I was so close a few days ago to just ending my friendship with my main friend I do things with and I don’t know whether to do it. But I have stuff booked and paid for with him so I don’t know what to do about that if I did!
I want to post an AITA in this thread but I also am scared my friend would see it and know it’s about him. Even though I don’t think he knows about tattle
I was so close a few days ago to just ending my friendship with my main friend I do things with and I don’t know whether to do it. But I have stuff booked and paid for with him so I don’t know what to do about that if I did!
I was so close a few days ago to just ending my friendship with my main friend I do things with and I don’t know whether to do it. But I have stuff booked and paid for with him so I don’t know what to do about that if I did!
So I am currently going through a horrific breakdown of a relationship. We were together over 20 years and he was my best friend. Or so I thought because I found out last weekend he had been cheating on me
Like one of the earlier posters on this thread, I am incredibly introverted and suffer anxiety. Often wondered if I might be autistic but that's for another thread... I am quite independent (was an only child) and not worried about living alone but I also feel so alone.
I have a couple of close friends but that's kind of it and they obviously have their own lives. I only have my dad as family and he has dementia and is in a care home so isn't the support that he would have
been if he had been well. My cats are the only thing keeping me even vaguely sane. I do work 4 days a week but wouldn't count my colleagues as friends.
I am so lonely already. I know it's daft to be thinking of this now but I am getting really upset when I think about Christmas which was always a time I loved. I won't have anyone to spend it with and everything just feels bleak.
I know it's early days and I'm going through a lot emotionally but has anyone been in this position and any about tackling this when I'm more ready.
Honestly I give up with my friend I’ve posted about before. She text me at the weekend as her fella was annoying her. Shock
and we text back and forth a little and then shejust put you ok like a last thought type of thing and then I replied and asked her if she’d read any good books recently ( cos we recommend books to each other we’ve liked ) and she didn’t reply and Ihaven’t heard from her since. I just feel like I am essentially a shoulder to cry on someone to vent to and she doesn’t actually value me as a friend!? I’m just a bloody agony aunt it’s a bit tiring . It feels very one sided. She is never there when I need her. Whenever I ask for her sympathy she’s just like what’s up love sends me a half arsed sentence and then goes on about herself
why do I bother
Honestly I give up with my friend I’ve posted about before. She text me at the weekend as her fella was annoying her. Shock
and we text back and forth a little and then shejust put you ok like a last thought type of thing and then I replied and asked her if she’d read any good books recently ( cos we recommend books to each other we’ve liked ) and she didn’t reply and Ihaven’t heard from her since. I just feel like I am essentially a shoulder to cry on someone to vent to and she doesn’t actually value me as a friend!? I’m just a bloody agony aunt it’s a bit tiring . It feels very one sided. She is never there when I need her. Whenever I ask for her sympathy she’s just like what’s up love sends me a half arsed sentence and then goes on about herself
why do I bother
Sounds like the friendship has run its course! Friendship is always a bit of give and take - sounds like she is taking you for granted.
You are obviously useful to her because you provide an outlet for her when she gets wound up by her partner but she’s not pulling her weight the other side of the table.
Sounds like the friendship has run its course! Friendship is always a bit of give and take - sounds like she is taking you for granted.
You are obviously useful to her because you provide an outlet for her when she gets wound up by her partner but she’s not pulling her weight the other side of the table.
This is exactly how I feel. In a way I am not really bothered because it’s been take take take for a while and we haven’t seen each other face to face for ages. We have just drifted and I am actually ok with it
What I don’t like is she thinks she can just msg me when she’s having a bad time with her partner but other than that we hardly speak now.
If I was you @strawberrysunshine_x next time she messages you to rant I’d completely ignore her and see how she feels about it. It might make her realise that what she’s doing is wrong. Some people are unfortunately so self centred they can’t see past anything but themselves!
I only have one ‘real’ friend and she has another friend who she went to school with. They reconnected after me and my friend became close a few years ago. The problem is that I think my friend values me less than the other person. They meet up regularly and their kids meet up and play and their relationship is basically what I had with her before they reconnected. This stings firstly, because it just sucks to be replaced, and secondly because it happened at a difficult time in my life.
