Friends (or lack of) #2

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KMAWeasel said:
I'm really lonely. I have depression, which I'm struggling with at the moment plus I'm ill. And because I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel like I need someone more to look after me. Only to realise that I have nobody. My family don't speak to me. My husband and I are not talking because we argued a week ago because he just doesn't chose to understand my mental illness and just has a go at me when I struggle. I've spent the week in bed. I pick up my phone and look at the contacts but realise I have nobody I can talk to. So I guess I just wanted to say to someone how I feel.
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Aww , you can always write on here. There's plenty of rant and advice threads
 
WeHadFunRight said:
You don’t seem best pleased 😂 have you ever met her? Could she be okay?
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Well he did ask if it was ok and I said yeah sure give her my number! When he was telling me about her I did feel really sorry for her. She doesn’t have anyone here apart from her boyfriend
I just don’t know what to say 😂😂😂. I’m not very good at convo with someone I don’t know 🙈. My bf has suggested we go out for cocktails !?🤣🤣😳
 
strawberrysunshine_x said:
Well he did ask if it was ok and I said yeah sure give her my number! When he was telling me about her I did feel really sorry for her. She doesn’t have anyone here apart from her boyfriend
I just don’t know what to say 😂😂😂. I’m not very good at convo with someone I don’t know 🙈. My bf has suggested we go out for cocktails !?🤣🤣😳
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Do you have anything in common with each other? It’s a bit like a friendship blind date meeting for cocktails 😂 can’t you all just go for a pub lunch or something together?
 
WeHadFunRight said:
Do you have anything in common with each other? It’s a bit like a friendship blind date meeting for cocktails 😂 can’t you all just go for a pub lunch or something together?
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I know doesn’t it. I was like erm maybe I’ll text her for a bit before meeting. I said to him maybe I should meet her during the day. She has a daughter I think so I thought maybe I could meet her at the park with my son first 🙈 I don’t really know much about her!
 
I know I've posted here about my friend who ghosted me. Either this thread or the "friendship moans" thread.
I haven't messaged him, and I don't care too much anymore. I don't want us to be friends again, at any rate.
But recently I really have been wondering what it is that makes someone ghost?
How can you have so little conscience just to ignore someone with no warning, no explanation for 8 months? It'll be longer, as I don't think he's ever coming back and I've accepted that mostly.
But what makes someone do it in the first place? He had time for everyone else. I'd feel so guilty if that was me. Thoughts? Just trying to understand, really.
 
Laughingforlife said:
I know I've posted here about my friend who ghosted me. Either this thread or the "friendship moans" thread.
I haven't messaged him, and I don't care too much anymore. I don't want us to be friends again, at any rate.
But recently I really have been wondering what it is that makes someone ghost?
How can you have so little conscience just to ignore someone with no warning, no explanation for 8 months? It'll be longer, as I don't think he's ever coming back and I've accepted that mostly.
But what makes someone do it in the first place? He had time for everyone else. I'd feel so guilty if that was me. Thoughts? Just trying to understand, really.
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Well. I have ghosted a friendship group and a friend for two different reasons. But ultimately the reasons are the same: the friendship made me unhappy.

the first set of friends used me as the butt of jokes and as if I was the lowest priority to anything, talked down to me and generally made me feel like tit. It wasn’t always like that and I don’t necessarily know when it started, but over time it just upset me so much I didn’t know what else to do other than just cut them off and stop talking to them. It still upsets me that anyone treated me the way they did.

the other friend was always a bit flakey in that sometimes I felt like I was trying to get blood from a stone with conver and thn some stuff happened which really brought to the fore how questionable her morals were and I just thought hmmm… actually our values are fundamentally different. She had stopped messaging me anyway so I guess it was very mutual (although she did try and get in touch recently I decided not to respond).

People don’t like confrontation and if you’re feeling frustrated by someone’s behaviour then it’s not always easy to tackle it head on. For me, it was important to my mental health to get out of dealing with the above people asap as it was making me utterly miserable.
 
