Incest

1
Thank(space)you said:
I am worried that the police wouldn't feel like it was serious enough to warrant a harassment case.

In terms of what happened to my sister - that's not for me to tell the police. She confided in me and I wasn't there when it happened.

Please don't suggest I'm lying, that's extremely hurtful.
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Please think about the fact that he’s around children every day in his job. You know what he’s capable of. If not for yourself then you must do it for them.
 
lozzapaloozza said:
From your OP - harrassment? If a parent has reported him then he must have done something to a child/adult and even if you don’t report him because of what he did to you I think they would find the information extremely important
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The parent reported him to the school because he was sending sexually inappropriate messages to her (the parent)
 
Thank(space)you said:
I am worried that the police wouldn't feel like it was serious enough to warrant a harassment case.

In terms of what happened to my sister - that's not for me to tell the police. She confided in me and I wasn't there when it happened.

Please don't suggest I'm lying, that's extremely hurtful.
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That’s up for the police to decide.
You really do need to tell them, as difficult as it will be, you need to think of the bigger picture. Could you live with yourself if you found out he had sexually abused children and you had the chance to do something and you didn’t.
I think you need to go to the Police and also you need to inform his wife.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I am worried that the police wouldn't feel like it was serious enough to warrant a harassment case.

In terms of what happened to my sister - that's not for me to tell the police. She confided in me and I wasn't there when it happened.

Please don't suggest I'm lying, that's extremely hurtful.
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Have you tried any helplines or anything? I think they may be able to advise better than random people off here. There is a a place called victim support, which is what it says it is. They have a live chat and contact numbers which you could talk to someone about whats happened anonymously and take it from there?

I don't know if I can leave this here but I'm going too anyway and if it gets deleted you can message me, but this may help you further & understand better than us. I hope this helps x

Edit: I've added in another good place -refuge- which helps people who are sexual assault victims, I noticed you said you were when you were children? It may help your sister too if she ever needed it in the future.
www.victimsupport.org.uk

Get help - Victim Support

If you’ve been affected by crime, there are a number of ways you can contact us at Victim Support to get help or information.
www.victimsupport.org.uk www.victimsupport.org.uk

www.refuge.org.uk

Sexual violence - Refuge Charity - Domestic Violence Help

Sexual violence Sexual violence includes any form of sexual activity (involving physical contact, words, or photographs) that takes place without the other person’s full and informed consent. Rape and sexual assault are mostly carried out by someone known to the victim: a husband, boyfriend...
www.refuge.org.uk www.refuge.org.uk
 
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I appreciate how hard it is and I don't want to sound victim-blamey in the slightest. I don't know how you can bring up to the police that he raped a child who happened to be his sister but I feel sick for the parents of the children who go to the school he works at. They're being taught by a rapist. I feel sick for his wife who has to get into bed with him every night. I feel sick for his children who are at risk of being harmed by him because he has demonstrated he has no control and is fully capable of it. I don't know what can be done without the backing of your family but it really can't be left to fester anymore.
 
orlyb1310 said:
I appreciate how hard it is and I don't want to sound victim-blamey in the slightest. I don't know how you can bring up to the police that he raped a child who happened to be his sister but I feel sick for the parents of the children who go to the school he works at. They're being taught by a rapist. I feel sick for his wife who has to get into bed with him every night. I feel sick for his children who are at risk of being harmed by him because he has demonstrated he has no control and is fully capable of it. I don't know what can be done without the backing of your family but it really can't be left to fester anymore.
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I get what you mean but this is about how the OP feels and not about how it makes you feel. If it's hard for you to read and makes you feel that sick, then maybe you shouldn't read the thread for a bit. The OP should go to the police but it sounds like they need some support in getting to that step first and saying how it makes you feel probably won't help that much.

It's horrible that there are people out there like this and I wish they were all caught and locked up but unfortunately it's going to be a never ending circle, especially with social media nowadays.

