For anybody struggling ❤

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@Shimmering It sounds to me like you need to direct some of the love, care, compassion and commitment that you're directing outwards to everyone else in your life and start saving some of it for yourself. It sounds a familiar pattern of self neglect to me. See if you can carve out some time to do things that you wish others might do for you. Its a start and may well help with the anxiety you're feeling too. I'm loathe to use the phrase "self care" but just do stuff for you and don't feel bad about it. You don't have to go to extremes, you can still care for the others. Just take 10% for you too and see if it helps. Also take time to talk to the partner and one friend. Just because they have stuff going on doesn't mean they don't have time or space for you. They might welcome the distraction from their own stuff.
 
ProfessorColdheart said:
@Shimmering It sounds to me like you need to direct some of the love, care, compassion and commitment that you're directing outwards to everyone else in your life and start saving some of it for yourself. It sounds a familiar pattern of self neglect to me. See if you can carve out some time to do things that you wish others might do for you. Its a start and may well help with the anxiety you're feeling too. I'm loathe to use the phrase "self care" but just do stuff for you and don't feel bad about it. You don't have to go to extremes, you can still care for the others. Just take 10% for you too and see if it helps. Also take time to talk to the partner and one friend. Just because they have stuff going on doesn't mean they don't have time or space for you. They might welcome the distraction from their own stuff.
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Thank you so much ❤️ that means a lot
 
CrazyGiraffeLady said:
My best friend of 21 years died last night he was only early 30s. Absolutely heartbroken, we only made plans a couple of weeks ago. My life will never be the same again.
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I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself and let your feelings out. Just focus on the basic 4... Sleep, food, shower and water. Helped me alot when going through something similar xx
 
I feel totally helpless at the minute. My Mum’s mobility is awful. She can barely walk. She’s been told she needs a total hip replacement and two total knee replacements, she has two meniscus tear (one in her left knee, one in her right knee) but no one is doing anything for her. She needs to lose weight before surgery, but the doctors haven’t even given her a weight management programme to assist with her getting weight off (as someone who has zero mobility). I’m so close to speaking to a doctor myself but she won’t let me. The way she has deteriorated over the last few weeks is awful.

I’m considering talking with her to see if she’d do a low calorie diet. I want to encourage her to speak to her doctor about doing something like Cambridge, just to get the weight off quickly and then I’m considering paying for the surgery myself so she’s out of pain. I feel like she thinks I’m getting on at her but honestly it’s out of fear. Pain management doesn’t help - tried Naproxen and tried Diclofenac, neither do anything for her.

She couldn’t get into bed tonight. My brother came and managed to sort but I’m gonna be useless if something happens in the night.
 
I’m currently recovering from surgery. In my period of leave I’ve realised I actually have no friends or anybody who looks out for me.

Nobody has been in touch. Nobody. I’ve posted on FB. It proves my point that if i didn’t reach out and make the first move, nobody would care. If I died in surgery. I doubt anybody would notice.

I’m feeling very down and low. (Overdramatic and true). I’m a single parent so put a brave face on it. I have to carry on regardless but man it hurts.

This friend, a guy, he is so special to me. Was always there. We got close and now he’s not the same towards me.

I feel as though people use me for what they need and discard me when I’m no longer needed. I’d do anything for anybody. I’ll always check in with people, I’ll always make sure others are OK. I make myself available to others.

This has been An eyeopening experience. I’m not going to reach out anymore.

Has anybody else experienced similar?
 
Good Egg said:
I’m currently recovering from surgery. In my period of leave I’ve realised I actually have no friends or anybody who looks out for me.

Nobody has been in touch. Nobody. I’ve posted on FB. It proves my point that if i didn’t reach out and make the first move, nobody would care. If I died in surgery. I doubt anybody would notice.

I’m feeling very down and low. (Overdramatic and true). I’m a single parent so put a brave face on it. I have to carry on regardless but man it hurts.

This friend, a guy, he is so special to me. Was always there. We got close and now he’s not the same towards me.

I feel as though people use me for what they need and discard me when I’m no longer needed. I’d do anything for anybody. I’ll always check in with people, I’ll always make sure others are OK. I make myself available to others.

