The Chateau Diaries #339 Forget Elf on the Shelf we have Twat in a Hat

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that face hes pulling is like his grandma is kissing him....
honkhonkjpg.jpg
 
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Nobody asked, Ruby rang me to say that he had discovered a list Fanny had typed on her computer. It is a list of her New Year Resolutions. Ruby deleted them (after copying them to share with you all, of course) and substituted his own:
Stephanie's New Year's Resolutions:
1. Buy, buy, buy
2. Set up a fundraiser for the terrace - Name Your Brick
3. Abroad, abroad, abroad
4. Always turn left
5. increase extravagance

Fanny's New Year's Resolutions as suggested by Ruby
1. Look after your cat or find another home for him- (I am starved of warmth and affection) and same for Ratso or at least go on a dog course
2. Suggest to all chateau owners that they stop giving each other gifts - you all have enough.
3. Look after what you already have
4. If you will not get regular use out of it and value for money within the following 12 months - do not buy it
5. Stop screeching and talking non stop through your vlogs.
 
M for merde 💩
They behave like :poop:
Their flogs are :poop:
They look like :poop:
They have extremely merdiques tastes
The dump is full of merde :poop:
etc

If it looks like :poop: and smells like :poop:, obviously it is :poop: !!!!!!!! and they are J/J from château :poop::poop::poop:

Normaly I slap them with a bunch of nettles but this time I will do it with a bouquet of holly because it is Christmas ;):sneaky:
 
ComtesseRose said:
Congratulations @Freesia54 for naming the thread, and @Lady Avonlea for naming it. I hope twit is not to strong a swear word to be included in the thread title.

Most Liked Posts from the previous thread




Jules100
VIP Member
Friday at 5:22 PM

Florida Tartlet Dayz 2024 was wonderful. It was so much fun and almost surreal to meet the other ladies in real life. @mrsp67, @Balmoral and @T Rex, thank you for including me. A special shout out to Stephanie Jarvis for making it all possible, it’s the best thing she’s ever done. @mrsp67 was an amazing host and her sammich shop has really good food. I had the best Italian salad ever, chef’s kiss.

When we all first met, we of course signed a no kidnap / no murder contract as one does in these types of situations. Lots of good food, gossip and gifts. If I would have known about it a little sooner, I would have had my Zazzle store produce bespoke coasters for the ladies with their TL profile avatars. Next time.

Here are a few pics from our meet up. I’ll probably put them in my next CD TL newsletter, so be on the lookout.
A709AF95-C8CB-4B2E-843E-DFA5BBAB8F9F.jpeg


@mrsp67 used to be such a CD superfan, at one point, she actually planted a lovely traditional jardin anglais in the back of her restaurant with her own two hands. Eat your heart out Stephanie. Her peacocks, Marie Antoinette and Selmar are so beautiful, but they did poop all over my car. Her pet hedgehog, Lil’ Philip Janssen, is quite the snuggle bear if you can catch him.
11F818BB-9806-44C4-93A7-5685D6A1C397.jpeg


I can’t wait until Florida Tartlet Dayz 2025.❤

Reactions:You, StephaniesSupportConsort, Ginginger and 57 others



Iolair
VIP Member
Dec 2, 2024
I've just had a quick glance through Vinted's Advent Calendars, and I don't believe for one moment that she found a Wedgwood Calendar on there. Apart from a few exceptions, such as Clarins and Mac, it's mostly junk, with most prices hovering around the £5.95 mark. Selfidges have the same Wedgwood one for £850.00. Judging by the type of calendars for sale on Vinted, it's utterly ludicrous to think that's where it came from. She's lying. Of course she's lying, it so obvious. I shouldn't have expected anything else from her. Lying is her stock in trade.

Reactions:You, MojoDublin, Ginginger and 40 others


graciemckitten
VIP Member
Saturday at 5:23 PM
The first 3 minutes of the Amanda and Lincoln video are are truly a masterpiece in shade. Awesome!


