Incest

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Thank(space)you said:
I haven't done anything yet about it. My sister wants to forget it ever happened. I've been having nightmares
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There’s a lot of pressure on you isn’t there, my goodness. Take a breath ❤️. I think it might be worth trying to speak to a counsellor if you can to help you through your trauma. You have to go with your gut on all of this and deep down if you think your brother needs professional help, the way to help him get that is to speak out. The first step to helping you overcome all of this and make it better is to talk, whether that be to a counsellor, the police, your sister in law, whoever, that’s for you to work out what’s best, but please do consider speaking to someone to lighten your load. If you can’t speak, try to write it down x
 
Thank(space)you said:
I haven't done anything yet about it. My sister wants to forget it ever happened. I've been having nightmares
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Please don't listen to your sister. If she wants you to sacrifice your own mental wellbeing and sanity to protect your brother who is capable of dangerous things, she isn't the person you should be listening to. You will never be able to forget it ever happened, but it'll be even harder if you have to pretend like all is good while you're being harrassed by your brother and you know what he is capable of. I think while your sister-in-law will obviously be devastated, she will thank you for alerting her so she can keep her kids safe. You can be the one to break the cycle of abuse in your family and that is something you should be so proud of if you choose to report it. The least you deserve is some form of justice. Your brother is obviously damaged but he is perpetuating the same disgusting, illegal behaviour that you were all a victim of as children and that isn't okay. You've done absolutely nothing wrong and you will continue to be completely innocent if you take measures to protect yourself and your family. Please speak to professionals, the police and continue to push for therapy. And report your abusive ex while you're at it. I can't imagine the pain you have to carry everyday, you're incredibly strong and you should put yourself first for once.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I haven't done anything yet about it. My sister wants to forget it ever happened. I've been having nightmares
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It’s understandable that your sister is worried about what’s going to happen, but I’m sure you know that you have to look at the risks that come with forgetting it happened.

Your brother is a risk to children - his own and others he has access to. As hard as it is, you must report what has happened to stop him hurting anyone else.

I understand that you and your sister are worried about what will happen next. But as the adults in this situation now, you have the power to stop him doing this to anyone else. I never reported my abuser and to this day I worry that he could have done what he did to me to other children. In my case it was unlikely but it sounds like your brother still poses a risk. I would be especially worried about the fact he has children of his own.

Please speak to the police or another organisation who can help you. They’ll also be able to arrange support for you and your sister to help you cope with what has happened. Be strong, you can do this
 
I'm so sorry for everything your brother has put you through, and continues to put you through, by you having to carry the burden of his abuse to you and your sister. I cannot imagine what you are going through.

Your brother raped your sister, when she was a child. He has continued to behave extremely sexually inappropriate towards you as an adult, even when you have asked him not to. He has no sexual boundaries. He has crossed the biggest sexual taboos, in sexually abusing a child, and sexually abusing a family member. He has perpetuated this abuse over years, when he was both a child and an adult. This is not a one off. This is a longstanding pattern of sexual abuse. The likelihood that he poses a sexual risk to others appears to be high. I am terrified for his children.

This is not a historic issue. His behaviour now is evidence that he continues to have no sexual boundaries and it has to presumed that he is therefore a continued sexual risk INCLUDING to children and family members.

By acting now and reporting him to the police you may either (a) Be able to protect his children from suffering further sexual abuse if he has abused them already or (b) prevent them from suffering sexual abuse.

Your brother needs an assessment by a professional to ascertain if he is safe to be around his children. And in the meantime, they need the safety and security of a home where sexual abuse is not occuring, or at risk of occuring. Their mum needs to know what's going on, and the children need to be given the chance to make any disclosures in a safe environment, if they have anything they need to disclose. Their mum will need help with knowing how to approach all of this.

This is not just about him facing justice for the historic harm he has perpetrated. It is about protecting children who cannot protect themselves, and breaking the cycle of sexual abuse.

Again, I am so sorry for what he has put you through and the burden you continue to carry as a result of his actions. I can't imagine the pain you're carrying. But his children's safefy has to be the priority. I'm so sorry.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I've basically been told by the rest of my siblings not to act on it. I've not spoken to brother since. Brother is under investigation at his work atm as a parent has accused him of sexual harassment. I can absolutely believe it.
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Sorry to hear that you haven’t felt able to act on it. Just a thought, could you give an anonymous report to the police? That way no one would need to know that you had done anything about it but the police will at least look into him (which might have more weight if he’s under investigation at work...)
 
