Mumsnet #27 If you're only coming to goad, you're not getting our bleeping codes

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Serene Serena said:
"Hello, 111, how can I help?"
"My male prostitute is stalking me!"
"Okaaaaaaaaaay, and what are your exact symptoms? Abdominal pain? Chest pain? Thunderclap headache?"

I bet the call handlers for 111 and 101 get really pissed off with Mumsnetters calling up to log stuff all the time.
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Or turning up at A&E with things that are neither an accident or emergency!
 
Why do they want the police to have so much information about them? Whilst I currently have no plans to commit any crimes, one day I might commit one either on purpose or accidentally, so the less the police know about me in advance the better, my name/address/car reg is not on the police computer and it can bloody stay that way tbh.
 
Sglodion said:
Has anyone else noticed a growing trend on there of people saying "Have you no...?" instead of "Don't you have any...?" Not just in standard phrases like 'have you no shame', but things like "Have you no family who could help out?" It sounds soooo twee and affected and grates on me every time.

(If it hasn't annoyed you before it's going to now, so you can thank me for that whenever you spot it in future :ROFLMAO:)
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From Glasgow. That’s how I would ask!
 
The threads I really don't understand on MN are the ones usually titled something like "Was this person rude to me?" I've seen a couple of them this last week and they just baffle me. They always seem to go along these lines...

"I was in the supermarket today, browsing the fruit and veg section and I wanted to grab some carrots so I said excuse me to a woman who was standing in front of them. She pushed me, shoved a parsnip up my arse, kicked me in the fanny and told me to get fucked. I was so shocked but I don't like confrontation, so I got my carrots and finished my shopping.

When I got in I told my DH and he said the woman was well within her rights and I was the rude one for bothering her. So was IBU to ask her to move and was she rude?"

I mean, who cares if the person was rude? You either retaliate in the moment or walk off and quietly seethe for 10 minutes then go about your day. Do you really need to go on MN to ask a load of absolute twats what they think? They'll just tell you the woman probably has mental health issues/is ND/is peri/has dementia/ grieving the death of a loved one/has PND etc. Or they'll tell you that they would have wrestled the woman to the ground, farted in her face and asked her if she was on glue/did she mean to be so rude.

duck me, they get right on my tits.
 
Kikini Bamalam said:
The threads I really don't understand on MN are the ones usually titled something like "Was this person rude to me?" I've seen a couple of them this last week and they just baffle me. They always seem to go along these lines...

"I was in the supermarket today, browsing the fruit and veg section and I wanted to grab some carrots so I said excuse me to a woman who was standing in front of them. She pushed me, shoved a parsnip up my arse, kicked me in the fanny and told me to get fucked. I was so shocked but I don't like confrontation, so I got my carrots and finished my shopping.

When I got in I told my DH and he said the woman was well within her rights and I was the rude one for bothering her. So was IBU to ask her to move and was she rude?"

I mean, who cares if the person was rude? You either retaliate in the moment or walk off and quietly seethe for 10 minutes then go about your day. Do you really need to go on MN to ask a load of absolute twats what they think? They'll just tell you the woman probably has mental health issues/is ND/is peri/has dementia/ grieving the death of a loved one/has PND etc. Or they'll tell you that they would have wrestled the woman to the ground, farted in her face and asked her if she was on glue/did she mean to be so rude.

duck me, they get right on my tits.
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How dare you?! Mumsnetters don't fart, they release a flowery waft instead 🤭
 
Galinda said:
Fair enough. I was at that school late 90s early 2000s and assumed all schools were the same but obviously not. Thinking about it I went to a different junior school before that and that did have very strict staff wandering around making sure we were all behaving and we always had to say "for what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly grateful" 🤮 before trying to force down some utter shite. My junior school sounds nearer to your experience (we had a rota for cleaning and clearing the tables, long tables too) but I still doubt it's like that now, especially as that junior school shut down due to low pupil numbers as it was that tit no one wanted to go there. I still think they're all fantasists with an unrealistic old fashioned idea of private education
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Still going strong in a way but amalgamated with another all-girls public boarding school. I think problems started when the boys schools started taking girls.