  • Lincoln holding a small brown stuffed dog ( named Chardonnay) in a sweater like loser Philip. Amanda as Stephanie stiffly petting the dog on top of its head.
  • Amanda guzzling from a bottle of wine / champagne
  • Amanda has extremely long fake black fingernails while using a mallet
  • Amanda wearing lots of huge diamond rings while using a mallet and unable to hammer a nail.
  • IMG_2521.png
  • All of our animals are special. Fluffy the cat walking on the piano is a concert pianist ( like Snorts, a pianist). (Special animals like a Prague ratter …….. what kind of dog do you have? A Prague rattler )
  • IMG_2522.png
  • Amanda and Lincoln frantically waving from on the front of the chateau ( Stephanie crazily waving goodbye to people, leaving the Dump).
  • After stating that they are very, very, very, down to earth, hands on DIYers , Lincoln with the dog under his arm, tries pick up a small tree and then complains it’s too heavy and puts it down
  • Talked about scouring the world for pieces of art like the priceless piece below. ( bearing a striking resemblance to the gruesome twosome.)
  • IMG_2516.png
  • even though we are multi-millionaires many times over, we've decided to fund our Chateau Renovations ( showing a plane in the video )
    by selling these rare beautiful leaves from our Chateau Park you donate a minimum of 8,000 and we'll write your
    name on a leaf throw them into the air connecting you to this special piece of
    the French Countryside forever.
  • IMG_2523.png

    IMG_2517.png
  • Amanda holding the stuffed dog and a glass of wine, showing the camera, the donkeys : these are our horses but we don't know their names because they haven't told us . are we supposed to feed them ? I don't know, but they'd probably like some wine and pie the donkeys a glass of wine.
  • Amanda walking while waving her hands, “ we employ a staff of 157 people although I don't know where they are right now.
    fris Jean Luke . oh I don't know they've all disappeared and it doesn't matter.”
    they're all hideous creatures anyway and we make them wear sacks over their heads ( tee hee Baghead).
  • we also employ a garden design team of 37 and A2 and they've been painstakingly
    recreating what the orchard looked like after the big storm of 1637 and it took
    them years to get these trees to grow sideways like this. ( see below next to fallen tree).
  • IMG_2518.png
  • Simply beautiful. The harvest in the basket below.
  • IMG_2519.png
  • People often ask us how we deal with a language barrier. it's very simple. we refuse to speak French. it's
    completely beneath us. the French need to learn how to speak American I mean everyone should speak American right so
    we just point and Grunt and wave our hands until someone gets get so annoyed with us they have to wait on
  • this is a sculpture of my husband had commissioned by the famous artist me ah hi mecah hiney ho . Sculpture of husband below
    it was only 666,000 and it obviously Bears a striking resemblance to him. It represents his deep connection to the
    dead branches and the earth and the weeds and whatever. (Fantastic Stephanie bullshit out of her ass explanation).

    IMG_2520.png



  • @suzyq555
    16 hours ago
    OMG,!!!!! Freaking hilariousssssssssssss

  • @VintageLPs
    8 hours ago
    Those awful nails were the perfect touch!

  • @ginny736
    3 hours ago
    The nails and the 10 carat ring
  • ch-ZqgLZPIkor9aIZ0ZkFMjg=s88-c-k-c0x00ffffff-no-rj.jpg

    @gjsgjs7537
    16 hours ago
    All those staff, I knew you couldn't be doing it all yourself

  • @beciaaus2811
    16 hours ago
    The leaves with names? Priceless
  • 0OlXb_jd51UELbUD0ffN3J3e=s88-c-k-c0x00ffffff-no-rj.jpg

    @faeryvixenetc
    7 hours ago
    reminds me of another chatelaine that will remain nameless... something something stars...

  • @annbrosnan8586
    1 hour ago
    @faeryvixenetc my thoughts exactly! It was brilliant satire if you ask me!
  • MAC-op5fc
    15 hours ago
    You both are nuts - in the best possible way! Architectural Digest's loss. I hope the horses tell you their names soon

Last edited: Saturday at 5:41 PM
Reactions:Frenchie0810, Sparrowsfart, JanePlain and 40 others



Madame de Pompanddoodoo
VIP Member
Dec 1, 2024
Oh how bloody convenient that AnneMarie has to demolish the bedroom walls before the beam can be replaced and then just as he was about to start his FIRST piece of work this year he has an unfortunate accident. What a total load of bullshit comes out of her mouth every time she opens it. The only positive to this is that it must take her a lot of time plotting the next moves to keep ahead of total exposure which would show her as the lying defrauder she is. One can live in hope that this continual ducking and diving to cover up her trail of lies causes her unbearable stress, it hasn’t happened yet but surely it can’t be too far off.

