For anybody struggling ❤

1
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post on. But I feel so alone, weird when I have a family and supportive partner.
But in this situation I just feel so alone. 6 weeks ago my grandad had heart failure, he had a pace maker fitted. 2 weeks ago he had sepsis and it was pretty much life or death.
10 years ago he got diagnosed with dementia, and after seeing him in hospital today, for the first time ever, he didn't know who I was. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep because it's keeping me up. My poor grandma is 79 and she's just exhausted. She's lost so much weight because of how heartbroken she's been because of my grandad. I just feel far from normality now, I needed to tell somebody else as I don't have any friends to tell apart from my partner. Sorry to bore you all with such a depresso post.
 
SforShortbread said:
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post on. But I feel so alone, weird when I have a family and supportive partner.
But in this situation I just feel so alone. 6 weeks ago my grandad had heart failure, he had a pace maker fitted. 2 weeks ago he had sepsis and it was pretty much life or death.
10 years ago he got diagnosed with dementia, and after seeing him in hospital today, for the first time ever, he didn't know who I was. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep because it's keeping me up. My poor grandma is 79 and she's just exhausted. She's lost so much weight because of how heartbroken she's been because of my grandad. I just feel far from normality now, I needed to tell somebody else as I don't have any friends to tell apart from my partner. Sorry to bore you all with such a depresso post.
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I hope you’re okay x
 
SforShortbread said:
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post on. But I feel so alone, weird when I have a family and supportive partner.
But in this situation I just feel so alone. 6 weeks ago my grandad had heart failure, he had a pace maker fitted. 2 weeks ago he had sepsis and it was pretty much life or death.
10 years ago he got diagnosed with dementia, and after seeing him in hospital today, for the first time ever, he didn't know who I was. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep because it's keeping me up. My poor grandma is 79 and she's just exhausted. She's lost so much weight because of how heartbroken she's been because of my grandad. I just feel far from normality now, I needed to tell somebody else as I don't have any friends to tell apart from my partner. Sorry to bore you all with such a depresso post.
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You have made the first step, sometimes expressing our feelings can help. Looking after yourself is the best thing we can do to enable us to care for others - your grandma will be so grateful of your support. Dementia is a cruel disease- you can be grieving the loss of someone who is still physically alive. If you feel you need to talk to a human and not just type here - The Samaritans are an excellent organisation.
https://www.samaritans.org/
It’s perfectly understandable you are feeling the way you are; sending you strength to face this difficult time ❤️
 
SforShortbread said:
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post on. But I feel so alone, weird when I have a family and supportive partner.
But in this situation I just feel so alone. 6 weeks ago my grandad had heart failure, he had a pace maker fitted. 2 weeks ago he had sepsis and it was pretty much life or death.
10 years ago he got diagnosed with dementia, and after seeing him in hospital today, for the first time ever, he didn't know who I was. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep because it's keeping me up. My poor grandma is 79 and she's just exhausted. She's lost so much weight because of how heartbroken she's been because of my grandad. I just feel far from normality now, I needed to tell somebody else as I don't have any friends to tell apart from my partner. Sorry to bore you all with such a depresso post.
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It’s always ok to post anything here ❤️❤️
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SforShortbread said:
Thank you. I hope so too. I came off my medication not so long ago. I don't wish to go into a downward spiral of being back on them. X
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I came off my medication and didn’t manage without it, so I had to go back on. I actually ended up going back to half my original dose and that was ‘just enough’. It’s easy to feel like that’s a ‘failure’ but it isn’t really. A Type I diabetic can’t be without insulin!
 