This has been An eyeopening experience. I’m not going to reach out anymore.

Has anybody else experienced similar?
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Firstly I hope you are okay? And yes I’ve had similar so I stopped messaging first, stopped looking at their social media accounts and just concentrated on me and my family. It’s hard but doable x
 
Good Egg said:
I’m currently recovering from surgery. In my period of leave I’ve realised I actually have no friends or anybody who looks out for me.

Nobody has been in touch. Nobody. I’ve posted on FB. It proves my point that if i didn’t reach out and make the first move, nobody would care. If I died in surgery. I doubt anybody would notice.

I’m feeling very down and low. (Overdramatic and true). I’m a single parent so put a brave face on it. I have to carry on regardless but man it hurts.

This friend, a guy, he is so special to me. Was always there. We got close and now he’s not the same towards me.

I feel as though people use me for what they need and discard me when I’m no longer needed. I’d do anything for anybody. I’ll always check in with people, I’ll always make sure others are OK. I make myself available to others.

This has been An eyeopening experience. I’m not going to reach out anymore.

Has anybody else experienced similar?
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Firstly, I hope your surgery went well and that you are making a good recovery. I find that the more you do for people the less you are thought of. It's a hard lesson to learn unfortunately. Just know that it's a them problem not a you problem and you are a wonderful human being to think of others. Put yourself first. You deserve the best and sometimes only you can give yourself that. I've been where you are, being a sounding board for other people's problems but when it comes to me - silence. I've stopped checking in with people and now it's months before I hear from people I regarded as friends. It's sad, but also quite freeing when you stop worrying so much about other people. I gave birth 6 months ago and my best friend barely mentions my baby when she bothers to text. It's all about her when she does text. She's beyond self centered but I've learnt that that's just her and there's no changing her now. I've distanced myself even though it hurt.

Are there any groups you could join once you're fully recovered to meet people? Being a single parent must be really tough and isolating at times. I hope you're okay, remember we are always here on tattle if you want a rant or to offload your feelings. You matter ❤️
 
Good Egg said:
I’m currently recovering from surgery. In my period of leave I’ve realised I actually have no friends or anybody who looks out for me.

Nobody has been in touch. Nobody. I’ve posted on FB. It proves my point that if i didn’t reach out and make the first move, nobody would care. If I died in surgery. I doubt anybody would notice.

I’m feeling very down and low. (Overdramatic and true). I’m a single parent so put a brave face on it. I have to carry on regardless but man it hurts.

This friend, a guy, he is so special to me. Was always there. We got close and now he’s not the same towards me.

I feel as though people use me for what they need and discard me when I’m no longer needed. I’d do anything for anybody. I’ll always check in with people, I’ll always make sure others are OK. I make myself available to others.

This has been An eyeopening experience. I’m not going to reach out anymore.

Has anybody else experienced similar?
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I hear you. It's been very shocking to me to realise how selfish and self centred people can be. I have started focusing on myself and making myself happy. I've changed my mindset (maybe because of my age - I'm 42) that I know I'm a very kind and generous person with lots of good qualities, and people should be grateful to have me in their life (sounds arrogant but it's what I believe). If they aren't bothered then they are not worth my time or my worry, and I'm happy to leave them to it. It's taken me decades to reach this point of valuing myself in this way with a lot of hurt and feelings of rejection along the way, as I based my self worth on what others thought of me. I posted similarly a while back and got lovely advice to focus the care and attention I give to others on to myself. I hope you can do the same.
 
Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m recovering well, still sore but able to move and do more now. Slowly but surely. I’m lucky that my son is older and able to be independent and help me. Without him I would be lost.

I was really worried about posting because it feels ‘all about me’ but it hurts so much...
Ive been doomscrolling on FB. 🙄

Goodness knows why... I get hardly any reaction to my posts, I’ve clicked on a few friends and they are all commenting on each other’s... I just feel alien, I feel out of the loop. I feel like if I wasn’t here nobody would care. (I know I’m being ridiculous).