How long can the Chapel remain unfinished, the heating remain unfinished, the big room remain unfinished, the back passage remain unfinished, the kitchen remain untouched, the boot room remain untouched, the bread oven room remain untouched, mummy dear and the walking shroud‘s room remain unfinished, the Jardin Anglaise remain unfinished, the fountain remain unfinished, the facade remain untouched, the terrace and steps remain untouched, the boiler room remain unfinished, AnneMarie’s workshop remain unfinished, her bedroom and adjacent office remain unfinished, the attic bedrooms remain unfinished, the attic bathrooms remain unfinished, the attic itself remain unfinished, the chicken house remains unfinished, the lake remain untouched. I’m sure there must be other endeavours that have been started but never finished that I have missed along the way. Maybe the weight of carrying on with all these lies will wear Fanny down but then again why should it when the money keeps on pouring in allowing her to indulge her passion for buying pretty things be it clothes, jewellery or objects for the shittoo.

Reactions:You, MojoDublin, Lucy borgia and 40 others

As always. Thank you all for contributing
Remember we have a wiki
#FreeGalahad
Happy Tattling
Click to expand...

Oh wow...I have a nominated thread... fabulous... thankyou...but to be fair it is @JackSpratt that should take credit for it... it was Jack that initially called the berk in the beanie the Tw*t in a hat... I just attached the Elf on a shelf as it seemed appropriately festive. Just like that pesky little elf the Tw*t in a hat can be found lurking in the every nook and cranny, obviously not Fanny's cranny but you get my drift.
 
Who buys musty old books but not one book about how to care for a puppy?
Most dogs don’t particularly enjoy going to the vets so to make the dog do this due to poor care is horrible.
The minute Snorts gets back from the vets rather than settle the dog somewhere quiet and warm it is the usual manhandling and schreeching .
The dog is cold, the floor is damp and cold he will have a cold tummy I expect.
The food is probably out of date not kept safely and not fed regularly. Food and kibble spoils very easily especially with the shocking hygiene we see with humans at the dump.
We see the dog bowls on the floor and I am sure they have flies laying eggs in them and mice scurrying over them.
I even pour warm water on my dogs food when it is cold, he has his own hot water bottle and the rooms are warm too of course!
I did NOT like the facial expressions and demeanour of Snorts sticking that tube in the dogs mouth when he had only just had some medicine at the vets too??
Tiny dogs do not like to eat when they are in fear of being trampled on either…perhaps they give huge portions of dog food at once ?
We saw that enormous bowl they gave to poor Lancelot RIP when they first collected him.

Do they give the dog clean water and wash the bowl regularly? Often if the bowl and water are dirty it affects the tears. I often use mineral water to help prevent this.
The dog is not looking well.
I really don’t like how they are treating Galahad one bit.
 
JackSpratt said:
You just know she's building up for a dose of the vapours and will retire to her fleapit of a bed to be waited on by her minions.

Worn out the old girl is!

I won't hold my breath for that heating going on any time soon
Click to expand...
She might, if there is actual "red tape". It's not as if people haven't noticed the orange fence.
Can't help but think she might have accidentally let that slip out.
 
graciemckitten said:
@Jackolantern83
9 hours ago
It’s a shame the heating is still not working! Poor Nattie looked almost blue. Maybe you should stop shopping at Fortune and Masons and going on endless holidays and start prioritising the chateau and the people who live and work in it.


🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 is the red tape actually an investigation of the death of the dump? orange fencing still up. More lies from pathological liar Stephanfraudie

@TheChateauDiaries

2 hours ago
That would make no difference to the state of our heating, which is 90% paid for already, so luckily all futures funds can go to the grand salon and terrace. We’re just stuck in red tape
---
SandraPaiz-t1d
9 hours ago
WHY was a laugh when harold said that CHRISTMAS is about JESUS ? that was very RUDE and INRESPECTFUL liked or NOT CHRISTMAS is about JESUS CRIST

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮😂🤮🤮
@TheChateauDiaries

2 hours ago
Gerry is very religious and attend mass every week, but he was joking that he’d forgotten about Jesus and only mentioned presents. That’s why everyone was laughing. It was a joke
---
Hope-sf3dk
9 hours ago
no biscuits for puppy; no kibble, no cans....boiled chicken, eggs, raw chicken necks and fresh offal.. and a dollop of yoghurt as a treat every day. make small batches and fridge or freeze portions.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮loser Philip dump account. Dog abuser/ dog killer replies
@carolinehops
8 hours ago
I would not recommend raw meats,it can be full of bacteria and can affect dogs as much as it would humans..



@stillkicking2445
11 hours ago (edited)
a rose bud in November? It’s the middle of December….what is the time lag of the videos….


🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
@TheChateauDiaries

2 hours ago
I’ve only got a two day lag on the videos, but my brain appears to operating on a month long lag View attachment 3310166 q
Click to expand...
they are killing the dog, aren't they?
 
shatcho shiek said:
that face hes pulling is like his grandma is kissing him....
View attachment 3310309 q
Click to expand...
Well, that's just embarrassing. One can always tell when Snorts is faking it, expression wise... his mouth turns down in a smile. It's the most incredibly insincere expression he makes. I can believe Fanny is truly grateful for him, but think it's because she can offload all the jobs she doesn't want to do, onto him. Her own sense of, totally misguided, exceptionalism has blinded her to his myriad faults. There's a billion red flags associated with this sly obnoxious creep and she just refuses to see it.

But where we see red flags, Fanny sees a carnival.
 
M word:
mediocre. Everything about them is mediocre.
malaise .they give me malaise
Much ado about nothing !
Mishmash : everything about that farmhouse is mishmash, The rooms, the kitchen, the laundry, the China, the glassware, the food ,liver lips , and the way Fanny dresses …everything.
 
Lochness Monster said:
Who buys musty old books but not one book about how to care for a puppy?
Most dogs don’t particularly enjoy going to the vets so to make the dog do this due to poor care is horrible.
The minute Snorts gets back from the vets rather than settle the dog somewhere quiet and warm it is the usual manhandling and schreeching .
The dog is cold, the floor is damp and cold he will have a cold tummy I expect.
The food is probably out of date not kept safely and not fed regularly. Food and kibble spoils very easily especially with the shocking hygiene we see with humans at the dump.
We see the dog bowls on the floor and I am sure they have flies laying eggs in them and mice scurrying over them.
I even pour warm water on my dogs food when it is cold, he has his own hot water bottle and the rooms are warm too of course!
I did NOT like the facial expressions and demeanour of Snorts sticking that tube in the dogs mouth when he had only just had some medicine at the vets too??
Tiny dogs do not like to eat when they are in fear of being trampled on either…perhaps they give huge portions of dog food at once ?
We saw that enormous bowl they gave to poor Lancelot RIP when they first collected him.

Do they give the dog clean water and wash the bowl regularly? Often if the bowl and water are dirty it affects the tears. I often use mineral water to help prevent this.
The dog is not looking well.
I really don’t like how they are treating Galahad one bit.
Click to expand...
I found that awful, him sticking that medication in the dogs mouth the minute he got back.

They were more likely told to incorporate it with his food and surely it should be measured out according to the dogs weight.

Again it was a two fingers up to those who've questioned the dogs well being.

The twit is nasty, spoilt and spiteful through and through.
 
Fleur du mal said:
All my dogs have been and are on a raw meat diet. They have shiny coats and healthy teeth. I made peanut butter treats once and they all had the runs.
Click to expand...
Yeah - I didn't get that comment about raw meat being bad for dogs - it's a recommended diet. Mine eat a combination of raw chicken necks or thighs, raw lamb mince and kelp dog roll.
But maybe these tiny dogs are more delicate? Mine also drink dirty puddle water but are healthy boys.
 
My home is heated to the point we wear skimpy tanks and such around the house, and STILL my dogs have little heating pads dotted around the place for their comfort in the winter. My dogs are the same size as little Lord Fauntleroy or whatever his name is. IMAGINE how freezing that little dog is?! Starting to think Stephanie is brain damaged.
 
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