Jack Monroe #542 A dullard talking about Vienetta

[MavisBeacon]

Jack: I made a lot of money in the fire service, I spent it on tattoos. When I ran out of money I stopped getting them.
Also Jack:
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That's not her leg, that's a "friend" having it done

 

[StewPots]

THAT, my good Clovis, is Jack’s DIRE microwave Marmite in a mug from when she paid homage to Christ’s suffering on the cross by “giving up her oven for Lent”. @dickanddom did it for the slopalong

Spoiler: HARD SALTY SLOP

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Part 1

Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

@MavisBeacon pina colada bread Point 1: 40⁰ wil kill the yeast. It's *not* warm water. Point 2: I would be interested to see how you knead a dough that has 500ml of coconut milk and a blitzed can of pineapple against 750g flour. Just saying, m'lud.😁

tattle.life

Part 2

Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

You brave slopslingers! You’re all so ruddy, bloody brave, I salute you.

tattle.life

And I was so truly horrified by this I did the “work version” where you make a lovely gloopy oily cheesy Marmitey mixture before leaving the house in the morning and then leave it sitting at room temperature until lunchtime when you make a delicious repast out of it.

Spoiler: GLOOPY SALTY SLOP

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Part 1

Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

I'm on my phone and scrolling down to reveal @VeniVidiVicki 's lasagne was comedy gold.

tattle.life

Part 2

Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

I’d earmarked tomorrow for my slopalong but turns out my ill 3 year old has covid and he’s not left my knee today, so will have to see how it goes!

tattle.life

She’s such a bleeping charlatan. I am pretty sure we can both still taste the salt

Oh my god. Whatever the duck it is, it belongs on Crimewatch.

LJC, how do you duck up Marmite and butter ffs.

 

[BeardyBap]

awkward lingering hand contact handing over a cheddar.

Never said this before: I am deceased

 

[Lazarus]

this is going to bring her out of the woodwork, isn't it? if it doesn't, i think i'll arrange a non-malicious welfare check on her!

 

[MistyWindows]

That's not her leg, that's a "friend" having it done

So it is! My bad
I should have known as it’s not an arm tattoo and therefore not part of the pov outfit not her taste.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

There must be a reverse image search or a barcode app that will scan that tag. The truth must be found!

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

That would be where they put lazy people they want to quit.

Edit: No disrespect to lazy people, I'm lazy as duck myself and have viewed almost every "straight" job I've had as pointless. That's why I'm a freelance writer. I traded money for being able to pick when I work and post on tattle in my pants at 10 in the morning. If only Monroe was slightly more creative and better at writing, she too could enjoy a life of riley/ genteel poverty.

BIB
LIVIN' THE DREAM!!!

 

[RandomFishOils]

Can I have the little copper measuring spoons?

Just before Jack puts dibs on them - we all know what she's like for SPOOOOOOOOOOONNNNSSS !

Thank(space)you in advance.

*clears space in drawer*

*looks contemptuously at plastic measuring spoons and makes a rude "pffffffttt" noise*

*arranges comfy chair beside letterbox to await spoon bounty*
---

You are most welcome to the little spoons! I’ve never once measured out seasoning or spices as I tend to do it by eye and adjust by taste. The digital scales have come in *very* useful for another purpose though (and no, before you ask, not drugs, or even measuring out minute amounts of MSG)

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

This was when she wasn’t beaming at the ham and cheese deli counter in wonderment and asking the fed up worker how they cure the meats.

JACK (gazing at the cornucopia of charcuterie with child-like wonder then asking in a breathless voice) : How . . . how do they cure the meats???

PERSON WHO DREW THE SHORT STRAW (flinging guset a clean, damp cloth) They give them an aspirin. Now wipe the fecking snot-screen.
---

"Jobless Jack Monroe"

Is there any other kind?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I just realised that she has become the friends themee song, 'your jobs a joke, you're broke, your lovelifes DOA.."

 

[Mrs Peel]

Hunger Hurts was written in July 2012. By September 2012 she was working (woolly hat IG) yet in this article in the Guardian (July 2013) it talks about what happened in the year since HH but unsurprisingly, there's no mention of the September job. It mentions the job at Southend Echo, but that wasn't until February of 2013.


https://www.12ft.io/https://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jul/23/jack-monroe-face-modern-poverty

 

[Darvos]

If I started working 'on counters' and then somehow ended up behind the scenes in the warehouse it would make me question my customer service skills.

And personal hygiene.

It is relevant too because it’s why she’s not called out. JO won’t call her out for going after him when she could draw attention to this.

Or because she’s an irrelevant nothing whose ego snarking doesn’t even register.

 

[Florid Language]

Has anyone got the abridged stealing from bins/sex work timeline that she tweeted to hand? Want to check how it matches up.

ETA: This isn't the one I was thinking of, but also does not add up. She wasn't "instantly flat broke" because she worked at Asda.

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The way things are going for her today she's going to have to twist the SW and bin foraging to, she once had sex in a bin after a night on the lash and got a bit confused about the timeline. If the bin was 'round the back of Savers it might explain her strange take on what a brothel smells like.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

BIB
LIVIN' THE DREAM!!!

Dream big kids, that's what I say.

 

[phoebuscartel]

I just realised that she has become the friends themee song, 'your jobs a joke, you're broke, your lovelifes DOA.."

Is anyone there for her?

 

[Veronicaaa]

Gizzi Erskine is well and truly up in Jack's niche

 

[Hold my beans]

I've just realised what the sex work reference was - Jack having to handle and arrange Katy Price's line of underwear she had with George

ETA: Oops sorry, KP was dropped by asda in 2009. But still, handling underwear counts as sex work to Jack

 

[RandomFishOils]

Jeez, that Dry Rabbit (anag.) account is back! It’s like playing whack a mole.

 

[YerDa]

Gizzi Erskine is well and truly up in Jack's niche

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Now there’s a narc making an entire living from it.

Aaaand true to narc form, all the things that make that dish expensive and tasty are “optional”.

 

[TrolleyParton]

I've just realised what the sex work reference was - Jack having to handle and arrange Katy Price's line of underwear she had with George

ETA: Oops sorry, KP was dropped by asda in 2009. But still, handling underwear counts as sex work to Jack

I know others have said the same, but I reckon her "sex work" past probably amounted to her have a one-night stand where the guy gave her £20 for a cab home the next day.