I’m starting to feel like this is depression maybe!? I don’t know. I just feel so much pain and hurt. Like in the grand scheme it isn’t important. Not getting likes or messages or phone calls isn’t important, but my health and getting better is.

I’ve deleted the app. (Also Instagram).

I’m sorry others have felt the same way I have too... it’s truly horrible.

I’ve also messaged the Samaritans with more in depth about what’s going on behind the scenes in an attempt to get some help.

Thank you all so much x
 
Good Egg said:
I’m currently recovering from surgery. In my period of leave I’ve realised I actually have no friends or anybody who looks out for me.

Nobody has been in touch. Nobody. I’ve posted on FB. It proves my point that if i didn’t reach out and make the first move, nobody would care. If I died in surgery. I doubt anybody would notice.

I’m feeling very down and low. (Overdramatic and true). I’m a single parent so put a brave face on it. I have to carry on regardless but man it hurts.

This friend, a guy, he is so special to me. Was always there. We got close and now he’s not the same towards me.

I feel as though people use me for what they need and discard me when I’m no longer needed. I’d do anything for anybody. I’ll always check in with people, I’ll always make sure others are OK. I make myself available to others.

This has been An eyeopening experience. I’m not going to reach out anymore.

Has anybody else experienced similar?
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I hope that you find people who are worthy of having you as a friend, because you sound like a lovely person ❤️
 
I'm just so fed up of being me. I find life difficult, I've always thought that I could be neurodivergent. I really struggle to make friends and when I do try, it backfires on me. I went to a party last night which again is completely out of my comfort zone. But I went and I tried really hard to make conversation with people. After a few hours I just needed to go home as it was really taking it out of me. This morning they've put pictures on Facebook and I've been cut out of the only photo I was asked to be in. Its made me feel so rubbish and worthless. My husband doesn't get it and thinks that I'm being silly and probably wasn't intentional. It probably isn't but doesn't make me feel any better.
 
Taefan3011 said:
I'm just so fed up of being me. I find life difficult, I've always thought that I could be neurodivergent. I really struggle to make friends and when I do try, it backfires on me. I went to a party last night which again is completely out of my comfort zone. But I went and I tried really hard to make conversation with people. After a few hours I just needed to go home as it was really taking it out of me. This morning they've put pictures on Facebook and I've been cut out of the only photo I was asked to be in. Its made me feel so rubbish and worthless. My husband doesn't get it and thinks that I'm being silly and probably wasn't intentional. It probably isn't but doesn't make me feel any better.
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I can feel like this. I can be in a room full of people and feel ‘different’ to others. It’s hard for me to explain.

You are not worthless. You are loved. I find the whole friends thing so difficult... I feel like I’m the one on the back burner. I try.

You sound like a nice person. Your feelings are valid. I’d ask outright why am I not in the photo? How rude to edit me out 😉.... and see what they come back with.

Probably not the best advice.
 
Struggling this week but pushing through. It's school exams so the whole routine is out of whack, and I've done extra activities and tired myself out again trying to be all things to all people. At least I do have people who care.

I feel quite bitter really about how selfish people are, not just to me, but in general. It makes me sad.

House is chaos. I have a sore stomach that won't go away.

For some reason I've decided that focusing on how I look is a priority and that is good escapism. I've been doing full glam make up and hair for the office. That is for me and part of me rediscovering the things I like and the things that are important to me. I love my job and i think im good at it so there i feel like i can act out this successful happy life, whereas at home I feel upset and out of control.
 
I feel like I’m going to talk into the abyss a little bit…

last year my fiance died suddenly in a car accident, he was only 24. It’s been over a year and I still can’t comprehend it. I still cry for him and the future he will never get to have on most days.
My mother wasn’t an emotional support to me, she didn’t visit me, didn’t phone me for weeks at a time. I’ve been no contact with her for nearly a year (this was just the final straw). I don’t feel close to anyone. There’s no one I can put down as an emergency contact because there’s no one that will drop everything for me.

I have no fight in me anymore. I just can’t. It hurts every day and I just can’t be in this much pain. I feel so insignificant, unimportant, unloved.
I just wanted to be loved.
 
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