I think people should have some sympathy and support for the OP and not project their disgust and anger on to them. (Not at you, at a few posters on here)
 
Lara98 said:
I get what you mean but this is about how the OP feels and not about how it makes you feel. If it's hard for you to read and makes you feel that sick, then maybe you shouldn't read the thread for a bit. The OP should go to the police but it sounds like they need some support in getting to that step first and saying how it makes you feel probably won't help that much.

It's horrible that there are people out there like this and I wish they were all caught and locked up but unfortunately it's going to be a never ending circle, especially with social media nowadays.

I think people should have some sympathy and support for the OP and not project their disgust and anger on to them. (Not at you, at a few posters on here)
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I absolutely have sympathy for the OP. Absolutely. But, frankly, this has gone way beyond what has historically happened in their family. We are talking about a child abuser. A man who has raped children in his past and who has continued this behaviour as an adult and who is now a father and a teacher. This is now a much wider problem. Staying silent is not an option. This man is an immediate danger and threat to those around him and the authorities need to be made aware. Frankly, he’s been given free reign to continue to abuse - do you honestly believe he’s never touched his children or children in his care? He needs to be stopped. Now.
 
BettyCrockerr said:
I absolutely have sympathy for the OP. Absolutely. But, frankly, this has gone way beyond what has historically happened in their family. We are talking about a child abuser. A man who has raped children in his past and who has continued this behaviour as an adult and who is now a father and a teacher. This is now a much wider problem. Staying silent is not an option. This man is an immediate danger and threat to those around him and the authorities need to be made aware. Frankly, he’s been given free reign to continue to abuse - do you honestly believe he’s never touched his children or children in his care? He needs to be stopped. Now.
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Yes and I'm saying I agree with you but the OP may need extra support in building up courage to go to the police. That is why I have given her those advice lines as they will probably be able to offer the support and encouragement needed, better than we can.

If she doesn't want to go to the police then she should contact her local social services and report it to them, as he has children and works with children. They may be easier for her to talk too and in the end, both services will be involved too. They could also contact the NSPCC and make an anonymous referral about a child (nieces/nephews) being at risk, if they don't want to share the harrassment story. There are many options rather than just going to the police to provide help and protection for the vulnerable involved.

It's easy for everyone to tell them to go to the police and I'm sure she knows why people are saying it. But the way some people are phrasing their words comes across as guilt tripping instead of offering offering "advice" asked for.
 
Lara98 said:
I get what you mean but this is about how the OP feels and not about how it makes you feel. If it's hard for you to read and makes you feel that sick, then maybe you shouldn't read the thread for a bit. The OP should go to the police but it sounds like they need some support in getting to that step first and saying how it makes you feel probably won't help that much.

It's horrible that there are people out there like this and I wish they were all caught and locked up but unfortunately it's going to be a never ending circle, especially with social media nowadays.

I think people should have some sympathy and support for the OP and not project their disgust and anger on to them. (Not at you, at a few posters on here)
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OP has my full support but with this new revelation about him working in a school when we know his past, I think it's very hard to ignore the elephant in the room and give support without mentioning that this dangerous man is being allowed around children, not only his own but hundreds of other innocent children. I so hope that OP gets all the help necessary to process this trauma because it sounds life shattering. I can't say that OP being silent is right or wrong because I can't even imagine the pain she holds in her heart and its very situational - thankfully I have never been through anything like this and I don't know what I'd do if I had been. But it seems like she is being pressured by her family to keep shtum rather than because she 100% wants to. I think its very hard to view the situation the same now that we know his harassment doesn't just stop at family members (which can be explained, not excused, by the abuse he experienced as a child), he's doing it to strangers too.
 
orlyb1310 said:
OP has my full support but with this new revelation about him working in a school when we know his past, I think it's very hard to ignore the elephant in the room and give support without mentioning that this dangerous man is being allowed around children, not only his own but hundreds of other innocent children. I so hope that OP gets all the help necessary to process this trauma because it sounds life shattering. I can't say that OP being silent is right or wrong because I can't even imagine the pain she holds in her heart and its very situational - thankfully I have never been through anything like this and I don't know what I'd do if I had been. But it seems like she is being pressured by her family to keep shtum rather than because she 100% wants to. I think its very hard to view the situation the same now that we know his harassment doesn't just stop at family members (which can be explained, not excused, by the abuse he experienced as a child), he's doing it to strangers too.
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I get you, it just came across a few times off different people as if they were blaming them and taking their anger out on the OP, which isn't fair. Same with what I said above about it sounding like guilt tripping.