The point is that they don't understand that it's really not up to schools to teach such things as table manners, but the family. I knew table manners from the time I started to be taught to use a knife and fork, as well as behaviour in a restaurant from a small child. School is simply a reinforcement. The only bit of etiquette I ever learned purely at school was a full court curtsey (straight back, Theresa May!) and that was just for a royal visit.
 
100% state schooled and I love a Michelin restaurant. I even know what to do with a knife. Thank my mother.

I’m cringing at the nastiness being handed out to a woman who has asked if it’s normal that her MiL is making a Christmas dinner every year that she and her kids don’t really like. It’s not at all clear whether she’s ever tried to find a resolution, so that could help, but the sheer number of posters telling her she’s ungrateful, entitled and unpleasant, and should be grateful for the meal. When the rest of MN is full of posters complaining they have to go to their MiL for Christmas and just want to be with there own little families. The double standards on MN that seem to exist just so people can tit on everyone are nasty.
 
I've never been to anyone's home for Christmas, or hosted anyone at mine for dinner or otherwise. All invites are firmly rejected.
I like to have my dinner early then crack on with the booze with music on loud while eating all kinds of random tit.
I don't dress up either. Jeans and jumper here, thanks.
You know, the kind of Christmas day that would have that lot over there unable to leave their chaises and smelling salts for a week with shock.
 
Technobiff said:
I've never been to anyone's home for Christmas, or hosted anyone at mine for dinner or otherwise. All invites are firmly rejected.
I like to have my dinner early then crack on with the booze with music on loud while eating all kinds of random tit.
I don't dress up either. Jeans and jumper here, thanks.
You know, the kind of Christmas day that would have that lot over there unable to leave their chaises and smelling salts for a week with shock.
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Sounds like a pretty good Christmas 🎄

Of course I will be showcasing my Sister Jane sack dress and frantically trying to cook the perfect meal then necking all of the sherry and collapsing in a drunken heap of regret while my husband tries to convince his mother that I don’t have an alcohol dependency.
 
Serene Serena said:
Sounds like a pretty good Christmas 🎄

Of course I will be showcasing my Sister Jane sack dress and frantically trying to cook the perfect meal then necking all of the sherry and collapsing in a drunken heap of regret while my husband tries to convince his mother that I don’t have an alcohol dependency.
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Throw the sherry in the trifle and crack open a decent port. You know it makes sense.
Hopefully your m.i.l will tuck into the trifle and go into a coma in the corner.
 
Technobiff said:
Throw the sherry in the trifle and crack open a decent port. You know it makes sense.
Hopefully your m.i.l will tuck into the trifle and go into a coma in the corner.
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My mother in law (who is lovely) doesn’t drink because of her medication unfortunately but she’s great at washing up and entertaining the children when us adults just want to slump on the sofa and eat chocolate 😂
 
The grief athletes have a new cause to wring their hands over and hold their babies a little tighter tonight about. The 4 young lads who have gone missing in Wales while camping. They are all now pontificating about missing cars and following Sky news for all the updates, so they can run to MN to update everyone else. Twats.
 
Kikini Bamalam said:
The grief athletes have a new cause to wring their hands over and hold their babies a little tighter tonight about. The 4 young lads who have gone missing in Wales while camping. They are all now pontificating about missing cars and following Sky news for all the updates, so they can run to MN to update everyone else. Twats.
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Those missing boys are relatively near to me. There are lots of camping barns and shelters - mobile signal is crap. Chances are they will be found safe and well. They were planning on a camping trip, not partying on the slopes of Snowdon. Obviously mumsnetters will make it all about them because they went to Snowdonia once and their mobile battery died.
 
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