Incest

1
Dipstick said:
[QUOTE="Thank(space)you, post: 7978654, member: 35029"
Yes my mum was involved, whilst she never sexually abused us herself, she facilitated it for money from others. Hope I'm making sense.]


It seems to me like your mum is probably looking out for only one person's best interests here, and it's not you, or your brother, or the other potential victims, including your sister. She is quite probably only thinking of herself.

You don't owe her anything. You don't owe him anything. You've carried the burden of their acts for your lifetime. You've carried their secrets for long enough. I can only guess at the toll that must take on you. One day, I hope you are able to scream that enough is enough. You're very brave for speaking out. I truly hope you can break the cycle.
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Exactly this. You don't owe any of your family anything, and it really is the time to do the right thing and look out for yourself. You are so brave, I honestly don't know how you've dealt with all of this so far, but I really think that you are strong enough to see it through and end this cycle ❤ sending love
 
@Thank(space)you - I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this and I’m sorry you’re being made to feel guilt or shame over rightfully reporting his past and present abuse. The fact he’s sought out a role with contact & power over children is incredibly alarming and shows intent, as does obviously messaging you and your other sister for photographs.

You’re being incredibly brave and in doing this you’re protecting people that don’t have a voice whether they’re too little, too scared, or not sure if what’s happening is actually abuse. We all have a part to play in safeguarding and after Arthur and Star Hobson etc there’s no such thing as something being too small to matter as it all builds up a picture and gets the safeguarding gears in motion x
 
Thank(space)you said:
I'm going to lose my family over this. My sister has been convinced to not go to the police and to just encourage my brother to get therapy. She doesn't want his wife to find out. I know I need to tell the police but everyone is going to hate me.
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I know there are lots of complicated emotions wrapped up in all this, that I cant begin to understand, so its easy for me to say.. but.. let them. They are talking her out of it because what they have done is illegal and wrong and only want to protect themselves.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I'm going to lose my family over this. My sister has been convinced to not go to the police and to just encourage my brother to get therapy. She doesn't want his wife to find out. I know I need to tell the police but everyone is going to hate me.
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Please do not let anybody tell you not to go to the police. Absolutely nobody has the right to even suggest that to you. Who has convinced your sister?
I feel so upset and frustrated for you!

Hypothetically speaking, if he does go to therapy, will he be honest with his therapist? Will he be honest with his wife on why he’s going to therapy? My idea is that he won’t be honest.

He has committed some of the most horrendous of crimes. He has children. He works in a school. He needs to be reported to the police. I’m sorry but his wife needs to know

Honestly my heart is breaking reading your words. Have you spoken anonymously to a charity/organisation for advice on this?

Please stay strong. At the moment losing your family will seem horrendous and the end of the world. But if your family are not supportive of you or even care for your well-being they are not worthy of being in your life.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I'm going to lose my family over this. My sister has been convinced to not go to the police and to just encourage my brother to get therapy. She doesn't want his wife to find out. I know I need to tell the police but everyone is going to hate me.
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You need to do what is best for you, whatever that is. Don’t let other people get into your head on what you choose to do and how you choose to deal with the trauma you have been through - that is yours and only your choice. As others have said, there is a lot of complication emotions involved in this and not forgetting there is family involved who were complicit iin this and want to protect themselves.

Trust your gut 💙 People will soon come to realise whatever you do is for the best and only has everyone else’s best interests at heart really. Even if it takes time to see that.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I'm going to lose my family over this. My sister has been convinced to not go to the police and to just encourage my brother to get therapy. She doesn't want his wife to find out. I know I need to tell the police but everyone is going to hate me.
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Your family is already lost. Your brother is a peadophile and a dangerous individual - and you know he is still acting on his compulsions. There is no therapy in the world that is ever going to help him and even if there ever was - it will never take away the fact that he has systematically sexually abused you and other members of your family and that he is very likely now sexually abusing his own children and the children he has unlimited access to through his job.

the only way to break out of this is to tell the authorities what’s been going on - please. You have to do this for yourself but also for the children who haven’t got a voice. For your brothers children.
 
BettyCrockerr said:
Your family is already lost. Your brother is a peadophile and a dangerous individual - and you know he is still acting on his compulsions. There is no therapy in the world that is ever going to help him and even if there ever was - it will never take away the fact that he has systematically sexually abused you and other members of your family and that he is very likely now sexually abusing his own children and the children he has unlimited access to through his job.

the only way to break out of this is to tell the authorities what’s been going on - please. You have to do this for yourself but also for the children who haven’t got a voice. For your brothers children.
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Agree completely. Also the police will have the connections to refer you and any one else to relevant charities/therapies/advocates to help you through this. I know it’s a huge leap to take but whilst right now you’re alone with this info & all this fear the moment you tell the police you will be supported and held throughout it all. You have this thread to talk to & tbh the rest of tattle to read for a distraction (this helps me manage my night time anxiety!).

I know it’s difficult but please just think of those little kids he’s around all day every day and your beautiful nieces/nephews - you’re their little voice xx
 
There is no point in him getting therapy, if he isn't honest. And if he is honest, then I think his therapist would be under a duty to report him to the police given his role at a school. I don't know this for certain, but I'm pretty sure. Perhaps someone in that profession could clarify.

So why would he be honest in therapy if he could be reported and lose everything anyway? And if he isn't honest, therapy can't and won't help. And even if he was honest, and therapy began to help, it's not an overnight solution. He would continue to pose a risk, and possibly sexually abuse children/adults, in the meantime.