I’ve thought a lot about myself (haha think more self-help than self-obsessed!) the past few years and worked on my own short comings and issues. That’s not directly related to this issue but I mention is because I recognise that I’m not perfect but neither my friend nor her other friend are either. They have a rockier relationship than me and my friend do and it’s hard for me to see a reason why my friend is constantly with this person and we hardly ever meet up. I even mentioned a few weeks ago that we should meet for a coffee and she didn’t reply. That was face to face, not by text so pretty awkward.
The next part I’m going to put behind a spoiler because I don’t want to trigger anyone. Please don’t tap if you have an eating disorder or tendencies.
The only way this other friend has the jump on me is the looks department. I gained weight during pregnancy and unfortunately haven’t lost it. I’ve had and ED since about the age of 11 myself and it may or may not be relevant but I suspect she might have an ED herself but I don’t know if she is aware of her behaviours.
Now, I have met her for coffee once the past few weeks which we hadn’t done for months before and we went to a school event together so I could be completely wrong. It seems like all I’m good enough for now is to listen to her venting about people who are actually important in her life. What inspired this post was her telling me about how it would be awful if she didn’t gift cards/ gifts to her friends’ kids on their birthdays and realising that she doesn’t do that for me or mine. She has forgotten my birthday the past 2 years straight.
I only have one ‘real’ friend and she has another friend who she went to school with. They reconnected after me and my friend became close a few years ago. The problem is that I think my friend values me less than the other person. They meet up regularly and their kids meet up and play and their relationship is basically what I had with her before they reconnected. This stings firstly, because it just sucks to be replaced, and secondly because it happened at a difficult time in my life.
I’ve thought a lot about myself (haha think more self-help than self-obsessed!) the past few years and worked on my own short comings and issues. That’s not directly related to this issue but I mention is because I recognise that I’m not perfect but neither my friend nor her other friend are either. They have a rockier relationship than me and my friend do and it’s hard for me to see a reason why my friend is constantly with this person and we hardly ever meet up. I even mentioned a few weeks ago that we should meet for a coffee and she didn’t reply. That was face to face, not by text so pretty awkward.
The next part I’m going to put behind a spoiler because I don’t want to trigger anyone. Please don’t tap if you have an eating disorder or tendencies.
The only way this other friend has the jump on me is the looks department. I gained weight during pregnancy and unfortunately haven’t lost it. I’ve had and ED since about the age of 11 myself and it may or may not be relevant but I suspect she might have an ED herself but I don’t know if she is aware of her behaviours.
Now, I have met her for coffee once the past few weeks which we hadn’t done for months before and we went to a school event together so I could be completely wrong. It seems like all I’m good enough for now is to listen to her venting about people who are actually important in her life. What inspired this post was her telling me about how it would be awful if she didn’t gift cards/ gifts to her friends’ kids on their birthdays and realising that she doesn’t do that for me or mine. She has forgotten my birthday the past 2 years straight.
What I have learned from this thread is that people really don’t understand the impact of their actions on others. It’s also made me really appreciate the good friends that I do have and it’s backed up how glad I am that I walked away from some utter dickheads who made me feel like i wasn’t good enough for their company.
on the birthday thing, it’s a weird one but my husband and I are very close with another couple, our girls are best friends and we go on holiday together but we don’t do each others birthdays and we don’t do Xmas gifts. They don’t feel less like friends to us though. We do make a fuss of the girls though. I think ultimately friendship is about reciprocation isn’t it. When one persons efforts stop being met by equal effort things start to head south very quickly. I honestly think moving on is really healthy because you just know these people are not giving the same air time in their head to you.
What I have learned from this thread is that people really don’t understand the impact of their actions on others. It’s also made me really appreciate the good friends that I do have and it’s backed up how glad I am that I walked away from some utter dickheads who made me feel like i wasn’t good enough for their company.
on the birthday thing, it’s a weird one but my husband and I are very close with another couple, our girls are best friends and we go on holiday together but we don’t do each others birthdays and we don’t do Xmas gifts. They don’t feel less like friends to us though. We do make a fuss of the girls though. I think ultimately friendship is about reciprocation isn’t it. When one persons efforts stop being met by equal effort things start to head south very quickly. I honestly think moving on is really healthy because you just know these people are not giving the same air time in their head to you.
With the gifts, I would definitely just write it off as just not a thing we ‘do’ but if she does it with this other friend then it feels personal. We used to do presents for the kids and she stopped without even telling me yet it’s unthinkably evil for her to do the same to these other kids? She obviously thinks more of them than mine which is sort of funny given she’s just been complaining one of them has turned into a little madam.