It’s hard to burn your bridges, so to speak.
But sometimes you have to ask yourself what you’re holding onto.
I’ve been told about a lunch date that’s arranged for next week - time, date and venue all arranged with no input from me - another case of would I like to come along, so I’m always feeling like I’m on the outside. Just a tag along, and a bore.
I’m not going. But if any of them got in touch because they wanted to offload their problems, I’d be there in an instant. I’m probably too soft, but I genuinely feel for people when they’re down or suffering, no matter how they’ve treated me.
Despite the fact that it doesn’t work both ways.
I’ve had a few bits of really sad news over the last few weeks, but I’ll not even bother sharing it with my friendship group. They won’t care or even listen.
Is it me or them? I don’t know - both, I suppose.
I feel like they’ll phase me out gradually anyway, as I’ve started saying no more often to joining the get togethers.
Sorry for the ramble - far too little sleep last night!
 
I'm meeting an old work mate for a coffee later this week . We've been saying we should meet up for years. I can't help but think she's only bothering because she's found herself at a bit of a loose end.
Then I've got a friend who I used to spend a lot of time with as a teenager, I see her in passing occasionally as she lives near me. We keep saying we should meet up, but it's always after the holidays or whatever. Well she's recently had an operation and she was saying we'd arrange a catch up when she's recovered. I bumped into her on Saturday and she was meeting one of her other friends for lunch.
 
This thread has made me weep.

I feel so lonely. My relationship for want of a better word is tit. I have no one to confide in. I’m stuck in a mortgage and would need to pay him off. I can’t afford to. Like many others, I’m in debt.

My friends were mostly male and platonic but we’ve all drifted apart as they’ve met women and settled down. I should have known that would be the case, ultimately. One particular friend totally ghosted me 3 years ago and it broke my heart. I don’t begrudge them happiness at all.

I moved counties and i have just completely drifted apart from everyone. Everyone has married and had children and I’m not at that stage in my life.

I honestly don’t know how much longer I can carry on. I can’t take another 40 years of living like this. I worry that when my parents pass I will end up doing away with myself as I will have no point to carry on.
 
I'm feeling abit of a saddo tonight, I actually have no one apart from my oh, I have more interaction from folks on here, I've tried with others, but after a while they don't bother so it must be me, I don't want someone who is in my life all the time, just someone who sometimes I can txt, and have abit of contact with.
 
Saturday night and I'm sitting alone, like most weekends.

I feel like crying, most people look forward to the weekend but I sit in alone. I feel utterly depressed and let down by my very few 'friends' (I speak to 3-4 people). I texted them all a couple weeks ago to arrange some things over the Summer and 2 of them took a week to respond and one is being weird about getting a date in the diary.

I joined a 'make friends' group on Facebook, chatted to a few girls on there, most of whom can't be bothered to put in the effort to even chat on Facebook or whatsapp let alone meet up for a coffee - yet they're posting how they have zero friends, new to the area etc. They literally just randomly stop replying when we talk about jobs or something.

I don't have a boyfriend so life is even worse, it feels like you have something if you at least have a partner. No one texts me to ask how I am, no one cares.
 
I can so relate to you all! I am really fed up! I left my old job last year to start a new one and nobody has reached out to me from the old place (as I thought would be the case) but I was particularly close to one lady who I worked with, we got on really well, and often we would meet up outside of work prior to me leaving (which we kept to ourselves) and she also got me through a really difficult time in my life some years ago! I think the absolute world of her and would like to feel it was reciprocated and that I was there for her equally too 😞 But lately she’s just not reached out or got in touch despite me instigating conversation 😔 I’ve messaged her today and been left on read (watsapp) 😏it’s so disheartening as I like to think I’m a decent person with good morals and that I am a good friend! but I just cannot seem to hold on to any friendships whatsoever and ones that I have made everyone and everything drifts off and leaves me eventually so much so that I’ve stopped putting myself out there for fear of being rejected again 😢 and now I never go out of a weekend when I have the chance too! I was ghosted by a friend of 10+years last year as it was always me that had to message her, so I stopped trying and she never bothered ! I’m so fed up of it! I don’t have a partner and I’m a single mom so feel very lonely when she’s not around 😩 I’m so fed up of reaching out to others to get nothing back, nobody asks if I’m okay and I’m convinced there’s something wrong with me 🥺
 
