Liz Jones #5 The podcast's an unmitigated disaster, about time the Diary was put out to pasture

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Mediastar said:
Dreary. She's not even trying now. The apartment overlooking the Thames has gone the way of all flesh and turns out to be a flatshare (pretty swanky!) and despite everything she's still trying to work Neil Neil Orange Peel who's German but isn't, through to New Year when he'll stand her up.
On a side yawn, where is this great body of work she claims to be producing, week after week? There was the Tortoise's Head, of course, currently being endured by her 257 Shitstack subscribers, the *cough* film, the *cough* musical... has she produced a dictionary that has, somehow, passed me by?
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She is assuming he will want to accompany her to lunch at her friend‘s house on Christmas Day! 🤣 There will be another drama at Christmas, I am sure of it. She is setting herself up for a fall and now that Neil knows she is available for him again, he will continue to play her.

I bet David 1.0 will be having the last laugh and thankful he dodged a bullet. 😆
 
Mediastar said:
Dreary. She's not even trying now. The apartment overlooking the Thames has gone the way of all flesh and turns out to be a flatshare (pretty swanky!) and despite everything she's still trying to work Neil Neil Orange Peel who's German but isn't, through to New Year when he'll stand her up.
On a side yawn, where is this great body of work she claims to be producing, week after week? There was the Tortoise's Head, of course, currently being endured by her 257 Shitstack subscribers, the *cough* film, the *cough* musical... has she produced a dictionary that has, somehow, passed me by?
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Ah lads, I think must’ve caught whatever lurgy she has as I agreed with two sentences in the dreary! The first one (and the only one I read!) is factually-correct, (although her feminism is nebulous), and her comment about Christmas trees. 😳

But she’s back to being snide in the bit about hotels (don’t put the bleeping rolled up mat down then!) and culturally ignorant (while pumpkin bollocks is American, Halloween most assuredly is NOT)
 
Email - From: The Editor MoS Subject: Filling that back page Hi Ms Jones, Just a reminder to make sure to keep to the mandatory word count (can't be having gaps, as we'd have to fill them with ads and that costs ££s) and, if possible, finish on a 'cliff-hanger'. Don't worry, the readership will forget the cliff hanger by next week.

Oh and if you could have a dig at fat, old people, soap fixed to the wall etc., that will be a bonus.

Best
The Editor
 
Tabitha D said:
Yep, re Christmas, my assumption would be that you only get an invite from a friend so you’re not alone on Christmas Day. I doubt it’s meant to be an open invite to all and sundry. The friend probably doesn’t want some complete stranger rolling up as a plus one.
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No they definitely don’t .

One year we invited over a recently divorced male friend who my partner at the time had been friends with since they were teenagers.

Without any prior notice , not even a text, he bought along the very rough woman he had slept with the night before , who was so hungover she could barely eat anyway .

Very bad form indeed !
 

Here's the drivel in full in case you cant access it.
LIZ JONES'S DIARY: I was so ill after we had sex. So what I did next surprised even me...
By LIZ JONES FOR YOU MAGAZINE
PUBLISHED: 03:01 EST, 16 November 2024 | UPDATED: 03:01 EST, 16 November 202
https://archive.ph/p8rFQ#comments
I am a bad feminist. Shocking. I should be extradited. It’s as though I have started ironing tea towels and faking orgasms.
After a gap of four weeks, the German texted: ‘Hi, how are you doing?’
I didn’t reply. I took the higher ground. For two whole weeks. Then I was on my way home after a difficult two days away working, the weekend loomed, empty and alone, and so I summoned up some courage, and texted him back.
‘I’m OK. I thought you had died.’
He shot back, straight away, ‘You too.* How are the windows going?’


I sometimes believe men are as clueless as we are. As nervous and riddled with self-doubt.
So I replied, ‘Finished! And I have a kitchen! How are you? I figured you had stuff going on, needed some space.’
‘In some ways, yes, I guess I did need some space. But I loved our time together. All incredibly special. I believe we have not ended. I think you know that, too.’
I wonder what on earth happened. Why did he not get in touch, say sorry for cancelling our mini break on my birthday? Why did he not at least send flowers? But I think now is not the right time for answers.
I said, ‘That’s good to hear. I really like you. I assumed you had lost interest.’
Him: ‘I really like you too. Glad we are in the same zone.’
Me: ‘I’m in London a lot over the next few weeks. Lots of Christmas work parties. Do you want to meet up for a drink?’
Him: ‘I would love that. I look forward to seeing you again.’
Me: ‘I can’t wait.’
The next day, I asked him if he had settled into his new apartment. He moved out of his flat overlooking the Thames in Putney, where he had a flatmate. He replied the new place is ‘so much better’.
I considered asking why he is renting at the age of nearly 60, why he doesn’t own his own home, whether he now lives alone, but figure it’s none of my business.
Saturday night, I texted him: ‘Night night, Handsome.’
Him: ‘Good night, Gorgeous.’
I think the German being so handsome is a major part of the problem. I don’t think good-looking men ever have to try hard. David 1.0 used to be handsome, which made him arrogant, meant he had nothing to say.
I almost didn’t tell you any of the above. It’s tricky. Shameful. Women complain about how a man has treated us, girlfriends are immediately on our side, they say he doesn’t deserve us, they listen to us moaning endlessly, tell us that we should ignore him, that he is a bastard, and then we get back together, and girlfriends must tolerate us seeing him again.
You must wonder what on earth has possessed me. Truth is, a friend has invited me for lunch on Christmas Day. I don’t want to turn up on my own. It’s as simple as that.
But I need to know why he didn’t get in touch, why no apology or explanation. Why he doesn’t seem very generous. He didn’t answer me when I said I thought he had simply lost interest.
Then, of course, I was so ill after we had sex: cystitis, glandular fever, an abscess inside my tonsil. I’ve lost so much weight, I now weigh just over seven and a half stone. Maybe we can just have sex. I will make him wear a condom. Tell him I need him to communicate more.
So being really brave, on Sunday afternoon I text him this…
‘Why did you fall silent for four weeks? It was a bit odd, to say the least, as you seemed so keen.’
Oooh. He has just replied.
I pour myself a glass of wine and open his message…
*He can’t have read my column


