New Baby & Post Birth Off Topic #3 Daddy's hiding in the loo, taking 4-6 business days to do a poo.

[WeepingCassandra]

@storminaDcup my OH keeps trying to put LittleWC in a short sleeved vest, long trousers and a jumper for nursery. Three times in the last fortnight I have had to remind him it's summer and he does not need multiple layers. Honestly.

 

[justonemorepage]

So a little update on baby being poorly and just looking for some more reassurance/advice I guess

Her temp is back to normal which is great but she feels cold and clammy and has a rash now. Taken her to doctors and they assured me she was fine and it was viral. She's barely eating or taking milk which is worrying me but still has wet nappies and doctors said she's not dehydrated and seems healthy. Today she's been sleeping for 3 hours and counting. I'm aware that I need to try to get fluids into her but I also don't want to wake her if she needs the sleep to recover. I just never know what to do for the best.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

So a little update on baby being poorly and just looking for some more reassurance/advice I guess

Her temp is back to normal which is great but she feels cold and clammy and has a rash now. Taken her to doctors and they assured me she was fine and it was viral. She's barely eating or taking milk which is worrying me but still has wet nappies and doctors said she's not dehydrated and seems healthy. Today she's been sleeping for 3 hours and counting. I'm aware that I need to try to get fluids into her but I also don't want to wake her if she needs the sleep to recover. I just never know what to do for the best.

I can't remember how old she is? If she's more than a few weeks then a long nap shouldn't be concerning in terms of dehydration as babies can go for several hours overnight without milk, but you'll just need to make sure she has milk when she wakes up and continue to keep an eye on wet nappies. You can also offer water (boiled then cooled of she's under 6 months) to help keep her hydrated, although lots of babies look aghast when it's offered if they're not used to it it's good the doctor wasn't concerned but the one thing health professionals drum into new mums is that if you sense something isn't right then keep raising it because you know baby best - maybe you could ring 111 once she's awake to get some advice about the rash and lack of milk? I hope she feels better soon
---

Thank you, you're so kind on this thread! It's basically CBT, medication (which made me suicidal when I tried it in my 20s) or nothing on the NHS here. I work in an area that often sees MH patients in crisis come through our ward and the support is non-existent. It's awful really. We're also trying to get life insurance atm and they keep asking questions about my MH and because I've had CBT in the last 4 years with the PND they're talking about it being more expensive etc. All just added stress.

I had a meeting with my manager the other day as well about how I'm getting on in the new team, there's been some tensions between me and junior staff and they've gone ahead and complained to her despite them largely instigating it all. Just all keeps going back to how my life before LittleWC was easy and I was so much fitter and happier in myself, in a career that I enjoyed and I had chosen, I could go out when I wanted, gym when I wanted, date nights with OH when we wanted, my annual leave was for holidays and fun things... We've both got some time off together next week when LO is in nursery for my OHs birthday but if he still has an upset stomach we'll have to cancel that (he hasn't pooped yet today though so fingers crossed we're over that) and it'll be another wasted annual leave day.

My work doesn't do that, we get 1 day a year as emergency carers leave which I've already used when we had to take him to A+E about 6 weeks back and then rest either has to be annual leave, unpaid only if you've used up all your annual leave!

Sorry that things have been stressful at work, and that your work don't offer more support or flexibility for dependents has your manager been supportive about the team causing issues and then filing complaints? It sucks that the NHS in your area don't offer more options to support mental health - it's definitely worth looking into private therapy though if you're ready to talk through everything to help come to terms with it, and some therapists will adjust their fees if money is tight or offer "pay what you can" - maybe start by looking at the BACP website for an accredited therapist in your area and go from there? You sound very stuck in "the before", and although that's understandable you can't go back so someone needs to help you move forward

 

[justonemorepage]

Thank you @Pontiac_Bandit she's 8.5 months. She's just had some food, a small amount of milk and water and seems a bit perkier so fingers crossed she just really needed the big nap! Thank you for the reassurance x

 

[WeHadFunRight]

My husband is absolutely doing my head in this morning. He’s taking our 7 month old out for a walk and lunch with his sister and packing the baby bag for this trip and getting him ready to go seems to be blowing his mind.

