Jack Monroe #583 She didn't retire from public life, she had no choice. Public life retired her.

[houseofhoop]

That entire recipe is overwritten absolute bleeping nonsense, featu a random trip to the U bend and squeals of delight View attachment 3071304 q

What a cock

 

[nothanksbabes]

That entire recipe is overwritten absolute bleeping nonsense, featu a random trip to the U bend and squeals of delight View attachment 3071304 q

Worra bleep.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

“First pop your lentils in a saucepan that will easily hold thrice their volume. Cover in cold water, but do not salt for they will seize. Bring to the boil at the back of the stove, where they can br forgotten for a while. Reduce to a simmer and roundly ignore them for around half an hour, only interfering should they start to dry out a little, by adding a splash of water.”

Can someone please translate this into English for this simpleton? She uses so many words and makes what should be a simple process so complicated.

That is a slop manual. The little fuckers will be a pile of mush after all that ignoring and simmering. Is that what she meant by somethings simmering? Pose on a sideboard while the lentil slop simmers.
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Ooh, Bible Jack.

It sounds like the long lost 11th Commandment.

Sounds like a serial killer to me.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

This will be one of my classic Bol unpopular opinions but don’t think the sock is Jack and I think they are equally communicating with Tattle by going ever further with their rude comments about reneging on the purchase while enjoying the reactions and everyone thinking it is Jack, plus the play by play of the deactivations. (I also don’t think the lawyer “joke” really counted as threatening carp squig with a lawyer either )

Twitter for its many flaws has always had mischievous jokers and imo this is quite clearly one. The internet isn’t always so serious imo

 

[Clovis]

That entire recipe is overwritten absolute bleeping nonsense, featu a random trip to the U bend and squeals of delight View attachment 3071304 q

I know I oughtn't to ask, but how can this teeny tiny smol pixie have "rough-hewn hands more suited for heaving large objects" with her cacophony of physical ailments and arthritic, crumbly bones?

Besides, surely she's been told that she's far too pretty to be smashing together flat pack furniture.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I know I oughtn't to ask, but how can this teeny tiny smol pixie have "rough-hewn hands more suited for heaving large objects" with her cacophony of physical ailments and arthritic, crumbly bones?

Besides, surely she's been told that she's far too pretty to be smashing together flat pack furniture.

Conjoined twins is the only explanation.

 

[Ablemabel]

This will be one of my classic Bol unpopular opinions but don’t think the sock is Jack and I think they are equally communicating with Tattle by going ever further with their rude comments about reneging on the purchase while enjoying the reactions and everyone thinking it is Jack, plus the play by play of the deactivations. (I also don’t think the lawyer “joke” really counted as threatening carp squig with a lawyer either )

I'm with you. Something about the style of writing doesn't scream Jack to me.

 

[Mrs Peel]

"Edges of the sea"

duck me, she's a flat earther as well.

 

[YerDa]

If you cook beans and pulses in salted water they very often don't soften, so I assume she means that but couldn't just say it, for reasons

Because she’s a Literal Expert.

 

[streby]

“First pop your lentils in a saucepan that will easily hold thrice their volume. Cover in cold water, but do not salt for they will seize. Bring to the boil at the back of the stove, where they can br forgotten for a while. Reduce to a simmer and roundly ignore them for around half an hour, only interfering should they start to dry out a little, by adding a splash of water.”

Can someone please translate this into English for this simpleton? She uses so many words and makes what should be a simple process so complicated.

I read that first paragraph thinking you'd written a little parody JM recipe! Chortling to myself at how perfectly you'd captured the terrible writing and stupid cooking methods! BUT IT'S REAL!

 

[YerDa]

Twitter for its many flaws has always had mischievous jokers and imo this is quite clearly one. The internet isn’t always so serious imo

“Mischievous joker” or “nasty piece of work trying to get a rise for kicks & headpats out of someone who’s just lost a child and has been ghosted out of a much needed house sale”? You choose.

 

[griftalo]

Perhaps it’s something to do with the greyish scum that is reminiscent of the romantically evocative sea?

View attachment 3071300 q

I cook them separately. One lentil per pan? If she meant aside from the recipe they are to go into then perhaps she should say this.
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Conjoined twins is the only explanation.

And a good explanation for her split personality (both of them awful)

 

[TrolleyParton]

Thrice, no less!
Whoever awarded her that £5 book token needs sacking.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Tried to use the AI complaint letter generator for Grifty Kitchen and it came up with a disclaimer:

Oh that book? Yes. Everyone hates it.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Conjoined twins is the only explanation.

Strange . . . It's not often that both of them are the Evil Twin - usually it's just one.

I wonder if it's eating all them fish heads that rancid fish oil wot's dunnit?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

The only successful skills she has is being completely feckless. Also yay for slop. I love how she can take ingredients and make them completely inedible. Its more than a skill!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

"Edges of the sea"

Sides of the sea, also.

It’s one of the great disappointments of my life that the rest of this poem is lost to the mists of time, just like the caw of a seagull in a still still still and insolent fairground at seven forty five AM.

 

[griftalo]

Strange . . . It's not often that both of them are the Evil Twin - usually it's just one.

I wonder if it's eating all them fish heads that rancid fish oil wot's dunnit?

Maybe that’s what the unruly labia really are

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Thrice, no less!
Whoever awarded her that £5 book token needs sacking.

Here’s why she never won a £5 book token for doing sums.

ETA worra W

Deluded thicko head.

 

[griftalo]

The only successful skills she has is being completely feckless. Also yay for slop. I love how she can take ingredients and make them completely inedible. Its more than a skill!

I’ve been complimented in the past on my ability to make a reasonable, tasty meal out of whatever we have, I guess she’s my exact opposite I can’t fathom how hard you’d have to try to make everything you cook awful, it’s actually hurting my brain. She has zero natural instinct with food does she? Or she’d be constantly having to keep herself in check over adding nice things. I’ll just add… no wait, that would taste GOOD and we can’t have that.
Crazy