You’re right, reciprocation is important. I guess I’m stuck in the mindset of I either put up with whoever will have me or I have nobody. I’m not even sure how I would pull back from her really given we barely ever see each other.
I only have one ‘real’ friend and she has another friend who she went to school with. They reconnected after me and my friend became close a few years ago. The problem is that I think my friend values me less than the other person. They meet up regularly and their kids meet up and play and their relationship is basically what I had with her before they reconnected. This stings firstly, because it just sucks to be replaced, and secondly because it happened at a difficult time in my life.
I’ve thought a lot about myself (haha think more self-help than self-obsessed!) the past few years and worked on my own short comings and issues. That’s not directly related to this issue but I mention is because I recognise that I’m not perfect but neither my friend nor her other friend are either. They have a rockier relationship than me and my friend do and it’s hard for me to see a reason why my friend is constantly with this person and we hardly ever meet up. I even mentioned a few weeks ago that we should meet for a coffee and she didn’t reply. That was face to face, not by text so pretty awkward.
The next part I’m going to put behind a spoiler because I don’t want to trigger anyone. Please don’t tap if you have an eating disorder or tendencies.
The only way this other friend has the jump on me is the looks department. I gained weight during pregnancy and unfortunately haven’t lost it. I’ve had and ED since about the age of 11 myself and it may or may not be relevant but I suspect she might have an ED herself but I don’t know if she is aware of her behaviours.
Now, I have met her for coffee once the past few weeks which we hadn’t done for months before and we went to a school event together so I could be completely wrong. It seems like all I’m good enough for now is to listen to her venting about people who are actually important in her life. What inspired this post was her telling me about how it would be awful if she didn’t gift cards/ gifts to her friends’ kids on their birthdays and realising that she doesn’t do that for me or mine. She has forgotten my birthday the past 2 years straight.
Sorry to hear that, she sounds like the type of person who gets 'favourites' and that other friend is the current 'thing'. Her actions say alot about her, she definitely doesn't understand the impact of her actions.
With the gifts, I would definitely just write it off as just not a thing we ‘do’ but if she does it with this other friend then it feels personal. We used to do presents for the kids and she stopped without even telling me yet it’s unthinkably evil for her to do the same to these other kids? She obviously thinks more of them than mine which is sort of funny given she’s just been complaining one of them has turned into a little madam.
You’re right, reciprocation is important. I guess I’m stuck in the mindset of I either put up with whoever will have me or I have nobody. I’m not even sure how I would pull back from her really given we barely ever see each other.
I think you’re doing yourself a disservice if you think the only person who would be friends with you is this woman who clearly doesn’t deserve you.
I would rather be lonely than have someone make me feel less of a person in their company. They can go jump as far as I’m concerned. New and better people will come in to your life but don’t be taken for granted by this woman, you clearly want and deserve better.
I'm really lonely. I have depression, which I'm struggling with at the moment plus I'm ill. And because I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel like I need someone more to look after me. Only to realise that I have nobody. My family don't speak to me. My husband and I are not talking because we argued a week ago because he just doesn't chose to understand my mental illness and just has a go at me when I struggle. I've spent the week in bed. I pick up my phone and look at the contacts but realise I have nobody I can talk to. So I guess I just wanted to say to someone how I feel.
only have my dad as family and he has dementia and is in a care home so isn't the support that he would have
been if he had been well. My cats are the only thing keeping me even vaguely sane.
I'm really lonely. I have depression, which I'm struggling with at the moment plus I'm ill. And because I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel like I need someone more to look after me. Only to realise that I have nobody. My family don't speak to me. My husband and I are not talking because we argued a week ago because he just doesn't chose to understand my mental illness and just has a go at me when I struggle. I've spent the week in bed. I pick up my phone and look at the contacts but realise I have nobody I can talk to. So I guess I just wanted to say to someone how I feel.
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have any hobbies of any sort to keep you busy? I would focus on yourself and what makes you happy. I know it’s easier said than done, but small steps every day and you will get there. I find to stop my mind from wandering and feeling hopeless, I try and keep myself busy and doing things that I enjoy and not just to please everyone else. I hope you feel better soon.
. It feels very one sided. She is never there when I need her. Whenever I ask for her sympathy she’s just like what’s up love sends me a half arsed sentence and then goes on about herself
.
