Jack Monroe #193 Mama, pass the UNICEF statistics and the Hansards!

[heretoreaditall2019]

When your filings are late
Her Maj’s not your mate
That’s a moleeee

There’s this thing, as you’ll see
Called late filing penalty
That’s a moleeee

Just 26 more days
£750 you’ll pays
That’s a moleeee

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Omg so she already owes £375? That’s at least one Cotswold sideboard or 2 80s wedding list crockery sets??

Just tried Hagen Dasz (sp?) for the first time and it tastes dusty, poor Louisa Jane Compton had this feeling every day

 

[MancBee]

All your recipes fail
And you won't clean a nail
That's a moleeee

When you're chasing success
But you're out of the press
That's a moleeee

When your career's in reverse
'cause you couldn't be worse
That's a moleeee

ETA I am off to bed, though I won't be able to sleep for singing "a moleeee" verses.

 

[indigomoon]

When you’re facetuning pics
But your hands look like dicks
That’s amooorreeee!

 

[Emmapism]

When your filings are late
Her Maj’s not your mate
That’s a moleeee

There’s this thing, as you’ll see
Called late filing penalty
That’s a moleeee

Just 26 more days
£750 you’ll pays
That’s a moleeee

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Okay this one bleeping slaps

 

[FunnyFuneral]

When a cold OAP buys your shopping trolley
That's scam ole
Patreons in kerching a linga ling
That's scam ole
Bounce your rent with intent to defraud her
Retweet Rankin the writer the blue tick
Lucky fellah!!
That's A MOLÈEEEEE 3

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Omg so she already owes £375? That’s at least one Cotswold sideboard or 2 80s wedding list crockery sets??

Just tried Hagen Dasz (sp?) for the first time and it tastes dusty, poor Louisa Jane Compton had this feeling every day

I never knew until recently that haagen daz...(Sp) is a made up name which was chosen as it sounds like it's an artisan ice cream maker.

The same goes for Otis (horse) Spunkmeyer cookies.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Imagine being a hard hitting journo (like our top lurker Hattie Gladwell who couldn’t even wait 24 hours for it not to look so obvious she’s amongst us loool) who’s finally made it to the dizzying heights of publishing an anti tattle piece in Gr*zia (other trash available x) so you open all the top threads in a new tab and..... it’s pages of poetry. None of the illegal bollocks Sally Hughes claims just people writing songs about slop, HMRC, and grubby nails.

 

[HotesTilaire]

@heretoreaditall2019 did you mean to racially abuse Sali, or was it that pesky ?
We don’t want to candyman “she here”

 

[Dogmuck]

Even Marcus doesn’t know her secret location

 

[Vanelope]

I feel like a DJ interrupting a disco mid-song to talk about a car park situation, but...

That award thing Jack’s been nominated for, it’s in association with ITV News. Are they the one (main) channel left that’s she’s not pissed off?

BBC - goes without saying *cough DKL cough*.
Channel 4 - That Man, and the association with LJC makes it a bit gauche for them to be seen working with her.

Has Eamonn or or his cousin put in a good word for her? Either way, I genuinely don’t understand how this has happened.
Also, I‘d never heard the word “gauche“ out loud until Allegra said it.

I mix up ‘gauche’ as in Jack with ‘gouache’ which is a type of watercolour.
It doesn’t rhyme with amoolleeee and I’m terrible of thinking of them but LOVING all of the cabal’s work today. and .

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

@heretoreaditall2019 did you mean to racially abuse Sali, or was it that pesky ?
We don’t want to candyman “she here”

Omg sorry my love the reference is lost but now I’m terrified I’ve said something bad?! I was referencing her am drams on the BBC where she probably claimed we practice the occult and have made assassination attempts, tbf never listened to it cos she doesn’t deserve the views!!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Omg sorry my love the reference is lost but now I’m terrified I’ve said something bad?! I was referencing her am drams on the BBC where she probably claimed we practice the occult and have made assassination attempts, tbf never listened to it cos she doesn’t deserve the views!!

He racism claims appear to be based on the misspelling of her name. It’s spelled SALI which is WELSH not Sally like some non-welsh person!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Who knew there were so many poetic geniuses within the cabal? We have truly transcended the need for Jack. Soz hun but we're a self-sustaining ecosystem now. Don't even care that you nominated yourself for an award you couldn't possibly win even if you assassinated every other nominee with stuffing in a soup. Judging by poor Orphy B's slimy bread sitch the other week you're not even a roll model

 

[Lanie]

When your mouth is ouchy
And it makes you grouchy that's a mole.
When you duck up the roast
And burn all the toast.
That's mole.

When youre trifle is shite
And the cabal always right.
That's a mole.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

He racism claims appear to be based on the misspelling of her name. It’s spelled SALI which is WELSH not Sally like some non-welsh person!

Omg truly heard it all now, between this ~mendacious~ hate crime and Jackie’s ongoing investigations Cressida Dick must be beside herself with worry

 

[Lanie]

When you're dancing in heels
With onions to peel

That's a mole.

When the chef gets the job.
And you're feeling robbed
Thats a mole.

 

[MancBee]

Two more before lights out

When you feel like a dick
For believing her shtick
That's a moleeee

When there's no roasted spud
And the rest tastes like crud
That's a moleeee

What a fun day.

 

[PortiaControl]

When your meatballs are tit
Marcus thinks you're a tit
That's a molé

I'll stop now. I'm sorry!

 

[Pocahontas]

When the fox sniffs
When the glove dies
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite shins
And then I don’t feel ... so bad.

Oh, wait. Wrong song.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

"lights out" . The cabal has become Orange (hair) is the new Jack.