There are many services they could contact who can help protect the children in these circumstances. Obviously the police being the main one but also children's social services. An anonymous referral could be made by the OP and it will be investigated into, making sure the children are safe in and out of school. This may be an easier option in my opinion as that way help would be provided from the get go, instead of her fear that the police won't take it seriously.
 
Lara98 said:
I get you, it just came across a few times off different people as if they were blaming them and taking their anger out on the OP, which isn't fair. Same with what I said above about it sounding like guilt tripping.

There are many services they could contact who can help protect the children in these circumstances. Obviously the police being the main one but also children's social services. An anonymous referral could be made by the OP and it will be investigated into, making sure the children are safe in and out of school. This may be an easier option in my opinion as that way help would be provided from the get go, instead of her fear that the police won't take it seriously.
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Perhaps if the brother gets sacked from his job and the wife finds out what he's been up to, it might be a catalyst into family members finding the strength to speak up. I definitely think an anonymous confession or something is worth a shot if going to the police isn't an option at the moment. The case can only be strenghtened by the school incident, surely. I don't know if him making sexual advancements towards a parent would get him barred from working with children again but I do understand that OP is a victim and wouldn't be at fault for not wanting to consider the 'what ifs'.
 
Please speak to a certified mental health professional about this. A helpline, a charity, the Samaritans, Mind, NSPCC. I know it is scary and will seem uncomfortable at first, but counsellors and therapists and people working for these organisations have a duty of safeguarding and confidentiality to their patients. You will be safe I promise❤

This is such a heartbreaking thread, I cannot imagine the pain and stress you must be under.
However please speak to the police. There are children and adults both in danger here. The students at his school and their parents. If one parent has received harassment from him, there could be many many more.

The police will take this very seriously. They need as much evidence and statements to build up the case. Even if you don’t feel ready just now, read all the advice and resources on here and make the decision in your own time, with a trusted friend. It will be hard to go through this alone. I’m praying you can find peace one day and he is locked away where he belongs.
 
OP really sorry you have to go through this. I was born into an abusive family with all types of abuse, physical, mental and sexual, so can understand how it can affect you as a child but also as an adult. (I went on to have abusive marriages) things happen that send you reeling backwards like you are a child again a powerless child.





Have you ever thought about taking it further with respect to your parents? Mine are all dead now so that's out of the question. I did go to the police as a child but back then got short shrift from the police and never tried again. But have spoken openly about it now for years, no more shame on my part

You are now an adult and not a powerless child. I know how something out of the blue like this can set you back, but you are now an adult with the power of an adult. Don't listen to your siblings on what you should do, do what you feel is right for you.

Can I ask how old your sister and brother were when the rape happened? Are you all close in age? Don't want to accuse your brother of child abuse if you were all children at the time.

IMO as long as your brother isn't a child abuser then your responsibility is to yourself.

If he was an adult when he raped your sister then all bets are off and you need to do the right thing. You need to tell his wife and his work and anywhere else he goes where there are children.
Then you need to walk away from him and horrible as this may sound maybe the rest of your family as well. ( You should think about doing this anyway regardless) I know from experience how families close ranks and ostracize anyone speaking outside of a family's dirty little secrets.

I hope you manage to get yourself sorted out. I found MIND to be so much better than anything our NHS had to offer. Also, look for some group support. Once you start talking openly to people and also hear their own stories the easier it is to sort it out in your head.
 
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