He was gonna send our little boy out in just a short sleeved vest and I pointed out that he may want to put some shorts on with the vest so it’s more of an outfit.

Anyway there was this whole drama of him not being able to find shorts that matched this vest that he had on. The navy ones he wanted to put him on weren’t anywhere to be seen (probably because they’re in the wash pile or he hasn’t checked the drawers upstairs properly). Then he had a go at me as apparently all his clothes are ‘everywhere’ which really fucked me off as it isnt true at all, they are all in his nursery drawers, which is sorted into the divider compartments etc and there is a pile also on the floor in the nursery I haven’t been able to put away yet since they were only washed the other day.

he literally has 0 day to day involvement in buying any of the baby clothes / the constant managing of the baby wardrobe and sorting through and putting aside the stuff he doesn’t fit in anymore / washing them or putting them away. And he starts giving me shit like that, am I right to be annoyed at this?

I told him in the end just to put our baby in the grey shorts as it wasn’t a fashion show and just went upstairs and now we’re not speaking.

And new clothes that fit the kids magically appear when they grow out of their old ones….

yes you’re right to be annoyed, reading your post got my back up too! Grrrrr

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I work in HR but defo agree check in with pregnant then screwed and or your union as they will be able to review your contract, change of hours letter and organisations policies and processes to give the best advice.
High level advice would be it doesn't appear from what you have said they have strong reason to challenge and force a change in working days, it seems more for team interaction. Double check your flexible working confirmation letter and contract to see if they have scope to change your working pattern or hours but they can't force you to. Flexible working reasons shouldn't be taken into consideration when they approve or decline for biased reasons but highlight the need based on childcare and the lack of flexibility around this. If they are still forcing a change and not resolving at the informal discussion stage the next step would be raising a grievance. That can be a hard thing to do and not the nicest of processes but it's the best one and gives you an opportunity to present your case to an informal manager to make a decision or recommendations. Good luck!

Thank you so much for your comment!! I never received a new contract they just responded to my request to say it had been approved and amended my working pattern on the system- does this leave me in a bad position? or is that on them? X

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Thank you x I did get to see her, after 5 weeks in hospital it looks like she is finally on the up

I didn't want to immediately be banned from the toddler thread for going off topic so have resurrected this thread to ask - how's your mum doing now? I hope things are less full on for you at the moment

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I didn't want to immediately be banned from the toddler thread for going off topic so have resurrected this thread to ask - how's your mum doing now? I hope things are less full on for you at the moment ❤

Thank you - she’s doing OK - big recovery path ahead of her xxx

 

[cmcdb]

Has anyone else decided to become a stay at home mammy? Because I have and I absolutely hate it!! I adore my babies, love them to pieces but I do miss my old life? Tried to talk to himself about it and he was shocked by my confession. The man whose life has barely changed was shocked that I miss work and partying?
And also to the mamas gone back to work how I salute you! As much as I miss it I don’t actually know could I cope? Washing machine is on twice a day yet the basket is still over flowing

 

[Burrito88]

Has anyone else decided to become a stay at home mammy? Because I have and I absolutely hate it!! I adore my babies, love them to pieces but I do miss my old life? Tried to talk to himself about it and he was shocked by my confession. The man whose life has barely changed was shocked that I miss work and partying?
And also to the mamas gone back to work how I salute you! As much as I miss it I don’t actually know could I cope? Washing machine is on twice a day yet the basket is still over flowing

Are you entitled to any childcare subsidy? Could you get a childminder or nursery for 1 day a week to give you a bit of a break? I only have 1 and I’m already half looking forward to going back to work, twins must be so tough

 

[cmcdb]

Are you entitled to any childcare subsidy? Could you get a childminder or nursery for 1 day a week to give you a bit of a break? I only have 1 and I’m already half looking forward to going back to work, twins must be so tough

