Jack Monroe #122 You don’t batch tweet when you’ve got a 106 fever

[Fitnessqueen]

Parsnip peel and cauliflower leaf stuffing.

Parsnip peel and cauliflower leaf stuffing.

With added cheese sauce. Yum.

 

[Scarletfever]

With added cheese sauce. Yum.

Cheese slices blended with raw flour

The lies are flowing thick and fast tonight. It's like Jackbot is malfunctioning.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Honestly, she can absolutely duck off with this bullshit "the Irish have no concept of portion control". You are English Jack, you are not allowed to mock us or make stupid bleeping sweeping generalisations about us.

She loves a stereotype. Class, nationality, what harm

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

7th November

24th December

 

[Lisbon]

What's going on with her other eye? Is it the inner shark trying to break out?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

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Awks.

Spousebot?

 

[xoxo]

Revolting.

And that trifle bullshit has really fucked me off. Who the duck is she to be snobby about other people’s cooking? Trifle, as any fule no, is made differently by everyone. Hers looks like a child drew it.

She’s just stirring tit to get social media interactions, but it’s bleeping rude to take aim at other chefs and bloggers when she’s aaaall about bleeping up recipes in her own maverick way.

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Extremely not well but cooking Xmas dinner for the family. If she’s had covid she shouldn’t be cooking/seeing anyone just yet. Just eff off, Jack.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

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Self saucing cheesy stuffing? On a Christmas dinner? (Traaaazers??)

The point of Cauliflower Cheese is that you have lovely, al dente, fresh tasting cauliflower with a contrasting sharp, rich, cheesy sauce. Not vaguely sulphurous damp sand up a chicken's the jacksie.

 

[Marwood]

Today's shenanigans have irritated me so much that I ran out to the corner shop to get ingredients for a chocolate orange trifle.

YES be the change I hope it's GLORIOUS

 

[usefullyuseless]

So she has simultaneously lost her appetite and eaten the dozens of freezer meals.

I'd lose my appetite too if I was served her slop

 

[Veronicaaa]

Christmas Eve at Jack's house sounds like a whole lotta fun #passaggXmas

 

[jenny2603]

She loves a stereotype. Class, nationality, what harm

Christ you'd be sweating blood if you were ever in a social situation with her and anyone foreign or of foreign ancestry. You know she'd be a baw hair off "doing the accent" or side splitting cultural stereotype banter.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

If they're helpless, it's because you deliberately made them that way to retain control over them.



More likely trying to distance themselves from the nightmare, though.

 

[Limey]

Christ you'd be sweating blood if you were ever in a social situation with her and anyone foreign or of foreign ancestry. You know she'd be a baw hair off "doing the accent" or side splitting cultural stereotype banter.

Is she not Scottish this week? Are we off the hook? PHEW.

 

[waffle maker]

No I haven’t ever threatened to cancel Christmas. I’m a teacher as well as a parent of teenagers. Don’t make threats you won’t follow through. Her poor kid has had a tough week. I wonder if they normally have a cleaner (no shame in it, we both work full time and do).

 

[HotesTilaire]

I take it Bubble Buddy is coming for dinner on Xmas day then. She’s the only adult that would be accused of not being able to put socks in a wash basket.
Edit- I’ve consulted with the entire Greek Cypriot community and they have made clear they will NOT be taking the blame for birds trifle and tinned fruit.

 

[Billybellend]

Evening all - signing out by wishing all you Herrs and Fraus a merry bleeping Christmas because I’m off to spend mine with my kids (after I’ve had a piss and a sandwich), if that’s ok with you?!

seriously, wishing you all health and happiness from us Bellends to you all xx

 

[Veronicaaa]

I take it Bubble Buddy is coming for dinner on Xmas day then. She’s the only adult that would be accused of not being able to put socks in a wash basket.

I think this is proof she's been there this whole time, suffering in the spare room whilst Jack wails and screams at the 106 temperature she's managed to achieve by sticking her thermometer in her tea.



ETA @Alansbigplate could we get this gif with Jack's face?

 

[bladiesla]

So a few days ago she had a 106 Fahrenheit fever and she's now full of (rinsed) beans, packing away kilo's of fish in affiliated zip lock bas, making trifles after slagging off the trifles of Google Search, and prepping for Christmas dinner tomorrow? She truly is a superhuman. Or lying. When you've had such a fever you've actually done damage to your body (the high temperature denaturates proteins). You'd be exhausted and recovering (and your loved ones would be making sure you were able to).