Sandyclaws said:
I'm struggling.
Post separation abuse, I ended up spending a night in the mental health unit,
So struggling with that, and then one of the people I met there took their own life 8 days later.
I'm broken, and the system is broken, and I hate that I'm still struggling
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We’re here for you. ❤️
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SforShortbread said:
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post on. But I feel so alone, weird when I have a family and supportive partner.
But in this situation I just feel so alone. 6 weeks ago my grandad had heart failure, he had a pace maker fitted. 2 weeks ago he had sepsis and it was pretty much life or death.
10 years ago he got diagnosed with dementia, and after seeing him in hospital today, for the first time ever, he didn't know who I was. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep because it's keeping me up. My poor grandma is 79 and she's just exhausted. She's lost so much weight because of how heartbroken she's been because of my grandad. I just feel far from normality now, I needed to tell somebody else as I don't have any friends to tell apart from my partner. Sorry to bore you all with such a depresso post.
Click to expand...
Dementia is awful, I’m so sorry. Please know that it’s his dementia talking. It’s not him. Try to separate him from that horrible illness and try not to take him not recognising you to heart. Think of all the positive times that you have enjoyed with him over the years and share those memories with your partner. As for your grandmother, just keep checking in and supporting her the best you can. Maybe try to organise a rota so she can have a bit of a break from dealing with it all. Invite her round round for dinner every other day to make sure she’s eating or maybe just make her little meals that she can graze on if she doesn’t feel like eating. I know my grandmother lost weight when my grandad went into hospital as she didn’t like cooking big hot meals just for one person.
 
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Finding things really tough and confusing. Been in therapy for a bit because I was finding my relationship a struggle. I thought it was me because in my past there was some stuff and I have struggled dealing with it. I mostly do well but then I have periods where I find things a bit hard and get upset again. This has a knock on effect on all my relationships as I kind of shut down and in my romantic relationship of 15 years I have these times when I can cry alot and sometimes shout and get a bit chaotic. Its not all the time but it happens when I'm stressed out. Therapy was good and helped me quite a lot to manage my episodes and recognise when they're happening and stop them and also to make a bit more sense of why I get that way. Therapist was complimentary about how I coped and how resilient I am.

When it came to the relationship stuff though basically I've ended up with the therapist telling me I can do better than my partner that they're emotionally abusing me and making me feel bad. I'm sure this is a no-brainer for a lot of people that i should just end it. However it does not feel as simple as that. We've had problems for a few years and both of us blamed me and my past. I acknowledge i've behaved badly at times when i lost control. Partner does admit they contrbute but seem to always have excuses. Feeling increasingly worried that they don't want to change and that the crappy way things have got suits them and they don't care what they're doing to me or themselves.

Long story short - i doubt myself that I'm seeing it clearly. The therapist is supposed to be impartial but obviously has only had my side of things so don't know if I've reported accurately because partner says I get things wrong. Can't talk to my family because of my history and I'm pretty sure they don't like my partner anyway (this is in part due to him not respecting them because of what they did to me and me distancing myself from them, which could look like it was partner's fault when actually i needed to get space as they were harmful to me - even therapist said that).

I find it difficult to know who to trust, including myself. I have a couple of friends I could talk to but I'm scared if I tell them and they say I should leave then they'll jsut give up on me if I don't. I don't really feel ready to walk out and wouldn't really have any support from anywhere so its not something I want to do rashly. I'm just finding it pretty hard knowing what the truth is and what the right thing to to do is. I know its my decision and my feelings and my life and I need to take control but I'm just so floored by it all and rtying to navigate it is a nightmare. I don't want to throw away a long relationship if I'm not seeing straight but I fear that I've not been seeing straight for all these years and partner is acutally not a good person. I know I have a history of not seeing people are treating my badly - I keep my distance from people because I'm scared of them finding out how bleeping naive I am and I have absolutley no idea how anyone knows who they can trust.

I realise its not a relationship thread. I just needed a vent into the void.
 
Yes I'm struggling with my mental health at the minute. It's like I have two existences. My daily life, my reality, where I have a good job that i really enjoy, I have my partner and my kids who i adore, I have my friends who I love, I have my parents and siblings, and then the existence in my head where i am in absolute emotional turmoil because of various stressful experiences in my life. And I can't speak to anyone about my feelings as I invest so much in projecting this successful, happy, good vibes persona.

I can talk to my partner who gets it and I have one friend who understands but I can't dump on them constantly because they have their own things going on and they need support from me too.

See to be honest a part of me is just sick of everyone's tit and how self centred people are. It is partly bitterness and rage at the fact that I feel as though I go out of my way to be kind and positive and nice to others, and I don't get any thanks for it. That sounds wrong, I don't want thanks, but i also don't want to feel like everything is one sided.

I don't know. It just hurts a lot. My anxiety is through the roof too. And yet I always feel like I have to be this rock for everyone and noone really checks in on me to see how I'm feeling or if I'm OK. I'm 42 and I guess I'm just tired of a lot of the bullshit and the effort of everything.
 
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