JONES MOANS... WHAT LIZ LOATHES THIS WEEK
  • Cheap hotels, and by that I mean they still charge £200 a night. Coat hangers designed so you don’t steal them. Rubber mat in the bath as, of course, poor people are overweight or infirm. Shampoo bolted to the wall. A sign saying, ‘This water is hot!’ Just three Nespresso pods to make coffee. It doesn’t take much to try a bit harder.
  • Halloween. It’s not America!
  • Why are Christmas trees on sale already?
 
MavisBeacon said:
It's ridiculously snobbish. In her world, old or disabled people shouldn't be staying in nice posh hotels, and anyway they're probably too poor and lower class, what with being so old or disabled. Unlike her, who is old and disabled (deaf) but believes she has money and class.
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How very dare you! She may be a deaf, ex-bankrupt in her late 60's... but she owns an annexe in County Durham! She may never have actually graduated, but she's made a *cough* career out of writing garbage! She may have no friends and a distant family that loathes her, but we should all aspire to be her!!
 
Jesus, where to start with this week’s?!
Vile as ever.
And working on the assumption that she IS actually involved with some bloke (I know…he probably doesn’t exist but IF he does…) then that fits in with the article from a few weeks ago about WhatsApp gaffes - in which she referred to ‘her boyfriend’ in the present tense 🙄
And IF (big if again) he exists, then she is a bleeping gullible mug for he is clearly a narcissist who is hoovering for supply. Mind you, she is a narcissist too so they’re well suited 🙄
 
It's clear she's now laying the trail of crumbs that will lead to the door of the Big Christmas Story. No, not the one about the Baby Jesus and the Manger, but the one where, despite his promises to accompany her to her friend's for Christmas dinner, he sacks her off (because, obviously, he will be with his wife and family on Christmas Day). She will have spent £000s on lavish gifts for him, booked Christmas Eve at a posh country house hotel, had her minge cleaned out by Dyno-Rod in readiness for non-stop rogering, and spent a small fortune at Rigby & Peller on sexy undies and a negligee. Only to be left, all alone, with a bottle of champagne and a text from The German (ha!) saying "Merry Christmas. I love you, you are my goddess, my all, my life, my darling ..."
 
EJ27299 said:
It's clear she's now laying the trail of crumbs that will lead to the door of the Big Christmas Story. No, not the one about the Baby Jesus and the Manger, but the one where, despite his promises to accompany her to her friend's for Christmas dinner, he sacks her off (because, obviously, he will be with his wife and family on Christmas Day). She will have spent £000s on lavish gifts for him, booked Christmas Eve at a posh country house hotel, had her minge cleaned out by Dyno-Rod in readiness for non-stop rogering, and spent a small fortune at Rigby & Peller on sexy undies and a negligee. Only to be left, all alone, with a bottle of champagne and a text from The German (ha!) saying "Merry Christmas. I love you, you are my goddess, my all, my life, my darling ..."
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The Myla thong will be bereft. 🤪
Let’s just hope she doesn’t buy him a bastard gold plated Dunhill lighter!
 
How classless is she? You don't just bring along uninvited some bit of trouser that's playing with you when you've been invited somewhere. How tacky, even for someone living in the servants annex...

She's also horribly ignorant and culturally unaware. Halloween came to North America with Scots and Irish immigrants and has been part of Scottish and Irish culture for centuries. Should we return the favour and describe her as an uneducated Essex girl with her knickers hanging down around her high heels for any smooth talker and fixated on logos and make up?
 
Blurp said:
How classless is she? You don't just bring along uninvited some bit of trouser that's playing with you when you've been invited somewhere. How tacky, even for someone living in the servants annex...

She's also horribly ignorant and culturally unaware. Halloween came to North America with Scots and Irish immigrants and has been part of Scottish and Irish culture for centuries. Should we return the favour and describe her as an uneducated Essex girl with her knickers hanging down around her high heels for any smooth talker and fixated on logos and make up?
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This... absolutely all of this. I take my hat off to you.
 
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