Incest

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Purrrrrrr said:
OP really sorry you have to go through this. I was born into an abusive family with all types of abuse, physical, mental and sexual, so can understand how it can affect you as a child but also as an adult. (I went on to have abusive marriages) things happen that send you reeling backwards like you are a child again a powerless child.





Have you ever thought about taking it further with respect to your parents? Mine are all dead now so that's out of the question. I did go to the police as a child but back then got short shrift from the police and never tried again. But have spoken openly about it now for years, no more shame on my part

You are now an adult and not a powerless child. I know how something out of the blue like this can set you back, but you are now an adult with the power of an adult. Don't listen to your siblings on what you should do, do what you feel is right for you.

Can I ask how old your sister and brother were when the rape happened? Are you all close in age? Don't want to accuse your brother of child abuse if you were all children at the time.

IMO as long as your brother isn't a child abuser then your responsibility is to yourself.

If he was an adult when he raped your sister then all bets are off and you need to do the right thing. You need to tell his wife and his work and anywhere else he goes where there are children.
Then you need to walk away from him and horrible as this may sound maybe the rest of your family as well. ( You should think about doing this anyway regardless) I know from experience how families close ranks and ostracize anyone speaking outside of a family's dirty little secrets.

I hope you manage to get yourself sorted out. I found MIND to be so much better than anything our NHS had to offer. Also, look for some group support. Once you start talking openly to people and also hear their own stories the easier it is to sort it out in your head.
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We are all reasonably close in age, I'm not sure exactly how old they were when he raped her but they were definitely in their early teens as it was when they weren't living with mum and it was before (middle) sister had her first boyfriend (15)

Brother is 2 years older than sister he raped
 
Hopefully the advice in this thread helps you @Thank(space)you. I have been through childhood sexual abuse and I know how hard it is to have to address/deal with it as an adult.

As an adult now, you have the ability to make sure he doesn’t have the opportunity to act inappropriately to adults or children. Sexual harassment as an adult is tough but if he has access to children (including his own) and people don’t know what he is capable of, those children won’t be properly safeguarded.

It’s awful that his actions have put you in such a difficult position but the organisations mentioned will hopefully be able to fully advise you on how you can act on it while also taking care of your own safety and well-being x
 
I'm very sorry to read what you have went through. You all need therapy for the trauma you have experienced. Have a read about ACEs and how they can impact in adulthood.

In saying that, his childrens (& those at the school) welfare is paramount. They need to be safeguarded, please.
 
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You don’t deserve to go through this at all. I think it’s very strong and brave of you to talk about it.
I do feel like your sister is being very unfair about the situation. The fact that he has behaved this way towards you in 2019 and 2020 is a major red flag. He sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. Some people like to sweep their problems under the carpet and not think about them, and it sounds to me like your sister is one of those people. You don’t have to be one of those people; do not let your sister make you feel guilty for the way you feel. The way you feel is totally warranted.

I understand that this is weighing heavily on you. I know it would be very hard to tell his wife but I would encourage you to please try to tell her. Please consider their children and his wife. I can’t imagine being married with children and not knowing my husband had been abused and was then sexually harassing his sister. You and his wife deserve to get him out of your lives and try to put it behind you and be happy. It’s very concerning that he works in a school. I can understand this would possibly frighten you. Is there any way you could report him anonymously?

Most of all, you deserve happiness. I really hope you find strength to get through all this. Take back control and find happiness, we only get one chance at life. Sending you so much love 💓
 
@Thank(space)you is there any way you could reach out for some professional help, a helpline, or speaking to a counsellor to speak about what you’ve been through. It might help you feel more supportive of contacting authorities, as another user mentioned, he’s old enough to be held accountable now. It’s not fair for your sister to expect you to keep it quiet and not mention it. I really am sending love and you are extremely brave, don’t ever think you’re overreacting or that it’s your fault ❤️
 
Thank(space)you said:
I hope you don't all hate me for this. One of my sisters and I are going to tell the police and his wife, as she's confided in me our brother blackmailed her into sending topless pics.
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You are brave beyond measure.

I reported my dad many years after many years of abuse. I hated myself initially but now know I could not have begun to heal without doing.

Be kind and patient with yourself. You are not alone in this though it can sometimes make you feel that way. For that I am grateful to the net.

Sending love.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I hope you don't all hate me for this. One of my sisters and I are going to tell the police and his wife, as she's confided in me our brother blackmailed her into sending topless pics.
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Oh I remember reading this thread last year, my heart sank as I saw this notification that you posted. .. But I am so so so glad that you’re going to the police. It is extremely brave of both of you.

I hope you and your sister receive the support you very much need. If you ever need a place to unwind or vent we will all be here. Take care❤
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was worried people would hate me for not doing anything sooner 😔 I'm bleeping terrified but at least I'm not alone in it
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I’ve thought about this thread quite a few times since I first read it and have wondered how you are.

I think what you and your sister are doing is incredibly brave and I’m glad you both feel ready to speak to the police now. I hope you get lots of support too x
 
Thank(space)you said:
I hope you don't all hate me for this. One of my sisters and I are going to tell the police and his wife, as she's confided in me our brother blackmailed her into sending topless pics.
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Well done, darling. It’s the beginning of the rest of your life. I was thinking about you a couple of weeks ago and wondering if there were any developments in your story. Sending all my thoughts and hope it goes well with the wife💐💐
 
Thank(space)you said:
Im so angry with myself for not handling this better. For not being stronger.
I'm trying not to cry because I have to be strong for my sister but I've got everyone's burdens on me at the moment
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Don’t be angry or upset with yourself. You’re doing the right thing now. You don’t need to be strong. Just be there to support one another. It’s OK to cry. But please seek professional help.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I was worried people would hate me for not doing anything sooner 😔 I'm bleeping terrified but at least I'm not alone in it
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bleeping well done you. Taking this step is incredibly difficult (it took me two decades to tell a therapist what I'd been through), we know you can do it, we have your back, no one worth their salt here would think badly or negatively of you.

It might take several attempts to even get to the police station, or make that call - that's ok, you can always go back the next day, or the next. Try not to overburden yourself with thinking about his wife, or the school - the police can liaise with her and the school's safeguarding lead.
 
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