I was so nervous to return and so worried about putting LO in nursery. In the 3 months before returning to work my PPD/ PPA was at its worst. Having a routine and doing something I enjoy doing made the world of difference. Just know that you’re not alone! I also went back when loads of changes had been happening/ were still in the middle of happening. It’s so normal to feel like that but you’ll be back a few days and it will feel like you never left I’m sure! X

 

[Jellycat369]

Went to the office today to drop off some Christmas chocolates for my team while I’m still on mat leave but it’s left me feeling so anxious about going back in the first half of 2025. There are new systems so the processes of how I do my job have completely changed so I’ll have to relearn how to do my job, and there have been some mega changes with people leaving the business and reshuffling people. I’ve got 9 KIT days so (subject to childcare) I’ll make use of them but it’s just made me feel so anxious about going back. I know what I’m doing with Baby Parsley, I wish I could quit and be a SAHM.

Is anyone considering any return to work coaching? I know it’s a thing but I don’t know if it’s worth it but it might help with my anxiety levels.

Could you request a mentor to help with the systems and changes?

I haven't asked for work coaching but did ask for defined deliverables as there are voluntary and compulsory redundancies on the horizon and I want to cover my butt. Unfortunately my boss just spoke a load of useless word salad so didn't really do much for my anxiety.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Went to the office today to drop off some Christmas chocolates for my team while I’m still on mat leave but it’s left me feeling so anxious about going back in the first half of 2025. There are new systems so the processes of how I do my job have completely changed so I’ll have to relearn how to do my job, and there have been some mega changes with people leaving the business and reshuffling people. I’ve got 9 KIT days so (subject to childcare) I’ll make use of them but it’s just made me feel so anxious about going back. I know what I’m doing with Baby Parsley, I wish I could quit and be a SAHM.

Is anyone considering any return to work coaching? I know it’s a thing but I don’t know if it’s worth it but it might help with my anxiety levels.

This probably isn’t the advice you’re looking for but we had full system changes when I was on mat leave and I took it as an opportunity to almost reinvent my work personality before I would happily take stuff on, be super helpful, help others when stuck on something etc but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sustain that now I have a baby. And although he goes to nursery whilst I work, I wanted to be in more of a do my job and go home person rather than letting it encroach into my personal time. So now I’m the sorry can someone look at, help with, take over blah blah blah person. Which is probably annoying but now work is almost like a bit of a break for me as I don’t let it stress me out. I do enough to not be underperforming, but I don’t go above and beyond anymore and the system changes really helped that happen for me!

 

[cmcdb]

Hey all just need to vent!!
my twins are one today!! . We had their party yesterday, and my SIL has put ALL the photos of the party on Facebook, before I’ve had the chance to send them to family who couldn’t make it!! She done the same thing last year, and announced the birth of MY children on HER Facebook, before I could.i have a small Facebook friend list of about 350 people, and my profile is locked. She has 1350+ friends, and all the people that have commented on my children’s photos, are people that me and partner do not know?!
Am I overreacting to this? I have asked her three times today to remove them and she still hasn’t.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hey all just need to vent!!
my twins are one today!! . We had their party yesterday, and my SIL has put ALL the photos of the party on Facebook, before I’ve had the chance to send them to family who couldn’t make it!! She done the same thing last year, and announced the birth of MY children on HER Facebook, before I could.i have a small Facebook friend list of about 350 people, and my profile is locked. She has 1350+ friends, and all the people that have commented on my children’s photos, are people that me and partner do not know?!
Am I overreacting to this? I have asked her three times today to remove them and she still hasn’t.

Tell her to wind her neck in, can you report the photos on FB? Next time you have a gathering get everyone to hand their phones in and make a point of saying it’s because you’ve asked people not to take photos and upload them to FB without permission before but they haven’t listened - bit extreme but couldn’t help myself dreaming

 

[Burrito88]

Hey all just need to vent!!
my twins are one today!! . We had their party yesterday, and my SIL has put ALL the photos of the party on Facebook, before I’ve had the chance to send them to family who couldn’t make it!! She done the same thing last year, and announced the birth of MY children on HER Facebook, before I could.i have a small Facebook friend list of about 350 people, and my profile is locked. She has 1350+ friends, and all the people that have commented on my children’s photos, are people that me and partner do not know?!
Am I overreacting to this? I have asked her three times today to remove them and she still hasn’t.