allthingschocolate said:
I can so relate to you all! I am really fed up! I left my old job last year to start a new one and nobody has reached out to me from the old place (as I thought would be the case) but I was particularly close to one lady who I worked with, we got on really well, and often we would meet up outside of work prior to me leaving (which we kept to ourselves) and she also got me through a really difficult time in my life some years ago! I think the absolute world of her and would like to feel it was reciprocated and that I was there for her equally too 😞 But lately she’s just not reached out or got in touch despite me instigating conversation 😔 I’ve messaged her today and been left on read (watsapp) 😏it’s so disheartening as I like to think I’m a decent person with good morals and that I am a good friend! but I just cannot seem to hold on to any friendships whatsoever and ones that I have made everyone and everything drifts off and leaves me eventually so much so that I’ve stopped putting myself out there for fear of being rejected again 😢 and now I never go out of a weekend when I have the chance too! I was ghosted by a friend of 10+years last year as it was always me that had to message her, so I stopped trying and she never bothered ! I’m so fed up of it! I don’t have a partner and I’m a single mom so feel very lonely when she’s not around 😩 I’m so fed up of reaching out to others to get nothing back, nobody asks if I’m okay and I’m convinced there’s something wrong with me 🥺
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Oh this really tugged on my heart. Especially that last bit. Please don’t think there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. Some people just move on with friendship and life. It’s hard to take sometimes. It is very hard making friends when you feel like that. How old is your daughter.
when I left my last job no one kept in contact. And I moved offices last year and no one kept in contact from there. It is very disappointing when you keep getting left on read. Sorry you are feeling down 🙁 this thread is always open.
 
strawberrysunshine_x said:
Oh this really tugged on my heart. Especially that last bit. Please don’t think there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. Some people just move on with friendship and life. It’s hard to take sometimes. It is very hard making friends when you feel like that. How old is your daughter.
when I left my last job no one kept in contact. And I moved offices last year and no one kept in contact from there. It is very disappointing when you keep getting left on read. Sorry you are feeling down 🙁 this thread is always open.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, my daughter is 14 and at an equally difficult stage of her friendships changing too 😕it’s awful when nobody keeps in touch isn’t it?! But so grateful for being able to vent on here that does help a lot, really appreciate you reaching out to me 🙂
 
allthingschocolate said:
Thank you so much for your kind words, my daughter is 14 and at an equally difficult stage of her friendships changing too 😕it’s awful when nobody keeps in touch isn’t it?! But so grateful for being able to vent on here that does help a lot, really appreciate you reaching out to me 🙂
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Are there any mum friends you can meet up with. anyone at your new job? I’ve lost friends along the way and it is upsetting. But also made new ones at work. But do you want people in your life who are all take and no give.
 
strawberrysunshine_x said:
Are there any mum friends you can meet up with. anyone at your new job? I’ve lost friends along the way and it is upsetting. But also made new ones at work. But do you want people in your life who are all take and no give.
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Unfortunately not as she’s at that age where she walks to and from school so I don’t see anyone, yeah I have made friends with my work colleagues but as I’m still fairly new it’s not at the stage where we have met up outside of work hopefully it will eventually though 🤞🏻thank you so much for the advice 😚
 
I know this is totally random but I’ve decided that before I go back to work from maternity leave I’m going to take myself (and my baby) to afternoon tea at the local fancy hotel 😂 I really want to go and can’t think of anyone I’d genuinely like to go with.

I was looking at the Instagram feed of one of my daughter’s old nursery workers and she does this thing called “date yourself” which I think is flipping amazing - she literally gets dressed up beautifully and treats herself to fancy days in London including fabulous meals out. I just love the idea and thought I’d bring it here 💚
 
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