Jack Monroe #586 She can only but dream of being a lyrical dance flap

[Nottonightbabe]

Plus if you were really on the bones of your arse and got given a bowl of coco pops you’d save them for your child. Rancid lying bint.

Yeah Jack wouldn't though. I can believe she sat there scoffing all the coco pops that mummy bought her.

 

[Hollaaa]

I remember my grandmother having these. There were lots of recipes for meats/fishes set in jelly.....

90% vegan

 

[Geetbo]

Yeah Jack wouldn't though. I can believe she sat there scoffing all the coco pops that mummy bought her.

Yeah true. And tbf choosing not to feed her child properly when she could have is probably one of the reasons he doesn’t live with her.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I think thought it was Waitrose? Although Jack never said she baked it DID SHE!!! She just said she made it, which clearly may have just included putting things on it, because a cake is like a bag, except you put things on it not in it.

It’s way TOO LATE, but a cake is like a bag, except you put things on it not in it would make an excellent thread title.

*exception to the above: when you put a USB port in a cheap chocolate pear cake meat-cake

Edit: if anyone wants to relive the horror/ineptitude, here it is courtesy of @Yel who bravely immortalized the many horrors of Sloppy Savers

https://tattle.life/media/jack-monroes-chocolate-pear-cake.1282/

 

[RandomFishOils]

It’s way TOO LATE, but a cake is like a bag, except you put things on it not in it would make an excellent thread title.

*exception to the above: when you put a USB port in a cheap chocolate pear cake meat-cakeView attachment 3119505 qView attachment 3119506 q

Jeez. Either that tea cup is massive, or that “cake” is really tiny. No wonder it only cost £1.60.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Jeez. Either that tea cup is massive, or that “cake” is really tiny. No wonder it only cost £1.60.

Unless the cake is a brick and the “cup of tea” is in fact a big ol’ thunder mug/chamber pot full of slop.

She put a trifle in an old light fitting. Let’s face it, anything is possible.

 

[Lazarus]

Looking back at the stuff with Ol' H makes me cringe soooo much because of her deliberate use of gender neutral pronouns to hide her bisexuality

But told on herself when she said she accidentally snuggled into their brother, and played footsy with them under the table or something.

 

[Grifty Mc]

I am almost positive that a forensic frau managed to ️ the cake and it was a Tesco ready made orange fudge cake. All Jack did was decorate it with shite.

It would probably been gratefully accepted if she had just kept her "creative" paws off it.

I think someone made this already for the slopalong thread but I think they included the egg so I might do this and replace the egg but I don’t want diabetes. The sugar content in this must be through the roof

Jaffa cake mug pudding recipe

www.lovefood.com

 

[noweverythingsucks]

Part of me wonders whether every time Harold’s family get together they lol greatly about this and heave a sigh of relief that she’s long gone never to darken their door again with her foul foodstuffs, or if they’re all still so traumatized by it, it’s never, ever once been mentioned aloud by anyone and they all just pretend it never even happened.

Spoiler

Easter 2022. A 34 year old nincompoop desperate to get another ring on her finger scampering adorably round to your wealthy house with your wealthy 40something son and this…View attachment 3118692 qView attachment 3118693 qView attachment 3118694 q
smudged grubby fingerprints. We’ll take the fake rabbit tit, thanks View attachment 3118696 q

Surely if you're that skint the costing would be done before buying the ingredients, not as an afterthought? Especially for such a data loving autistic pixie like gusset.

And why must she pretend to have ganache in her crevices

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I think someone made this already for the slopalong thread but I think they included the egg so I might do this and replace the egg but I don’t want diabetes. The sugar content in this must be through the roof

Jaffa cake mug pudding recipe

www.lovefood.com

That sounds (and looks) bleeping rank. I’d prefer to actually eat the raw pork that’s been on the hob for a grand total of 30 mins then wrapped in a dressing gown for three hours to “cook at no extra cost”.

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...14/jack-monroe-cassoulet-recipe-saving-energy

 

[Grifty Mc]

That sounds (and looks) bleeping rank. I’d prefer to actually eat the raw pork that’s been on the hob for a grand total of 30 mins then wrapped in a dressing gown for three hours to “cook at no extra cost”.

View attachment 3119600 q

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...14/jack-monroe-cassoulet-recipe-saving-energy

I know it sounds rank but I need to know how marmalade can replace an egg.

 

[pumbilical cord]

I know it sounds rank but I need to know how marmalade can replace an egg.

It's kinda of a riff on using apple sauce in vegan/egg free cooking. The sugars help bind. I've used banana before, but the best thing is aquafaba.

 

[HotesTilaire]

We stayed at an airbnb a few months ago with my in laws, my mother-in-law is basically Hyacinth Bucket. The airbnb had an easel and art supplies which was a cute touch. I snapped a photo of the easel not long after arriving, my evil plan already formulated. I then used some photo editing magic to make it look like I'd drawn a giant cock and balls on there and signed it with her name before leaving. She didn't appreciate the joke

You are my hero

 

[Grifty Mc]

The comments on that bullshit cassoulet recipe are worth a look

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I know it sounds rank but I need to know how marmalade can replace an egg.

She’s so absolutely full of tit with her fingerprint smudged shop-bought Old Testament demon cake she “made with marmalade”, it’s no wonder her eyes are brown.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I know it sounds rank but I need to know how marmalade can replace an egg.

Pectin?

anyway did you know it can replace chutney?

 

[houseofhoop]

It’s way TOO LATE, but a cake is like a bag, except you put things on it not in it would make an excellent thread title.

*exception to the above: when you put a USB port in a cheap chocolate pear cake meat-cakeView attachment 3119505 qView attachment 3119506 qEdit: if anyone wants to relive the horror/ineptitude, here it is courtesy of @Yel who bravely immortalized the many horrors of Sloppy Savers

https://tattle.life/media/jack-monroes-chocolate-pear-cake.1282/

The state of her in that programme

 

[noweverythingsucks]

The comments on that bullshit cassoulet recipe are worth a look

View attachment 3119638 q

I don't know which is my favourite

I choose to believe this is directly aimed at Jack

 

[Grifty Mc]

Just looking at this recipe.
It has quite a lot of sauce with tinned tomatoes and cola in it yet the photo makes the ribs look dry as duck. There is no way they are from this recipe.

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the.../apr/01/jack-monroe-barbecue-cola-ribs-recipe

 

[nothanksbabes]

That sounds (and looks) bleeping rank. I’d prefer to actually eat the raw pork that’s been on the hob for a grand total of 30 mins then wrapped in a dressing gown for three hours to “cook at no extra cost”.

View attachment 3119600 q

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.the...14/jack-monroe-cassoulet-recipe-saving-energy

Is she seriously trying to suggest that three hours wrapped in a dressing gown is going to cook... anything?

I bleeping despite this moron, truly.

It's a good job her recipes were solely for middle class halfwits to have a self-satisfied wank over and nobody actually tried them, as I imagine there'd have been fatalities. She's bleeping detestable.

I've heard it all now.