Jack Monroe #193 Mama, pass the UNICEF statistics and the Hansards!

[Malkiavelli]

Long covid, arthritic hips
‘Til you fancy some chips
That's a molé!

 

[FunnyFuneral]

So many members of the cabal dying today. RIP frauen, you are with the angles now. No slop in heaven I hope.

Lads im back, it seems many of you are deceased can i assist you with your fun funerals?

Wheeeeen your food looks like tit
And you are a half wit thats a mole

When you live in Southend
And you are a (not Billy) 🛎
Thats amoleeeeeeeeee

 

[threeSMEGfridges]

When you cook raw chicken in your shed
And your poverty is all in your head
That’s a moleeee

 

[Lanie]

When your cookings a sin with shark eyes and a grin
When your stroking your cat whilst buying more tat


That's a mole

 

[DinosaurSenior]

.... I waited 40 minutes for the bus home from work, and when I finally got on there was some twit yelling masklessly into her phone for the whole trip......

Truly, the wonderful lyrics of the cabal made the journey bearable. So, so nice to have such a distraction.

I can't think of anything funny to say.

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

When you're in the gazette,
Cos you ain't paid your debts.
That's amoleee...

All joking aside this has been published on Companies House!
Edit to add: sorry to bring down the mood xx

 

[schmetterling]

I know I'm going to slip and sing 'that's a MOLÉ' when someone says something bizarre to me in non-Cabal land. Maybe I'll just stay here forever!

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Thank the LJC that my SEVERE internet issues fortunately coincided with the slowest Jack thread I've seen! The engineer popped in today and having declared my corroded cable the worst he's ever seen he fixed it up with some red lipstick and axolotl badges. I've been vaguely keeping up but unable to grieve for the gloves etc. I've really missed you terrible ninnies & fraus! ❤

 

[bazzam]

Thank the LJC that my SEVERE internet issues fortunately coincided with the slowest Jack thread I've seen! The engineer popped in today and having declared my corroded cable the worst he's ever seen he fixed it up with some red lipstick and axolotl badges. I've been vaguely keeping up but unable to grieve for the gloves etc. I've really missed you terrible ninnies & fraus! ❤

You should have put a pirate style eye patch on it as well.

 

[HotesTilaire]

When you dress like a thot
Posed on a sideboard for the shot
That’s a no, mate

 

[Lanie]

When you eat cheap white bread and cheap crisps whilst in bed

That's a mole


When you're feeling like poo, please don't eat the stew that's a mole.

 

[Flivver]

Slow cooker near your head
When you’re laying in bed
That’s amoréeeeeee

Porridge bowls for the wife
But she’s peddled off for her life
That’s amoréeeeeeee

Cabal - you lot are on top form today!

 

[MancBee]

When your hairs a rats tail
And your aesthetics (not) male
That's a moleeee

When your knickers aren't tight
And you look a right sight
That's a moleeee

When the chores are all done
But they're done by your son
That's a moleeee

When the slow cooker is used
The tea tastes all stewed
That's a moleeee

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Cheap shop to Asda you would go
While Peeky Mink used Ocado
That's a mole

Fishy butter you're fingering
Scrub your nails as they are minging
That's a moleeeeee

 

[MancBee]

When you live all your life
Trying to bag a rich wife
That's a moleeee

When the sun's in the sky
on a hammock you lie
That's a moleeee

 

[Dogmuck]

When your filings are late
Her Maj’s not your mate
That’s a moleeee

There’s this thing, as you’ll see
Called late filing penalty
That’s a moleeee

Just 26 more days
£750 you’ll pays
That’s a moleeee

 

[traumatised sideboard]

When you're at A&E
For an eye that's shiny
That's a mole

When you buy six sideboards
And still stiff your landlord
That's a mole

When you turf under stairs
And cook mussels and pears
That's a mole

 

[Raver_Bear]

When you save a dead dove
But it’s in fact just a glove
That’s amoleeeee

when you stay in Edinburgh
With celery that’s regular
That’s amoleeeeee

 

[indigomoon]

When your taxes are late
Get a stinking rich mate
That’s our Jackie

When you’re claiming you’re poor
But a whiney wee hoor
That’s oor Jackie

 

[Nottonightbabe]

When you're at A&E
For an eye that's shiny
That's a mole

When you buy six sideboards
And still stiff your landlord
That's a mole

When you turf under stairs
And cook mussels and pears
That's a mole

Ah man, I'd buried the memory of the mussels and pears!