No not entitled to anything yet in Ireland, think it’s when they turn 2/3.. his mam is very good to us and does come over to help, but it’s more his attitude towards me? He’s a brilliant daddy but it’s like he doesn’t see how much I’m doing. One week I decided not to cook for him (I batched cooked for myself, something he wouldn’t eat ) and it didn’t phase him one bit!
I might not do his laundry for awhile. Feeling very petty

 

[Burrito88]

No not entitled to anything yet in Ireland, think it’s when they turn 2/3.. his mam is very good to us and does come over to help, but it’s more his attitude towards me? He’s a brilliant daddy but it’s like he doesn’t see how much I’m doing. One week I decided not to cook for him (I batched cooked for myself, something he wouldn’t eat ) and it didn’t phase him one bit!
I might not do his laundry for awhile. Feeling very petty

I nearly had a nervous breakdown before mine realised how hard it is. Book yourself some solo activities of a weekend so he can have them and see for himself!

 

[Tifastrife]

Has anyone else decided to become a stay at home mammy? Because I have and I absolutely hate it!! I adore my babies, love them to pieces but I do miss my old life? Tried to talk to himself about it and he was shocked by my confession. The man whose life has barely changed was shocked that I miss work and partying?
And also to the mamas gone back to work how I salute you! As much as I miss it I don’t actually know could I cope? Washing machine is on twice a day yet the basket is still over flowing

I did! I have had a few wobbles over time, on days I’ve felt fed up and bored. it’s helped to have some semblance of a routine. We have a class we go to on set days, try to go swimming once a week, lots of walks. I really find it hard on days we don’t have plans so I try to get out even if it’s just for a walk to the park or the supermarket.
I’m not sure how old your little one is but now mines a bit older and on one nap it’s easier. Morning we usually do an activity (class, swimming whatever). When he’s napping I eat, do the dishwasher and shove on a washing. Then when he wakes he has lunch then we either play in the garden/at home or go out for a walk etc. I try to see people once or twice a week for play dates /coffee so you don’t always feel like you’re just talking to a baby and having no adult conversation. I have worried about when the weathers crap what we’ll do but that’s what waterproofs are for! And a little movie afternoon never hurt anyone lol

 

[cmcdb]

I did! I have had a few wobbles over time, on days I’ve felt fed up and bored. it’s helped to have some semblance of a routine. We have a class we go to on set days, try to go swimming once a week, lots of walks. I really find it hard on days we don’t have plans so I try to get out even if it’s just for a walk to the park or the supermarket.
I’m not sure how old your little one is but now mines a bit older and on one nap it’s easier. Morning we usually do an activity (class, swimming whatever). When he’s napping I eat, do the dishwasher and shove on a washing. Then when he wakes he has lunch then we either play in the garden/at home or go out for a walk etc. I try to see people once or twice a week for play dates /coffee so you don’t always feel like you’re just talking to a baby and having no adult conversation. I have worried about when the weathers crap what we’ll do but that’s what waterproofs are for! And a little movie afternoon never hurt anyone lol

Thank you. Mine are 8 month old twins. We’re in a good routine but as far as activities outside the house, it’s only walks because I don’t drive it’s on the list and I’m doing lessons soon so hopefully I’ll see an improvement in my own mood afterwards

