Jack Monroe #583 She didn't retire from public life, she had no choice. Public life retired her.

[Seaford Haggington]

Sides of the sea, also. View attachment 3071392 qIt’s one of the great disappointments of my life that the rest of this poem is lost to the mists of time, just like the caw of a seagull in a still still still and insolent fairground at seven forty five AM.

Cliffs. Beach. She lives by the bastard sea. That £5 book token could have bought a thesaurus and the world would be very different now.
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Here’s why she never won a £5 book token for doing sums.
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ETA worra W
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Deluded head.

Oh god. How had I forgotten about the 120% debacle?

 

[Fruitjack]

I've just revisited the slopalongs, by using the marvellous wiki. Am hooting and fizzing at work

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Sides of the sea, also. View attachment 3071392 qIt’s one of the great disappointments of my life that the rest of this poem is lost to the mists of time, just like the caw of a seagull in a still still still and insolent fairground at seven forty five AM.

Non-poet here.

I have absolutely no experience of writing official poetry criticism, but I did get an A* for my English Literature A Level, and can confidently confirm that the turgid outpourings of her funny li'l smol pixie brain are absolute shyte.

I like poetry. I read poetry aloud and even when I sometimes find it hard to understand can enjoy the cadence, the imagery, the alliteration and the assonance etc. I can get lost in the rhythm and can enjoy the rhyme, subtle or obvious. Poetry varies hugely, but - well, you know it when you see/hear it.

Jack's desperate attempt to be edgy isn't even doggerel. Vogons would be ashamed of it.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Oh god. How had I forgotten about the 120% debacle?

Or that jam was going to be FORTY POUNDS by the end of 2013? No wonder the poor plucky urchin was forced into prostitution and stealing food to survive (2013). Just as soon as she got home and put her fromage frais into her unplugged for two years fridge, that is.

The Price Of Jam: Will It Be £40 By The End Of The Year?

While in Sainsburys earlier picking up £2.69 of shopping (fromage frais, apples, rice pudding, orange and grapefruit juice and lots of kidney beans, if you're curious) I couldn't help but notice th...

web.archive.org

 

[nothanksbabes]

I read that first paragraph thinking you'd written a little parody JM recipe! Chortling to myself at how perfectly you'd captured the terrible writing and stupid cooking methods! BUT IT'S REAL!

Same . I can't believe anyone ever published her. I bet they were like, "this writing is bleeping gash but the Guardian twats like her so we'll make a few quid!"

 

[MavisBeacon]

I bet she doesn't understand the difference between percent and percentage points either...

 

[Lazarus]

Sides of the sea, also. View attachment 3071392 qIt’s one of the great disappointments of my life that the rest of this poem is lost to the mists of time, just like the caw of a seagull in a still still still and insolent fairground at seven forty five AM.

Just the caw of a seagull as a thread title or i will wreck the gaff.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Non-poet here.

I have absolutely no experience of writing official poetry criticism, but I did get an A* for my English Literature A Level, and can confidently confirm that the turgid outpourings of her funny li'l smol pixie brain are absolute shyte.

I like poetry. I read poetry aloud and even when I sometimes find it hard to understand can enjoy the cadence, the imagery, the alliteration and the assonance etc. I can get lost in the rhythm and can enjoy the rhyme, subtle or obvious. Poetry varies hugely, but - well, you know it when you see/hear it.

Jack's desperate attempt to be edgy isn't even doggerel. Vogons would be ashamed of it.

Maybe you’d prefer this in a pacy Seth Lakeman style sung by a girl who is in no way whatsoever Irish with an odd Irish lilt.

Jack Monroe #544 Expensive beige sideboards to match her expensively beige personality

We have a fake online platform at work 🍉 for training and development. Looks and feels like the real thing, but you can’t make a mistake that causes any issues. Do you think Adrian & co have swapped guests social media accounts for something similar? She’s merrily tweeting away thinking it’s...

tattle.life

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I bet she doesn't understand the difference between percent and percentage points either...

Are you suggesting she’s maybe…not as clever as she thinks she is?

Jack Monroe: maker of many idiotic remarks and insensible suggestions, no enlightened-ness whatsoever.

 

[Grifty Mc]

Apparently ‘slop’ is now a euphemism for budget friendly meals according to ChatGPT. They really should have paid more attention to terminator 2

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Too much time on my hands today

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Apparently ‘slop’ is now a euphemism for budget friendly meals according to ChatGPT. They really should have paid more attention to terminator 2

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Too much time on my hands today

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An inexplicable egg Jack Monroe style, you say? See if it can do straggly ethereal looking fronds

Spoiler: WARNED

days-old soup or stew dregs and Dr Pimplepopper egg-cyst screenshot by a horrified @Tabitha D

 

[griftalo]

An inexplicable egg Jack Monroe style, you say? See if it can do straggly ethereal looking fronds

Spoiler: WARNED

View attachment 3071481 qdays-old soup or stew dregs and Dr Pimplepopper egg-cyst screenshot by a horrified @Tabitha D

That egg is entirely raw, absolutely vile

 

[Fruitjack]

I've just revisited the slopalongs, by using the marvellous wiki. Am hooting and fizzing at work

I was doing really well on thread one, but I just caught a glimpse of the giant sports direct mug and laughed so loud a colleague asked me what was going on. Could not recommend these threads more.

 

[Hollaaa]

Was that egg dropped on the floor?

 

[griftalo]

Was that egg dropped on the floor?

I think that’s a generous helping of black pepper by guest amounts

 

[Grifty Mc]

An inexplicable egg Jack Monroe style, you say? See if it can do straggly ethereal looking fronds

Spoiler: WARNED

View attachment 3071481 qdays-old soup or stew dregs and Dr Pimplepopper egg-cyst screenshot by a horrified @Tabitha D

I know the egg in soup/noodles is traditional in many cultures but it is one thing I will never get on board with. Thanks to guest making it look so disgusting every time.

 

[Veronicaaa]

That egg is entirely raw, absolutely vile

Yet strangely, the raw egg is the most appetising part of the dish.

 

[griftalo]

I know the egg in soup/noodles is traditional in many cultures but it is one thing I will never get on board with. Thanks to guest making it look so disgusting every time.

It’s usually cooked by the heat of the soup, but her slops are always cooked on cold aren’t they

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I was doing really well on thread one, but I just caught a glimpse of the giant sports direct mug and laughed so loud a colleague asked me what was going on. Could not recommend these threads more.

Is that poor @dickanddom with the radioactive hotter than the sun hazardous salt-bomb marmite microwave pasta?!
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That egg is entirely raw, absolutely vile

It cooks into the boiled to buggery days-old soup or stew to enrich and enliven it!

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Yet strangely, the raw egg is the most appetising part of the dish.

That is because it is at least recognisable as something edible in the right circumstances.
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Is that poor @dickanddom with the radioactive hotter than the sun hazardous salt-bomb marmite microwave pasta?!
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It cooks into the boiled to buggery days-old soup or stew to enrich and enliven it! View attachment 3071504 q

I also shuddered at that . . . <boak>

 

[Veronicaaa]

That is because it is at least recognisable as something edible in the right circumstances.

In all seriousness, what *is* this? It looks like a dead radioactive fish