Therapy is not the solution here. He is essentially a live bomb which needs deactivating urgently before be hurts anymore children. The only solution, is to go to the police, to get him out of that job and away from his children urgently.

You won't lose your family, your sister will probably follow you when she sees your strength. And if you DO lose you family, you have to question how much of a loss that is, given what they have put you through over the years. You will undoubtedly need help and support, via therapy, to process this. It's complex, and i won't pretend to understand the depth of the emotions you will go through. But please don't protect your brother and put him first, over the safety of the children we suspect he will be abusing. He has made a choice to act in the way he is acting, and so did your mum. His victims haven't. They have to come first.
 
He can still get therapy whilst taking responsibility and the consequences of his criminal actions so if your family are concerned about that then it's an easy answer to go back to them with. The therapy issue appears like it is being suggested as a way to avoid the consequences of his actions and as others have pointed out this is a bad start to go in to any therapy sessions with as the motivations are clearly not in the right place.

For his sake he needs to accept what he has done/doing is wrong, seek genuine help and stand up to the consequences of his actions. I get it, this will be extremely difficult for him but ultimately this will benefit him in the long run and he would have a genuine chance of redeeming himself and treating this compulsion that he has.
 
Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes said:
He can still get therapy whilst taking responsibility and the consequences of his criminal actions so if your family are concerned about that then it's an easy answer to go back to them with. The therapy issue appears like it is being suggested as a way to avoid the consequences of his actions and as others have pointed out this is a bad start to go in to any therapy sessions with as the motivations are clearly not in the right place.

For his sake he needs to accept what he has done/doing is wrong, seek genuine help and stand up to the consequences of his actions. I get it, this will be extremely difficult for him but ultimately this will benefit him in the long run and he would have a genuine chance of redeeming himself and treating this compulsion that he has.
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There’s no redemption for abusing children. There is no treatment that will ever stop this monster from the depraved behaviour he enjoys. He’s a dangerous predator and he needs locking up so that he can’t hurt anyone else.
 
BettyCrockerr said:
There’s no redemption for abusing children. There is no treatment that will ever stop this monster from the depraved behaviour he enjoys. He’s a dangerous predator and he needs locking up so that he can’t hurt anyone else.
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I don't agree with that. What we need to do is treat these people that have this compulsion and prevent them for acting on it and abusing children in the first place. Surely that's a better solution than simply allowing children to continue to be abused and just locking up the abusers after it's happened.
 
Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes said:
I don't agree with that. What we need to do is treat these people that have this compulsion and prevent them for acting on it and abusing children in the first place. Surely that's a better solution than simply allowing children to continue to be abused and just locking up the abusers after it's happened.
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Treat them?! Treat them how? And at who’s expense? There are plenty of better solutions that jailing these creatures - castration being one or lethal injection…. But anyway, this is veering off topic. Point here is this particular man needs reporting to the authorities before he can do any
More damage.
 
Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes said:
I don't agree with that. What we need to do is treat these people that have this compulsion and prevent them for acting on it and abusing children in the first place. Surely that's a better solution than simply allowing children to continue to be abused and just locking up the abusers after it's happened.
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Imho it’s what turns him on. You can’t change if you’re gay or straight - you like what you like. If he likes children, as abhorrent as we all know it is, no therapy is going to change what he likes sexually. He isn’t going to come out of therapy and suddenly announce he only wants adult women now. I wish that were the case but it’s not.
 
BettyCrockerr said:
Treat them?! Treat them how? And at who’s expense? There are plenty of better solutions that jailing these creatures - castration being one or lethal injection…. But anyway, this is veering off topic. Point here is this particular man needs reporting to the authorities before he can do any
More damage.
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The trouble is that with your proposal we have to wait until somebody actually abuses a child before anything can be done about them. I'd prefer a solution that looked to cure the problem before that abuse ever takes place, protecting the victims from even suffering the abuse in the first place.

Back on topic here though we agree, this guy needs to be dealt with as he is a clear threat as things stand.
 
BettyCrockerr said:
There’s no redemption for abusing children. There is no treatment that will ever stop this monster from the depraved behaviour he enjoys. He’s a dangerous predator and he needs locking up so that he can’t hurt anyone else.
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I am a bit confused here. Has he abused a child? He has raped the sister, she was in her teens and he was also in his teens. he is asking for photos from adult women and has been accused of sexually harassing a grown woman at the school. Unless I've missed something as it's a very intense thread.

I agree he is a predator and would be wonderful if the OP could get the courage to go to the police and report him. but it has to be something she does when ready.. unless there are children at risk as I have said before if OP believes children could be at risk then they need to do it for those children's sake and actually, that can be easier to do when we feel unworthy we belive the police etc won't care ( they will care it's not the 70s anymore) about us because we don't care about us.
 
Purrrrrrr said:
I am a bit confused here. Has he abused a child? He has raped the sister, she was in her teens and he was also in his teens. he is asking for photos from adult women and has been accused of sexually harassing a grown woman at the school. Unless I've missed something as it's a very intense thread.

I agree he is a predator and would be wonderful if the OP could get the courage to go to the police and report him. but it has to be something she does when ready.. unless there are children at risk as I have said before if OP believes children could be at risk then they need to do it for those children's sake and actually, that can be easier to do when we feel unworthy we belive the police etc won't care ( they will care it's not the 70s anymore) about us because we don't care about us.
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The OP confirmed that the brother raped one of their sisters when they were children.
 
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