Dating after lockdown #38 midnight messages from the ghost of boyfriends past

[PunkyMonkey]

Agree with everyone above. There is unlikely to be something which gets an explanation. He might do it when it suits him but he has shown you what he is.

I think it's really helpful to let go of the idea of closure, it's so rarely that you get full, honest reasons for behaviour that it's best to get comfortable with not knowing explanations because often people aren't rational anyway.

 

[al255]

I just want to send one tiny message, just one little message. I don't know how else to make myself feel better. Even if he tells me he wants nothing to do with me anymore, at least I'll know.

if it makes you feel better, type it out and delete it on your notes. You’re only setting yourself up for more sadness and heartbreak when if/he replies and it won’t be the response you wanted to hear. Hope you’re ok, sending hugs x

 

[PunkyMonkey]

if it makes you feel better, type it out and delete it on your notes. You’re only setting yourself up for more sadness and heartbreak when if/he replies and it won’t be the response you wanted to hear. Hope you’re ok, sending hugs x

That's a good idea! Like the therapy letter exercise.

 

[Bonbon76]

if it makes you feel better, type it out and delete it on your notes. You’re only setting yourself up for more sadness and heartbreak when if/he replies and it won’t be the response you wanted to hear. Hope you’re ok, sending hugs x

Something like this?

"Alright fuckface? No idea why you turned in to a right fuckface. Shame though. Don't suppose there's any chance of some honesty from you?"

 

[ToolaRoola]

I used to type out messages to myself on WhatsApp. Still had the feeling of sending a message, it said everything I wanted to say and was there as a ready to go message if I wanted to send it - I never did!

I went back recently and read some of them, cringed and deleted them!

 

[Ohnoshebettadont]

Def type the message in your notes, I found some recently to an ex and I nearly cringed myself inside out. Some guys enjoy the ego boost of knowing you’re upset, don’t give him the satisfaction x

 

[PunkyMonkey]

I used to type out messages to myself on WhatsApp. Still had the feeling of sending a message, it said everything I wanted to say and was there as a ready to go message if I wanted to send it - I never did!

I went back recently and read some of them, cringed and deleted them!

This sounds like a valuable exercise!
The laugh reacts are based on the fact you both cringed, I've done similar!
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Def type the message in your notes, I found some recently to an ex and I nearly cringed myself inside out. Some guys enjoy the ego boost of knowing you’re upset, don’t give him the satisfaction x

 

[Bonbon76]

Well, he messaged me. He wants to meet me Saturday. Obviously he's going to ask me to marry him.

Jokes.

I don't really know what he'll have to say, I didn't want to chat over WhatsApp as I need to see him to understand.

 

[EddyDarling]

Well, he messaged me. He wants to meet me Saturday. Obviously he's going to ask me to marry him.

Jokes.

I don't really know what he'll have to say, I didn't want to chat over WhatsApp as I need to see him to understand.

You're not thinking of going are you?!

 

[blueblue]

Well, he messaged me. He wants to meet me Saturday. Obviously he's going to ask me to marry him.

Jokes.

I don't really know what he'll have to say, I didn't want to chat over WhatsApp as I need to see him to understand.

Are you ok? Please don't go. What would you advice be to someone else in this situation? He's made you feel rubbish but is still acting entitled to your time.

 

[Stimpii]

Agree to meet him somewhere and then don’t turn up. Then block.

 

[aliw]

Please don't waste your time going. Sorry to be brutal but there isn't much to understand-he's just not into you. You can be the best person in the world and still have people not into you.

I've got a feeling he'll flake before then anyway. It's a long time until Saturday

 

[Good Egg]

Thank you everyone for being so lovely. I really do think there's someone else. Trying not to torture myself about her being slimmer/younger/prettier etc. I know I'll come out of this in the end.

It really is a lesson that you never believe this person could do it to you. YOUR person. Who seemed lovely, mature, able to communicate etc. How is this the best way for anyone?