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Probably a weird one but does anyone’s baby not favour them? TF is very much for my husband and spends most of her time saying no to me and pushing me away. I am finding everything very hard going at the moment and my energy levels are on the floor. I hate the school and nursery pick ups, they’re an absolute grind, just full of 6 whinging and TF crying or repeating the same phrase I don’t understand. Like every single fucking day, I can’t win. If I collect TF first I tend to leave her in the car (in my eye line) while I collect 6 from her after school child care, but I know she’s crying and it makes me feel down after wrestling her into her car seat. If I pick 6 up first when I say we have to go get TF she goes “ohhhhhh I don’t want to” I’m like, what’s the alternative? Leave your baby sister overnight at nursery? I could walk but honestly have absolutely zero energy right now I feel like I’m operating under a ton of bricks if I’m honest and I just want to cry. Sorry, just putting this here because I really need a safe space to vent. I think the answer is walking, I think TF will tolerate being in the pushchair okay because she has things to look at. Anyway, kill me.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Probably a weird one but does anyone’s baby not favour them? TF is very much for my husband and spends most of her time saying no to me and pushing me away. I am finding everything very hard going at the moment and my energy levels are on the floor. I hate the school and nursery pick ups, they’re an absolute grind, just full of 6 whinging and TF crying or repeating the same phrase I don’t understand. Like every single fucking day, I can’t win. If I collect TF first I tend to leave her in the car (in my eye line) while I collect 6 from her after school child care, but I know she’s crying and it makes me feel down after wrestling her into her car seat. If I pick 6 up first when I say we have to go get TF she goes “ohhhhhh I don’t want to” I’m like, what’s the alternative? Leave your baby sister overnight at nursery? I could walk but honestly have absolutely zero energy right now I feel like I’m operating under a ton of bricks if I’m honest and I just want to cry. Sorry, just putting this here because I really need a safe space to vent. I think the answer is walking, I think TF will tolerate being in the pushchair okay because she has things to look at. Anyway, kill me.

No advice but I'm so sorry things are so tough right now - I hope the rain dries up and the sun comes out for you soon

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Probably a weird one but does anyone’s baby not favour them? TF is very much for my husband and spends most of her time saying no to me and pushing me away. I am finding everything very hard going at the moment and my energy levels are on the floor. I hate the school and nursery pick ups, they’re an absolute grind, just full of 6 whinging and TF crying or repeating the same phrase I don’t understand. Like every single fucking day, I can’t win. If I collect TF first I tend to leave her in the car (in my eye line) while I collect 6 from her after school child care, but I know she’s crying and it makes me feel down after wrestling her into her car seat. If I pick 6 up first when I say we have to go get TF she goes “ohhhhhh I don’t want to” I’m like, what’s the alternative? Leave your baby sister overnight at nursery? I could walk but honestly have absolutely zero energy right now I feel like I’m operating under a ton of bricks if I’m honest and I just want to cry. Sorry, just putting this here because I really need a safe space to vent. I think the answer is walking, I think TF will tolerate being in the pushchair okay because she has things to look at. Anyway, kill me.

Sorry I feel compelled to add (because someone is bound to come and “coach me”) that I’m aware they’ve both had really long days and they’ll both be so tired. I get that. I feel sorry for all of us and wish it was different.

 

[Crones884]

Sorry I feel compelled to add (because someone is bound to come and “coach me”) that I’m aware they’ve both had really long days and they’ll both be so tired. I get that. I feel sorry for all of us and wish it was different.

Ive no advice either only i hope things get better for you, its such a tough situation for everyone. Like you said, you are all tired and it really is shit. Is it a far walk? Is there a favourite toy you could bring for TF while in the car? You've probably tried that before though

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Ive no advice either only i hope things get better for you, its such a tough situation for everyone. Like you said, you are all tired and it really is shit. Is it a far walk? Is there a favourite toy you could bring for TF while in the car? You've probably tried that before though

She’s not really got a favourite toy, anything I give her she looks cross and shouts NO and throws it over the side. Yesterday she had fun taking her socks and slippers off though. Basically at this age anything I suggest is shit and she’s happy to find something for herself.
It’s a ten minute walk to nursery, then a 15 minute walk to school then a 5 minute walk home. So not undoable but I need to be organised to leave the house on time as after school club closes at 5:30 so it’s a bit pressured. Not keen on getting 6 first as the logistics would be a nightmare as she’d complain all the way!

 

[Crones884]

She’s not really got a favourite toy, anything I give her she looks cross and shouts NO and throws it over the side. Yesterday she had fun taking her socks and slippers off though. Basically at this age anything I suggest is shit and she’s happy to find something for herself.
It’s a ten minute walk to nursery, then a 15 minute walk to school then a 5 minute walk home. So not undoable but I need to be organised to leave the house on time as after school club closes at 5:30 so it’s a bit pressured. Not keen on getting 6 first as the logistics would be a nightmare as she’d complain all the way!

Awh ok, im sorry i cant help, please feel free to rant i find everyone here so understanding since I joined. Think we all feel the same at some point