Friends (or lack of) #2

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Does anyone else feel more down about the lack of friends during certain times of the year?

For me it’s summer and then December, I feel like this is when most people are out socialising with friends. Went into town yesterday afternoon and there was so many groups of friends out shopping together, bars and restaurants looked busy too. I’ve never had a group of friends so I always feel a little sad when I see groups out together having a good time.

It would be nice to be invited somewhere once in a while.
 
it’s not been changed?! said:
funny how my nurse I see every 12 weeks knows and remembers things I have told (not health related) and she asks me when I see her etc more than what my friends do.
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It’s lovely - and slightly surprising when someone remembers stuff you’ve told them :) it’s so rare.

I went out with a group of friends last night. They all rushed off to get their train at the end of the evening.
I’ve told them so many times that their train does not stop at my station, but every time I say goodbye to them as they’re about to rush off, they still act surprised that I’m not getting on the train. Then they rush off and leave me alone to wait for mine.
Last night my train was actually cancelled after they’d all gone, leaving me to try and work out an alternative route home on my own, quite late at night.
Not one of them bothered to text to see if I’ve got home ok either, to add insult to injury.
It just makes me feel that people have become so uncaring and selfish. I’d never leave someone on their own like that.
I felt a bit out of it all evening to be honest - said it before, but I just don’t seem to fit in very well with groups of people.
 
mee43 said:
It’s lovely - and slightly surprising when someone remembers stuff you’ve told them :) it’s so rare.

I went out with a group of friends last night. They all rushed off to get their train at the end of the evening.
I’ve told them so many times that their train does not stop at my station, but every time I say goodbye to them as they’re about to rush off, they still act surprised that I’m not getting on the train. Then they rush off and leave me alone to wait for mine.
Last night my train was actually cancelled after they’d all gone, leaving me to try and work out an alternative route home on my own, quite late at night.
Not one of them bothered to text to see if I’ve got home ok either, to add insult to injury.
It just makes me feel that people have become so uncaring and selfish. I’d never leave someone on their own like that.
I felt a bit out of it all evening to be honest - said it before, but I just don’t seem to fit in very well with groups of people.
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Urgh that sucks, the least they could have done was text after to say it was nice to meet up and did you get home OK.

I've had it before where friends have rushed off for trains or because parking is expiring and left me to pay the bill! They say to text them and they'll transfer what they owe, but it's just a crap feeling when people rush off and you're left to get the bill, pay and leave on your own. Annoying as it shows they didn't allow enough time for the meet up.
 
mee43 said:
It’s lovely - and slightly surprising when someone remembers stuff you’ve told them :) it’s so rare.

I went out with a group of friends last night. They all rushed off to get their train at the end of the evening.
I’ve told them so many times that their train does not stop at my station, but every time I say goodbye to them as they’re about to rush off, they still act surprised that I’m not getting on the train. Then they rush off and leave me alone to wait for mine.
Last night my train was actually cancelled after they’d all gone, leaving me to try and work out an alternative route home on my own, quite late at night.
Not one of them bothered to text to see if I’ve got home ok either, to add insult to injury.
It just makes me feel that people have become so uncaring and selfish. I’d never leave someone on their own like that.
I felt a bit out of it all evening to be honest - said it before, but I just don’t seem to fit in very well with groups of people.
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Omg that's awful I would never leave anyone either. I feel left out of everything too No just don't fit in anywhere
 
I feel really tit. I moved counties to be with my partner and I’m at an age where my peers have had children and married so I’ve fallen out of contact with people who were my friends over the years, because of that and also because of the distance.

Now me and my partner have separated after 6 years and I just feel so so lonely. I’m left in a house that I solely own - he will be moving out soon, though it was an abusive relationship - and I’m frightened for the future.
 
I'm in a situation if life where I do have friends and a social life which I'm so so grateful after struggling socially for years. My problem is, despite the friends (who I'm so grateful for), I just don't feel close to anyone. I love all of my friends but I feel like I don't think any of them spiritually and emotionally get me, yknow? We have interests in common, but not the emotional/spiritual side, therefore, I do not feel like I can talk about my problems or innermost thoughts to y'know. It's like on the outside I have friends, but I just don't feel close to anyone and I'm really missing that in my life, and I'm not sure if I'll ever find it. It makes me feel lonely sometimes. I'd love to have that friend that I can text all the time about our days, and talk to about everything with but I just don't have that and I crave it.
 
I find myself cringing so much when I look back on my 20s and how long I spent trying to make friends. I feel like it actually consumed years of my life, worrying about not having this perfect circle and friends to post on Instagram. I wish I knew how little it mattered in the real world, and that it didn’t make me any less of a person just because I didn’t have lots of friends. I would make effort with people I didn’t even particularly want as a friend, just for the sake of me having a friend? That concept to me is so crazy now I’m older. And the fact that I was so good to people who literally could not have cared less, when I should have been focusing on myself, my family, my partner etc. It’s just so crazy that I was so wrapped up in it and now I’ve turned 30 I’ve had such a shift in mindset. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it wasn’t the end of the world. But maybe it helped make me who I am today
 
hytuhh said:
I find myself cringing so much when I look back on my 20s and how long I spent trying to make friends. I feel like it actually consumed years of my life, worrying about not having this perfect circle and friends to post on Instagram. I wish I knew how little it mattered in the real world, and that it didn’t make me any less of a person just because I didn’t have lots of friends. I would make effort with people I didn’t even particularly want as a friend, just for the sake of me having a friend? That concept to me is so crazy now I’m older. And the fact that I was so good to people who literally could not have cared less, when I should have been focusing on myself, my family, my partner etc. It’s just so crazy that I was so wrapped up in it and now I’ve turned 30 I’ve had such a shift in mindset. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it wasn’t the end of the world. But maybe it helped make me who I am today
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Omg same here, I was so desperate for friendship back than and I wasted so much energy on people that I should not have been wasting my energy on.
 
I really felt this 😢
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I actually find big friendship groups quite surface level, you’re lucky if you have 1 or two close people who would be there for you anytime and you could trust your life with tbh. I have 3 people like that but whenever ive been a part of group from school or uni days or even mums in the school playground just turns bitchy towards each other or surface level convos which are draining to me and don’t really serve much purpose
 
Thank(space)you said:
My therapist asked me what exactly do I gain from these friendships? How do they benefit me? And tbh I don't actually know
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It’s a sense of belonging sometimes that friendships bring and it’s also ok to outgrow some people or to have friends at different stages in life. You can have a friend who you just go out with and who is the fun friend or a fellow mum friend. We don’t really have as much time for friends as you grow older and lead busy lives. It’s also ok to ask yourself what you’re getting out of a friendship, even if it might seem calculated to others to do that. Everyone has needs in a relationship whether it’s friends family or romantic. It should be a two way street. Do they support you even just with kind words of comfort, do they give good advice when you need it. I always think if they can’t even provide things which don’t cost anything then 🤷‍♀️
 
Christmas really heightens the feelings of being alone.
I have a couple of friends that I’ve known years, I don’t see them often because of work, kids and distance. Going out would involve expensive taxis or all driving then no one can have a drink etc.

I haven’t had one night out this Christmas, did an event in November which was nice but it was literally couple of hours doing a craft together.
My last proper night out was July.

I have always been lonely, it is just something I’ve always been aware of. I know I am a nice person, I am a good person. I must be an acquired taste though? I’ve really worked on accepting it and coming to terms with it over the last few years. It’s really hard and I think it’s the one thing I’d change in my life.
 
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