Lulu Goss said:
Sorry to hear that you haven’t felt able to act on it. Just a thought, could you give an anonymous report to the police? That way no one would need to know that you had done anything about it but the police will at least look into him (which might have more weight if he’s under investigation at work...)
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I think you should do this. Please think of the children that could be affected by your brother ❤️
 
I’m so sorry to hear everything you’ve been through. But, you’ve been repeatedly given good advice about the right thing to do here. Having read through this thread a few times, every time it becomes active I’ve hoped that you will go to the police. I’m very concerned to see that this still hasn’t happened, you must go to the police. From your last comment it also seems like your brother has chosen to work in a career with children/young people (that’s how I read it as you said a parent has complained?). The children’s lives needs to be put far above anyone else’s here. Do the right thing!
 
Thank(space)you said:
I've basically been told by the rest of my siblings not to act on it. I've not spoken to brother since. Brother is under investigation at his work atm as a parent has accused him of sexual harassment. I can absolutely believe it.
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I can appreciate how difficult this whole situation must be. I do fear that you need to ignore your siblings and do something about it though. It can't be swept under the carpet. It is no longer a family issue anymore if somebody at work has reported him. He is ruining people's lives like he ruined yours and you could be so helpful. Your siblings don't have your best interests at heart. It is your story to tell as much as theirs and I really think it needs to be done. There is support available, you would not be alone.
 
Thank(space)you said:
I've basically been told by the rest of my siblings not to act on it. I've not spoken to brother since. Brother is under investigation at his work atm as a parent has accused him of sexual harassment. I can absolutely believe it.
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Thank(space)you said:
I've basically been told by the rest of my siblings not to act on it. I've not spoken to brother since. Brother is under investigation at his work atm as a parent has accused him of sexual harassment. I can absolutely believe it.
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A parent has accused him??? Where does he work? If it’s a parent that’s accused him, does that mean he works with children/young people?

frankly this is terrifying.

Your siblings do not have the final say on this issue. Your brother is a sexual predator who has abused children, and has continued to be sexually abusive as an adult. He is a dangerous individual who shouldn’t be anywhere near children - including his own. You have an obligation here to stop him from hurting anyone else, this is no longer just about you or your family. Please. Tell the police everything. Please.
 
It’s never easy to be the ‘whistleblower’ for want of a better word but the only person responsible for what has happened and still continues to happen is your brother so none of this becomes your fault by you going to the Police.

You will never get the chance to move on the way things are and you have to put your welfare first. Because if you don’t mind me saying, it doesn’t sound like many other people have ♥️
 
Thank(space)you said:
TW: [SPOILER="TW: incest, sexual inappropriate behaviour "] I said no and he kept hassling me, even after I told him it makes me uncomfortable and its inappropriate.

This isn't the first time he's been sexually inappropriate towards me.

I've told him if he says anything like it again I'm going to cut him out of my life.

I've only confided in my older sister as she's the only person I trust and she said its weird and I've done the right thing etc but not to read into it too much as we were all sexually abused as kids by our parents and he bore the worst of it. So he's not right in the head when it comes to sexual stuff.

Sorry for the long post but I feel super violated and can't stop thinking about it. I feel so gross and sad. Am I overreacting? [/SPOILER]
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From your OP - harrassment? If a parent has reported him then he must have done something to a child/adult and even if you don’t report him because of what he did to you I think they would find the information extremely important
 
Thank(space)you said:
I'm so sorry to comment again but one of my sisters has confided in me that she was raped by our brother 😢 when she was a child. What do i do?! I feel awful.
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Rape? He either did these things or he didn’t? So are you lying?

Thank(space)you said:
As above, what exactly would I tell them? He's not committed a crime, I'm an adult.
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Rape is a crime
 
Obviously it's going to be really hard for you as he is family, but it would be 10x easier to report him if he was a stranger and there wasn't that relation too him.

I understand why you're family probably don't want you to report him but you have to do what's best for the children he is working with. Regardless of if it is "legal" or "illegal" he was harassing you for nudes. Okay it wasn't physical however you said about the events that happened to your sister as a child, he needs some help. That may be hard to hear but I think it would be even harder hearing that he may potentially commit another crime against a child and you didn't do your part to possibly prevent it.

I really do feel for you as it must be tough for you however I think the best thing you can do is tell the police, even if you think it'll do nothing, it most likely will.

It is easier said than done, that is for sure and I hope you find the strength to do the right thing for yourself and other possible victims that could encounter him x

Ps. It seems like people are getting angry at the guy and taking it out on the victim here. Yes I agree it should be reported to the police, but maybe put yourself in the posters shoes here and how hard it is. Getting angry isn't going to help in anyway apart from making someone feel as bad as it is already
 
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