Comment on them and say as I have requested can you please remove these as I haven’t given permission to share. Shame herrrrrr

 

[cmcdb]

Tell her to wind her neck in, can you report the photos on FB? Next time you have a gathering get everyone to hand their phones in and make a point of saying it’s because you’ve asked people not to take photos and upload them to FB without permission before but they haven’t listened - bit extreme but couldn’t help myself dreaming

This is brilliant actually
@Burrito88 ive done just that and she’s deleted them! But honestly you’d think I was trying to pull teeth!!

 

[justonemorepage]

Hey all just need to vent!!
my twins are one today!! . We had their party yesterday, and my SIL has put ALL the photos of the party on Facebook, before I’ve had the chance to send them to family who couldn’t make it!! She done the same thing last year, and announced the birth of MY children on HER Facebook, before I could.i have a small Facebook friend list of about 350 people, and my profile is locked. She has 1350+ friends, and all the people that have commented on my children’s photos, are people that me and partner do not know?!
Am I overreacting to this? I have asked her three times today to remove them and she still hasn’t.

Nahhh fuck that and fuck her. I'd be livid. I don't post my baby on social media at all and I've told all family not to but if I found out they did there'd be hell to pay. Not cool at all. They're your kids, not hers. Fuming on your behalf tbh.

 

[Justmechan23]

Nahhh fuck that and fuck her. I'd be livid. I don't post my baby on social media at all and I've told all family not to but if I found out they did there'd be hell to pay. Not cool at all. They're your kids, not hers. Fuming on your behalf tbh.

same! I’m not on social media like that but my family are so when mini justme was born I made a point that no photos of him should be posted on their social media at all. I had strange reactions and comments at the time but glad I mentioned it early on. @cmcdb I’m glad you managed to get them taken down, your sister was out of order!!

 

[cmcdb]

same! I’m not on social media like that but my family are so when mini justme was born I made a point that no photos of him should be posted on their social media at all. I had strange reactions and comments at the time but glad I mentioned it early on. @cmcdb I’m glad you managed to get them taken down, your sister was out of order!!

For so many people it’s just the norm now to announce everything on social media, and yes I do put certain photos up but they’re my kids my decision oh thank god for this thread and thank you all for agreeing with me

 

[opintionatedperson]

The level of resentment I have for my husband is at an all time high right now.

He can be such a selfish dxxk im just so frustrated with him and I have told him why I can't stand the air he breathes right now but I know it won't make a blinds difference.

I won't go into it at all, but it's amazing how I can go to the bathroom or make myself food with the baby around me and I don't need someone to watch him. Also the obsession with having the television on at all times wrecks my head, maybe if he actually interacted with the child instead of ignore him he won't crawl away constantly to find me... Grrr

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Fully sympathise. Was coming here to also say inside my mind is one long internal, seemingly eternal scream.

 

[Crones884]

The level of resentment I have for my husband is at an all time high right now.

He can be such a selfish dxxk im just so frustrated with him and I have told him why I can't stand the air he breathes right now but I know it won't make a blinds difference.

I won't go into it at all, but it's amazing how I can go to the bathroom or make myself food with the baby around me and I don't need someone to watch him. Also the obsession with having the television on at all times wrecks my head, maybe if he actually interacted with the child instead of ignore him he won't crawl away constantly to find me... Grrr

Did we marry the same man? We are exactly the same at the moment, and now we've Christmas and all the thinking that comes with that for me to think about too. He's got 3 different nights out planned so far and none of them include me. Also good morning to anyone else in the 5am club

 

[opintionatedperson]

Did we marry the same man? We are exactly the same at the moment, and now we've Christmas and all the thinking that comes with that for me to think about too. He's got 3 different nights out planned so far and none of them include me. Also good morning to anyone else in the 5am club

Think they're all bred the same..idiots like it would hurt them to think of someone thats not themselves.