I feel every single word of this and everything you have posted. What is it with men who treat you amazing to 360 flip it around. You can never believe they’d treat you this way. They turn into a different person. On reflection on my recent FWB situationship (which I’m still not healed from months on) if I look back, I remember ‘feeling the change’. My intuition felt like the responses weren’t the same or I was responding first... never ignore your intuition. If I’d cut it off then I would have saved months of heartbreak I feel. Trust your gut on this one.
It’s tough. One of the hardest things I’ve dealt with.
YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
Real men communicate. If both these men communicated openly and said look it’s not for me. I think we should go separate ways. Fine. But they didn’t, and that’s cruel.

Sending you gentle hugs xx. Hope you got them.

 

[IGiveUp22]

Well, he messaged me. He wants to meet me Saturday. Obviously he's going to ask me to marry him.

Jokes.

I don't really know what he'll have to say, I didn't want to chat over WhatsApp as I need to see him to understand.

Ok so firstly I’m going to agree with everyone else in that I personally don’t think you should go. I think this is just going to upset you even more because I don’t think it’s going to be the outcome you want. I would have probably sent a text message with how I felt and blocked him personally.

However, what I will say is, if you want to go then do it. This could be that final closure you do need and it could help you move on/come to terms with what has happened. But you have to be prepared for all the emotions/stress this might come with.

I also would be VERY careful if he uses this opportunity to try breadcrumb you/suggest he wants to pick things back up at some point etc because his actions and how he has treated you don’t communicate any level of decency or respect.

Whatever you decide to do, we’ll be here if you need us. Please take care of yourself and make sure you’re prepared for what emotions this meet up might bring you x

 

[Bonbon76]

Thank you, you're all lovely. I really think this is going to be him saying he can't see me anymore. I want to just listen, you know? Sometimes people give more away face to face.

Fully accept that I'm being a bit of a clown here though, I really do.

 

[Olgivy]

Thank you, you're all lovely. I really think this is going to be him saying he can't see me anymore. I want to just listen, you know? Sometimes people give more away face to face.

Fully accept that I'm being a bit of a clown here though, I really do.

I would not allow a man to meet me, to tell me he doesn’t want me to my face. The audacity of him. Why put yourself through that torture? If he doesn’t want you, you don’t want him.

 

[Bonbon76]

I would not allow a man to meet me, to tell me he doesn’t want me to my face. The audacity of him. Why put yourself through that torture? If he doesn’t want you, you don’t want him.

So how should you end a relationship? I would feel more insulted if it was over WhatsApp or something.

 

[D2them]

So how should you end a relationship? I would feel more insulted if it was over WhatsApp or something.

I think it's clear the relationship is over, so don't give him the satisfaction of meeting to tell you what you already know? Or to try to lure you back in.

 

[LaBlonde]

Thank you, you're all lovely. I really think this is going to be him saying he can't see me anymore. I want to just listen, you know? Sometimes people give more away face to face.

Fully accept that I'm being a bit of a clown here though, I really do.

i think you need to consider what you’re wanting from this interaction. in all honesty (and it’s okay to admit this) i guess that a part of you is hoping he’s going to say it’s a terrible mistake or that, seeing him in person, you’re hoping that you see something that means he’s conflicted. it’s normal to want and hope for that, but you’re setting yourself up for more pain sadly.

as said above; i think he’s made his feelings clear in a cruel way. don’t give him the additional satisfaction of doing it to your face too. you deserve so much better than that.

 

[Blueblue123]

Thank you, you're all lovely. I really think this is going to be him saying he can't see me anymore. I want to just listen, you know? Sometimes people give more away face to face.

Fully accept that I'm being a bit of a clown here though, I really do.

Please try to resist going.

If this man had any intention of being kind to your feelings he wouldn't have slow faded/ghosted in the first place. It's also not great that he gets to ghost you, but thinks he deserves an in person meeting as soon as he asks.

You're basically letting him have the upper hand and letting him know he can treat you how he likes and still get his way.

If you're that curious, tell him to say what he has to say over text or the phone. Don't let him have that power.